Crap things that developers/studios inexplicably insist on putting into games

[Spiteface]

I'm not talking shady business shit like DLC, Loot Boxes, Microtransactions etc, I'm more about gameplay mechanics, tropes and so on that always pop up, yet you don't know anyone who likes them or why anyone would.

To start, Underwater bits.

I got into games in the christmas of 1990 when I got my ZX Spectrum +2, then a Sega Megadrive the following year. Typical for the time, was the Megadrive bundle I got in 1991, which was the Mega Games 1 cartridge (Columns, Super Hang-On and World Cup Italia '90) and of course, Sonic the Hedgehog.
Of the 6 stages in the game, Labyrinth Zone was my least favourite, because of those Underwater levels. While Sonic was nowhere near the speed-fest people think, or would become with the 2000s "Boost " Mechanic games like Unleashed and Generations, this was where the game truly ground to a halt, and added one more thing that can kill you, drowning.
Fast forward to now, and I recently bought & downloaded the the Ninja Gaiden Master Collection (Yeah I know people don't like the Sigma games and at least Razor's Edge is the less-crap version of NG3, but I wanted to play them), and sure enough, there are bits where you go underwater. In Sigma 1 it's worse, because, sure enough, until you find the Oxygen tank, you can drown. Let me get back to chopping up bad guys with a Katana.

Underwater segments are the least enjoyable aspect of any game they are in and this is a hill I will die on.

Anyone else care to name more examples of shit things that are always in games?

[bgmnts]

Errand missions.
Escort missions.
Tailing missions.

Collectibles.

[Cerys]

Time limits.  Press the button and the giant, heavy door opens somewhere - but when you let go of the button you're on the clock.  Bastards.

[Cuellar]

Race missions

[mobias]

Massively sprawling, convoluted and overly self absorbed story lines. Just give me something relatively short and sharp thats not trying to be the gaming equivalent of a Netflix boxset.

[Famous Mortimer]

Time limits.  Press the button and the giant, heavy door opens somewhere - but when you let go of the button you're on the clock.  Bastards.

Selling stolen cars in GTA is weird for this. Like, why does this person need the car I just selected myself in the next 12 minutes?

[Norton Canes]

Boss levels

[Spiteface]

Massively sprawling, convoluted and overly self absorbed story lines. Just give me something relatively short and sharp thats not trying to be the gaming equivalent of a Netflix boxset.

As much as I was into the last few Mortal Kombats, fighting games really do not need "cinematic" story modes. No other fighting game has ever pulled it off. The Street Fighter V one is especially awful.

A straight "Arcade" mode with a short ending for each character is fine. 8 fights then the boss, the end, done.

[madhair60]

I think I generally only enjoy water sections/levels when there is a threat of drowning, otherwise you're just being slowed down with no challenge. I enjoy the freedom of moving in 3D space in water too.

I nominate tutorials in action games. Give me a manual or just let me figure it out...

[thelittlemango]

Dungeons. I've ranted about them on here before, but my heart always sinks when I'm playing a game that's full of interesting and inventive design, colours and ideas and you start a mission that takes you towards some subterranean scenery as I know it means there's going to be bloody dungeons coming up. Endless dark sludgy tunnels, each one similar to millions of others from games of times past, often illuminated by torches along the way and the distant shriek of an unseen enemy.

I (usually, there are exceptions) find them very generic and boring and it also often marks the part in a game where things go all sci-fi as they feel they need to crowbar monsters into a game as they can't think of a suitable climax involving humans.

[beanheadmcginty]

Slippy slidey ice worlds
Pick ups that reverse your controls
Collectables unlocking "concept art" as if it has any sort of gameplay value to me
In game cameras that I presume you're supposed to take in game photos with. Never gonna happen.
Unskippable intro screens/cutscenes/credits

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Branching dialogue for the sake of it. It's something people older than 35 have justified nostalgia for due to Lucasarts, Black Isle, Bioware, Ultima 7 etc

It's kind of a relic and with a couple of very good exceptions its mostly there for self indulgence or wanky lore, explication of every slight character motive and other stuff nerds think is 'good writing'. Like walking into a big, sprawling town area its something that used to thrill me in old games and now just makes me think oh god everything's going to get boring. Making it good requires being a good enough writer to pastiche whats basically its own archaic genre of fantasy fiction with its own conventions and quirks, but nine times out of ten its just lore dumps badly mixed with dialogue.

[Chedney Honks]

Sonic the Hedgehog

[Lemming]

Crafting systems. Obviously they make sense in survival games and a few action games, but it felt like every other game in the mid-late 2010s had to have them. Please no, don't make me pick up 50000 pieces of metal to make a wooden axe or whatever.

Often forced into games where they're just not needed and don't really make any sense. Story-based action-adventure games, but sometimes you'll pick up a shitton of "resources" without even knowing it, and if you want to turn the game into a joke, you can craft a +900% damage upgrade for your weapons.

As long as remakes are en vogue, why don't we go back and force crafting systems into old games where they'd be equally uneccessary. Half-Life but enemies drop SCRAP which you can use to put a laser sight on your MP5 or increase crowbar damage. Super Mario Bros but goombas drop SHROOM-PASTE which Mario can use to craft JUMP BOOTS to jump higher.

[aunt mildred]

Fetch quests, fetch it yourself you idle bastard.

[samadriel]

Branching dialogue for the sake of it. It's something people older than 35 have justified nostalgia for due to Lucasarts, Black Isle, Bioware, Ultima 7 etc

Normally I don't mind branching dialogue too much, but in DXHR, they try to make a game out of it, with several different possible reactions from the NPC that you have to provide just the right answer to over the course of several minutes if you want to get whatever perk is at the end of the long, meandering convo.  It makes the NPC seem volatile and mentally ill, impossible to placate and veering off into god knows what direction. Fucking hateful.

[Mister Six]

Slippy slidey ice worlds
Pick ups that reverse your controls
Collectables unlocking "concept art" as if it has any sort of gameplay value to me
In game cameras that I presume you're supposed to take in game photos with. Never gonna happen.
Unskippable intro screens/cutscenes/credits

You are Amiga Power and I claim my five pounds.

I quite like the concept art.

I do, however, hate it when a game wants me to follow someone to a location, but they walk slower than my standard movement speed, so I have to keep stopping, waiting for them to catch up, setting off, stopping over and over.

Even worse when it's apparently just to justify some mediocre "character-building" dialogue. Yakuza lets you just hold a button to automatically follow the character, which makes it more bearable, but raises the question of why bother even making it that minimally interactive?

I think it's Witcher 3 that has the other person matching your speed but slightly running ahead of you, so the illusion of being led is maintained without it turning into a total fucking drag.

GTA has the boring "driving to the start of the mission" bits, but at least they started making them skippable after Vice City - and in the latest ones, they have alternative dialogue so if you die and have to restart, you're not completely bored off your tits by the travel (just by the rest of the game, eh readers?).

[ASFTSN]

Turret sections

[mobias]

Games that badly simulate being drunk or taking drugs by making the world go all 'wacky' and distorted then ask you to complete a mission in this state. I blame Rockstar for this gaming trope. They started it.

[Chedney Honks]

Although I really enjoyed the section with Lenny in RDR2.

[popcorn]

Unreadably tiny font, as if every player is looking at a screen on a desk instead of a TV on the other side of the room. I remember this arriving with Xbox 360 games and it wasn't until The Last of Us Part 2 that I played a game that had subtitles the size of normal fucking subtitles. (Even then you have to embiggen them in the menu).

Turret sections

They're always posited as these gratifying "go hog wild!" moments but they're just dull.

[Cuellar]

I think it's Witcher 3 that has the other person matching your speed but slightly running ahead of you, so the illusion of being led is maintained without it turning into a total fucking drag.

Yes, this worked well in Witcher 3. Baffling (or maybe not) that the same company had somehow forgotten how to implement this in Cyberpunk.

[beanheadmcginty]

You are Amiga Power and I claim my five pounds.

I'm glad somebody spotted the reference. DISSEMINATING ESSENTIAL INFORMATION.

[Lemming]

Turret sections

They're always posited as these gratifying "go hog wild!" moments but they're just dull.

Definitely. They almost always slow everything to a crawl. In addition to usually being shit, they also never seem to be playtested properly, especially in older games. There's a part in the original Far Cry where you're stuck in place on a turret on a moving jeep and on the hardest difficulty it's borderline-impossible to survive unless you know exactly where all the pursuers will spawn and start firing before they're even on the screen. Soldier of Fortune 2 has a similar thing with a helicopter turret where, on top of the devs clearly not bothering to test it properly on the hardest difficulty, the pilot is actively trying to throw off your aim by jerking the chopper around at impossible right angles.

[Mister Six]

Turret sections

I couldn't believe Zack Snyder put one of these in his fucking Justice League movie.

[The Crumb]

Turret sections

the worst variant of this I've ever played was in an Ace Combat game where you had to aim bombs with a torturously slow reticule. Miss a single target and start the whole lot again. Even hitting the targets was way less satisfying than the normal dogfights.

[popcorn]

The funny thing about turret sections is that these games have highly sophisticated and elaborate movement/shooting systems with billions of systems and variables all tweaked to create what is hopefully an engaging, rich action game. And then they're like "and now you just have to aim for a bit and we assume this is somehow going to be more fun".

[thelittlemango]

Are there any turret sections that nailed it? Trying to think and struggling but I'm certain there are a couple where after grinding through you get the sweet feeling of retribution as you tear apart scenery and mow down swarths of enemies who have been giving you gip for the whole game.

[The Crumb]

There's a not quite turret section in just cause 2 which is great - you're stood on top of a car making a getaway, and you can use your weapons and grapple to take out the pursuing jeeps in spectacular fashion.

The ace destruction in red faction guerrilla made the turret sections in that pretty damn fun.

[Mr Trumpet]

Bits where you have to run away from something that will insta-kill you if they catch you. Not crap exactly, but it triggers some deep-buried anxiety in me.