Author Topic: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE  (Read 6694 times)

Blue Jam

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Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« on: July 02, 2021, 11:35:56 PM »
(You Can Do It Jeffrey) Bezos is about to go into space with his bro, an unnamed millionaire and the fantastically-named would-be astronaut and apparent total ledge of the 60's WALLY FUNK:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-57686654

...but jumper-wearing (never trust a) hippy Dickie Branson is doing the sporting thing and trying to BEAT HIS ASS:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jul/02/richard-branson-aims-to-beat-jeff-bezos-into-space-by-nine-days

Fuckit, this is still better than anything Elon Musk has done, probably. Or IS IT? Please tell me here.

bgmnts

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2021, 11:42:49 PM »
Imagine what these two lads could do if they weren't pure fucking psychopaths.

Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2021, 11:50:55 PM »
Quote
In a recent Instagram video Bezos, who acquired the Washington Post in 2013 for $250m, said he had dreamed of space travel since he was five.

“If you see Earth from space, it changes you,” he said. “It changes your relationship with this planet, with humanity. It’s one Earth. It’s an adventure.”

Ah yes, The Overview Effect. Presumably Jeffrey and Dickie will experience this and give all their wealth away the second they return to Earth. I for one have absolute faith in this.

(nah, it'll be like the Total Perspective Vortex, except Bezos at least will come out of it feeling like Zaphod Beeblebrox)

imitationleather

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #3 on: July 02, 2021, 11:56:29 PM »
It'd be terrible if they blew up while re-entering the earth's atmosphere.

Blumf

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2021, 11:57:48 PM »
Fuckit, this is still better than anything Elon Musk has done, probably. Or IS IT? Please tell me here.

When Musk does it, it'll be full orbital. Bezos and Beardy Branson are sub-orbital tossers.

Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2021, 02:26:36 AM »
Fuckit, this is still better than anything Elon Musk has done, probably. Or IS IT? Please tell me here.
As fucking annoying as I find Musk, he does at least seem to be having some fun for himself in his ridiculous position and there is a sense he's eventually (in some manner) gonna crash and burn massively. Bezos going into space stinks to me of a very boring man with absolutely everything trying to feel something.


BlodwynPig

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2021, 06:59:09 AM »
Space: The Final Rich Man’s Playground

Paul Calf

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2021, 08:33:40 AM »
Bezos is only taking her so you can’t hope he crashes and burns up in a big fireball

buttgammon

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2021, 08:53:28 AM »
It's not exactly an original ambition, is it? I know that part of it - at least with Musk - is the warped idea that he can fuck us all off and start a new life on Mars after ruining Earth, but that's not going to happen. I'd have a lot more respect for the ultrawealthy if they were more like the M&M stacking guy, having smaller but more original goals.

Paul Calf

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2021, 09:06:27 AM »
Next week: Alan Sugar unveils plan to build a massive robot penis.

Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2021, 09:36:50 AM »
As fucking annoying as I find Musk, he does at least seem to be having some fun for himself in his ridiculous position and there is a sense he's eventually (in some manner) gonna crash and burn massively. Bezos going into space stinks to me of a very boring man with absolutely everything trying to feel something.

Yeah, I can't imagine Bezos hosting SNL, not even with his supposedly hilarious evil laugh.

At least he didn't have a hair transplant. That's something, I guess.

Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #11 on: July 03, 2021, 09:39:33 AM »
When Musk does it, it'll be full orbital. Bezos and Beardy Branson are sub-orbital tossers.

Sub-orbital beta cucks.

Would be funny if Elon Musk used his rocket to write "PEDO GUY" in the sky.

touchingcloth

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #12 on: July 03, 2021, 09:53:20 AM »
Sub-orbital beta cucks.

Would be funny if Elon Musk used his rocket to write "PEDO GUY" on the moon.

Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2021, 10:00:42 AM »
Aw I like Lizzo

touchingcloth

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #14 on: July 03, 2021, 10:08:14 AM »
Aw I like Lizzo

Can your blood prove it?

Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #15 on: July 03, 2021, 10:11:24 AM »
Would be funny if Elon Musk used his rocket to write "PEDO GUY" on the moon.

A million full moon parties in Thailand ruined.

Hmmmmm, that might actually make me admire him.

Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #16 on: July 03, 2021, 10:15:06 AM »
It'd be terrible if they blew up while re-entering the earth's atmosphere.

When that does happen I want the "millions of bits of Jeffrey all under one sky" gag, although it'll need some work.

Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #17 on: July 03, 2021, 10:19:23 AM »
When that does happen I want the "millions of bits of Jeffrey all under one sky" gag, although it'll need some work.

If that happened I think a few former Toys'r'Us employees might actually laugh.

touchingcloth

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #18 on: July 03, 2021, 10:41:25 AM »
A million full moon parties in Thailand ruined.

Hmmmmm, that might actually make me admire him.

Imagine if he just wrote the guy’s full name and address on the moon under a big neon “MOON NONCE”.

Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #19 on: July 03, 2021, 12:14:34 PM »
Space travel is really dangerous, and billionaires have many, many enemies. Just saying.

I know the tech bros want to be all Phileas Fogg, but it's incredibly dumb of them IMO.


Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #20 on: July 03, 2021, 12:17:42 PM »
Imagine if he just wrote the guy’s full name and address on the moon under a big neon “MOON NONCE”.

PEDO GUY  has officially been declared to be non-libellous in a court of law so if he puts that on the moon no-one can sue him. Except perhaps the US, they've planted a flag up there haven't they?

touchingcloth

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #21 on: July 03, 2021, 12:26:56 PM »
You could write it on the far side of the moon as a warning for alien visitors.

PLANET PEDO GUY (360,000-405,000 km)

Next service area - Bezos-Branson Richard (359,900-404,900 km)

Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #22 on: July 03, 2021, 12:39:22 PM »
I know, different rocket, but still.

Elon Musk: The Evening Rocket [BBC Radio 4]



https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000xdxb

"Jill Lepore untangles the strange sci-fi roots of Silicon Valley's extreme capitalism - with its extravagant, existential and extra-terrestrial plans to save humanity. In this world, stock prices can be driven partly by fantasies found in blockbuster superhero movies, but that come from science fiction, some of it a century old. If anyone personifies this phenomenon, it's Elon Musk, the richest or second-richest person in the world on any given day. "The bare facts of Musk’s life, the way they’re usually told, make him sound like a fictional character, a comic-book superhero," says Lepore. He says he hopes to colonize Mars, create brain-hacking implants and avert an AI apocalypse. He even has a baby named X. In this first of five episodes Lepore looks at the early origins of ‘Muskism’, and explores how the science fiction stories that today’s techno-billionaires grew up on have shaped Silicon Valley’s vision of the future.

Jill Lepore is Professor of American History at Harvard University, a staff writer at The New Yorker and an acclaimed author. Her latest book is If Then: How the Simulmatics Corporation Invented the Future. She is also the host of The Last Archive, a podcast from Pushkin Industries.

Producer: Viv Jones
Researcher: Oliver Riskin-Kutz
Editor: Hugh Levinson
Sound: Graham Puddifoot
Original music by Corntuth".

Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #23 on: July 03, 2021, 12:45:00 PM »
The Evening Rocket

Is that what Grimes calls it?

Blue Jam

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #24 on: July 03, 2021, 01:02:21 PM »
Fair play to Musk and Bezos, they do at least have the decency to look like proper Bond villains. Branson is really letting the British end down here. They're doing a bit of Moonraker cosplay and we've got Neol Edmonds In Space:




PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #25 on: July 03, 2021, 02:52:49 PM »
Fair play to Musk and Bezos, they do at least have the decency to look like proper Bond villains. Branson is really letting the British end down here. They're doing a bit of Moonraker cosplay and we've got Neol Edmonds In Space:





Just changed mine, but that second on is an avatar going BEGGING

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #26 on: July 03, 2021, 03:09:49 PM »
I hope the things go as well as Oracle Larry's yachts.

beanheadmcginty

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #27 on: July 03, 2021, 09:21:27 PM »
Fair play to Musk and Bezos, they do at least have the decency to look like proper Bond villains. Branson is really letting the British end down here. They're doing a bit of Moonraker cosplay and we've got Neol Edmonds In Space:





Although beardy Branson looks a lot more like Hugo Drax from Moonraker than the other two do.

Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #28 on: July 03, 2021, 09:42:48 PM »
I'm in favour of these billionaire psychopaths embarking on pointless vanity projects, as long as they're extremely dangerous.

mothman

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Re: Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE
« Reply #29 on: July 04, 2021, 11:36:31 AM »
Edmonds Branson: “I want a cool uniform, functional but still stylish and futuristic. Like that blue one in the Star Trek prequel show.”

“No! I meant Enterprise, not Discovery!”

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