Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE

[Glebe]

Ben Kingsley "reduced to hawking dildos."

[JesusAndYourBush]

All that money just so they could flick Skittles into each others mouths in zero g!  Brilliant!

Just to clarify - that wasn't a gag - I genuinely heard someone on the audio say "Does anyone want a Skittle?", followed by woohoos.

[Blue Jam]

Now it's time for Elon Musk to make an announcement: "Hey guys, I've built an even bigger cock rocket AND IT'S FLYING TO URANUS"

[steve98]

All that money just so they could flick Skittles into each others mouths in zero g!  Brilliant!

Just to clarify - that wasn't a gag - I genuinely heard someone on the audio say "Does anyone want a Skittle?", followed by woohoos.

That'll be code for: Does anyone want [need] a shit?

[Blue Jam]

I've just remembered that shameless plug for the gift shop, like Dr Evil needs any more money:

https://shop.blueorigin.com/

Fuckit it's too hot and I'm too tired and photoshopping a commemorative Blue Origin dildo is too obvious.

[Fambo Number Mive]

It's nice Wally Funk got to go into space again, but fuck the other three.

[Attila]

It's nice Wally Funk got to go into space again, but fuck the other three.

I think (I could be wrong, tho) it was actually the first time she's got to go at all, having been overlooked in the '60s.

To be fair -- I hope she had a grand time.

Agreed on the other 3, tho.

[idunnosomename]

Uh, you know Wally, that trip weren't free

[thecuriousorange]

It's a shame that Wall-E will have to wait until after Covid for her ticker-tape parade. "Welcome back, space nan."

[imitationleather]

Wall-E Smith could be a good Photoshop if I knew how.

Or it could also be a shit one, I dunno.

Just use yer imagination on this one.

[Dr Trouser]

Wall-E Smith could be a good Photoshop if I knew how.

Or it could also be a shit one, I dunno.
.

[Glebe]

[thecuriousorange]

I don't want to sound like our Prime Minister, but most 82-year-olds have died from old age.

[bgmnts]

Thanks for paying for my pointless, incredibly expensive vanity project whilst the earth burns you fucking gimps lol.

https://news.sky.com/story/amp/jeff-bezos-and-crew-make-safe-landing-as-billionaire-achieves-childhood-dream-of-becoming-astronaut-12359805

Big dick energy.

[idunnosomename]

be funny if Bezos was so excited he spun round and kicked the old lady in the face with his cowboy boots and bust her lip open and globules of blood started floating about.

alas.

[Midas]

Commercial "space travel" and all its affectations appears unremittingly ridiculous when divorced from the pursuit of knowledge that ostensively drove previous efforts. When it seems solely an expression of self-aggrandisement - a phallic image for hootin' 'n hollerin' sycophants to fawn over - we appear a floundering species gone berserk. A desperate plea directed at the heavens.

[badaids]

I hope that the voyage into space was like Forrest Macneil's.

[chveik]

I hope that the voyage into space was like Forrest Macneil's.

yes i was thinking about that exact scene earlier!

[idunnosomename]

Commercial "space travel" and all its affectations appears unremittingly ridiculous when divorced from the pursuit of knowledge that ostensively drove previous efforts. When it seems solely an expression of self-aggrandisement - a phallic image for hootin' 'n hollerin' sycophants to fawn over - we appear a floundering species gone berserk. A desperate plea directed at the heavens.

yeah. Branson said to people saying he was an asshole with no priorities "oh they dont know what advances we got from going into space".

well what science did you do??! you just went straight up then came right down again! you didn't even take any ants with tiny screws for them to sort

[Blumf]

be funny if Bezos was so excited he spun round and kicked the old lady in the face with his cowboy boots and bust her lip open and globules of blood started floating about.

"Mrs. Funk, did you have that black eye when you boarded the capsule?"
[Wally looks nervously at Jeff]
"Y...yes..."
Bezos Brothers: "Yee-haaar!"

[MojoJojo]

Commercial "space travel" and all its affectations appears unremittingly ridiculous when divorced from the pursuit of knowledge that ostensively drove previous efforts. When it seems solely an expression of self-aggrandisement - a phallic image for hootin' 'n hollerin' sycophants to fawn over - we appear a floundering species gone berserk. A desperate plea directed at the heavens.

He's the richest man on earth, so personally I'm just glad to know there were a few hours where he wasn't fucking a child, eating a baby, or defiling a widowers most precious mementos.

[Zetetic]

You think he can't multitask? I'm fairly sure he can people to do those things on his behalf.

[Sebastian Cobb]

https://www.newstatesman.com/science-tech/2021/07/why-billionaire-space-race-colonial-fantasy-reborn

[thecuriousorange]

The 18-year-old kid and 82-year-old woman will have to re-start the human race, as Bezo's plan to wipe us all out from Covid while they safely orbit above now seems unstoppable.

[idunnosomename]

interesting football-scaled metaphors for how distinctly unimpressive this all is

https://medium.com/@rob_hallifax/branson-bezos-in-space-how-far-did-they-go-d263be20071f

[Blue Jam]

interesting football-scaled metaphors for how distinctly unimpressive this all is

https://medium.com/@rob_hallifax/branson-bezos-in-space-how-far-did-they-go-d263be20071f

Love me some nice diagrams, thanks for that.

[Blue Jam]

Commercial "space travel" and all its affectations appears unremittingly ridiculous when divorced from the pursuit of knowledge that ostensively drove previous efforts. When it seems solely an expression of self-aggrandisement - a phallic image for hootin' 'n hollerin' sycophants to fawn over - we appear a floundering species gone berserk. A desperate plea directed at the heavens.

For all my piss-taking with this thread I was genuinely excited watching this. I was impressed with the way the booster rocket fell to earth and used a small boost to right itself before landing, and the way this allows it to be recycled. Also by the use of a fuel which produced only water vapour as a waste product. And I genuinely think inviting Wally Funk, one of the Mercury 13, was a really nice gesture, maybe even a bit progressive... but the magic wore off a bit on seeing the capsule land and three wealthy white men who got to where they are in life thank to having rich parents emerging to spray champagne and whoop and hollering and wave their cowboy hats.

For Wally Funk this must feel like a major achievement, a lifelong dream finally realised after she was cruelly denied it despite her hard work, with a world record as a nice bonus. For Oliver Daemen, holder of a world record thanks to his daddy buying it for him? I wonder if that feels a bit hollow. Like climbing Everest to find there's a massive queue for the summit and realising that maybe the achievement isn't that special anymore. It's a bit like Batman being the most boring superhero in that his superpower is essentially being very wealthy.

I know what you mean about the pursuit of knowledge as well. Helen Sharman and Heather Couper were my childhood heroes, I grew up following news of space missions and all the new knowledge they brought us. To be fair all space missions are willy-waving to some extent but it feels like Blue Origin was the baldest most naked and shameless statement of self-aggrandisement so far.

Maybe NASA will buy a few rockets and use them to make some real scientific progress, with less impact on earth's environment than before. Maybe The Overview Effect at least moved Gary The Architect of Blue Origin to take a look at our fragile world and make spacecraft that would do less harm. Here's hoping.

[Blue Jam]

(Beardy can get fucked mind)

[Jittlebags]

Only a matter of time before they shoot a porn film in space. Mind, in the few minutes they have, they would have to be up, in, out and off in record time.

[idunnosomename]

call me old fashioned but you aren't "in space" unless you do an orbit. the USSR managed that in 1961 with a 27-year-old in a tin can.

And I'm surprised that doesn't put the altitudes of Vostok 1 there. Perigee was 181 km and apogee 327 km. The apogee of Bezos's puny bottle rocket was 108 km.