Jeff Bezos vs Richard Branson: Balloon Wars Redux IN SPACE

[mobias]

I can never get over how much like a really well cast actor playing a James Bond bad guy Jeff Bezos is.

[Butchers Blind]

Who would've thought a couple of rich blokes being the first civilians in space.

[Blue Jam]

Bezos does look like he should have his photo in the dictionary as the definition of "Bullet-headed".

If Branson is Hugo Drax, then Musk is Le Chiffre and Bezos obviously has to be Blofeld. None of them are Auric Goldfinger because that's Donald Trump.

[mothman]

https://twitter.com/sim_kern/status/1411304471934685184?s=21

[Blue Jam]

https://twitter.com/sim_kern/status/1411304471934685184?s=21

I bet she's fun on camping trips. "Oooh, I'd love to go into space oh hang on the food might be a bit crap fuckit I'll go to Skegness instead they've probably got McDonald's there".

;) Good point about Branson and Bezos taking the piss while their staff and former staff struggle to pay the rent though.

[PlanktonSideburns]

https://twitter.com/sim_kern/status/1411304471934685184?s=21

This really cheered me up thanks

[mothman]

Yeah. They won't ever admit it afterwards, but they're gonna be fucking MISERABLE up there. Like Alan Shepard's now-questionable Mexican Astronaut routine, while they're up there they'll cry a lot, I theenk...

[Blumf]

Space orgy, mate. At it like knives up there!

Branson especially is going to have a nice leisurely tug, and then just float about with his swimmer and a smug look of satisfaction on his beardy face.

[Blue Jam]

Space orgy, mate. At it like knives up there!

Branson especially is going to have a nice leisurely tug, and then just float about with his swimmer and a smug look of satisfaction on his beardy face.

If Ms. Space Travel Doommonger up there is to be believed using a space toilet is a 20-step process. How about having a zero-G wank? I bet the ground crew of the ISS thought of this and designed a spunk-scavenging mechanism. You can't expect someone to go into space and not try and get their rocks off, and you can't expect their crewmates to be happy with the aftermath.

Bezos and Branson are both going to be like Roman Roy in Succession when he first set foot in hit Manhattan skyscraper office. The dirty old bollockses.

[PlanktonSideburns]

It's going to be the bit in the Simpsons when homers in space but with sperm rather than ants

[steveh]

Years ago I remember hearing a radio interview with one of the astronauts who'd been in the ISS who said it smelled absolutely rank, a terrible mixture of farts and decaying compost that stayed with you for weeks after. Have they managed to improve that since?

[jobotic]

"For fuck's sake open a window"

[Paul Calf]

Years ago I remember hearing a radio interview with one of the astronauts who'd been in the ISS who said it smelled absolutely rank, a terrible mixture of farts and decaying compost that stayed with you for weeks after. Have they managed to improve that since?

I doubt it - you can't really ventilate it and no-one can bathe or shower.

Wouldn't fancy it.

[Gurke and Hare]

It's going to be the bit in the Simpsons when homers in space but with sperm rather than ants

I, for one, welcome our new spunk overlords.

[jobotic]

It's bad enough banging one out in the bath then sitting in it.

[steve98]

What are the chances that a splodge of sperm emitted by an ISS astronaut (probably via a small air-lock), would, in time, somewhere in the vast depths of space, find itself fertilizing some sort of (non-human) ovum? Not great I imagine (but not zero either.) Let me get my calculator.

[Blue Jam]

Silly me, you'd just have a posh wank wouldn't you.

[steve98]

What are the chances that a splodge of sperm emitted by an ISS astronaut (probably via a small air-lock), would, in time, somewhere in the vast depths of space, find itself fertilizing some sort of (non-human) ovum? Not great I imagine (but not zero either.) Let me get my calculator.

It seems, if my calculations are correct, that the jizz would be more likely to circumnavigate the entire universe (rather than encounter a receptive ovum). and end up back at the ISS approx 7.2 trillion years later*.

*assuming an initial Ejaculant Emission Velocity (EES) of about 20mph.

[dissolute ocelot]

Worse than that, imagine if aliens found Branson's spunk and cloned it. Millions of times.

[steve98]

.

[steve98]

.

[thecuriousorange]

I wonder what you posted then hastily deleted. Twice. A cancel-worthy problematic joke about the word Virgin?

[steve98]

No. I miscapitalized Ejaculant Emission Velocity as "EES". That's cos I had Ejaculant Emmision Speed in mind. Amateurish, I know.
(It's still not sorted.)

[Blumf]

I thought you were just drawing Branson sperm, to scale.

[imitationleather]

I just don't get why anyone would want to go to space and float about like a massive twat. Seriously, what is the attraction?

[idunnosomename]

you are SPACE GOD MAN

[Mobius]

Branson used to own the London Broncos and I shook his hand when I was a kid can't wait to tell people I've shaken the hand of the first millionaire to die in space

[Paul Calf]

The tiniest mistake could lead to the tragic death of one of these titans of industry.

I mean, they can't be universally popular among their employees...

[touchingcloth]

The tiniest mistake could lead to the tragic death of one of these titans of industry.

I mean, they can't be universally popular among their employees...

Who is John Galt? *whistles*

[Blue Jam]

What are the chances that a splodge of sperm emitted by an ISS astronaut (probably via a small air-lock), would, in time, somewhere in the vast depths of space, find itself fertilizing some sort of (non-human) ovum? Not great I imagine (but not zero either.) Let me get my calculator.

When I went to the Miraikan museum on Odaiba, Tokyo I saw their exhibit of some live zebrafish who were direct descendents of the first animal conceived in space.

First vertebrate anyway. The tardigrades probably beat them by shagging on Sputnik 1.