The school where smiling will become compulsory

[Fambo Number Mive]

Someone has shared this screenshot from a Times story on Twitter



Imagine having to ask for permission each time you picked up a pen to takes notes during a lesson.

And what happens if a child is feeling miserable due to something bad that happened at school or at home? Will they be punished for not smiling because their parents are getting divorced?

More from the Mirror:

O

ne rule about lining up said staff will be using whistles to direct kids, with five sounds meaning they must move to their line up area, and one indicating pupils should be silent.

Another about "tracking" the teacher said: "You don't pick up your pen or your ruler, or anything else, until your teacher gives you the signal.

"You never turn around - even if you hear a noise behind you. You don't look out of the window. You don't lose focus."

A rule on sitting up straight said: "You never slouch. Be sitting up straight you are demonstrating physical respect. [ ...] No exceptions. No excuses."

And another said: "You always smile. You are polite and welcoming. When you greet somebody you smile, when a teacher says hello to us in the corridor you reply with an upbeat 'Hello Miss!' or 'Morning Sir!' and you smile."

The guidelines inform students that they are "extremely fortunate to be in a school that is very popular" and must walk around the school only in single file or pairs.

Ms Teece is currently the secondary headteacher, but will start her new position as head of school in the next academic year...

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/parents-slam-school-rules-always-24451911

Apparently there is already a codeword system for the use of the toilet. How does that work?

I get that children should be well behaved in the classroom and shouldn't turn round all the time or keep looking out of the window. But not being able to walk around in groups of more than 2 and having to sound upbeat when replying to a teacher?

It's a balance between ensuring a respectful environment where learning can take place and going overboard, and I think many of these ideas are going overboard.

There will be amendments for students with SEND, according to Ms Teece. Still seems ridiculous.

Whistle commands? Are they preparing these students to become robots or something?

[bgmnts]

I look forward to teenage Crufts in 2037.

[idunnosomename]

Academy

[Blumf]

Whistle commands? Are they preparing these students to become robots or something?

"Come Bye, Come Bye"

Actually, one of the sheep dog commands is "Look back"

[BlodwynPig]

YOU* VOTED FOR THIS WORLD!

*not you

[Bernice]

Hope this headteacher dies, thanks.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

It took some digging but surprisingly this is a mixed-gender college. I suspected from the ridiculous always smile and respond to whistling that it was all-girls.

[Cuellar]

.

[Blumf]

It took some digging but surprisingly this is a mixed-gender college. I suspected from the ridiculous always smile and respond to whistling that it was all-girls.

Teachers to give lessons from the cab of a white transit van.

[Kankurette]

What if you have a naturally grumpy face?

Christ I hate schools like this. Turning kids into robots. That fucking Michaela school does the same. Autistic kids are screwed, same with kids with ADHD, but these schools probably don't believe either disorder is real.

[shiftwork2]

Boycotting Melton Mowbray pork pies until this shit is resolved.

[olliebean]

The new rules [...] are designed to prepare them for later life.

What the fuck sort of life are they being prepared for where they're not allowed to look out of the window and have to respond to whistle commands?

[Milo]

This is why we have devolution. England is bonkers.

[An tSaoi]

It's preparing them for the world of work.

Computers that monitor all your keystrokes and mouse movements to prove you're still working.
Toilets with a tilted seat that makes it uncomfortable to sit on for more than 2 minutes.

What the fuck sort of life are they being prepared for where they're not allowed to look out of the window and have to respond to whistle commands?

The only two jobs that will be available in Brexit Britain. War Drone Operator and Hangman.

[Egyptian Feast]

Occasional CaBber Louis Barfe left a comment under Katherine Birbalsingh's twitter thread supporting this bullshit that had him amusingly batting away hordes of dangers most of yesterday. David Simon of The Wire fame was most impressed by his invective.

[idunnosomename]

Birbalsingh is one of the worst monsters and shes often on the BBC burbling away her starey-eyed neolib nightmare academy horseshit.

got piled on twitter yesterday when she said a school without rules would be like "Lord of the Rings". claims she noticed it but couldnt be bothered fixing it, which kind of makes it worse imo

[Johnny Yesno]

What the fuck sort of life are they being prepared for where they're not allowed to look out of the window and have to respond to whistle commands?

Chilling, huh?

Occasional CaBber Louis Barfe left a comment under Katherine Birbalsingh's twitter thread supporting this bullshit that had him amusingly batting away hordes of dangers most of yesterday. David Simon of The Wire fame was most impressed by his invective.

Ooh, got a link for that?

Birbalsingh is one of the worst monsters and shes often on the BBC burbling away her starey-eyed neolib nightmare academy horseshit.

got piled on twitter yesterday when she said a school without rules would be like "Lord of the Rings". claims she noticed it but couldnt be bothered fixing it, which kind of makes it worse imo

Ha, what a dunce. Everyone knows it's Lord of the Dance.

[greencalx]

Christ. The last thing I want is for someone I work with to ask me for permission to pick up their pen.

[Egyptian Feast]

Ooh, got a link for that?

Here it is. High praise indeed.

[Alberon]

George Orwell considers rewrite, but then thinks it's going a bit too far.

[chveik]

i wasn't aware that david simon spent so much time on twitter. that must be why his shows suck now

[Dusty Substance]

It's polite correctness gone made.

[pancreas]

It's preparing them for the world of work.

Computers that monitor all your keystrokes and mouse movements to prove you're still working.
Toilets with a tilted seat that makes it uncomfortable to sit on for more than 2 minutes.

The only two jobs that will be available in Brexit Britain. War Drone Operator and Hangman.

Yes, quite. My mate Lorna wrote a rather affecting article in this vein.

https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v43/n04/lorna-finlayson/diary

[Captain Z]

Back in my day we respected our elders and teachers without needing to be told. No, wait, I mean back in my day we knew we'd get the cane if we misbehaved and we respected that. Hang on no, back in my day kids were allowed to be kids and, oh... what was it like back in my day?

[pancreas]

Back in my day we respected our elders and teachers without needing to be told. No, wait, I mean back in my day we knew we'd get the cane if we misbehaved and we respected that. Hang on no, back in my day kids were allowed to be kids and, oh... what was it like back in my day?

I think you'll find you spent most of your time being fucked by the pottery teacher in the drying room, screaming to an audience of glazed dildos ready for the kiln.

[Captain Z]

Yes kids have it too easy these days.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Imagine if you had children who went to this school and one came home saying they got detentions for not smiling and getting a whistle command wrong.

[Gulftastic]

It sounds like the chain gang in Cool Hand Luke, where they have to ask permission for everything.

'Putting 'em on here, Boss' (putting on his glasses)
'Taking it off here, Boss' (taking off his shirt)
etc...etc...

[dr beat]

Thanks for the LRB article, I read that with great interest.  I'm working through a lot of issues that relate to school, almost 30 years on.  Mostly because as it turns out, my school had been harbouring a lot of bad shit that has only come to light in the last few years.  That keeps me asking - what did everyone know?

[Fambo Number Mive]

Why codewords to go to the toilet? Is shitting dirty or something?

"Sir/Miss, I need to invade Omah Beach!"

"Here you go, here is your hall pass, remember to smile at all times while you have a poo"

"Thank you Sir/Miss, I will enjoy my poo and have it in a respectful way that would make the school proud".