The school where smiling will become compulsory

[thenoise]

It's preparing them for the world of work.

Yup. Not a lot of point preparing kids for some kind of meritocratic democratic utopia. If the kids don't like being treated like this, they should have thought of that before having parents that can't afford to send tbem to private school.

[Shit Good Nose]

Boycotting Melton Mowbray pork pies until this shit is resolved.

Woah woah woah woah.  Now let's not be too rash...

[BlodwynPig]

What the fuck sort of life are they being prepared for where they're not allowed to look out of the window and have to respond to whistle commands?

This was life growing up and then the 90s happened and it felt that slowly things were becoming better, more inclusive, progressive. Who decided to go back to this authoritarian yet malignly liberal way of life? The English slips so easily into these ways thanks to Murdoch and whichever other prick's agenda dominates life.

[Better Midlands]

Why codewords to go to the toilet? Is shitting dirty or something?

"Sir/Miss, I need to invade Omah Beach!"

"Here you go, here is your hall pass, remember to smile at all times while you have a poo"

"Thank you Sir/Miss, I will enjoy my poo and have it in a respectful way that would make the school proud".

To protect modesty?
Isn't it pointless if everyone knows the codewords?

[Kankurette]

Occasional CaBber Louis Barfe left a comment under Katherine Birbalsingh's twitter thread supporting this bullshit that had him amusingly batting away hordes of dangers most of yesterday. David Simon of The Wire fame was most impressed by his invective.

Of course Birbalsingh supports it, she's the genius behind the Michaela School and a raging Tory.

[flotemysost]

At my secondary school everyone would just casually swipe the automatic hand dryer as they headed to the cubicle for a shit so that the blasting air would obscure any embarrassing noises, that was our code. Mind you, someone OD'd in a cubicle and the teachers told everyone about it (in a really questionably insensitive way), so I guess we didn't have much toilet privacy after all.

I dread to think what the punishment for having any sort of perceptible mental health struggles would be at this school. Probably getting publicly pelted with pork pies in assembly or something. While smiling.

[JamesTC]

[purlieu]

Without wanting to sound over the top, this sort of shit is one of the reasons I'm not having kids. Nothing about the future of this country (world?) suggests anything I want to bring life into.

[fit bird]

Lots of people sound shocked by this, but it's been going on for years.

[Johnny Yesno]

Here it is. High praise indeed.

Thanks.

These sound like KIPP (Knowledge Is Power Program (or Kids In Prison Program)) schools:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/KIPP

https://newrepublic.com/article/117615/problem-grit-kipp-and-character-based-education

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/03/charter-schools-suspend-more-black-students-disabilities-test-scores/

[Dex Sawash]

Here it is. High praise indeed.

Can twitter be forced to display like a forum thread? I can't work out where it started, who said what, when, etc.

[Pranet]

God there is no way I would have come out of one of these schools even the barely functioning adult I am now.

Also there is something very sketchy about people who are too enthusiastic about this sort of thing. Makes me think they would be worryingly keen on corporal punishment if it was still allowed.

Thinking about it the reintroduction of corporal punishment would probably be a vote winner.

[Noodle Lizard]

The all-boys secondary school I went to had a "code of conduct" pamphlet that was handed out to us. Aside from behavioral mandates not too dissimilar to these, it insisted on things like "your hair must be neat and minimally styled, not touching your collar", or "your trouser legs should be hemmed a minimum of 3 inches above your shoes". I don't really know what it was supposed to teach us, other than that British society has arbitrary, senseless rules that you must adhere to in order to get by, so you might as well start when you're 11 - at the expense of any individuality and confidence you might otherwise start to develop.

Still, the majority of British people I talk to think school uniforms are a good idea, based on the flawed platitude that it somehow reduces bullying - which also surely reinforces the idea that you should strive to blend in rather than be yourself. Regardless, most of the "happiest" countries in Europe with the best educational systems do not have school uniforms. That might tell you something.

[Cuellar]

Yeah but neither does the States and all their children get shot to bits in school, so that tells you something eh

[Cuellar]

"Hi there, sorry Mr Jones, do you have Samantha Clarke in here? Could I just borrow Samantha for five minutes? Thanks. Hi Samantha, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. Your parents were both killed in a MASSIVE car accident - KEEP SMILING - Utterly flattened, it would have been agony I'm afrai - KEEP SMILING"

[Butchers Blind]

Its time to close all schools and just let children pick things up as they go along in life.

[Kankurette]

The all-boys secondary school I went to had a "code of conduct" pamphlet that was handed out to us. Aside from behavioral mandates not too dissimilar to these, it insisted on things like "your hair must be neat and minimally styled, not touching your collar", or "your trouser legs should be hemmed a minimum of 3 inches above your shoes". I don't really know what it was supposed to teach us, other than that British society has arbitrary, senseless rules that you must adhere to in order to get by, so you might as well start when you're 11 - at the expense of any individuality and confidence you might otherwise start to develop.

Still, the majority of British people I talk to think school uniforms are a good idea, based on the flawed platitude that it somehow reduces bullying - which also surely reinforces the idea that you should strive to blend in rather than be yourself. Regardless, most of the "happiest" countries in Europe with the best educational systems do not have school uniforms. That might tell you something.

I went to a school with a uniform and it did not reduce bullying, because people would still pick on you for your coat, bag (and whether you wore it on one or two shoulders), hair etc. My coat and bag in Year 7 were both hand-me-downs from my mum and I got quite a bit of shit for it, along with my short hair. I always hated non-uniform day because I didn't wear designer labels or sportswear.

People also got round it. Girls coming into school with cardigans in the school colours, boys and girls wearing dark blue sweaters instead of the school one and somehow they got away with it.

[Pranet]

Reading the full article, it says that you are not allowed to go to the toilet between lessons, and that also you need a pass from your GP to go the toilet during a lesson (not even sure what that means, but whatever).

I mean, what the actual fuck?

[Noodle Lizard]

Reading the full article, it says that you are not allowed to go to the toilet between lessons, and that also you need a pass from your GP to go the toilet during a lesson (not even sure what that means, but whatever).

I mean, what the actual fuck?

The US schools mostly have this "hall pass" system, which is pretty horrid. It's supposed to discourage skipping classes (i.e. if you're roaming the halls during class time, you'll have to prove that you've been allowed to), but when you boil it down to its essence, it's basically a passport to have a shit.

I went to a school with a uniform and it did not reduce bullying, because people would still pick on you for your coat, bag (and whether you wore it on one or two shoulders), hair etc. My coat and bag in Year 7 were both hand-me-downs from my mum and I got quite a bit of shit for it, along with my short hair. I always hated non-uniform day because I didn't wear designer labels or sportswear.

People also got round it. Girls coming into school with cardigans in the school colours, boys and girls wearing dark blue sweaters instead of the school one and somehow they got away with it.

Yeah, in my school all it did was encourage people (myself included) to find loopholes in the stuffy code of conduct. Because we were teenagers, of course we were going to be difficult about it. Seems like a better system might be to reduce all of the arbitrary rules to a minimum so teachers could focus on stuff that actually mattered rather than dishing out 3-hour detentions for wearing the entire school uniform (blazer, tie etc.) without a shirt, because the book didn't specifically state that you had to (eh, worth it for the bantz).

[Kankurette]

Even I got told off for tying my sweater round my waist on a hot day. And for wearing a denim jacket. Mum was super pissed off about that as she had to buy me a new one.

I know kids do take the mickey going to the toilet, I used to when I was in primary school, but if you're on your period you're a bit screwed.

[Glebe]

Smile, though your heart's not in it...

[Noodle Lizard]

I know kids do take the mickey going to the toilet, I used to when I was in primary school, but if you're on your period you're a bit screwed.

Perhaps a "radical opinion", but kids should take the mickey going to the toilet. For fags, handies, writing a poem, whatever. The teenage years are the best years to get that kind of stuff out of the way because virtually nothing's at stake, really. You fall behind in a subject which holds no value to you whatsoever, perhaps.

Sadly, the offered solution for this kind of thing never seems to be "maybe we should make the education system more interesting/useful?"

[rectorofstiffkey]

Reading the full article, it says that you are not allowed to go to the toilet between lessons, and that also you need a pass from your GP to go the toilet during a lesson (not even sure what that means, but whatever).

I mean, what the actual fuck?

The 'not going to the toilet' thing would have sounded mad and incredibly unkind to me before I was a teacher; if you haven't actually experienced a class of year 7s, it's hard to believe the level of toilet requests there are.  In the first few weeks I am lenient about letting them go, figuring that they haven't got the timetable worked out and are still adjusting; it's not unknown to have 75% of the class ask to go during a lesson.  A few really need it, many just fancy a break, some didn't go in breaktime because they knew they could go in the lesson...but it's really disruptive.  The constant requests break the flow of the lesson and they may well be gone for 10 minutes (toilets aren't close) so miss the instructions and don't know what they're doing.  After a few weeks, I toughen up, having given them ample warning for a few lessons before.  (Obviously the ones with a pass for a medical condition always go).

However, there's limits to the toughness; if a child asks, I ask them quietly if they really need it, and if they do, they can still go.  You also get to know the look of quiet desperation, that gets a swift agreement to let them leave!  However, the ones that ask every lesson, the ones that are just trying it on; it's a no.  I would hazard a guess that those same students would be quite capable of sitting through a film in the cinema, or a West End musical, without visiting the toilets every 45 minutes...

[rectorofstiffkey]

PS; the not going to the toilet between lessons though; what's with that?  that's crazy!

[Glebe]

[bakabaka]

Smiling all the time just doesn't work.

One day at school as I was heading to the first lesson, the headmaster stopped me:
Head: I was reading the obituaries this morning and saw someone with your surname. Was he any relation?
Me (speaking through fixed rictus smile): Yes sir, he was my father.
Long pause. Long enough for me to think "Can I ask him if he reads the obituaries every day and if so, why?" over and over again. Still longer. Still smiling.
Me: Can I go now, sir? I'll be late for class.
Head (totally confused): All right.

Next time I saw him, a couple of weeks later, on my last day at school:
Head: If I ever see you anywhere within two miles of this school, I'm calling the police.
Me(still smiling): Fine by me.


Never went to the toilet at school. Far too dangerous.

[olliebean]

PS; the not going to the toilet between lessons though; what's with that?  that's crazy!

Presumably preparation for working in places like Amazon warehouses where toilet breaks are severely limited.

[Chedney Honks]

Oh, we should just let people go to the toilet whenever they want, should we?

Bombing run over Dresden. Sorry, Major, need to head back to base for a slash.

0-0 in the World Cup Final clean through on goal in the last minute. Gaffer, pls sub pls sub, GGC.

[Kankurette]

"Gary Lineker did a poo on the pitch. If he can, so can you, Morrissey."

Anyone else thinking of that Housemartins song? The People Who Grinned Themselves to Death?

[JesusAndYourBush]

Oh, we should just let people go to the toilet whenever they want, should we?

In an ideal world, yes, if it could be guaranteed that nobody would be taking the piss.