Alcoholism

[peanutbutter]

are you one? do you know any? What kind of things worked for you/them to deal with it?

Got a friend trying to quit at the moment after getting really bad over the pandemic and between the tapering off to prevent withdrawals, the constant access to drink from living in an urban area and being a bit overly used to ordering deliveries of shit, it just all around seems like a nightmare to get past.

[bgmnts]

Both grandparents. Put me off drinking for life. Essentially alienates me from a lot of folk as I take a hard stance on it but I don't regret it. It's rancid.

[bakabaka]

I used to be an alcoholic.
What broke the addiction was:
reminding myself on a daily basis that my father had died an alcoholic and it was horrible to watch;
moving to a place that was 30 miles from the nearest town and 7 miles from the nearest small shop;
spending 20 years with just enough money for food but not booze (so no car to get to the shop);
growing weed so I could have a smoke every evening to dull the cravings;
keeping as busy as possible all the time so as not to have time to mull over and boost the cravings.

Then one evening, almost 30 years since I stopped drinking, I realised that I hadn't thought about having a drink for days.
Then I started to do CaB Radio and allowed myself one bottle of beer a show (occasionally 2).
I can now have 2 pints and walk away from the pub; any more than that and my will power gets washed away and I'm there till closing time with a whisky chaser or two come last orders. And it takes several days to get over it. Thankfully that only seems to happen every couple of years or so.

[jobotic]

There have been some good and helpful threads on this subject in the past, but I'm a bit shit at searching.

here's two

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,63232.0.html

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=16121.0

(I cannot vouch for the helpfulness of them, particularly the first as I've never read it.)

[Kankurette]

I'm not but my mum used to be one. She's been clean for about 4-5 years now.

[Buelligan]

I don't think I'm an alcoholic because I was able to stop by deciding to.  It was not easy but, as bakabaka wisely says, having bugger-all money, no transport and living remotely, help enormously.  Although, on the down-side, I live surrounded by vinyards and, at the time I cut my own supply, had access to free wine, as much as I wanted, which made it slightly more of a thing.   

Anyway, I digress, I don't think I'm an alcoholic, just someone who likes to see how far I can go and, due to childhood stuff, has a terrible noise in my mind that needs drowning out, I found alcohol and drugs (also frightening myself), helped.  And now, I've learned to accept my limit with alcohol (and drugs), my limit is no alcohol (and drugs) and I'm much much much happier.  Learned accept that noise and understand it's just an echo.  I really am so much happier without those mufflers, in fact, I'm in love with my own fucking life.  Probably my best decision ever, certainly in my top three.

The way I've used to stop using stuff is not to tell myself I'll never ever do it again.  No.  I say to my desire, yep, I hear you calling me back, I will answer you in just one moment.  But the moment never arrives.

[Franny Joyce]

I had no alcohol for a few weeks then last Thursday I was invited to eat at a friend's house. Before the meal we went for an afternoon walk. On the way home we stopped at a supermarket where he bought food and I walked off alone to buy some chocolate and honey. I also bought a small bottle of vodka, hoping desperately that my friend wouldn't notice. I went out of view and gulped down half the bottle. I don't think he and his partner realised that I was a bit drunk for the meal but I can't know. On my way home I finished the vodka and bought beer, I've been drunk since that day. Deception and guilt and ill health. It's shit. Best wishes to anyone struggling and trying to stop.

[jobotic]

The way I've used to stop using stuff is not to tell myself I'll never ever do it again.  No.  I say to my desire, yep, I hear you calling me back, I will answer you in just one moment.  But the moment never arrives.

Different to booze and drugs, I know, but that's been my approach to giving up smoking after thirty years. Been a well over a year since I had one but I still crave them sometimes. So I tell myself maybe one day but not now and I hope the closer I get to one day the less I want it to exist.

[buzby]

There have been some good and helpful threads on this subject in the past, but I'm a bit shit at searching.

here's two

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,63232.0.html

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=16121.0

(I cannot vouch for the helpfulness of them, particularly the first as I've never read it.)

I was going to link to my post from page 4 of the first thread (as I really didn't want to go over it again) but that's saved me the bother, thanks. That thread also contains an excellent post from DukeDeMondo on page 6.

[The Ombudsman]

I am an alcoholic, I believe you never become an ex-alcoholic.

I've been sober for many, many years now. maybe 14/15 years.

It never leaves you but things do get easier. If you friend is heavily dependant, do get advise from doctors, as going cold turkey can bring on all sorts of problems. I believe some have had bad seizures.

[buttgammon]

Alcoholism is a specific word that may or may not apply, but my mum was a heavy drinker for much of my childhood, and she's not had a single drink in years. I may well have gone down a similar route myself when I was younger (not least because my best mate at the time was a heavy drinker verging on addiction) and realising the impact her drinking had on me is one of the things that got me to slow down. I do still drink, but rarely to excess, and my tolerance has gone down so much that I struggle to get past a couple of pints anyway.

[Icehaven]

the constant access to drink from living in an urban area

I'm not an alcoholic but I probably drink more than I should, and I found this to be a real issue where we used to live. Within 5-10 minutes walk of our flat there was a 24 hr shop that sold huge variety of alcohol, three licenced convenience shops and off licences that were open until 11pm every night (including Sundays), a couple of smaller shops that closed earlier but also sold booze, and a massive Asda that was open until 10pm 6 days a week. It's no coincidence that during the two years I lived there my intake upped significantly, particularly as a year of it was lockdown so it probably would have gone up a lot even if I'd had to cross a few mountains to the nearest shop. I'm not actually blaming the shops of course, it's down to me, but I've definitely been drinking less since moving in March to somewhere where the last walkable plonk vendor closes at 10ish so rather than skip out for another bottle at midnight I just go to bed.

[who cares]

I am an alcoholic, I believe you never become an ex-alcoholic.

I used to be what some people would call an alcoholic. Personally I don't like the term. I'm not an alcoholic now, but I'm still addictive, I have many addictions. They're less damaging than alcohol; they're not killing me, but they are addictions just the same.

In some way I'm proud of the number of units I drank a week, like some kind of weird fucked up achievement. But essentially I was chronically depressed and without support.

[purlieu]

My alcohol intake has increased over time, particularly the last 18 months unsurprisingly. I did hit a point recently where I realised I'd drank every day for a month and my partner has been helping me cut back since then, just going down to five days a week, then five, I'm on four this week. I know I can stop, and when I have a day without drinking I get no problems, so it's definitely still a habit rather than an addiction, but I realised that I was probably closer to addiction than I would like to be. Having spent the last few years living back at my parents' house, out of work due to mental health problems, I was aiming to spend last year getting back on my feet again. So the delay to that due to the pandemic knocked my optimism back and I've found it harder and harder to get through another day of filling time, so by the time the evening rolls around I usually get to the stage of not feeling like I can get through another five hours of being awake, and booze helps the time pass quicker and happier. Throw in the fact that I do like trying different beer as a hobby, and it's easy to see how it spiralled out of control. But I still have control and can keep on top of it, so I'm hoping to get back to the stage of not drinking more than three times a week, really.

[Buelligan]

Ask yourself how you plan your life.  I remember my normal thoughts, just making sure I had enough of everything to see me right - thinking like that seemed perfectly normal, like a sensible person with candles under the sink in case the power gets cut.  Priorities are useful for identifying ones reality.  I had really shit priorities.

[Bernice]

I'm not sure the label has much use to me personally, but I've certainly wondered in the past.

Two years ago I was in the depths of a long period of depression. I hated my job, I hated myself, I was in a relationship that was "loving", sure, but was also characterised by a malignant and seemingly undefinable deterioration, though it's easier to define in hindsight. I was also drinking heavily. Not every day mind, rarely on a hangover. But every other evening I'd go to the pub on my own and drink ten or so pints. I couldn't afford this; over a period of around 6 months, I ran up £6000 of debt, purely on booze. I gained about 10 kilograms, my self-loathing intensified, the shit job got shitter, the relationship, well...

Then I got a new job, and the pandemic hit, and I started to improve. During that first lockdown, I was living on my own and would still get solo blackout drunk once a week. I decided to start with some counseling, monitoring my intake, setting limits. Sort of keeping to them. The relationship ended, and I realised, belatedly, the role my drinking played in that malignant deterioration. And the role it played in my drinking. And then I quit for four months.

I started drinking again, as a happier, healthier man. And I drink like a normal person: at the weekend, with friends, sometimes going a bit too far, generally being good company. There are things I notice, behaviours I can't quite shake. For one, that overwhelming thirst that strikes around 3 pints in, where I grow convinced I must drink the world. But, somehow, I don't. Less desire to punish myself, maybe, or no need to feel less. Bad hangovers are still filled with horror and dread and a self-hatred so vicious and pointed I half wonder that I'm even capable of it.

The other day a friend of mine phoned me, saying she thought she had to stop drinking. She's not an alcoholic, she drinks like a normal drinker, like most the people I know. But she said it made her anxious, she worried about the thirst it gave her, the money she wasted. Days after drinking spent in shame and recrimination, the sense of hitting a reset button on your mental health every few days. I said she should probably quit for a bit, see how it went. And I realised that, while it's not a great source of stress or shame to me these days, I really have no idea why I drink. On the simple accounting of it, it really isn't worth it. I've never once in my life woken up wishing I'd drank more the night before. So yeah, I'm off the sauce again.

All of which is a long-winded way of saying that I don't know any "alcoholics", but most the people I know are drinkers, they all have a somewhat uncomfortable relationship with drinking, and I'm not convinced it is really worth it.

[Ham Bap]

I've had problems with alcohol in the past. Whisky and Vodka are strong stuff. And you dont even need to leave the house for it anymore, order it on an app and its at your house within 45 minutes.

I cant tell how people how to stop but for me anytime ive tipped over the edge ive always wanted to stop and pull myself back. Sometimes i think you need to hit a personal rock bottom and think 'yeah, this is not for me'.

As i've got older too, 41 now, and have drank alcohol less frequently I cant handle it as much anymore. Ive had a couple of blackouts whilst drinking.
Its not a good feeling waking up the next day cringing at what you might have said or done.
Its a fair better feeling waking up on a morning fresh, not dying of a hangover and a red hot body temperature.

Ive always had a problem with food too, still battling that.
Have basically had to retrain myself on what hunger is and maybe eating sandwiches and crisps every 3 waking hours isnt the done thing.

So I suppose theres wanting to stop and actually stopping.
2 steps there, wanting to do it and actually doing it.

Currently Im at the stage where im losing weight again and only drinking once every couple of weeks.
Ive reached the stage where i just cant go on 'over-eating and over-drinking'. Had enough. Just cant do it to myself anymore. Enough is f***ing enough basically.

I did wonder last year if I have ADHD or something. Ive always been an over-eater, eating because im bored or have nothing to do, just mindless eating when im watching the TV.
https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-obesity-how-to-end-binge-eating/
I really dont know.


Im at the stage now where I just write down everything I eat, plan days in advance my menu for the week.
If im going to have a treat (chippy tea) or a drink, pencil it in weeks in advance. Recognise that it is a treat and not something that should be done consistently.

Im not sure whether anyone could ever have helped me with any of this. Ive always felt its only in my power to control.

For someone else in the same boat Im not sure i could help them, Id feel they would have to want to stop and then actually stop by themselves first.

[jobotic]

Over the last four years I've tried to increase the amount of days I spend without drinking. All every admirable but it means that I find myself desperately trying to put away as much as I can on a "drinking day". Or up until the pandemic I did. Actually found it easier to drink less stuck at home.

[Twit 2]

Never had any issue with alcohol, thank God. Other drugs, though...

[bgmnts]

Never had any issue with alcohol, thank God. Other drugs, though...

Toblerone?

[Twit 2]

Yep. Total chocoholic.

[paruses]

Yep. Total chocoholic.

Same for me but with booze.

Best thing to drive knocking it on the head is wanting to. Once you have that in place you can sort the physical side. Don't just stop  - the tapering sounds like she's doing the right thing - but be realistic - substituting lower % alcohol when you need a drink is better than only drinking 1/2 bottle of vodka instead of a whole one.

I found GPs to be not much use but it's always worth trying them and they are medical professionals if she's having severe withdrawal symptoms or even A&E - but it doesn't sound so severe from the OP.

Like buelligan said - deciding to stop is a pretty important step. The rest of it can fall into place if you make some plans. I always used to rattle on about having a plan when I was coming off a binge and am sure people thought it was just making excuses but it works for me.

Even something like AA could get you over a bump short term - it was never for me really - but God knows how that works now and  I do feel sorry for people who really depend on it.

Doesn't help that booze is almost everywhere and so ingrained in culture. My neighbour's son spent thousands over last summer having bottles of vodka delivered nightly for £70 a go or whatever. Also amazed he didn't die of toxoplasmosis - absolute prime candidate (alcoholic with cats living alone).

Best of luck to you too franny. It' s a horrible place to be and I know how you're feeling.

[checkoutgirl]

just going down to five days a week, then five

Are you drunk right now?

[steve98]

He's goin' nowhere, is he? Round and round he goes on his endless, Groundhog treadmill of nonsense and denial.

[Blue Jam]

I do still drink, but rarely to excess, and my tolerance has gone down so much that I struggle to get past a couple of pints anyway.

I've got this too and I think it's age-related. I stopped drinking spirits after I turned 30, not intentionally, but because I found I could no longer handle them. In the almost-decade since then I've found it increasingly difficult to handle red wine, any more than two glasses and I just start feeling drowsy and a bit sick. Struggling a bit with white wine now too. I can't drink to the point of blacking out because I'll just feel sick and want to stop first. After a night of drinking I'll also start downing loads of water, craving it partly because I can't handle hangovers at all these days and have come to fear even the slightest one.

Don't want to quit drinking here. I just want to enjoy it while I still can, before I become too much of a lightweight to enjoy anything stronger than Lambrini.

[Rizla]

I've not had a drink since the start of february; before that I don't think I'd gone a day without for years, 4 or 5.

I recognised a fair bit of myself in this thread by RLM's Jack Packard - except for the bit about taking days off.

[badaids]

I count myself lucky that I've never been interested in drink.  Hate the taste, hate being drunk, hate being hungover and I'm too stingy to fork out for it.  I've missed out on a lot of fun socially, and I am very boring.  As a counterbalance, I do like wanking a lot though.

[the science eel]

I'm an alcoholic, yeah. Been dry for 22 years now. What keeps me stopped is the thought of the withdrawal that I went through several times during the last few boozy years. Full DTs are a hellish thing - you think you're going to die - and in fact it's POSSIBLE to die. Hallucinations, wet-brain 'pops', shivers and twitches, and some mental things that are actually difficult to describe. I couldn't go through any of it again.

You get used to not drinking like you get used to a lot of things. It's been so long that I can't say I miss it. Sometimes I see really nice bottles of beer in the supermarket, I'm attracted by the label as much as anything, and for a brief moment think 'would be great to take a couple of these home' - but I never do.

Went to one AA meeting and hated it, never again. But I know it works for some people.

It's a very complex issue, anyway - I got different advice even from experts. There's the physical, the genetic, the physiological, and the mental aspects of alcoholism. I think I read somewhere that there's an alcoholic GENE - so in fact you're born with that propensity. I don't know.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hate the taste

The taste of...?

[The Ombudsman]

Went to one AA meeting and hated it, never again. But I know it works for some people.

Me too. I got the feeling I'd walked into a cult. I'm sure for some people it does work, but substituting alcohol for religion was a no-no from me. I was hoping it would have been something different as support is half the battle.