Slipping back into mental illness

[tookish]

How can you tell? When is the time to seek help? I'm worried I might be. I've been pretty stable for the past year despite...Everything Going On. But now my sleep's off, my thoughts are racing, I've cut myself for the first time in a long fucking while. Got stuck walking home earlier, staring into the traffic and imagining what would happen if I stepped out.

[Smeraldina Rima]

Sorry, tookish. I think you shouldn't hesitate in talking to a GP but I suppose a lot depends on how much confidence you have in them so as to ask for their advice... or how much you have to make the decisions about what's best for you first and then try to make sure you get that help? Do you have people close to you who you can talk to in the ways you would want to at the moment?

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Not sleeping, trouble concentrating, self harm and thoughts of suicide. These all indicate things aren't quite right (as you know, not trying to be patronising).

Would echo advise about GP. It s very busy at the moment, but they should be first port of call.

I'm sure there are plenty of people on here who would be happy to talk through PM. Keep talking.

[Milo]

Now would be the time. Lately I've found the GP far more accessible for this type of thing with phone consultations and the like as it's not something where you need to be physically examined. I imagine it's very variable across different areas though.

To the original question, when I'm slipping I find I start to notice lines and boundaries on the floor more which then develops into being unable to step on them and eventually having to do things like walk in the road to avoid certain surfaces. Works well as an early warning sign.

[Zetetic]

No reason not to try asking for help - whether that's GP, people close to you, third sector - sooner rather than later.

You might be rebuffed in some fashion - but that's not because you'll have done anything wrong, and it doesn't mean you can't ask again.

For what it's worth, I don't think you'll be alone - the transition that we're all going through now is a lot harder in some ways than most of the changes in the last year-and-a-half, including the way that it's harder to make sense of. (Setting aside, that you may be going through many other things.)

[Buelligan]

Yes, dear tooks, it sounds like now is a pretty wise time to reach out for help.   

I know it's not the same at all but my very precious brother has MS, he has episodes where the bastard thing assails him and knocks his wheels off and he has times of respite.  It's so easy and natural to want those sweet sweet times when the beast abates to last forever, so easy to fall into the feeling that, if you had only been able to do something more or better, they would.  To try pretending that the next wave is not announcing itself.  But truth is, it's not true, these things that assail do it whether we deserve it or no, whether we acknowledge them or no.  Get help soon as, maybe by doing it you can prevent something and know we love you.   Because we do.

[Twit 2]

Get the fuck to GP and on some meds, get signed off work. I'm just coming out of a severe mental health episode, worst I've had in 12 years. I'm normally pretty good at managing on my own and have lots of strategies but it got to the point where I simply wasn't sleeping, everything seemed impossible and the sweet siren of suicide was calling. Put the brakes on that shit hard, hadn't been to a doctor in over a decade but had nothing else left but to take whatever they could offer. However shitty the system is, it was the best thing I could have done and it may have saved my life.

Do not struggle with this on your own. Take every life line going and don't feel an ounce of guilt. You are ill and need time to get better. Be kind to yourself and fuck what anyone else says. Get help, please.

[bgmnts]

I didn't know you could slip out of it.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Just thought I'd echo everyone else's advice and say it's definitely a good idea to speak to your GP, it could well just be a very minor dip (and given the state of the world it's completely understandable) but best seen to now before it gets any worse.

[Leej88]

The pandemic has not helped with depression and anxiety,plus got stuff going on in my personal life so do seek help.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Definitely speak with someone (we're here, but in the flesh is always better), and realise that a lot of people are having similar feelings. Try to avoid isolating yourself if you can, do as much as possible to keep your mind and body engaged in a positive way (exercise, creative outlets, just walking around pleasant surroundings, etc).

[Glebe]

Really sorry to hear you're going through this Tooky, love and hugs, please give yourself a break and get help and support pronto

[flotemysost]

Following some very helpful advice on here a couple of years ago, I referred myself online for NHS mental health support and was offered a face-to-face CBT appointment within days - I suspect partly because I'd mentioned self-harming (in the past, I hadn't even done it for years at that point). Services are under huge amounts of pressure and this was pre-COVID so I'm not sure how things are now, but any risk of self-harm or suicidal ideation is taken very seriously in my experience (as it should be).

Of course CBT isn't for everyone and what services are available will depend on your area, but help is out there. Really sorry to hear you're going through this anyway.

[bgmnts]

Following some very helpful advice on here a couple of years ago, I referred myself online for NHS mental health support and was offered a face-to-face CBT appointment within days - I suspect partly because I'd mentioned self-harming (in the past, I hadn't even done it for years at that point). Services are under huge amounts of pressure and this was pre-COVID so I'm not sure how things are now, but any risk of self-harm or suicidal ideation is taken very seriously in my experience (as it should be).

Of course CBT isn't for everyone and what services are available will depend on your area, but help is out there. Really sorry to hear you're going through this anyway.

Yeah what I noticed from my attempts to get genuine help is they are mostly interested if you physically harm yourself. So, if you are comfortable lying then I suppose that's the ticket. Of course, there are many ways to harm yourself that aren't physical but ho hum.

[tookish]

Thanks everyone, and sorry. I had a short hypomanic episode, didn't sleep for three days, and now I'm doing a lot better. I contacted my GP, I'm seeing my psychiatrist, and I start on a new medication shortly. I've also dumped my awful therapist and been placed with someone else. I'm VERY VERY lucky to have good NHS support. And I appreciate you all immensely.

[Glebe]

Glad to hear it Tooks, hugs and keep up that momentum!

[Buelligan]

Absolutely.  Huge hugs old bat.

[confettiinmyhair]

Yeah what I noticed from my attempts to get genuine help is they are mostly interested if you physically harm yourself. So, if you are comfortable lying then I suppose that's the ticket. Of course, there are many ways to harm yourself that aren't physical but ho hum.

I notice that as an NHS mental health worker when I pick someone up from the waiting list. Those who suffer patiently in silence have been doing so for 2-3 years sometimes. An earlier intervention could have made a huge difference.

[Vinnie01]

Lesson that I learned, when you start developing symptoms of mental illness such as self harm, suicide thoughts particularly if you have chronic sucidality, get on to the mental health team or a GP.
Never try to handle it yourself, particularly if it is PTSD.

Flashbacks may been started by Letchworth Leisure Centre Cafe although not bad but was vivid, this lead to my leisure centre stuff from 2011.

2nd Flashback made me quite ill but tried to handle it myself.
This years was life threatening enough to get myself referred to the CPN.
This type of support is also on the NHS.

[Twit 2]

Don't want to trigger you, but what happened at Letchworth Leisure Centre Cafe?

I understand if you'd prefer to talk about this with professionals.

[Kankurette]

I have as well. First I self-harmed last night after Everton got knocked out of the League Cup on penalties and had a massive crying fit, which was partly because of it and partly because I saw a photo on Instagram of my ex-best friend having cocktails in Sheffield with two mutual friends of ours, who she met through me, and I hate being reminded that I was pushed out of a friendship group. Then this morning I had an awful nightmare where I tried to kill myself by an overdose and then by jumping to my death, neither of which worked, and it was so real I kept saying, "Kankurette, this is not real, this is a bad dream."

I also hyperfixate on resilience, as Trenter might recall, and I keep worrying that cutting myself and/or crying is a sign of weakness. Resilient people don't hurt themselves over a stupid football match. Resilient people don't cry. Right?

Good luck, tookish, and solidarity fistbump from a fellow self-harmer.

[Vinnie01]

Don't want to trigger you, but what happened at Letchworth Leisure Centre Cafe?

I understand if you'd prefer to talk about this with professionals.

It was like a sudden rush of very vivid memories going back to a young age with the interests with their wave machine stuff. Some memories were of the parents also and also family members describing something similar to BJ Penn's recent news about the wave machine accident as I had a very strange dream about a similar accident at that age too.

I think it was triggered by looking at the pool from the cafe, this put me in a deep state of thinking. This is what lead to research on their machinery and plantroom visits.
The cafe used to over look the pool until they moved it before 2018.

I never remembered any of this as a teenager as I did swim often in this pool. I had swimming break for over 10 years due to doctors orders to avoid swimming. I will say that would be 1st time I seen this pool again for over 10 years.

I sometimes do wonder if this caused many more illnesses that I do deal with now.

[Jockice]

Can't offer any advice that hasn't already been offered but good luck in getting suitable treatment.

[Vinnie01]

Then this morning I had an awful nightmare where I tried to kill myself by an overdose and then by jumping to my death, neither of which worked, and it was so real I kept saying, "Kankurette, this is not real, this is a bad dream."

Recently I didn't eat for 4 days with similar intent, my CPN called me and had to come to my home. They now provided me peer support workers as they had to get me to eat again. They are now keeping in regular contact.

[tookish]

People always say 'it gets better', and down at the bottom of the pit, you grumble to yourself, how can it get better? how can it ever be sunny again, when I live in a pit? What do those fuckers know?

Take it from someone who knows. I've been sectioned maybe thirty times; screaming and naked, or catatonic with depression. I've jumped into rivers, swallowed an overdose, tied a noose. Stopped eating or sleeping. Heard voices telling me to die. I'm cross-hatched with scars. I've done the lot.

And it's not life, it's not forever. The right support really does help. IT GETS BETTER, IT REALLY DOES.

If you can't advocate for yourself, give me the numbers and who to talk to, I'll talk to them for you, I'll put on my posh phone voice and describe myself as an 'independent liaison,' I'll mention PALS and cite the NHS advisories for treatment, I'll get you seen, I promise.

Don't give up.

[Gregory Torso]

I know this has been mentioned on here before but if we could have some kind of mental health sub forum I think it would be good. Just a place to write shit out of you when it's screaming tall. without getting int he way. Just an idea, because ir seems like a lot of us have these obstacles.

[madhair60]

I know this has been mentioned on here before but if we could have some kind of mental health sub forum I think it would be good. Just a place to write shit out of you when it's screaming tall. without getting int he way. Just an idea, because ir seems like a lot of us have these obstacles.

i think this is a good idea though I do worry about the capacity for trolling etc.

i've been pretty bad today, I don't really even know why. don't feel comfortable talking about specifics.

[Barry Admin]

Would people use it?  I think people are already really worried or anxious about starting those kinds of threads, so you get ones like this being bumped instead.

I'll think it over, it sounds like it could be useful for people. Trying to think if there's anything else that such a subforum could cover.

[pancreas]

You could call it The Void and let people know it's for screaming into.

Could cover other health things? e.g. 'Is this cancer?', 'have you tried washing it off', 'it's gone now.' etc.

[Ferris]

i think this is a good idea though I do worry about the capacity for trolling etc.

i've been pretty bad today, I don't really even know why. don't feel comfortable talking about specifics.

I think people with chronic depressive/ideational issues that only become severe every few months (err talking for a friend) wouldn't want to post in a specific board without using a sock, on the basis of the stigma that would attract, especially with people who know err my friend in real life.

Maybe people braver than err my friend would post in there and err my friend would read the posts and feel better? Though err my friend has been in a far better state for the last year or so due to (frankly, fucking wonderful) personal circumstances (or so he says).