Clerks 3 Really This Time

[chveik]

In California weed is probably more socially acceptable than drinking, certainly more than smoking cigarettes. And fair enough, it's unlikely weed's ever going to put you in the hospital or irreparably damage your life or your loved ones, but it's remarkable how often you'll come across people who treat it like coffee. I imagine Smith doesn't see it as a vice, even though it's certainly an addiction of sorts.

i know someone who's addicted to weed and coffee. seems to defeat the purpose of both

[St_Eddie]

bit off topic but does anyone know any people that made good art while they were addicted to marijuana? there are loads of examples for heroin/pills/alcohol addicts but this one is tricky

A shit ton of musicians.  Very few writers.  The two are very different disciplines.

[13 schoolyards]

Supposedly Alan Moore is somewhat fond of the occasional toke, by which I mean he was perma-baked for at least a few decades and possibly still is to this very day.

Slightly more surprisingly, fellow comic authors John Wagner and Alan Grant (of Judge Dredd fame) also supposedly churned out much of their massive 80s output from a suspiciously smokey backyard shed

[checkoutgirl]

The main reason I don't like Kevin Smith is because he keeps doing this face:

Yeah I wish he'd stop doing that. It looks like he's been violated with the rough end of a pineapple.

[sevendaughters]

I wrote this elsewhere after watching Jay and Silent Bob Reboot and justifying why I watched it, but also it stands for why I can't give a fuck about Clerks 3 and ask you to punch me in the face if you find out that I did

I think Clerks is good. I know it's dated terribly and the B&W doesn't cover for some amateurish acting and filmmaking (Miramax really helped clean it up in actually fundamental ways, losing the grain, adding music, and changing the ending - sadly Dante is still alive and we have to keep enduring him). It feels authentic to the maker and, from the little I recall, true to the generation.

Mallrats is one I haven't seen in a while. I like the idea. What to do in capitalist America but endlessly chill until it becomes depressing and stale. The forced plot aspects are bad, but the frank sexuality curdles into grimness. Like one of the plot points is about a guy who nails a teenager in the ass. Come on mate.

Chasing Amy is the one I'm most conflicted about. Its sexual politics are unforgivable, some of the dialogue is really stilted (apparently Smith hates when people go even slightly off-script, which is why a lot of his actors sound like they're struggling to catch breath), and the ending is mindbendingly stupid. And yet I think there is some emotional sincerity in there and his attempts at navigating emotional difficulties are the best he'd ever manage. Also the line "what's a Nubian?" is delivered perfectly.

Dogma, for me, was the beginning of the serious slide. He cannot direct on scale. The first 3 films were pretty much defined by a limited geography of familiarity. Now he thinks he's Mr Proper Director that we've got to do a road trip meeting all kinds of wacky characters. The main problem is that the film leans too much on the concept of Catholic dogma. Watch it again. Every scene begins with a Wikipedia entry on who this guy is and why he is important. He can't, I don't know, SHOW US RATHER THAN TELL US. Clue: if you have to do this, you're doing it wrong. It isn't funny and not even Alan Rickman or Linda Fiorentino or Damon & Affleck's chemistry can save it.

The original Jay & Silent Bob is just a stupid compendium of drugs and sex jokes by two guys who can't act and it doesn't even have the ambition of anything done before. Fan service before the term was properly invented.

Jersey Girl was the pits. A mis-step in every way.

I looked forward to Clerks 2 though, as a masochist. Shame it was was absolutely pathetic, like the fast food restaurant at the end of the world, but instead of debating what happens to your soul, it's 3 nerds bickering about films that are shit anyway (no irony here, don't say there is).

I haven't seen a full one between that and the new one, but what I saw of Zack & Miri and Cop Out made me realise: he can't even do Hollywood genre movies well. Tusk, Red State, and Yoga Hosers are films I have no interest in whatsoever.

But this new one makes all the above look weirdly fine. It is so badly written, acted, and executed. The joke is that they're satirising Hollywood's penchant for reboots ie. making the same film all over again for a loyal fanbase (I torrented), but really it's just a lot of bad drugs and lolgay humour (seriously, to the point where I was like "this guy has a problem"). It is meant to build to this climactic finish...but honestly who fucking wants to see Kevin Smith as a non-copyright Iron Man smashing some Russians?

It was just amazing to me that 95 years previously, with none of the technological advantages available to him that Kevin Smith has, Buster Keaton made a film that was better on every conceivable level - even visual and technical ones.

One of the fundamental building blocks of their film is the same thing: the reaction shot after the thing has gone wrong. Keaton's face is so subtle and expressive, everything coming out of the eyes while the rest of his face remains stoic and in control. It's funny and weirdly melancholic. Kevin Smith looks like he's about to burn out all the muscles in his face for the sum total of...no emotion at all.

This is one of the worst films of all time. Kevin Smith's face above this post sums it up, because he keeps making it throughout the film. I felt like my brain was crashing like Windows95 trying to open a pdf of the Chilcot Report

Sorry, went on a bit there. Needed to exorcise. TLDR won't be watching this shit anymore.

[madhair60]

yeah Kevin Smith isn't as good as buster keaton

[sevendaughters]

yeah Kevin Smith isn't as good as buster keaton

note: I had mentioned Buster Keaton (The General) in the thread I mentioned that, in case that seems to come out of nowhere.

[JamesTC]

Oh my god! It's Jay and Silly Bob!

[madhair60]

Oh my god! It's Jay and Silly Bob!

Sorry I took so long. There was this big bee.

[JamesTC]

Plaintiff! Plaintiff! Plaintiff! Plaintiff!

[mothman]

yeah Kevin Smith isn't as good as buster keaton

I feel like one day Jay & Silent Bob[nb]But not me, I stress.[/nb] are going to turn up on your doorstep to take issue with this statement.

[madhair60]

Plaintiff! Plaintiff! Plaintiff! Plaintiff!

Here to take your sexual history are two giggling girls.

[Goldentony]

how long do you think the saccharine monologue at the end of the film is going to be this time

[Ham Bap]

how long do you think the saccharine monologue at the end of the film is going to be this time

5 minutes then Kevin Smith will pull a face, pull out a joint and  smoke some weed, then Randall will be shown as a famous podcaster at the end.

[Goldentony]

fuck me this is going to have Star Wars reboot jokes isnt it

[JamesTC]

Objection your honor. The pod race was pretty cool.

[Goldentony]

no mate the new ones, the new NEW star wars, from A FEW WEEKS AGO

[JamesTC]

The defence calls George Lucas.

[Goldentony]

I havent seen the cartoon if thats what this is, if people want to start throwing out jokes from Vulgar i'll be quids in

[madhair60]

Oh GT mate the cartoon is so fucking funny.

[JamesTC]

Oh GT mate the cartoon is so fucking funny.

Up there with Police Squad and Snuff Box for shows to only last six episodes.

[Goldentony]

there's tonight sorted then. My friend brought the DVD over 18 years ago but we decided to not watch it. If id known this would happen back then id have sat down and studied it.

[frajer]

Ah yeah Clerks Animated is glorious.

*scooter splutters into life and starts going 2mph*
"Do you feel that in your face Silent Bob? Wahoooooo!"

[madhair60]

I called the horse "Ghost" like that movie I did.

[Noodle Lizard]

I still rate the first two Evening With Kevin Smiths very highly. That Jon Peters/Superman story is great:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo2KB1dEDdk

[Gurke and Hare]

Is the Mallrats sequel dead then?

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Shopping malls are mostly dead, aren't they?

[Ham Bap]

Is the Mallrats sequel dead then?

Probably for the best. All of the first Mallrats cast are 50 and his daughter would be the lead.

[sevendaughters]

Shopping malls are mostly dead, aren't they?

i think that could give it a certain poignancy that Smith is too dumb to exploit. now everywhere is like the flea market in the original.

[Goldentony]

He needs to fuck off trying MALLRATS any more, nobody gives a fuck. He got a fucking tenth anniversay edition DVD and then a blu ray out of what should be as well remembered as Tapeheads.