Driving Tips

[Dr Rock]

I cannot drive, but one thing I have noticed is that people not only use their horns to alert other drivers but to say hello to people they know they've seen walking past, which can be somewhat confusing when you are also nearby and hear a car honking for no reason. Sometimes they also use their horns to draw attention to themselves, to tell off other drivers or for a totally random reason. People certainly get use out of their horns.

These are all permissible. You may also use them to celebrate a sports team victory, to flatter a passing pretty lady, to scare a guide dog, and to simply signal your boredom at waiting in a long traffic jam.

[kalowski]

I cannot drive, but one thing I have noticed is that people not only use their horns to alert other drivers but to say hello to people they know they've seen walking past, which can be somewhat confusing when you are also nearby and hear a car honking for no reason. Sometimes they also use their horns to draw attention to themselves, to tell off other drivers or for a totally random reason. People certainly get use out of their horns.

My approach to this is to instinctively shout "Fuck off" whenever I hear a car horn.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I cannot drive, but one thing I have noticed is that people not only use their horns to alert other drivers but to say hello to people they know they've seen walking past, which can be somewhat confusing when you are also nearby and hear a car honking for no reason. Sometimes they also use their horns to draw attention to themselves, to tell off other drivers or for a totally random reason. People certainly get use out of their horns.

I've never really understood this. I've only intended to use my horn for the highway code purpose of 'alerting other drivers to your presence' but I don't think I've ever actually done that in a dicey situation because I'm too busy trying to defensively get out of it while going 'WAAAAAAUUUGHHH FUCKINELLL'.

[Endicott]

Twitter debate about whether Jeremy Vine was in the wrong

What's to debate, Jeremy Vine is always wrong.[nb]your link asked me to login, not for me Jim.[/nb]

[popcorn]

What's to debate, Jeremy Vine is always wrong.[nb]your link asked me to login, not for me Jim.[/nb]

whoops sorry, wrong link. fixed now. (would appreciate it if you could edit the link in your quoted post so no one finds my top secret anal bumming chatroom.)

[Endicott]

Natch.

[The Dog]

It's important to pick a gear that reflects your personality, but reverse should be used sparingly.

[JaDanketies]

I solely use my horn to express support for protestors. Agree that in an emergency you're not going to do anything other than instinct. I always thought the same thing when they taught us the emergency brake. You're never going to think of it in the split second it's relevant.

[Sebastian Cobb]

It's important to pick a gear that reflects your personality, but reverse should be used sparingly.

You can either use third a lot or just go straight from 2nd to 4th I reckon.

[idunnosomename]

When doing things like bringing the windows down, turning on the air conditioning, pulling down the sun visor and putting the radio on, why not imagine that you're a pilot prepping your mecha for battle in Super Dimension Fortress Macross.

In a similar vein, when you go over a bump at the top of a hill, remember to go "wahey" and "wheeeeeeeee" when you go down the other side.

[Sebastian Cobb]

My approach to this is to instinctively shout "Fuck off" whenever I hear a car horn.

Some prick in a bmw properly unnecessarily leant on their horn at a car for a minor infraction and the old soak next to me outside the pub shouted "what else did you get for christmas?" thought it was perfect tbh.

[SweetPomPom]

Of course, the chestnut doesn't take into account Special Relativity.

Especially relevant when approaching lightspeed - the preferred acceleration for amber lights and surprise maneuvers.

[shiftwork2]

Teach other road users a lesson by pressing the middle of your steering wheel to make a little sound come from your vehicle.  They will then regret the day they messed with you.

[Janie Jones]

Don't carry too much speed into a bend. Always look at the vanishing point, you should be controlling your speed with the gears and accelerator, not your brakes.
I'm not doing this right, am I.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Don't carry too much speed into a bend. Always look at the vanishing point, you should be controlling your speed with the gears and accelerator, not your brakes.
I'm not doing this right, am I.

You've just remembered I did that pass+ thing you could do to half your insurance if you'd just passed your test.

The instructor openly admitted he couldn't be bothered so rather than spend his time selling 6 hours teaching someone who had passed their test already he just signed the form and took me on one lesson driving down the M5 and then taught me how to 'corner properly' by ragging his little Peugeot 106 round the bends on the Kidderminster road. "Got a bit of understeer there lad... don't worry about that".

It was great.

[idunnosomename]

some day id just like to do a handbrake turn like you do in carmageddon. right into a cow. goddamn motherfucker.

[Sebastian Cobb]

some day id just like to do a handbrake turn like you do in carmageddon. right into a cow. goddamn motherfucker.

Did that in a gravell-filled pub car park in a shitty 1.4 mk3 astra. Felt like a king.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Cars are generally awful and I do oppose them ideologically but they are also fun occasionally. Nearly all 'essential' driving, which is pretty much all driving (ie commuting) is fucking terrible pointless congestion though.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Winding rural backroads are the perfect environment to live out your fantasies of being a rally driver. Horses, cyclists, pedestrians and other motorists should know not to get in your way.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Horse riders are more-or-less abject cunts though.

Motorists definitely are, but still.

[Blumf]

1.4 mk3 astra

Cars are generally awful

Well, I can see why you'd think that.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Well, I can see why you'd think that.

I also have owned:
Saab 9-3
Rover 75

I liked the Saab the most but the Astra was the most reliable.

I would also like to point out the Rover was 1) bequeathed and also nice to drive but basically useless as despite being free caused me no end of trouble, culminating in it getting towed by the council and me not really knowing about it until they resurfaced the road it was parked on.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Horse riders are more-or-less abject cunts though.

When it comes to equestrian vs motorist the motorist is always, always the bigger cunt. Especially when going 80kph on a windy rural road because "that's the speed limit".

When it comes to cyclist vs motorist, it depends on whether the cyclist is wearing a helmet/has earbuds stuffed down each ear-hole/is cycling five abreast with their mates/is blatantly ignoring a perfectly good cycle lane in favour of weaving all over the road.

[touchingcloth]

In Portugal, drivers are nuts. For a country where the general pace of life is so relaxed, their roads being balance to the world. People get FURIOUS if you keep a proper stopping distance from the car ahead, or if you slow down for any reason. People don't indicate on roundabouts so you really need to approach them slowly if there's traffic on it, as you can't be sure whether people are turning off until they actually do, however if you slow down to make sure you definitely won't have a crash when you join the roundabout the cunt behind you will honk at you as if you're being unimaginably unreasonable. And then they'll try and undertake you on the roundabout.

I once slowed down because the car ahead of me was indicating for a left turn just before a blind bend, but the person behind me angrily whipped out and overtook us as the car in front was starting to make their turn. And like I said, on a blind bend.

I got very excited recently when the only stretch of toll we routinely use was reduced from 35c to 25c, but the fucks had changed the toll in the other direction to 45c. Pointless.

[kalowski]

Nearly all 'essential' driving, which is pretty much all driving (ie commuting) is fucking terrible pointless congestion though.

But in car adverts it's always the only one in the road! We've been sold a lie.

[The Dog]

When it comes to equestrian vs motorist the motorist is always, always the bigger cunt.

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse (if that even is their real name) bravely standing up for equestrians such as War, Pestilence, Famine, and Princess Anne.

[The Dog]

...the motorist is always, always the bigger cunt.

[Pauline Walnuts]

I solely use my horn to express support for protestors. Agree that in an emergency you're not going to do anything other than instinct. I always thought the same thing when they taught us the emergency brake. You're never going to think of it in the split second it's relevant.

I've actually practised having a cheerful 'beep beep!' for when people haven't noticed that the lights have changed.

I don't want anything too aggressive in case they get out of their car and thump me.

[Dr Rock]

It's a scientific fact that most people drive more safer at 140mph than they do at 20mph. And if you can stay at 140 or more for over ten minutes, your milometer starts going in REVERSE.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Pretend that everyone on the road with you is trying to get to Gay Conversion Therapy first to avoid being in the back of the queue when they arrive at the Therapy Centre. It makes the journey much more fun while you can be all "Well, why am I here? I have no interest in gay conversion therapy! This is so silly! " and accidentally end up turning around and driving home instead of where you need to be.