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March 29, 2024, 10:55:57 AM

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Driving Tips

Started by Dr Rock, July 22, 2021, 11:20:15 AM

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Dr Rock

Remember, you may not leave the scene of an accident. To get round this, zoom off shouting 'I meant to do that.' They can't touch you.

idunnosomename

save all the faff involved in parallel parking by never fucking going anywhere except the supermarket to buy booze and Rustlers.

georgetaylor

Take your stance and begin with your weight evenly distributed between both feet. The ball position should be forward in your stance and your spine slightly tilted away from the target.

steve98

Quote from: Dr Rock on July 23, 2021, 05:57:17 PM
Remember, you may not leave the scene of an accident. To get round this, zoom off shouting 'I meant to do that.' They can't touch you.

Yes they can - they'll do you for manslaughter or GBH or whatever. But if you shout "Allah Akhbar!" and ram people, they can't do you, if it's Ramadan and you only ram Dan(s)

kalowski

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on July 23, 2021, 02:03:01 PM
I think some Saabs actually had seats that could fold down to beds in them.

There was a recent 6 music interview with Carl Cox and he said back in the day him, his sister and his girlfriend all slept in a Fiat Panda for a few nights in Ibiza to save on hotel costs.
Didn't Alan Partridge have some sort of plan to replace back seats with mattresses?

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on July 22, 2021, 03:39:18 PM
Used to have a battered faded astra and it genuinely did sometimes seem to upset some people if I overtook some middle-lane hogs.

I used to drive a battered Astra too (I fell out with the local chip-shop owner and he deep-fried it during the night).

idunnosomename

don't have a shed? simply put all your surplus possessions in your car boot. you can also probably have a wank in there. however difficult to obtain the jester's feet. there may also be a secret passage into the back seat that is also really exciting stuff.

Unfortunately, because of 'woke' campaigners, it's no longer permissible to transport one's grandmother on the roof rack of one's car. Bloody snowflakes!

Sherringford Hovis

If you're having trouble braking, open the door and use your heel to skid the car to a stop or pull a 180 like you might on a BMX. Passengers can do their bit too.

idunnosomename

fool your neighbours you own an african elephant with no legs by driving your car around with the front doors wide open

shiftwork2

Lost power or had a blowout on a smart motorway?  It may be up to 1.5 miles before the next refuge - make sure you had plenty of roll going before the mishap.  Watch that 12 ton lorry behind you!

Cloud

Quote from: shiftwork2 on July 24, 2021, 12:54:46 AM
Lost power or had a blowout on a smart motorway?

Don't eat curry and drive in the first place!

idunnosomename

there are overall less casualties on smart motorway stretches compared to before, because they run better and people dont dare speed, but fucking hell, if you had a blow-out, you'd shit yourself. problem is they skimped on the refuges: should have been every 3/4 miles at least.

im glad they're being stopped, although ive spent the past five years moaning about the fucking things. kernel of a good idea woefully executed.

Spoon of Ploff

If someone on your street has flatter tires than you then you're okay.. no need to get that pump out.

Fambo Number Mive

A pair of fluffy dice above the dashboard shows that you have square testicles.


shiftwork2

Er slightly serious one, if you rely on your car for important things then maybe fill up as soon as you can.  Not clear whether it's pingdemic or ghastly families going on holiday but here at least several stations have run out and most have pumps out of action.

It's shit roll 2021!

mothman

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on July 22, 2021, 11:26:27 AM
left turn backed up at a roundabout? use the right lane to go all the way around and then turn left.

Have done this many times.