Lamest t-shirts you've purchased

[Gurke and Hare]

a South African colleague loudly pointed it out in a Teams meeting - "He's got 'Fart' on his shirt!"

I can 100% hear this being said in a South African accent.

Blimey. The "Camden Market canon" also includes these rum sort of ones - I remember someone on here posted an image of that design that's listing the age of consent in lots of different countries, though I've never seen it in real life.

Ha ha, Camden Market was exacrly what came to mind when I saw it. All the worst t-shirts in one place.

I was in an SU bar once and I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said something along the lines of "LADIES! YOUR DINNER IS HERE" with an arrow pointing down to his cock.

I went to a comedy club a few weeks ago, and the guy sitting front and cenrte had one that said "VAGATARIAN". Yes, it did get commented on by the acts.

The worst one I've ever had was a "Better Dead Than Smeg" Red Dwarf t-shirt.

[Jasha]

I still wear it.

with nothing else except come to bed eyes

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

You know those crap Colin Hunt Level "Joke" T-shirts you see advertised in "Viz"? Remember that one that said something like " Do you want to see my Tyrannosurus Rex impression", something like that? And The idea was you'd lift up the T-Shirt from the front, and pull it over your face, thus revealing a picture of the aforesaid dinosaur, and the idea is you should lift up your arms to make them look as much like TRs dinky little forearms as best you could, and, one assumes, make dinosaur noises, instead of just standing there?

Well, DID ANY CUNT IN THE FUCKING COUNTRY BUY, AND WEAR THAT FUCKING T-SHIRT ? I MEAN, ANY FUCKER? REALLY?

For my part, I used to have a South Park T-Shirt, the " Oh My God! They Killed Kenny!" One. In my defence, I bought it in1998, the day after the first episode had been broadcast on Channel 4, from the Cambridge branch of HMV, iirc. Quite happy to wear it too, and indeed, went on to wear it in the Czech Republic ( as it was then) and Vienna.

I also remember attending a Cold Cave concert, quite enjoyed it, and thought " Right, I'll buy meself a T-Shirt depicting this band's name, so I will" to meself, and hot- footed it to the merchandise stall, whereupon I saw a T-shirt depicting not only the band's name, but a surly looking nun. " Ah, that'll do me", I thought.
It was only after I'd made my purchase and had a proper look at the T-shirt that I realised the moody chops nun had her tits out.

[idunnosomename]

I was in an SU bar once and I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said something along the lines of "LADIES! YOUR DINNER IS HERE" with an arrow pointing down to his cock.

Doubt you could get away with wearing something like that these days.

someone would just tear off his genitals and feast on them. and rightly so.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Does anyone wear t- shirts depicting beer brands? I've got one depicting the label of Angkor beer, Cambodians premier booze, and it's got all Khmer writing on it, quite a tastefully designed label too. I quite like it, still wear it, and don't think it's lame at all. Don't know why I've mentioned it. Sorry.

[Gurke and Hare]

For my part, I used to have a South Park T-Shirt, the " Oh My God! They Killed Kenny!" One.

This has reminded me that I had a Cartman one. I can't remember what the writing on it was, but if pushed I'd guess "Respect my Authoritah!"

[H-O-W-L]

I actually think this one is quite cool, but it's the one I wear out the least for -- obvious reasons as to its content.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

I was in an SU bar once and I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said something along the lines of "LADIES! YOUR DINNER IS HERE" with an arrow pointing down to his cock.

How nice of him to wear a flashing neon sign that says "AVOID"

I had a Kenny T-shirt, I want to say Zombie Kenny from the first Halloween episode. I was a college student then.

I recently bought two shirts with Popsicle Pete (late of Seanbaby's Man Comics) on them. My delight at their arrival was overtaken by the slow realisation that I can never wear them at work and probably not to family gatherings, given that his cherubic visage is shrieking his catchprhase, NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE!

[Jockice]

Does anyone wear t- shirts depicting beer brands? I've got one depicting the label of Angkor beer, Cambodians premier booze, and it's got all Khmer writing on it, quite a tastefully designed label too. I quite like it, still wear it, and don't think it's lame at all. Don't know why I've mentioned it. Sorry.

In my teens I had a Guinness one. I presume someone gave me it because I hate Guinness. I also had one with the JD logo on it but advertising a very obscure local rockabilly band called Wicked Whisky. I may even still have that somewhere. I also hate Jack Daniels.

[gilbertharding]

Oh yeah - when I was at college I had a Jack Daniels T Shirt which I changed, using my art skills and some black and white acrylic paints to read 'Paul Daniels'.

Relax, ladies, I'm spoken for.

[Jockice]

I did have a couple of Viz t-shirts in the 80s. A crap sharks and a Billy The Fish one. And a Bilko one. But most puzzlingly from that era is a picture that someone sent me recently in which I appear to be wearing a t-shirt with a picture of Lenin on it. No caption or witty bits to it. Just a picture of Lenin. I have absolutely no memory of ever owning such an item.

[gilbertharding]

Anyone remember those custom printed tshirt things from the 70s/80s where you'd get a stock picture you'd picked from the display on the wall, and your name (or whatever) in wonky bubble-font?

[chveik]

is it COOL?

[Cuellar]

I didn't buy it as such but it's definitely my lamest. I was sent to a Tableau (you know, the data visualisation software? ) conference a few years back, when tech companies were acting like cults you know, get some VP up on stage to shout into a headset mic about how cool everything is and HYPE everyone UP!! Free booze every night though so it wasn't all bad.

Anyway for some reason they thought Tableau was totally punk rock yeah so they had freebie t shirts with this logo



But instead of 'Hey Ho Let's Go' it says 'Hey Ho Tableau'

I also have one from the same conference (possibly from an Alteryx stand) that's a Breaking Bad pastiche with the text Breaking Bad... Data

[Chedney Honks]

[Dex Sawash]

Anyone remember those custom printed tshirt things from the 70s/80s where you'd get a stock picture you'd picked from the display on the wall, and your name (or whatever) in wonky bubble-font?

Fuckin love that version of Bud Man (M-511)

[idunnosomename]

I had a "the many deaths of Kenny" t-shirt from that initial merch blowout in 1999. I don't remember what happened to it. or the multiple keychains I had.

i wore it to a non-uniform day. I also stitched a felt zombie Kenny around the same time. man South Park was massive around then.

[Janie Jones]

I have a Cannibal Corpse shirt but it's pretty tame by their standards (Red Before Black tour). I mean there is a point with death metal shirts where you're like hmm how much wear am I really going to get out of a "NAILED ..." shirt.

C/W rape language

I'm afeared to google it but as I've mentioned on these boards in bygone years, bogus old nonce John Peel liked to wear a t-shirt that bore the slogan, 'DEAD GIRLS DON'T SAY NO' (Cradle of Filth?) and before anyone dredges it up I'll confess that was my team's pub quiz name for ages before we replaced it with Edible Autopsy.

[idunnosomename]

yes that's a Cradle of Filth shirt, those ragamuffins straight out of Suffolk. they were death metal to start with, then moved into histrionic gothic black stuff. their really notorious shirt is the "Vestal Masturbation" one with a nun masturbating with a crucifix that has "JESUS IS A CUNT" on the back. seen it a few times at shows (once when someone drunkenly bought it from a stall before a Metallica tribute band), but never outside on the street.

(the Nailed... shirt I'm referring to is by Belgian band Aborted, and it's clearly meant as a tribute to the CoF one. though it is an actual song of theirs.)

[Gurke and Hare]

I did have a couple of Viz t-shirts in the 80s. A crap sharks and a Billy The Fish one.

Nothing lame about that. I had a Buster Gonad t-shirt. I've also got a Life of Christ in Cats Plate tea towel, but that's for a different thread.

[Icehaven]

Lotta humble bragging in this thread.

[Mr Banlon]

Polio Ralph Lauren

[JesusAndYourBush]

My brother went through a phase of getting band logos transferred onto plain T-shirts at a local printers - as he could never find official band merch...

I've got (if I've not thrown it away) a bootleg Ramones t-shirt I bought after a gig. The design is a bit crap and it has the tour dates on the back with Manchester spelt as Mancheter.

This has reminded me that I had a Cartman one. I can't remember what the writing on it was, but if pushed I'd guess "Respect my Authoritah!"

I'm currently wearing a Cartman t-shirt with "It's all a bunch of  tree-huggin' hippie crap!".

Anyone remember those custom printed tshirt things from the 70s/80s where you'd get a stock picture you'd picked from the display on the wall, and your name (or whatever) in wonky bubble-font?

I remember seeing that style of ad in magazines (complete with the price in American even though I'm in the UK) and one that I remember from the early 80's (because I was a kid and it made me laugh) was a t-shirt with the slogan "I'm so happy I could just shit!"

[Jack Shaftoe]

There was a thing at my school where once you were fourteen-ish, you could wear your own t-shirt to PE instead of a plain white one, I don't know why. Everyone chose to express themselves with the coolest band t-shirts they could either mail-order or buy in our local 'indie' shop, so everyone started turning up in t-shirts with The Cure, The Cramps or The Levellers on them. Apart from me, because I'd got a Supertramp t-shirt, which I'd ordered specially because I liked The Logical Song.

Even the PE teacher took the piss every time I wore it, which was every PE session because goddamn it,  I really liked that song. In the end I buckled and got what I thought was a cooler t-shirt, with Fields of the Nephilim on it.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

C/W rape language

I'm afeared to google it but as I've mentioned on these boards in bygone years, bogus old nonce John Peel liked to wear a t-shirt that bore the slogan, 'DEAD GIRLS DON'T SAY NO' (Cradle of Filth?)

Citation needed? I can't imagine John Peel wearing such a garment ( or liking Cradle Of Filth, for that matter. I know he was a massive fan of Napalm Death and what have you, but the ' Filth seem a bit too cheesy for his tastes). Also, a bit harsh to refer to JP as a " bogus old nonce". I mean, I know he accidentally married a 15 year old and all that (His child bride, a deeply troubled girl, lied to him about her age), but, still...

[Jockice]

There was a thing at my school where once you were fourteen-ish, you could wear your own t-shirt to PE instead of a plain white one, I don't know why. Everyone chose to express themselves with the coolest band t-shirts they could either mail-order or buy in our local 'indie' shop, so everyone started turning up in t-shirts with The Cure, The Cramps or The Levellers on them. Apart from me, because I'd got a Supertramp t-shirt, which I'd ordered specially because I liked The Logical Song.

Even the PE teacher took the piss every time I wore it, which was every PE session because goddamn it,  I really liked that song. In the end I buckled and got what I thought was a cooler t-shirt, with Fields of the Nephilim on it.

That's like the non-uniform day when I was around 14 when I wore my green Le Coq Sportif t-shirt that I was very proud of. My mum steadfastly refused to buy me any branded items but an aunt with a similarity-aged son (and who obviously was aware of the concept of wanting to fit in as a teenager) had bought me it

At break the coolest kid in the year came up and informed me he had the same t-shirt. My head and chest swelled. Then he added that he only ever wore it to play football in the park. It wasn't even good enough for games lessons...

[SpiderChrist]

My Dad was keen on buying me bootleg footy t-shirts. The "Ricky Lambert: Southampton Goal Machine" one was particularly egregious.

[Attila]

Anyone remember those custom printed tshirt things from the 70s/80s where you'd get a stock picture you'd picked from the display on the wall, and your name (or whatever) in wonky bubble-font?

Such t-shirts were the stuff of agonised discussion and decision making when I was in single digits; it was the highlight of any trip down the beach (Fenwick Island, DE). The adhesive or whatever it was had a very distinctive smell.

Also as a kiddie, I collected 'Wacky Packages' cards/stickers (this would have been the early 1970s, when they were a lot funnier than they became in the 80s/90s), and had a t-shirt based on their spoof version of peanut butter. All I remember was the tag-line 'It's the nuts!'

Loads of lame t-shirts in Mr Attila's closet, as Goodwill back home in the USA is a fantastic place to shop for mad and weird t-shirts. I have a former partner who always asked me to pick him up a handful of such t-shirts before I'd come over to stay with him in the UK.

Most of my t-shirts consist of early 2000s Dave Davies concert shirts; I wear t-shirts only as sleepwear, and inside out. Like DexI have one of the authentic Four Seasons shirts which a pal sent me for xmas last year.


ETA -- our standard of currency when I was 7 and 8 years old (1973/4): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wacky_Packages

[holyzombiejesus]

I had a 'Cure in Orange' t-shit that was absolutely huge. Came down to my knees. Wore it for PE at school when everyone else had neat white t-shirts and thought I was really cool. What a prick!

My mum bought me a Strawbs t-shirt when she saw them live and made me wear it for own clothes day at school, which was quite harrowing.

[holyzombiejesus]

I remember someone on here posting a photo of a woman's t-shirt that said something like 'down there I'm 12'.