Ferris has a chance for sex tonight

[popcorn]

Good luck tonight Ferris! If he plays his cards right he could have sex tonight.

[Lemming]

Reports indicate current chance is approx 12%. If he plays his cards perfectly from here on out, it could go as high as 26% by tonight. We're behind you all the way, Ferris (not literally)!

[Captain Z]

He might even get to fifth base.

[Ferris]

Bizarrely it was our wedding anniversary yesterday and we went out for a posh dinner (starters and pud). I wore my finest red corduroy shirt because that's the kind of chap I am. Relieved the babysitter at 10.30pm.

Result:

Spoiler alert

got home, child immediately woke up and complained of "tummy hurts", spent the next 3 hours shitting and vomiting and crying, while lying on me. Slept until 5.30am when the barrage began anew. It is just after 9am here and I've been able to change pyjamas and have a shower, but I'm going right back to it now. Seems better, but could get "daddy: pooooo" at any time so have to be vigilant. They are liquid ones, naturally.

Rating: two stars

[close]

This is entirely true.

Spoiler alert

I am only typing it here because I am FUCKING EXHAUSTED AND HAVE NO ONE TO RANT AT

[close]

! Chuckle!

[kalowski]

Relieved the babysitter at 10.30pm.

Fucking disgusting.

[Ferris]

Certainly was!

[popcorn]

He blew it!

[Ferris]

Certainly did!

[popcorn]

Prob won't get another chance for sex now.

[Ferris]

Certainly won't!

[Ferris]

I've had a few PMs about this so I'll answer them all here - the red corduroy shirt is fine (I did a quick change when I got home).

[pancreas]

Can we at least crowdfund a prostitute for you?