Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 01:13:07 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Grinning at death

Started by 1 big arm 1 little arm, August 10, 2005, 11:25:18 AM

Previous topic - Next topic
Now death is a very serious thing. It's not funny. It frightens the hell out of me. So what do I find so amusing about it?

This issue is now starting to worry me because it seems to be getting worse. When I found out about Robin Cooks sudden death I was shocked and maybe even a bit dissapointed. I gravely informed my Dad of the news but when he enquired about the circumstances of the death I found myself with a huge grin on my face. I had to stop myself from chuckling when I told him he'd had a heart attack whilst rock climbing in Scotland. I was not pleased he had died nor did I find the circumstances particuarly amusing but I grinned anyway and could easily have burst out laughing. Then yesterday, having a drink and catch up with a friend he informed me of someone from his mothers side of the family dying suddenly. Again, a huge grin appeared on my face and I had to quickly take a sip from my pint to disguise my apparent glee. Thankfully he also seemed to see the funny side and remarked that he was "full of bad news recently" because of various other incidents happening in his life. I dont know why I grinned, I didn't want to. Maybe it was the seriousness in his voice or the fact that it was some vague relative, I dont know. But one day this is going to happen and someones going to think I'm a complete pyscho thats delighted their gran has lost her battle with bowel cancer or their brother-in-law has had a stroke. It's completely involuntary and the only way to stop it is to bite my tongue, eventually I'm going to bite my tongue off.

It only seems to happen when its people I dont know or celebrities I wasnt concerned about. If someone dies in particuarly grisly circumstances I dont find it amusing and when celebrities I liked die I usually dont laugh. For example I was stony faced when discussing the recent axe-murder in Merseyside and found nothing funny about John Peel passing away.

I think a lot of it is down to experiencing a few deaths in the family from a young age, I'm almost desensitized to it and often find brothers in law and cousins of acquaintances dying fairly trivial. Sometimes its the seriousness in which such news is delivered that cracks me up. Maybe its down to all that "dark" comedy I watched as a kid. Either way I do need to stop it as it could get me into some bother.

Does anyone else experience a similar problem or have any suggestions for not finding death funny?

I do this too.  Not just with death but when bad things happen or I'm being shouted at.  The last massive argument I had got worse because I kept grinning and laughing.  And when a friend told me their mother had died, I also had to surpress a grin with a pint.

I think it's a nervous thing.  I don't think it's funny at all but the news of death, or an argument, has some sense of unreality about it and it takes me a second to process what is actually happening, which makes me nervous.

Slightly unrelated but I had a friend whose grandmother was dying.  My sister informed me of her passing, so I went to call my friend and pass on my condolences.  He seemed- well, shocked.  He said, "I'd better go tell my mum she's dead..." and went off the phone for a second, whereupon I heard my sister banging frantically at the door screaming, "SHE'S NOT DEAD, SHE'S NOT DEAD!" When he returned from talking to his mother, who seemed "shocked", I said, "I got it wrong, she's not dead!"   And when I hung up, fell into the bath laughing out of shock and "what the fuck" at what I had just done.

Morrisfan82

I find that being told the exact circumstances of someone's death too quickly can cause untoward laughter. Usually if it's either something slightly macabre and unexpected, or something completely mundane, that's when you get the giggles. Life is ridiculous, death equally so.

I was round my mate's house one day when his dad came in and said that it had been on the radio that Kirsty MacColl had died. He said solemnly, 'she was on holiday when she got hit by a speedboat'. Me & my mate had to suppress our smirks, look at the floor and mutter surprised reactions. Then he left the room and we both fell about laughing. The reason for the hilarity being that around that time we had been getting seriously nostalgic about Jim Bowen and Bullseye, and the mention of a speedboat had tipped us over the edge.

Another time a friend was telling me how a mate of his was killed. He said 'he got knocked off his bike and run over by a BOC Gases van'. I let out a burst of laughter and he got really pissy with me. I apologised, it was the detail that did it...

Quote from: "Muteki"
Another time a friend was telling me how a mate of his was killed. He said 'he got knocked off his bike and run over by a BOC Gases van'. I let out a burst of laughter and he got really pissy with me. I apologised, it was the detail that did it...

I would have probably laughed at that as well, BOC Gases van, thats brilliant, such unnecessary detail. I also admit to smirking a bit when the Kirsty Macoll speedboat news emerged, even without any Bullseye nostalgia because it was such an odd way to die. It was sad though because she was very good..great voice. But you have to laugh at these things.

surreal

I had something like this when years ago my Dad told me how his cousin (I think, might have been a brother) had been killed in an industrial accident.  He fell into a vat of acid or something equally nasty,  but it was just the way my Dad said "there was only his boots left" in a matter-of-fact voice that just cracked me up... I burst out laughing

Space ghost

I just want to go against the tide and say that I don't find  death funny even if I'm nervous or I hear to many details about it.

Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer

It's perfectly natural to make a joke in the face of death, or even laugh at the absurdity of it; death puts everything into perspective, which, for a moment, makes everything look rather absurd and trivial. (Sorry for the psuedo-psycho bit). I suppose it is a defence mechanism, but the fact you find death funny doesn't detract from the seriousnes or gravity of the situation. I remember when the London bomb attacks happened (er, '7/7'), and watching the news rolling in on News 24, and I kept making stupid little jokes to myself about things people said, the blurry footage, really rude reporters calling in from their car, the improv graphics and the stony face of professionalism that hides the fact that nothing much was happening Right Now. Totally silly and inconsequential (and yes, it's effectively talking to myself in stupid voices and making cynical and smutty comments), but it distanced me from the gravity of it. Personally, I'd hate to see something like '7/7' and immediately start spouting a knee-jerk, jingoistic stream of bollocks, and laughing at it at least postpones that.

Quote from: "Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer"Totally silly and inconsequential (and yes, it's effectively talking to myself in stupid voices and making cynical and smutty comments), but it distanced me from the gravity of it..

I did this too and it was definately a defence mechanism. I made comments on some of the people interviewed who were describing what it was like on the train when the bomb went off (obviously still in huge shock) criticising their appearance and accents, correcting them for bad use of language or stuttering. I also made comments on the Sky News ticker rolling names along the bottom "James Hughes is OK......Susan Phelps is Fine.....Barry McGee is Safe" I kept mentioning any amusing names, whilst on the phone to my brother would occasionally say "Thank God, June Hargreaves is safe" and wouldn't shut up about the fact that they were either OK, Safe or Fine. Why not all safe or all ok? Is there a difference between safe, ok and fine? what is the point of using all 3? etc etc.

I cant imagine how horrific it would be to be waiting to hear whether one of your loved ones were safe or not, I couldn't even think about it.  I was horrified and frightened by the days events but doing all this detatched me from it.

gazzyk1ns

Yeah, I agree about the defence/coping mechanism thing but it's also something to do with what reaction the person telling you the stuff is trying to illicit, isn't it? "Oh my god, a BOC gases van?"; "Jesus, his boots? That's some really strong acid if it dissolved all of his flesh and bones and teeth and everything, I wonder what kind of acid it was and how long it took? I wonder if he was screaming whilst he was being turned into runny red pulp?". It's almost as if they're enjoying the genuine drama of the situation and trying to provoke the most extreme reaction they can from whoever they tell so they can savour it, it serves them right if they get a splutter or a chuckle.

Almost Yearly

Grin = show teeth = fear = root of all humour, etc.

Quote from: "Almost Yearly"Grin = show teeth = fear = root of all humour, etc.

Actually it's less a grin, more of a wide smile.

gazzyk1ns

Quote from: "Almost Yearly"Grin = show teeth = fear = root of all humour, etc.

You are Swayze's character from Donnie Darko and I claim my free sample of Finish dishwasher salt.

23 Daves

I've related on here before the tale of me laughing at someone's death in particularly bizarre circumstances.  Basically, a performance artist I really admire and knew on a social level died a few years back, and the news of this came to me right whilst I was watching a particularly surreal piece of comedy at a cabaret night - the act involved a man in a sixties wig playing a Bontempi keyboard and singing Beach Boys styled songs about mundane activities with a manic stare.

So you can picture the scenario:
MY FRIEND MARK:  "Have you heard that Bob died last night?"
COMEDIAN (with manic stare): "And weee are cleaning toilets/ in the CAN-TEEEEENN!"

To be honest, not only could I not contain laughter, I also thought it was all some particularly absurd dream I was having.  The delivery of the news could have been timed better.

Also, when I found out that a friend of mine had died in a traffic accident back in February, my first thoughts for a minute or two were that my friend who was giving me the news had gone mad and was telling me as a particularly sick joke.  I didn't laugh, but it took me awhile to realise that it was me who was the deluded one (unfortunately).

mook

Quote from: "Almost Yearly"Grin = show teeth = fear = root of all humour, etc.

Well put.

I've had the misfortune to attend far too funerals for a person of my age, and without a doubt everyone of them had something hilarious in them, whether it be a mad old Aunt's inappropriate choice of hat or noticing that one of the pallbearers had a whole in the bottom of his shoe. Funerals are funny fucking things, especially when you knew the stiff very well and you'd just know that they'd be trying to keep the giggles in too, if they weren't, well you know..erm dead. I don't know what point I'm trying to make here really, but there you go...

Morrisfan82

Now that was fucking weird - I just popped to the shop for a bottle of Cherry Coke, and what was parked right in front of it? A gert fuckoff BOC Gases lorry. I shit you not.

If someone towing a speedboat had driven round the corner at that point, I'd have been legging it round to the nearest Scythe Repellant stockist pronto.

Mr Colossal

I do this sometimes too- and agree with the defence mechanism thing... I would assume its to avoid seeming overly sensitive about the issue, so reacting with a smirk is an automatic repsonse to convince the person you're talking to that you're not affected by the issue.

Though similarly, even though the unnecessary attention to detail in the telling is funny, the way in which it is delivered is often intending for you to laugh about the matter anyway, probably for the same reasons.

Hoogstraten'sSmilingUlcer

In a sense too, it's to show you're not beaten. If you grin at the rolling news of '7/7' (argh), you're not taking the terrorists seriously, which is exactly the thing they want you to do. There is something vaguely ridiculous about terrorism - I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's like a spoilt brat throwing a tantrum when he doesn't get his own way. Its very pathetic. On Newsnight last week, they interviewed this rather pompous, smug Islamist who was carrying on about how democracy will be defeated and Shariah law will be implemented upon Britain in the not too distant future, and when the time comes - he told the reporter - 'you will convert.'  Either you can take that as a grave warning of the impending doom of Western liberal democracy; or you can think what a silly, pompous little man he is, and how exactly the same sort of man he is as the politicians he claims to despise.

mr. nice guy

QuoteFunerals are funny fucking things,

I remember going to my great grandads funeral and there was this family friend there who my mum and grandparents all knew. I don't think I'd ever met him before. At the start of the first hym this guy just started singing at twice the volume as everyone else and completely out of time and then carried on the whole way through. Cue half the people in the chapel trying to suppress fits of giggles. I chatted to him for about an hour afterwards and he turned out to be a thoroughly nice bloke, supported the same football team as me etc

Then about 3 or 4 months later my mum said to me "Do you remember Bob? -The one who was singing out of tune at your grandad's funeral"

"Oh yeah"

"Well, he died yesterday"

For about a second I was thinking - shit, poor bloke. Then I was just hit by this sudden urge to laugh, probably due to the fact that all I could think was him and his ridiculous singing voice. Then I noticed my mum started laughing as she was thinking the same thing.

blue_wave

Looks like schizophrenia (inappropriate emotional responses)  ye freaks ;-)

Baxter

When I was back in primary school this happened to me twice a friend and I couldn't stop laughing when we were told a story about the teachers friends legs getting mangled in a game of chicken, but i think it was the word 'mangled' more than anything else.

Another time I actually laughed out loud and was sent to my head of year, a police officer was showing us photos of drug deaths this particular one was a lad on his 18th birthday who after getting home very drunk decided to sniff some glue and ended up sticking his face to the carpet and suffocating, the picture was after his face had been pried off the carpeting with god knows what solvents and tools it was just so gruesome with the added pointlessness of him being only 18 and it being his birthday and his parents finding him stuck to the carpet in the morning i just laughed out loud.

I think it's something to do with not wanting to fully consider what's happening I wouldn't have wanted to actually imagine a girls legs 'Mangled' I didn't want to fully consider this kids utterly horrible circumstances so I just laughed and sort of mentally glossed over it.

lankinpark

Quote from: "Baxter"I think it's something to do with not wanting to fully consider what's happening I wouldn't have wanted to actually imagine a girls legs 'Mangled' I didn't want to fully consider this kids utterly horrible circumstances so I just laughed and sort of mentally glossed over it.

Yep.

ELW10 posted this in CC as an example of Nick Hancock's wit:

Quote'People often say 'You have to laugh or else you'd cry'. When people say that, I go right up to them and make a point of neither laughing nor crying.'

Which I never found funny in the slightest. Because people who say "you have to laugh or else you'll cry" obviously aren't talking about everyday life, they're talking about incidents which you turn into jokes to avoid facing the painful truth of the matter.

Dark Sky

Quote from: "Mr Colossal"I do this sometimes too- and agree with the defence mechanism thing... I would assume its to avoid seeming overly sensitive about the issue, so reacting with a smirk is an automatic repsonse to convince the person you're talking to that you're not affected by the issue.

Maybe that's it.

I do this too, and I again could never understand why.

The only time I can remember is when I saw on the news that John Denver, the country singer - had been killed when his tiny flighter dive bombed into the sea.

My sister loved John Denver (or rather, his music), and I always took the mick out of the silly country songs he sang.  But I still respected the fact that she genuinely liked his stuff, and when the man himself came to Nottingham on tour and my sister wanted to go see him but not have mum or dad tag along, I agreed to go with her.

Funny to think that the weird little guy sitting on the stage there singing weird airy songs about mountains was dead literally a month later.

So when I went to tell her, I couldn't stop smiling.  Strange.