The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW: HAHALLOWEEN III: Shriekin’ of the Witch

[Butchers Blind]

That Braveheart statue thread is throwing up some corkers.

[Better Midlands]

Thanks BB.

Just came in to post this

One time before he went bananas but after The IT Crowd started he was having some sort of problem with his computer, and me and some other people on twitter were trying to help him with it. After about half an hour he solved the problem by turning it off and on again. This really happened.

[Ferris]

From the same thread regarding his shouting at passers by (is that what he's doing? anyway)

Isolation has made him weird. You can see it taking hold. All he needs is a copy of the Daily Mail rolled up in his jacket pocket and a old plastic shopping bag full of his stuff.

"Stuff" in italics made me chuckle. My stuff, my things, my items.

Also this one:

not even wearing a mask despite being banano-compromised.

[jenna appleseed]

You woke up in your racecar bed like a shit terf fucking cunt
One eye unfortunately dipped below the other
Your trousers have cum on the front

You logged onto Twitter, in your nineteenth sock account
And all the hashtags said glinner is vile
Glinner is vile

You're so vile
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vile (you're so vile)
I bet you think this post is about you
Don't you don't you?

You went bananas years ago and all your family left you
Well you said so many hateful things that Twitter made you leave
And you're such a cunt you made so many enemies
And one of them was me

You had a career now it's all in the toilet and
You're so vile
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vile (you're so vile)
I bet you think this post is about you
Don't you don't you don't you?

You had a career now it's all in the toilet, all in the toilet
You're so vile
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vile (you're so vile)
I bet you think this post is about you
Don't you don't you?

Well I hear you went up to Glasgow
To a crowd of twenty one
Now you've logged back on to the internet
To see you're trending cos the shit you done

Well you're where you shouldn't be all the time
And when you're not, you're with some terfs on a webcam
that nobody watches, nobody watches
You're so vile
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vile (so vile)
I bet you think this post is about you
Don't you don't you don't you?
You're so vile
You probably think this hashtag could screw you
You're so vile
Maybe GB News will interview you
You're so vile

[non capisco]

(Also spam's comparison of the turning Bananacunt with the Bigfoot photo.)

[non capisco]

Not quite fitting the remit but here's a story.  I once attended an interview for a clerk position at some shit office up a fire escape on Munster Road, Fulham.  I hit it off with this squat little man.  It turned out he was from Otley, and I'd just spent NYE with friends in that town.  I deftly dropped the names of a couple of pubs until one really landed and he exclaimed "that used to be my LOCAL!".  Oh man I'm in here.  It just continued to build.  The ease, the palpable sense of relief on both sides when you know it's sorted for both sides.  We shook hands and he said (even though this was several decades ago, I remember this bit word for precise word) "The only way you're not going to get this is if the final candidate is a blonde bird with big tits!"

I didn't get it.  For 30 years I have imagined Barbara Windsor climbing that fire escape as the sun set.

[Buelligan]

No one seriously gives a shit about time spent cooking. It's the time spent organising cooking and organising being able to cook again - for both of these, it's better just to be dead. I think if you disagree with this, you have some serious issues with death.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

This is even worse news than the actual death. The only comedian whose untimely death I want to read about in an article written by David Baddiel is David Baddiel's, via a ouija board.

And even then you'd end up smashing the glass into your own face to make it all stop.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Stop getting Bond long!

[Kankurette]

Just saw an update from a few days ago that a restraining order has been granted against Josh Homme for the third older child. 'They've turned the wee Hommes against us!'

What do you expect? They come from a broken Homme.

[Norton Canes]

Mary is not amused.

[buttgammon]

You explain mid-coitus the difference between a pelican and a toucan crossing, both of which are visible from the abandoned car park.

[JaDanketies]

Wacko Jacko Building Smacko

[madhair60]

Yeah, that's total bullshit.

[flotemysost]

As awful as the subject is, the Oscillations thread about Josh Homme has some corkers

Feels good hitting my kids in the summer.

What do you expect? They come from a broken Homme.

Blues for his red son.

[Kankurette]

I've seen both medieval era and modern crossbows both used and they're fucking terrifying to behold in person. You do forget, because of vidyer james and filums and the like, and the prevalence of whizzbanger nucleotide gigasplozzler megaboombers in tellyfilm war man stuff that they're still a bastard weapon that will put a bolt through your throat. Similar for black powder weapons; people think muskets are slow and stupid but a .50 caliber ball will STILL put your sternum out yer backside with no qualms.

[non capisco]

Private Frazer: we're groomed...groomed

[bgmnts]

One of my work friends told me that they had a temp guy on the team years ago, who (among other bizarre behaviours) developed a very unsubtle crush on one of the women on the team, and on his last day, left a Post-It note on her desk that said "I love you like an angry child".

[pigamus]

That's part of his appeal though isn't it, look here's a man who looks like a pork scratching making music that sounds like pork scratchings

[Dex Sawash]

LJAMC? About 1981.

[DoesNotFollow]

I'm thinking forward to when David Jason dies.  It's hard to think how the tabloids can make a witty but respectful headline.  'Lovely jubbly' and 'plonker' don't seem to lend themselves to that.  'Dead Boy' doesn't sound respectful enough.

[SpiderChrist]

Come to grandad.

[JamesTC]

Thought for a second that that comment would be in the John Challis thread.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

Thought for a second that that comment would be in the John Challis thread.

yeah same

[Kankurette]

Inspector Norse on Ed Sheeran:

That's part of his appeal though isn't it, look here's a man who looks like a pork scratching making music that sounds like pork scratchings, you too the average Man Eating Medium Sized Fry-Up could be a multi-millionaire and hang out with Taylor Swift and Barack Obama and Leo DiCaprio and whichever Kardashian is on the rota that week if you just strummed a few chords on Youtube and allowed us to advertise all over your page and signed your every waking moment over to us.

[Twit 2]

Singer from Nizlopi is, according to a few seconds of internet search, one of Ed's "three main influences, along with Van Morrison". Who is the third? I couldn't be bothered to find out (J Bieber or Eminem, I bet)

Adolf Hitler

[Ambient Sheep]

More from the Glinner thread:

Through the darkness of future-past
The magician longs to see
One chants out between two worlds
"Shut UP! Fuck OFF!"

Terves peak with me

[Ferris]

sad to reveal that unfortunately pancreas has died. in the seconds before he passed away he did a big poo in his pants and went "oh! oh no! oh, i've done a poo in my pants! i've done a big smelly poo in my clean pants!!" then he fell through the trapdoor to his child porn cellar and landed with his arm extended and index finger pointing at said pornography as if to say "yes, this indeed belongs to me, pancreas"

[non capisco]

^ Yep, just came in to post that one.

[buttgammon]

Sunshine

Moonlight

Good times

Jet fuel