The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW: HAHALLOWEEN III: Shriekin’ of the Witch

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

that made me cackle

_{noop age cunt}

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Since we're no longer doing anonymity, I reveal myself as Jess Phillips MP.

And you're all fucking under arrest.

[Blue Jam]

more that it seems like his kinda vibe, can deffo see him giving Ronnie the evil eye over the road at the Wagamama

[mothman]

The thing that confuses me is that the stabber is apparently of Somali Heritage. Now, I am certainly a fan of English Heritage, as I think they do a sterling job at preserving the many-splendoured gallimaufry of stately homes, castles and other sites of interest with which this sceptred isle is blest. Surely, if Somali Heritage has a bone to pick with English Heritage, there ought to have been a less violent means of settling the dispute?

They could have invited Sir David to a doors-open day at Mogadishu Castle, for instance, where he might have passed an educational-yet-relaxing day browsing the ruins and reading the information panels, before purchasing a jar of Somalian marmalade, made to an ancient recipe on the castle grounds. That way, Sir David would have gained a better insight into the doubtless rich and varied culture and heritage which Somalia has to offer, and their ways could have parted in the most amicable of spirits.

[Thomas]

"I mean I know it's called STRICTLY Mark, Christ, everyone knows it's called bloody Strictly. It just turns out that a lot of people, myself included, didn't know quite how literally they'd be taking the term "strictly" with the dancing, which, as it turns out, is very literally. It's literally strictly dancing."

[Smeraldina Rima]

In other news, tailors have been haranguing the government for a bailout ever since the bottom fell out of the market for new clothes for emperors.

[SpiderChrist]

Oh great. Now anyone who lives in a town that wants to become a city knows they will just have to stab their MP.

[flotemysost]

Or your curtains.

This is the correct spelling of 'your', btw, and not a threat.

[Blue Jam]

Christmas time
Gary Barlow wine
Can't think of a
Funny rhyme

[amateur]

What's wrong with the traditional British method of placing the index finger over one nostril and firing a high-velocity jet of the finest British snot into the bracing British air.

Too many people want to wave the white paper hanky of surrender to Johnny Foreigner.

Reader, I roffled

[Dex Sawash]

I think this is a joke

Big Tolstoy fan.

[Kankurette]

That Gary Barlow thread is full of gems.

fuckinG
     cuNt

(see original post for context)

[Ferris]

Silly brilliance.

[Glebe]

WOW!

[Kankurette]

Fats - James Corden's beef dripping (also available in low-fat Weight Watchers version called Low Fats) modelled after Cats;
Lucky Lips - Cliff Richard's sex tonic for men;
Gays Away - Jacob Rees-Mogg's homosexual deviant deterrent spray;
Gaskghjuuhhhkllmmmnnannngananwes - Shane Mcgowan's fragranced candles (available in vanilla pod, ocean breeze, winter spice, shitter clogged with vomit)

[Ray Travez]

[Custard]

Kelvin, that story is on another level. Like a really mucky episode of Some Mothers Do Have Em. Sublime

[Butchers Blind]

Ironically, the last thing people on here need is Head and Shoulders!!!!

[madhair60]

Dropped my book on the tube and lost my page. Got off at the next stop, grabbed the PA handset off the bloke on the platform and announced to a platform of about 17 people "if all passengers would look in this direction you'll see a total fucking sack of shit", then when they looked I was again doing the slow Joker dance

[Beagle 2]

Yes! I still remember that and it still makes me laugh.

[Chedney Honks]

Haha never saw it before love it

[paruses]

He looks like Ronnie Barker in one of the sketches that was cut from the repeats.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu's obituary photograph

[The Mollusk]

Probably my finest hour. Thank you for the recognition.

[madhair60]

Probably my finest hour. Thank you for the recognition.

I think about it every so often and laugh anew.

[Thomas]

Do I love Pijlstaart's contributions, or do I envy them? They are 30% the reason I return to The Great British Bake Off every year (the rest is early onset expat nationalism). He writes with one eye on pure dried absurdist mirth and the other on a broiling, infinite well of reference points and comparisons. There's a 'Fracture Hills faun' in today's Bake Off summary.

I sometimes study his posts and dare fancy that I could produce a similar effect, given time. But Pijlstaart whips up his insane monologues with hurricane speed. Regular extreme guffaw inciter, the Abu Hamza of elegant shitposting.

[JamesTC]

Awards & Certifications

Check back soon

[non capisco]

This extract from Beagle 2's fantastic frog saga.

You've heard the term "mad as a box of frogs"? The reality is a world apart. That phrase should be replaced so it can be used like this: "Have you met Sandra? She's a very timid woman. She's as morose and defeated as a box of frogs".

[Blue Jam]

Another stellar Bake-Off recap from Pijlstaart:

Trying not to comment on the italian guy, the most transparent sacha baron cohen character yet, but you know people will gush about it when he reveals himself.

[pigamus]

Last night I went to put the bins out and there was a wet pigeon near my hand.

• Adrian Chiles is a writer, broadcaster and Guardian columnist
  

Completely caught me off guard

[Huxleys Babkins]

Replies' thread title grim facts about buttocks that will blast your absolute pubes out.