Internal Monologues

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

I heard someone who used to be a Buddhist monk call it, "the river of shit." I guess he should know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P4_E3GhUv8

[Kelvin]

I remember mentioning this on Cab Radio years ago, not sure if I've ever mentioned on the forum; but my internal monologue is - I suspect - really odd.

Essentially, when I was a child, I personified my internal monologue as a class of school children around my age (7 or 8?), with me as their teacher. Most of the time this didn't really manifest itself in any meaningful way, other than I addressed a group internally, rather than myself. But at the end of every night, I would tell the class a story and do a register of attendence.

And although, within a few years, I had abandoned the story, the names and the register, for some time, I continued to address the class with my internal monologue. I didn't really picture them anymore, of course, it was more that I still felt like I was addressing a group internally.

And now, decades later, I still sort of do this. Not to the same extent; I don't picture them, or talk to individuals directly,  but on some limited level, I still feel like I'm addressing a tangible, yet faceless group, rather than myself. And I still think of them as being the same people from that class, albeit grown up alongside me.

I've even wondered if this is why I'm so insulated against lonliness, and have never felt compelled to seek out long term companionship. Because on some level it's always been built into my identity.

I could probably have made that story more interesting, but its 5.20 in the morning, and I cant sleep. Sorry.

[pancreas]

Sorry to say this, but does anyone else find that ^ a little nonce-adjacent?

No wonder you don't feel lonely ordering a class of naked kids about in your head.

[Kelvin]

Sorry to say this, but does anyone else find that ^ a little nonce-adjacent?

No wonder you don't feel lonely ordering a class of naked kids about in your head.

My lawyers want to make it very clear that "they" aren't still children, they're now just a brain full of adults I used to teach. Which is fine and normal.

Of course, the lawyers are also imaginary.

[TrenterPercenter]

The thing is, I was a bit of a weird kid (surprise, surprise) and remember talking to a doctor after I started falling behind at school and the doctor asked if I ever "heard voices" but because I was so young and didn't understand the concept of internal monologues, I must have answered "yes" because I didn't really know any different. Nothing came of it but I suspect the doctor and my parents suspected I had schizophrenia at a young age.

It is a part of the assessment used for psychosis (schizophrenia) as is "do you ever day dream for long periods" but these things alone would not be concerning.  The next thing would be to explore the nature of the "heard voices" with the follow up question being "do these voices sound like they are coming from inside or outside of your head?".

Worth saying that auditory hallucinations are not the most common sign or symptom of psychosis (that would be delusional thoughts and disordered thinking) and those that have these symptoms have usually processed someway into the illness (the psychotic break has occurred making the voices seem external).  Hallucinations, both auditory and  visual are often the go to symptoms people think about with psychosis because of their starkness; but they are actually not quite as common as people think.

Internal monologues are completely normal (if you haven't got one would be more concerning) but how that internal monologue is operating is a key indicator of mental health; how much control can you assert over it if you need too, what is it's tone and demeanour etc... it is a wonderful insight into the brain really; if you think about how you can be in control and not in control of your own mind at the same time.

[Kankurette]

I hear voices, but also screaming and doorbells going off. Like, I've been woken by the sound of a doorbell going off in my head, and I know it must be in my head cos it's quieter than the real thing. And yeah, I've had voices in my head telling me to do stuff. Sounds funny, but it isn't.

[TrenterPercenter]

If you think about it these voices are disconnected elements of peoples mind and not bizarre or strange - it is what minds do; interpret the brains interactions with the world, it's why they evolved, which since the invention of language, has often meant verbalising these interactions internally.

The content of these verbalisations are not very accurate at describing you, as is so commonly thought, it's no secret that a lot of people that suffer with psychosis are also victims of trauma and abuse; they will therefore experience verbalisations of shame and humiliation, especially if religious elements have been enforced on children at an early time in their life, this is something that has been done to them rather than them imagining what people perceive as a weird or ill mindset.  The amount of times I've worked with people that tell me about how they feel they are terrible people because these horrible thoughts they have; it seems intuitive to people that bad thoughts = bad person; when the vast VAST majority of people experience horrible thoughts because of the exact opposite.  Brains are stupid; minds are intelligent, but minds are built on brains, therefore traumatise a brain (especially when young) and your mind will be working with a brain that is 'shouting' in an incoherent fashion about the horrible things it has experienced (and in many cases reliving in them terms of the biochemistry traumatic experiences).

These things are nearly always treatable with time and resources.

[TrenterPercenter]

I hear voices, but also screaming and doorbells going off. Like, I've been woken by the sound of a doorbell going off in my head, and I know it must be in my head cos it's quieter than the real thing. And yeah, I've had voices in my head telling me to do stuff. Sounds funny, but it isn't.

Not funny at all; the important thing to note here is that you refer to your voices detached but recognised as such; there are lots of people that hear voices but they are positive and useful elements of their inner worlds - it's a really understudied area but I used to work someone that did a lot of work in this (and the problems around over-medicating).

the "awakening sounds" are also very common btw; if they are occurring around sleep then they are known as hypnogogic hallucinations, in the daytime they are more likely something known as a pseudo-hallucination or non-psychotic hallucination; in both cases these things are nearly always related to high levels of anxiety. 

It cannot be stressed (no pun intended) enough the impact of cortisol on your brain, it is a devastating chemical (a steroidal hormone) that will literally causes it to atrophy and degenerate but many people still think psychs are here to stroke their chins and talk about people wanting to have sex with their mothers.