Author Topic: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does  (Read 4543 times)

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« on: September 03, 2021, 07:46:17 AM »
wanking thread

Cleaning your fingernails using a toothpick.
Absolutely * everyone* does this, right? Something very satisfying about ploughing through the old fingernails, fetching up a mini- bundle of accumulated grime and mucus ( because everyone also picks their nose, of course).Absolutely every single one of the boys and girls on CaB do this, because quite literally * everyone* does it ( apart from Les Dennis, who uses his fingernail clippings, previously bitten off and filed away especially for this strangely enjoyable task). Seeing a relatively clean fingernail after a scraping from the trusty toothpick doesn't quite give you the bizarre feeling of euphoria you experience after an hour's vomiting, but still a nice feeling of satisfaction after having completed this task. Amirite? Of course I am! EVERY FUCKER DOES IT!

What else do you assume everybody else does?

Dr Rock

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2021, 07:58:40 AM »
Sometimes moves from room to room fighting and shooting imaginary opponents.



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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2021, 08:13:53 AM »
Everyone apart from me collects up their toe nail clippings and stuffs them down the bath overflow

Tony Tony Tony

  • The Man, the Myth, the Bellend
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2021, 09:07:51 AM »
Sleeps wearing a pair of socks.

(Ones that don’t have cum in obvs I’m no animal)

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

  • Well, is it safe, like?
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2021, 09:17:55 AM »
Sleeps wearing a pair of socks.


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Paul Calf

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2021, 09:20:57 AM »
Sleeps wearing a pair of socks.

(Ones that don’t have cum in obvs I’m no animal)

Just socks?

That's unforgiveable.


Butchers Blind

  • Who blons a dumb de now?
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2021, 09:58:20 AM »
Before you leave your house, check every water tap to make sure they're fully turned off and check the cooker hob knobs, again to make sure they're off even though you haven't used it that day. Do this again before going to bed.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2021, 10:04:27 AM »
When in the shower, uses their pubes as a makeshift lathering pad for the shower gel, before transferring the suds to the rest of the body.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2021, 11:06:33 AM »
Before you leave your house, check every water tap to make sure they're fully turned off and check the cooker hob knobs, again to make sure they're off even though you haven't used it that day. Do this again before going to bed.

My wife used to take ages checking the cooker knobs in the morning. Even used to phone me up on her way to work if I was still at home to check them. I pointed out that if she took a photo of them she could reassure herself on the train. Now she doesn't call - technology, eh?

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2021, 11:06:52 AM »
When in the shower, uses their pubes as a makeshift lathering pad for the shower gel, before transferring the suds to the rest of the body.

Standard.

I bought some lovely Nablus soap from Palestine recently, made with just olive oil and baking soda, seeing as it's relevant.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #10 on: September 03, 2021, 11:09:41 AM »
Race flush when having a piss.

Tony Tony Tony

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #11 on: September 03, 2021, 11:10:30 AM »
Just socks?

That's unforgiveable.


Have considered adding a Wee Willy Winky/Eboneezer Scrooge type nightcap to protect my luscious locks.

Though I have heard tell that CaB legend Neol Edmonds sleeps wearing a ladies hairnet so as not to disturb his tonsurial arrangement overmuch. 

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #12 on: September 03, 2021, 11:10:49 AM »
I'm waiting for the bloke off Mumsnet to post here - the one that used to wash his cock in the glass on the bedside table.[1]
 1. Although having watched lots of Sean Lock clips recently, this may have been him...

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #13 on: September 03, 2021, 11:12:13 AM »
Everyone apart from me collects up their toe nail clippings and stuffs them down the bath overflow

I sometimes uses to leave them in the ashtray when I lived in a smoking housshare it used to drive one of my housemates potty, which is precisely why I did it.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #14 on: September 03, 2021, 12:06:03 PM »
Laugh at old adverts. Like this one. It always used to make me laugh my arse off cos the grandma looks like she's cocking her leg.

turnstyle

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #15 on: September 03, 2021, 12:13:03 PM »
Your mum

(Sorry. I really, really miss tags.)

pigamus

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #16 on: September 03, 2021, 12:15:49 PM »
Move yourself in the shower rather than moving the shower head.

Tony Tony Tony

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #17 on: September 03, 2021, 12:21:56 PM »
I'm waiting for the bloke off Mumsnet to post here - the one that used to wash his cock in the glass on the bedside table.[1]
 1. Although having watched lots of Sean Lock clips recently, this may have been him...

Blimey just took a peek at that thread as well as a cheky wank and it got locked after 41 pages. That’s Glinner territory.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #18 on: September 03, 2021, 12:31:50 PM »
Mumsnet is regularly besieged by trolls with an obsession with body functions, like the piss troll ('tell me your incontinence stories') or the weirdo with a fetish for Bob Dylan in nappies. They're not subtle and yet loads of people will happily tell them about that time they were caught short in John Lewis.

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #19 on: September 03, 2021, 12:36:19 PM »
I sometimes uses to leave them in the ashtray when I lived in a smoking housshare it used to drive one of my housemates potty, which is precisely why I did it.

As if stinky ash is nicer than toe nail clippings.  It’s remarkable how desensitised smokers are to their habit.

Blue Jam

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #20 on: September 03, 2021, 12:38:59 PM »
While I do think that's admirably minging SCobb, I also have to agree with RFV that it's really no more minging than smoking in the first place. No-one needs to smoke and make ash and cigarette butts, everyone has toenails and they all grow and the clippings need to go somewhere.

Cleaning your fingernails using a toothpick.

Nope, I use the point of the nail scissors, or just my other nails. When I haven't just painted them of course. Nail polish hides a multitude of sins.

Anyone else find that black sock fluff accumulates under the corners of their big toenails? That's pretty minging but still preferable to wearing white socks.

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  • Rubbing linseed oil into the school cormorant.
  • Golden Member
  • *****
  • Gargoyles have milk bags.
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #21 on: September 03, 2021, 12:55:17 PM »
Everyone apart from me intentionally wears overly tight shoes to make their toes bleed, and then they take the resultant sock carnage and they stuff them into their neighbours’ exhaust pipes of their cars

Brundle-Fly

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #22 on: September 03, 2021, 01:18:34 PM »
Scratch itchy hands and/or arms with your three-day-old chin stubble. I've yet to light a match on it though.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #23 on: September 03, 2021, 02:27:21 PM »
Everyone else has shallow thoughts because they're not the special one

Fr.Bigley

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #24 on: September 03, 2021, 04:08:18 PM »
mire poix

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #25 on: September 03, 2021, 04:23:33 PM »
Building their cryptocurrency portfolios while I put a few quid in savings each month, like some luddite twat.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #26 on: September 03, 2021, 04:52:28 PM »

Get a self-esteem boost whenever someone posts in one of my threads

Utter Shit

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #27 on: September 03, 2021, 05:08:28 PM »
I mentioned to my mates once that I never pre-heat the oven and simply add 10 minutes or so onto the cooking time, and they looked at me like I was a madman.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #28 on: September 03, 2021, 05:12:02 PM »
I assume everyone's like me and doesn't use these modern suggested response buttons on Gmail/Outlook for fear of looking like they're lazily using automatic responses, to the point of hand-writing trite responses themselves and sometimes coming up with something exactly the same as the suggestion and then having to reword it. Actually more effort than just being sincere in the first place really.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #29 on: September 03, 2021, 05:16:54 PM »
Piss in the shower.

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