Things You Assume Everybody Else Does

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Fishfingers and Bottom

Too tenuous for a " Prince considers rewrite" post?

Too slight for a NEW FUCKING PAGE?

[AngryGazelle]

Let me know how it goes. I'm assuming you mean the TV show Bottom

I did mean that yes, really should have made that clear!

I had the fishfingers -- well Lidl's vegan ones, but must admit that I did not watch Bottom.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I did mean that yes, really should have made that clear!

I had the fishfingers -- well Lidl's vegan ones, but must admit that I did not watch Bottom.

Wasted opportunity. Matt Smith's first Doctor Who ep would go well with them as well.

[Dex Sawash]

A few years ago I accidentally realised that I enjoyed food more if I was watching a film or TV show or YouTube video featuring said food (or has some relation to the food, for instance eating pasta while watching mafia films, or eating noodles while watching Asian films) while eating it. Now I always try to watch something that relates to my meal in some way. I don't assume everybody (or anybody) also does this but I expect people to start doing it after I tell them about it. Guaranteed to improve your eating experience.

2 girls 1 cupnoodle

[itsfredtitmus]

eats their chips

[flotemysost]

Singing (in your head) anything you need to remember - phone numbers, passwords, names - to a melody, otherwise how the fuck does anyone retain things like that? It's not even a conscious decision to do it, my mind just assigns a tune with the requisite number of syllables, e.g. my password for one of the systems I use at work always plays out to No Good by the Prodigy and I have no say in the matter.

When I worked in IT one of my colleagues had a near-photographic memory for scores of service desk ticket codes (each one was just a string of random letters and numbers), blew my mind.

[Sebastian Cobb]

When I worked in IT one of my colleagues had a near-photographic memory for scores of service desk ticket codes (each one was just a string of random letters and numbers), blew my mind.

There was an old past-retirement substitute teacher my school got in very occasionally who at the start of the class would ask every child's name and seemingly never forget. He went away for 6 months and re-appeared to teach another class which was comprised of people he had taught and people he hadn't and still knew most of them, so I doubt it was some clever positioning/layout trick either. Used to simultaneously impress/freak us out a bit, he probably did it to signal if you fucked around you're not anonymous in the eyes of this substitute.

[itsfredtitmus]

My friend thinks it's normal to lick his lips when he sees women

[markburgle]

I was in the chow van with a mate during lunch break and arksed the woman for a bacon roll with egg and onion. She looked at me weird and I arksed why. She said it was an odd combination. I said what are you on about and my mate chimed in to agree - "Bacon and onion is fine, bacon and egg is fine, but all 3 together is weird". Felt like I'd walked into the bloody Twilight Zone. It was like the world judging you for putting cream AND sprinkles on your sundae

[Blue Jam]

A few years ago I accidentally realised that I enjoyed food more if I was watching a film or TV show or YouTube video featuring said food (or has some relation to the food, for instance eating pasta while watching mafia films, or eating noodles while watching Asian films) while eating it. Now I always try to watch something that relates to my meal in some way. I don't assume everybody (or anybody) also does this but I expect people to start doing it after I tell them about it. Guaranteed to improve your eating experience.

I do this but the show has to be about crap food while I'm eating good food. Stuff like Come Dine With Me, Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and the incomparable Snackmasters. It's all about the contrast.

Went to see the feature-length film version of The Trip To Italy when it was very briefly in cinemas. Mr Jam had seen it before me and advised me to eat before I watched it and to avoid going in hungry at all costs. He was right. It would have been like This Country when Kerry and Kurtan are waiting for the pizza to cook and Kurtan switches off the telly because Masterchef is on and it's "utter torture".

[chveik]

wanking

[Jockice]

I was in the chow van with a mate during lunch break and arksed the woman for a bacon roll with egg and onion. She looked at me weird and I arksed why. She said it was an odd combination. I said what are you on about and my mate chimed in to agree - "Bacon and onion is fine, bacon and egg is fine, but all 3 together is weird". Felt like I'd walked into the bloody Twilight Zone. It was like the world judging you for putting cream AND sprinkles on your sundae

Reminds me of the work canteen when I'd ask for a sausage sandwich with cheese on it. Every single time the staff (especially Fay and Kay. I'm convinced there's a Fay and/or a Kay working in every canteen on earth) and other customers would react like I'd asked for raw shit with vomit on it. They'd never come up against something as weird in their lives. I even got asked more than once if it was some sort of strange Scottish thing. In fact it was a mate in Sheffield (or to be precise, his mum) who introduced me to them when we were in our late teens. I'd never thought of having it before, but it'a really not that different from a cheeseburger. Is it? I found it particularly disturbing when the people questioning me would have sloppy cooked tomato on their sandwiches. Now that really does turn my stomach.

And I'm not even mentioning the time I was in a cafe with my sister and she wanted fish with no chips. Because I've already mentioned it several times before. But I'll just repeat she was very VERY lucky not to get a fork through her hand when she started pinching mine.

[Huxleys Babkins]

It does sound weird having cheese in a sausage butty, but then McDonald's sell millions of these across the globe every day and nobody bats an eyelid.



One rule for the billion dollar corporation, another rule for poor Jockice.

[seepage]

You can even buy a peperami and cheese snack box [mild cheddar?!] if you daft enough not to assemble it yourself.

[touchingcloth]

A few years ago I accidentally realised that I enjoyed food more if I was watching a film or TV show or YouTube video featuring said food (or has some relation to the food, for instance eating pasta while watching mafia films, or eating noodles while watching Asian films) while eating it. Now I always try to watch something that relates to my meal in some way. I don't assume everybody (or anybody) also does this but I expect people to start doing it after I tell them about it. Guaranteed to improve your eating experience.

Hamburger Hill is a good watch. The Ipcress File is depressing as fuck.

[touchingcloth]

Absent-mindedly starts using the toilet brush with the seat still down, then performs a mad contortion act trying to remove the lift the seat over the brush so that it can be removed without dripping onto the top side whilst also trying to not touch the underside with their free hand.

[Gurke and Hare]

Absent-mindedly starts using the toilet brush with the seat still down, then performs a mad contortion act trying to remove the lift the seat over the brush so that it can be removed without dripping onto the top side whilst also trying to not touch the underside with their free hand.

Very sensible, because if you touch the underside then you'll have to wash your hands after cleaning the toilet.