Author Topic: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does  (Read 4672 times)

Barry Admin

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #60 on: September 04, 2021, 08:18:47 PM »
Re black people and washing their hair, when I worked in a children's home we had to buy special shampoo for the Afro Carribbean and dual heritage kids, and staff said they had to go to a stall in the Arndale market to get it. They showed me a diagram in a book once which showed how different 'afro' and 'white' hair was. Was also told they needed to moisturise their skin with cocoa butter to stop it drying out.

Chris Rock did a surprisingly engaging documentary all about this, "Good Hair", very interesting indeed.

bgmnts

  • Depressed to the point of poisonous toxicity.
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #61 on: September 04, 2021, 08:22:41 PM »
Hang on I'm the whitest cunt on the planet and I wash my hair like three times a week maximum. Should I not be?

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #62 on: September 05, 2021, 11:03:59 AM »
Nah you're good, it's just that many Black hair types (and obviously there's a huge range of textures and curl patterns etc. within that) generally don't need cleansing with a detergent (i.e. shampoo) as often because it doesn't get oily and greasy in the same way straight European hair does, and too many sulphates can wreck it. Someone I used to work with, I'm not sure exactly what her heritage was but she looked like she might have had some mixed Black background, used to wash her hair once a week mainly just using conditioner and she had the most amazing shiny glossy curls.

Same can go for some European curly hair types though, I remember the singer Lorde getting flak because she said in an interview she washes her hair once a week, but I think she looks great. Which was another "thing I assumed was normal", having to factor hair washing day into your weekly schedule and not being able to just do it off the cuff whenever.

Blue Jam

  • I'm Going to Mars (Where They Have No Cars)
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #63 on: September 05, 2021, 11:26:13 AM »
Is South-East Asian hair significantly different as well? I'm asking because when I moved to Japan and did my first big shop I picked up some Shiseido shampoo and conditioner- fairly mid-price stuff over there- and after I used it the next day my hair looked amazing, just really soft and shiny and detangled. And my hair usually looks a mess... I wondered what the hell was in this stuff but reading the label there was nothing unusual or magic among the ingredients. I have also learned that a lot of Japan residents buy big bottles of Shiseido to resell (at a significant mark-up) on Amazon and eBay, presumably all Westerners who thought "I wish I could get this stuff back home, I bet there's a lucrative market here". Been tempted to order some myself but getting my shampoo imported would feel a bit decadent.

Another surprise came when my Nivea deodorant ran out and I bought some Japanese brand to replace it, only to find it didn’t work at all. A quick Google told me Caucasians sweat more and often find Japanese deodorants do nothing to hold back the tide. I looked into buying an imported one somewhere in Tokyo but all I could find was the Foreign Buyers' Club cash-and-carry where you could only buy the likes of Sure and Lynx in cases of 12. I just got Mr Jam to bring me one when he visited a week later.

Guess I'm a greasy sweaty European then, lovely.

dekko

  • I do a lot of work with marzipan
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #64 on: September 05, 2021, 12:00:39 PM »
I have also learned that a lot of Japan residents buy big bottles of Shiseido to resell (at a significant mark-up) on Amazon and eBay, presumably all Westerners who thought "I wish I could get this stuff back home, I bet there's a lucrative market here". Been tempted to order some myself but getting my shampoo imported would feel a bit decadent.

I'm guessing these are being sold to Japanese people who live overseas. In the 17 years she's been living outside Japan, Mrs dekko has never once washed her face with anything but Vernal soap. Boxes of the stuff arrive every nine months or so.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #65 on: September 05, 2021, 02:47:51 PM »
When eating crisps or nuts take a few out of the packet and place them on the table in front of you (or if there is no table your leg will do), eat them, and then take more out of the bag and repeat the above procedure until the packet is finished. Only the crumbs at the very end are removed directly and put straight into your mouth.

Fr.Bigley

  • Shall I boil this kettle dry?
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #66 on: September 05, 2021, 02:53:00 PM »
Folding crisp packets into perfect little triangles then using them as ninja throwing stars at my long suffering missus. She never played shenobi, she won't get it.

JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #67 on: September 05, 2021, 03:18:52 PM »
Folding crisp packets into perfect little triangles then using them as ninja throwing stars at my long suffering missus. She never played shenobi, she won't get it.

How do you stop it instantly unfolding again?  With any kind of plastic packaging I usually fold it into a thin piece then tie it in a knot - it seems to be the only way to stop it resuming its original shape as soon as you let go of it.

Fr.Bigley

  • Shall I boil this kettle dry?
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #68 on: September 05, 2021, 03:19:45 PM »
How do you stop it instantly unfolding again?  With any kind of plastic packaging I usually fold it into a thin piece then tie it in a knot - it seems to be the only way to stop it resuming its original shape as soon as you let go of it.

Sexual origami kimosabi.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #69 on: September 05, 2021, 07:10:47 PM »
Folding crisp packets into perfect little triangles then using them as ninja throwing stars at my long suffering missus. She never played shenobi, she won't get it.

If you eat 3 bags of walkers salt and vinegar you can make a festive little crispmas tree.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #70 on: September 05, 2021, 08:32:29 PM »
Is South-East Asian hair significantly different as well?

Not sure about South East Asian specifically, but Asian hair generally tends to be very strong, often it's Indian or Pakistani hair that gets used for human hair extensions and weaves etc. (that or Russian, though lots of Russians do have Asian heritage). I don't know if it specifically requires different care, though (of course I ended up with my dad's European unruly mop gene, ffs).

OT but Shiseido skincare stuff is great, as are their tools, including the fat Kabuki brushes which a friend's mum memorably called a "bukkake brush".

BeardFaceMan

  • Safely ensconced on top of the bathroom cabinet
    • mixes'n'mashes
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #71 on: September 05, 2021, 08:45:51 PM »
There was an advertising campaign a few years ago for toilet paper which asked people if they were a folder or a scruncher, and that blew my fucking mind, I never realised there was more than one way.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #72 on: September 05, 2021, 09:01:15 PM »
There was an advertising campaign a few years ago for toilet paper which asked people if they were a folder or a scruncher, and that blew my fucking mind, I never realised there was more than one way.

I bought some 'coconut oil' bog roll from tescos as it was cheap and now when I go to the bog I keep getting confused as to why my bathroom smells like Hawaiian Tropic.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #73 on: September 05, 2021, 09:02:13 PM »
There was an advertising campaign a few years ago for toilet paper which asked people if they were a folder or a scruncher, and that blew my fucking mind, I never realised there was more than one way.

Yeah, wiping with dry paper alone is widely documented to be inefficient as it is, but with scrunched paper you might as well be using a cotton bud surely.

Tony Tony Tony

  • The Man, the Myth, the Bellend
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #74 on: September 06, 2021, 02:24:59 AM »
Yeah, wiping with dry paper alone is widely documented to be inefficient as it is, but with scrunched paper you might as well be using a cotton bud surely.

Don’t get me started on wipe front to back or back to front or stand up wipe versus sitting down.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #75 on: September 06, 2021, 02:31:14 AM »
a folder or a scruncher,

The fuck does a scruncher do? Lob it at their crack hoping the shite will fall off like they're trying to kill a moth on the ceiling?

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #76 on: September 06, 2021, 02:32:42 AM »
At that point you might as well just wad it all up there, clench and pull up your draws. Then later in the day when the toilet paper has adherred to all the poo, rip it off like a scabby bandaid pull out your brown tam-poo-n and put it in a wastepaper basket

Tony Tony Tony

  • The Man, the Myth, the Bellend
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #77 on: September 06, 2021, 03:00:30 AM »
Much prefer the vinegar soaked sponge on a stick.

Though imagine doing this job for Prince Charles…

Quote
The Groom of the Stool was a male servant in the household of the English monarch who was responsible for assisting the king in his toileting needs.[5] It is a matter of some debate as to whether the duties involved cleaning the king's bottom, but the groom is known to have been responsible for supplying a bowl, water and towels and also for monitoring the king's diet and bowel movements[6]

From https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groom_of_the_Stool

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #78 on: September 06, 2021, 03:02:38 AM »
I couldn't wipe my arse with that, it was Jesus' last order

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #79 on: September 06, 2021, 03:03:48 AM »
Id be thinking "I bet you're loving this at Charlie Hebdo" every time

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #80 on: September 06, 2021, 05:02:39 PM »
There was an advertising campaign a few years ago for toilet paper which asked people if they were a folder or a scruncher, and that blew my fucking mind, I never realised there was more than one way.

I can tell you the exact genesis of this - it's the RE/Search Guide To Bodily Fluids and myself.

The book is not a guide so much as a Mass Observation questionnaire, and because it's anonymous, it's FULL of 'Things You Assume Everybody Else Does'. If you'd be interested in the scrunch/fold results:

Q: Do you crumple your toilet paper, fold it, or wrap it?

A: 42% fold, 33% crumple, 8% a little of both, 3% depends on mood or paper.

Anyway - I had a copy in the nineties, and in the mid 2000s my company used to play silly after dinner games at our departmental Christmas parties, so I used 'Scrunch or Fold?' as one of the questions. Hilarity (and arguments) ensued especially when the Deputy Managing Director outed herself as a scruncher. Our Sales Director moved jobs soon after, and he used 'Scrunch or Fold?' to sign off his goodbye email to the company. A few years later, what had been our slightly drunken parlour game ended up as this excruciating advert.

BeardFaceMan

  • Safely ensconced on top of the bathroom cabinet
    • mixes'n'mashes
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #81 on: September 06, 2021, 05:17:21 PM »

Q: Do you crumple your toilet paper, fold it, or wrap it?


Fuck me, there's a third option?!? I've lived a very sheltered life.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #82 on: September 06, 2021, 05:18:33 PM »
Fifth option. Eat it.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #83 on: September 06, 2021, 05:33:12 PM »
Fifth option. Eat it.

In the original questionnaire, a teenage boy misunderstood when you crumpled, folded or wrapped, and answered, "Toss it in the toilet as is".

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #84 on: September 06, 2021, 05:49:47 PM »
I feed it into my anus and then pull it out like anal beads / dental floss. Some days I dream about putting it up my bumhole and pulling it out of my throat and flossing my entire digestive system, but I would need the equivalent to the height of a two-story house in toilet paper. Also it would likely rip half-way through.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #85 on: September 06, 2021, 05:59:34 PM »
I shit in my hand, throw the shit at the unopened package of toilet paper and then sponge off the shite smears and take it back to the supermarket for a full refund.

Sebastian Cobb

  • bad opinion haver
Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #86 on: September 06, 2021, 06:08:39 PM »
I feed it into my anus and then pull it out like anal beads / dental floss. Some days I dream about putting it up my bumhole and pulling it out of my throat and flossing my entire digestive system, but I would need the equivalent to the height of a two-story house in toilet paper. Also it would likely rip half-way through.

The dental floss thing works on dogs if it goes in their mouth so maybe the 'eat it' suggestion would work provided you don't chew.

non capisco

  • My valve is screaming for appeasement.
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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #87 on: September 07, 2021, 11:40:10 PM »
Getting really into a band/artist and listening to them whilst imagining a gig where it's you and your mates playing the songs live. I've been doing this since I was about 10 and thought I might have grown out of it by now but no, this little fantasy is still going strong in middle age. Revolving cast of mates over the years, I'm always the lead singer.

Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #88 on: September 07, 2021, 11:47:17 PM »
^ guilty. Sometimes I'm playing the keyboard, occasionally drums, normally singing though. Which of course makes the whole thing even more pitiful as I can barely even stand the sound of my own speaking voice in reality.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
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Re: Things You Assume Everybody Else Does
« Reply #89 on: September 07, 2021, 11:50:17 PM »
Oh I'd never do anything as embarrassing as that.

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