Things You Assume Everybody Else Does

[non capisco]

*throws down the ladder to the cool people's treehouse club to flotemysost*

[Poobum]

Getting really into a band/artist and listening to them whilst imagining a gig where it's you and your mates playing the songs live. I've been doing this since I was about 10 and thought I might have grown out of it by now but no, this little fantasy is still going strong in middle age. Revolving cast of mates over the years, I'm always the lead singer.

I also do this, but I invent entire new band members and imagine "I" am the singer in multiple bands where it makes stylistic sense. Being in Pixies and Rammstein is tricky chronology, but no need to over analyze. If it doesn't make sense for "me" to be in the band, then I'm the song writer, producer, or a general inspirational influence. Could be interpreted as a bit narcissistic I suppose.

[flotemysost]

Being in Pixies and Rammstein is tricky chronology

Eins, hier kommt your man (etc.)

[Pavlov`s Dog`s Dad`s Dead]

I feed it into my anus and then pull it out like anal beads / dental floss. Some days I dream about putting it up my bumhole and pulling it out of my throat and flossing my entire digestive system, but I would need the equivalent to the height of a two-story house in toilet paper. Also it would likely rip half-way through.

There's an otherwise entirely unmemorable[nb]See? I can't remember the title for the life of me.[/nb] novel by Duncan Fallowell in which a very long length of silk plays a not dissimilar role. Other direction, mind. Surprisingly, it doesn't end well.

[non capisco]

Love it, Poobum. Two other people co-signing this makes me think it's more widespread than I suspected.

[Dusty Substance]

Wait for my turn to talk in a conversation.

Hard agree with mr. logic here. God, I wish more people would wait their turn instead of INTERRUPTING ME ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

It's the height of bad manners and I've ended many friendships and a long term relationship for this reason.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Getting really into a band/artist and listening to them whilst imagining a gig where it's you and your mates playing the songs live. I've been doing this since I was about 10 and thought I might have grown out of it by now but no, this little fantasy is still going strong in middle age. Revolving cast of mates over the years, I'm always the lead singer.

Ha Ha! I've been doing this since I was 14! I used to usually put a girl I fancied in the audience, as well! ( she's come to see the band with her mates, and had no idea that it would actually be meself on impressive vocals and guitar skills. Her mates are all nudging her, and saying " hey, look who it is!", the girl herself maintaining an inscrutable silence, but deep down inside has been completely won over by Lisa and the lads onstage). In later years, I demoted myself to bass , and the band would usually have an attractive female singer. To be honest, I've more or less completely stopped doing this, because to be still imagining meself playing some entertaining Indie Rock at the age of 60 or worrever really would be a cause for concern.
I bet loads of the other boys and girls of CaB indulge in this activity, too ( apart from those who *are* in bands, like yer woman Icehaven).

ETA: At least two others!

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Oh I'd never do anything as embarrassing as that.

Miserable git.

[Paul Calf]

Fifth option. Eat it.

Sixth option: make it into booze

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-mWK_kcZMs

[Charles Lindberg Jr]

I also do this, but I invent entire new band members and imagine "I" am the singer in multiple bands where it makes stylistic sense. Being in Pixies and Rammstein is tricky chronology, but no need to over analyze. If it doesn't make sense for "me" to be in the band, then I'm the song writer, producer, or a general inspirational influence. Could be interpreted as a bit narcissistic I suppose.

I do much the same, but in order to force sense into the equation, I just imagine I'm in a band similar to Ween, in which we change styles over the course of our career. And obviously I swap instruments, depending on the song, in order to maintain coolest instrument privileges at all times. I do find myself having to constantly go back to the start of a song in order to properly play out the scenario in my head, which really, is a small price to pay for mental satisfaction.

[Paul Calf]

When I was a raw teenager, I used to imagine playing in a band on a moving float rolling down the street of a girl I fancied.

I do not imagine that everyone else does this.

[buttgammon]

I did the band thing for a long time and have only really stopped doing it in the last few years as it's now ill-suited to the majority of music I listen to (although I will sometimes imagine myself as a DJ cueing whatever I'm listening to in a club or sometimes making one of those Boiler Room mixes with people awkwardly dancing in the background). It started off imagining myself and friends playing a big gig that was inexplicably taking place on my school playing field and progressed through a variety of outdoor areas into more realistically sized venues, and then with actual (but imagined) musicians rather than friends or randos I knew.

[Sebastian Cobb]

When I was a raw teenager, I used to imagine playing in a band on a moving float rolling down the street of a girl I fancied.

I do not imagine that everyone else does this.

The son of a family friend's band did this, Big Breakfast organised it and broadcast it.

[Icehaven]

The son of a family friend's band did this, Big Breakfast organised it and broadcast it.

Bloody hell, it's one thing to fantasise about doing something like that but a bit


to actually do it. What did the girl do?

[Sebastian Cobb]

I can't remember really, I think it was just a quick insert so I dunno if they really covered the aftermath. It is weird pressuring someone on telly like that. I think she'd chucked him and he was trying to win her back, not that it makes much difference.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

What did the girl do?

Took out a restraining order, if she had any fucking sense.

[Fr.Bigley]

I sometimes take massive shits and wonder if I should enter some kind of competition.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Take two bottles into the shower. Idiots.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Take two bottles into the shower. Idiots.

Yeah a pint size can should be sufficient.

[Jockice]

I personally don't do this but most people seem to do so. When swimming they bring their towel out of the changing room and hang it on a peg on the wall at the side of the pool. What is the point of that? Is it so they can dry themselves off a bit mid-swim and then get back into the pool? If so all you'll do is end up with a damp towel when you actually go to get changed. Absolutely pointless.

And while we're at it, I don't like people who wear their specs in the pool. I mean I'm pretty short-sighted but I have yet to bump into anyone. You'd have to be practically blind to do that. There is a totally blind woman who uses the pool sometimes and she doesn't bump into anyone. It's a 25m indoor pool. There are no man-eating sharks in there.

[El Unicornio, mang]

A few years ago I accidentally realised that I enjoyed food more if I was watching a film or TV show or YouTube video featuring said food (or has some relation to the food, for instance eating pasta while watching mafia films, or eating noodles while watching Asian films) while eating it. Now I always try to watch something that relates to my meal in some way. I don't assume everybody (or anybody) also does this but I expect people to start doing it after I tell them about it. Guaranteed to improve your eating experience.

[AngryGazelle]

A few years ago I accidentally realised that I enjoyed food more if I was watching a film or TV show or YouTube video featuring said food (or has some relation to the food, for instance eating pasta while watching mafia films, or eating noodles while watching Asian films) while eating it. Now I always try to watch something that relates to my meal in some way. I don't assume everybody (or anybody) also does this but I expect people to start doing it after I tell them about it. Guaranteed to improve your eating experience.

Fishfingers and Bottom tonight then...

[flotemysost]

A few years ago I accidentally realised that I enjoyed food more if I was watching a film or TV show or YouTube video featuring said food (or has some relation to the food, for instance eating pasta while watching mafia films, or eating noodles while watching Asian films) while eating it. Now I always try to watch something that relates to my meal in some way. I don't assume everybody (or anybody) also does this but I expect people to start doing it after I tell them about it. Guaranteed to improve your eating experience.

I've never done that, though watching people eat on screen will often encourage cravings (I put away a lot of meatballs, spaghetti, red wine etc. during the first lockdown courtesy of my Sopranos binge) but I expect that's pretty common.

I do however often crave certain foods after just hearing a word that reminds me of the flavour, e.g. a while ago at work I had to email someone whose surname sounds a bit like the word "halloumi" and afterwards I just couldn't stop thinking about them salty, rubbery slabs.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I always put on shite that I don't really have to pay attention to when I'm eating because largely the rest of the universe beyond my plate doesn't exist when it's trough time, cheers.

Well that's a half-truth but I've certainly stopped watching one-or two subtitled things while eating because I've realised it's fucking hopeless.

[chveik]

I've never done that, though watching people eat on screen will often encourage cravings (I put away a lot of meatballs, spaghetti, red wine etc. during the first lockdown courtesy of my Sopranos binge) but I expect that's pretty common.

i dunno, they eat so much of that stuff, makes you feel a bit nauseous

[poodlefaker]

When crossing  the road, involuntarily brace myself in anticipation of the impact of moving vehicle I somehow didn't see approaching.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Fishfingers and Bottom tonight then...

Let me know how it goes. I'm assuming you mean the TV show Bottom

[JesusAndYourBush]

I always put on shite that I don't really have to pay attention to when I'm eating

I put on quiz shows because it doesn't matter if I've not seen the beginning and I can turn it off after without needing to see the end.  The Chase though has the annoying ability to know what I'm doing, because most of the time, the moment my arse hits the seat, the first words I hear are "we'll be back after the break", causing me to have to go and find something else... then I realise that all the channels conspire to show their ads at the same time so you're limited to BBC channels if you want to escape them.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Never got quiz shows, thought they were boring, but occasionally when I happened to be in the pub when the afternoon ones were on people got right stuck into them and although I normally wouldn't give a shit the collective excitement over it was pretty amazing.

[beanheadmcginty]

Fishfingers and Bottom tonight then...

I bet it is you dirty old bollocks