Yer Partners' Families

[Blinder Data]

It's one of them sayings but it's true - when you marry someone, you also marry their family (if they like them, that is). My wife is an only child which means I'm more than just a son-in-law to her parents.

OP - I'd echo what everyone has said: speak to your gf about sometimes not going to the Sunday lunch and, if you truly find them insufferable, your engagement with her family more broadly. Otherwise I foresee problems.

Other people's families, eh? We will never understand them.

[AllisonSays]

This was a major and ongoing point of contention in my previous relationship; my girlfriend had family living nearby and was very close to them, meaning we spent a lot of time with them, which I didn't really enjoy, although I didn't have any particular problem with them as people. Ironically, I think she has since slightly reassessed some aspects of those relationships and her excessive investment in them, and I've slightly reassessed how I felt about it and decided that some aspects of it were quite nice in terms of feeling grounded and settled in a new city and country. I was being a grumpy prick, which I feel a little bad about now, but it was also definitely an expression of other dissatisfactions in my life at that point.

Me and my current partner have a different problem, which is that both of our families live in different countries than the one we live in, and increasingly I'm realising that we have to plan nearly all of our holidays and breaks around seeing her or my family. Which is a wee bit of a drag, but it's just one of the unavoidable vagaries of life. It's not too bad seeing her family cos they all speak French, which I do largely understand but which equally I find it very easy to tune out of, so the various challenging family dynamics are much less apparent to me than they were with the previous girlfriend.

I used to argue with my own family all the time and find going home a bit of a challenge but I've mellowed out about that in recent years, parents getting older and so on. My brother is a different question but again I'm better now at just keeping schtum.

[Ham Bap]

My partners family are ok. They're the kind that visit us at the same time every week, Sunday around 3:30pm, when they're on the way back from a drive.
They'll come in say they dont want to intrude, dont sit down, stand there talking for about 10-15 minutes, run up the stairs to see my son. I also have to grab the cat and put him in another room as her mother doesnt like cats.
So they'll storm in, tell us they're not staying, storm from room to room, tell us they dont want to annoy us multiple times annoying us in the process, stand talking in the front of the usually football on the TV, then rush out again.
Its like a whirlwind of WTF was that..

Its like that scene from Life of Brian when the Romans rush in and only find a spoon.

Suppose it could be a lot worse.
TBH they're alright but I consider Sunday 3:30pm one of the worst times of the week when thoughts turn to Monday morning and back to work.

[Fambo Number Mive]

They do this every week?

What happens if you want to pop out on a Sunday afternoon? Every week sounds a bit extreme.

[Cuntbeaks]

A friend of mine had similar issues, but the in-laws would go round their place every Sunday and buy Chinese takeaway. Whether he wanted that or not.

Every Sunday.

He called it The Sunday Circus as they were thick bigoted lumps from Whitehaven. He also christened the Dad, who he got on okay with incidentally, The Mahogany Rapist, due to a deep year-round hue and lothario-esque bantz.

I would look forward to the weekly text rants and updates. Some months later his Mrs went through his phone and read every single bile filled rant.

He moved out that week.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Ooft.

My dad had a mate/colleague who bought the house next to his mum when he was settling down and getting married. They had to move a couple of miles down the road to put a stop to them popping in as if it were really just an extended wing of their mum's house.

[touchingcloth]

Funny what you get used to with families.

My partner and I both get on pretty well with our own parents and with each others', but they both get on our nerves for different reasons.

My parents are perfectly pleasant and generally speaking have a live-and-let-live kind of attitude, but they're high maintenance. If they're staying with us they'll want to eat every meal with us and go out and do "activities" every single day, or take the dog on a walk an hour. Fine when they're around for a day or two having not been here for ages, but starts to irritate if it goes on for much longer. They can't help but witter away with inanities the whole time as well, so if we're trying to watch telly it'll be interrupted with "did you know your brother got a new shed?" or "your grandad has started using Aldi as well as Sainsbury's".

My partner's mum, on the other hand, is much more objectionable than my parents - cranky, anti-vax, racist - but she's much more low maintenance. She can (and has) stay with us for months at a time, but she keeps herself to herself, plugged into her iPad's headphones of an evening as she scours Facebook for more reasons to hate the Muslims, and we can go a day or more without hearing a peep from her.

So for a quick half hour catch up over a coffee my parents take the prize, but if you were choosing who to stay with for a lockdown then it'd be my partner's.

[Buelligan]

My partners family are ok. They're the kind that visit us at the same time every week, Sunday around 3:30pm, when they're on the way back from a drive.
They'll come in say they dont want to intrude, dont sit down, stand there talking for about 10-15 minutes, run up the stairs to see my son. I also have to grab the cat and put him in another room as her mother doesnt like cats.
So they'll storm in, tell us they're not staying, storm from room to room, tell us they dont want to annoy us multiple times annoying us in the process, stand talking in the front of the usually football on the TV, then rush out again.
Its like a whirlwind of WTF was that..

Its like that scene from Life of Brian when the Romans rush in and only find a spoon.

Suppose it could be a lot worse.
TBH they're alright but I consider Sunday 3:30pm one of the worst times of the week when thoughts turn to Monday morning and back to work.

The we don't want to intrude combined with the regularity, makes me think they would like to see you, their daughter and grandchild regularly.  They just don't know how to sort it.  If Sunday afternoon every week for fifteen minutes doesn't suit you, why don't you suggest starting a monthly thing - lunch and a whole afternoon or something, one week your place, one theirs, or whatever suits.  I think you'd all be happier if you talked about it.

[Pancake]

Who doesn't love a traditional Sunday Italian you ungrateful sod

[Pancake]

I met someone the other day who is raising her family in the house she grew up; her parents built an annex in the garden and moved out to that. I mean I love my family but fuck even living in the same town as them.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I met someone the other day who is raising her family in the house she grew up; her parents built an annex in the garden and moved out to that. I mean I love my family but fuck even living in the same town as them.

At least that's basically a granny flat.

Someone on another forum I go to ended up doing a deal with the in-laws where the inlaws flogged their gaff and they all moved into an ex-foster home, it sounded horrific, I think the only real separation is the fact they sit in separate lounges.

[bgmnts]

Who doesn't love a traditional Sunday Italian you ungrateful sod

That's the bit that actually gets me.

Tell the lazy cunts if they want to see you get up early in the morning and put a fucking roast on.

[imitationleather]

We solved this, and many other issues, by moving to a city three hundred miles away from our families.

[flotemysost]

I glanced at OP and from "that Italian we like" I assumed this was going to be about xenophobic Brexiteer in-laws.

If it's literally every Sunday and you'd like to occasionally do something different or have other plans some weeks, that's not unreasonable, and I'm sure there's a way of bringing that up without causing hurt. However as others have said, the very fact you're invited every week presumably means they want you there and enjoy your company on some level and that's not to be sniffed at.

I was a right ungrateful little shit to some of my own elderly relatives when I was younger, loads of them would really dote on me, but because I basically just found them a bit dull I was terrible at staying in touch, remembering birthdays and stuff like that - not that they ever complained at all, gracious as they were. And now they're gone, and I'm realising that they probably would have really appreciated a bit more effort on my part.

I've never been in anything remotely approaching a serious enough relationship to deal with someone else's parents/family in that context, but presumably that's kind of part of the deal - within reason, but going for a nice meal once a week sounds pretty reasonable.

[bgmnts]

Yeah a bit of that above is important, you really do sort of regret not being as active with your family sometimes. I regret not really being as fond of my nan as my bamps as I obviously didn't understand the warped, codependent nature of their relationship and how their alcoholism affected them differently. I think my nan is ace now and I feel she definitely got crushed under the weight of my bamps personality and all that but I wish I had known it earlier and had been more open to a closer relationship with her.

[Space ghost]

Ten Sundays in a row?

Fuck off!

[flotemysost]

Also I'd try not to see the age thing as a burden, seventies is hardly ancient, and some of the dullest people I've met have been in their twenties and thirties. It sounds like it's more perhaps their attitudes and interests that turn you off, which is understandable  (and also, I think, the mistake I've made with my own relatives, Tory-voting Daily Express readers as some of them were) - is it possible to try and find some common ground? You might be surprised.

[dissolute ocelot]

I'm very wary of dating anyone who's too close to their family. You know they have some huge ideal of the perfect family and you will never match up as a couple.

Equally though if your partner spends a lot of time despairing of their family, that can be just as tiresome. Few things are more boring than somebody else's grudge.

The best thing (which I've achieved with the major part of my own family) is to get on well, but not see them too often and not outstay your welcome. You're all adults.

[chveik]

given the very limited time of leasure the average working person gets, ten sundays in a row sounds like absolute hell. you need to set up  some boundaries man.

[The Culture Bunker]

My wife's family are mostly in Iran, so I'm not likely to ever meet them. In fact, the only relatives of hers I have met is her half-brother, his wife and their son, as they live in Zurich. He's OK - he's a professional artist who basically lives as he pleases, which is fine, but he'll do things like ask "we'll be in Munich on Tuesday, can you make it?" and be surprised that we can't just drop everything to meet up.

Her two younger (21 and 23) sisters live out in California and we're hoping to meet them next Summer. They seem quite lovely and she misses them terribly (not seen them in person for about three years), though I wonder if I'd have anything to say to them. In conclusion, I think myself lucky to be with someone with no family in this time zone.

[thenoise]

Next Sunday refuse all food and all drinks but tap water. As the main courses are served, remove a baked potato from your pocket and take a bite.

[Big Mclargehuge]

Its a trade off with mine and my partners parents. My partners mum is lovely, would give you the shirt off her back and is always up for a laugh, shes not very well more often than not though so she's dependent on a lot of help, meaning that trips to visit her regularly turn into house cleaning sessions that just so happen to feature the mother in law for 10 minutes. my relationship with my partners dad is rocky. We can be civil on visits that are mercifully few and far between and even have a laugh, but he's very much the kind of person who, if he's not in the mood to do something. it wont happen. and that can get seriously cunty, seriously quickly. an example being: (spoilered due to a TW)

Spoiler alert

When his own daughter was on suicide watch, I'd kept round the clock watch on her for 2 days and needed to leave for 30 minutes to go and sort out some shopping and freshen up. I rang her dad to ask him if he'd mind coming over, just for an hour or so or longer if he wanted, to keep an eye on her and maybe catch up as they hadnt seen each other in a couple of months. And he just went "No..." and that was the end of that! I basically had to wait another 6 hours and get my sister to come round while I popped out.

[close]

so yeh...problematic. it also swings the other way too, when his laptop broke a few months ago (at the height of the winter pandemic) He wanted me to fix it, I told him to come round any day after 3pm and i'd sort it for him. he turned up at my house the next day (a work day) at 8am and then acted offended when I refused to answer the door.

my family arnt so rosey either. My partners had a lucky break with my dad who isnt one to mince his words and will happily be an absolute dick to someone he doesnt like for years, until either they leave or he doesnt have to deal with them anymore (the record is 3 years) Luckily my partner gets on with him for the most part, so apart from some rather gallows humour patter they're fine. The missus does however have a rather fractious relationship with my mum. Both of them dont like how the other operate, Both of them feel like the other one doesnt like them and both of them vent their frustrations to me. I've told them more times than I can count to just; speak to each other. But it'll never happen. instead every few weeks one or the other will kick off to me about how they didnt like what the other person did and I've just accepted that this is how things are now. it's the law of "Everybody loves raymond" that now dictates my life.

I get on with her sisters and brothers and vice versa. and the grandparents on all sides (While blunt) are a joy to hang around with. Though Much like OP. they were always the ones that decided the restaurants we'd go to on special occasions and they'd ALWAYS pick a tiny pub in the middle of fucking nowhere that served 3 things, non of which were appitizing and thats it. the pandemic was the greatest thing to happen to my relationship with them because it means I havent spent £30-£50 on a plate of food I dont want now in nearly 2 years. totally worth the death count.

[badaids]

Who doesn't love a traditional Sunday Italian you ungrateful sod

"Up with the whites",
"Down with the reds",
We're fine walking to the bus instead.

We'll get a table with the pretentious gargoyles,
In the same depressing place,
Them and I, face to face.

"Down with the reds",
"Up with the whites",
I spurned a lift home tonight

See you every Sunday, you cunts,
At my partner's family's favorite I-talian restaurant.

I mean I could go on...

[Bently Sheds]

Mrs Sheds' sister and her brother in law are awful, awful people. Constantly try and outdo you or contradict you and get the better of you. They're relentlessly competitive with each other and their kid too; picking at each other and bickering as they're constantly point score. It's tiring to be in their company. If they can't outdo you they take the piss, but are the meltiest snowflakes if there's any hint of criticism of them.

They're also so desperate to show how well off they are (despite living on the sick) by boasting about shit they bought. She called us and asked us to put her bins out as she was going abroad on holiday. We pulled up there, bins were on the path and two new cars in the drive. They asked us to go round just to show off their fucking cars.

[TrenterPercenter]

He called it The Sunday Circus as they were thick bigoted lumps from Whitehaven.

This thread and comment put me in mind of my current travels.

I'm in the lakes and just got back from some pub near Ulverston.  We had a meal there and next to us where four older ladies who were not racist but were having one of the most banal conversations I've ever heard it went like this (all in Lancashire accents).

Woman 1 "So I've decided the only way to go is the vegan way, they said I could take medication for the crystals but I'm allergic to them so there you go"
<long silence>
Woman 2 "Aldi ginger nuts are very good; you'd be surprised how good some Aldi stuff is; they do vegetables also" (possibly passive aggressively taking the piss)
Woman 3 "I went to Aldi once, it was OK"
Woman 2 "the ginger nuts are particularly good"
Woman 4 "Aldi do some some good body lotion, it's like their version of Dove"
<long silence>
Woman 2 "I've tried some of Aldi's shampoo, it's OK"
Woman 3 "I think I bought some shampoo once, from Aldi"
Woman 4 "what about those caterpillar wars though ay?"
Woman 2 "yes, what was his name? Kenneth?"
Woman 3 "I think it were Charles wasn't it"
Woman 2 "Something like that"

I just wanted to stick around to see if Woman 1 suddenly blurted out "I'M DYING OF GOUT YOU CUNTS!" but we needed to get back.

[Sebastian Cobb]

If Woman 2 is on about Lidl's knockoff of Borders chocolate covered ginger nuts she's bang on the money tbh.

[TrenterPercenter]

I suspect they might have been talking about lidl from the caterpillar comment so very possible. 

[PlanktonSideburns]

It's (part of) one of the slang terms for Cake that Bernard Manning reads out on Brass Eye. Bit dodge and doesn't really read well out of context. This guy is doing himself NO FAVOURS today.

Two lessons in the importance of providing context in one post

I'm married to a significantly more family orientated person than me, but it works well, as I genuinely enjoy her parents company. I've known them before my partner actually. Moved in with them over the lockdown and it was no bov, never offfered me a lift home once so far

[PlanktonSideburns]

My mum is dead, you cunt.

Delighted, did I miss the thread here? Best news since Prince Phillip got better

[PlanktonSideburns]

To be fair, a man who refuses spunking money/having money spunked on him on a sit down meal, instead choosing to happily munch on a baked potato, seems like a man who has reached the apex of contentment and experienced every pleasure he desired. A true arhat.

I like him.

Yea that's an anecdote of instant endearment