Author Topic: Yer Partners' Families  (Read 2720 times)

Yer Partners' Families
« on: September 06, 2021, 09:43:15 AM »
 I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our forties, under seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My girlfriend is happy and contented in their midst - a collection of her Mum, several aunts and uncles and a godmother.

 the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my girlfriend, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another geriatric relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my girlfriend overruled me.

 Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?

Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2021, 09:48:07 AM »
I was furious the last time I was offered a lift too

SpiderChrist

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2021, 09:50:55 AM »
My wife’s sister is a cunt, and so is her husband. I don’t bother with either of them. And you can’t make me, neither.

Buelligan

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2021, 09:58:35 AM »
I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our forties, under seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My girlfriend is happy and contented in their midst - a collection of her Mum, several aunts and uncles and a godmother.

 the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my girlfriend, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another geriatric relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my girlfriend overruled me.

 Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?

Thirty years pass like minutes...

Quote from: Cheesewogg on Monday, 6 September 2051
I am at breaking point. yesterday. one thousand five hundred and seventieth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our seventies, over seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My wife is happy and contented in their midst - a collection our kids, several nephews and nieces and a godchild.

 the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my wife, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another teenaged relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my wife overruled me.

 Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?

Wait for death and try not to make a fuss.

Butchers Blind

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2021, 10:02:44 AM »
Seventies? Dead soon.

touchingcloth

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2021, 10:06:02 AM »
My wife’s sister is a cunt, and so is her husband. I don’t bother with either of them. And you can’t make me, neither.

My wife is a cunt, and so am I. Families are a welcome respite from ourselves.

Buelligan

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2021, 10:07:40 AM »
You're spot on about your wife, not as bad as your mum though, is she?

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2021, 10:10:01 AM »
I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family. Her and I are the only people, in our forties, under seventy while this gaggle of drawling pretentious gargoyles repeat the same conversation and same dinner ad nauseum. My girlfriend is happy and contented in their midst - a collection of her Mum, several aunts and uncles and a godmother.

 the majority of my family - certainly immediate family, passed away or moved away long ago and I'm just not into this kind of family stuff. My fat, grotesque self is lucky to have my girlfriend, of course. However, I all but snapped yesterday as another geriatric relative offered us a lift in a snail pace car, I said "we're fine walking to the bus" and my girlfriend overruled me.

 Sorry to come across as a first-world problem laden knob but how does one get out of this slow-roasting, exquisite torture?

What do they do that’s so bad? Need more details than just ‘stupid woman offered me a lift’

Also is your username a racist slur against the Swiss?

touchingcloth

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2021, 10:12:14 AM »
You're spot on about your wife, not as bad as your mum though, is she?

My mum is dead, you cunt.

I killed her, because she was more of a cunt than me, my wife, and you combined.

Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2021, 10:39:14 AM »
Can you not point out some of the traits which annoy you in a jokey non judgemental way?  Rather then just attacking them directly?  If both of you are on the same page about it, she's more likely to realise that this weekly arrangement is very boring for both of you.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2021, 10:45:34 AM »
I think my parents might be the boring ones my partner tolerates but thankfully we aren't seeing them all the time. My mum's world has reduced even further during Covid to 'what I read in The Guardian this week'. Pretty harmless trad intact nuclear family. Two white boomers, three straight childless kids in their mid-late 30s.

By contrast, partner has two mums on a small farm in the middle of nowhere in North Yorkshire, neither of whom are into dull convos. Her biological mum is teetotal but into surprises and practical jokes, goofy tat, films. Non biological mum (washing machine compatible) is into folk music, wine and gardening, and sweary outbursts, normally there's a 'what happened to that fookin' basted!' or such like from the kitchen.

The key is simply not seeing people who you tolerate at best for any longer or more frequent than necessary. Have a grown up convo with your partner and just say you'd like to skip some lunches once in a while to do your own thing.

The only alternative is to drag the conversation on to your turf, or get into one or two things they like.

Buelligan

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #11 on: September 06, 2021, 11:01:51 AM »
My mum is dead, you cunt.

Best news I've had week.  And you're off the hook too.  Everyone's happy.

thenoise

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2021, 11:07:46 AM »
My wife's parents are fucking cunts, decided at the last minute not to turn up to our wedding so my wife had to walk herself in choking back tears.  We've met up exact three times since (in four years), always in public and mega awkward, and had the odd screaming match down the phone.

It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle, and pretty depressing that I've ended up in this kind of situation. Why don't they repress their feelings and binge drink at the weekends and swear at the TV news, like my family do? I much healthier release of emotions.

Butchers Blind

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2021, 11:14:19 AM »
My wife's parents are fucking cunts, decided at the last minute not to turn up to our wedding so my wife had to walk herself in choking back tears. 

Jeez, they must really hate you!

TrenterPercenter

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2021, 11:16:53 AM »
I am at breaking point. yesterday. tenth Sunday lunch, in a row at "that Italian we like" with my partner's family.

Stop everything here.

10 Sundays in a row is too much once or twice a month for a family get together would seem far more sensible.  If your partner has to see her family every Sunday then I think it's fair enough she goes on her own.  Also don't let this be spun on you as being unreasonable or that "you don't like my family" it's overkill.

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #15 on: September 06, 2021, 11:32:27 AM »
My partner's three brothers can be hard work. We all went to a restaurant for one of the brother's birthdays the year before last and by the main course they were constantly play fighting, throwing beermats and napkins at each other and "joke" shouting and swearing at each other. Then one of them hid another one's mobile, causing him to get into a massive tantrum, storming round the table rifling through everyone's coat pockets. This is men in their mid twenties to early 30s, not hyperactive teenagers, but it's like their dynamic hasn't changed since they were bratty kids. My boyfriend didn't get involved and their mum just occasionally said 'oh pack it in' or something similar, which they obviously totally ignored and carried on with the chimp's tea party. It was excruciating. Fortunately we don't all go out very often, it's usually dinner at their mum's so it's not such a public affair, but I'm pulling a sickie if another restaurant trip is suggested, I can't go through that again.

phes

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #16 on: September 06, 2021, 11:53:53 AM »
I can only just about manage regular but infrequent get-togethers with my own, very pleasant, family. Consequently I would not date a 'family orientated' or 'family is everything' person as we would be incompatible and would both be unfulfilled. Sorry if this tip has come too late.

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #17 on: September 06, 2021, 12:16:22 PM »
OP you sound like a bit of a tit mate but that’s just me reading into your bad attitude over what seems like relatively nowt.

Are you forced into this arrangement? Does your partner not know that it’s a bit of a chore for you and would they therefore be willing to occasionally make excuses on your absence so you can have the day to yourself?

My fiancée’s parents are in their mid-70s and they’re both quite isolated and lonely so she tries to get out there once every other weekend at least, but she’s never made a point of me always having to be in attendance. Most of the time I’ll go though because, you know, it’s nice to be nice to people and make an effort isn’t it. They’re quite curmudgeonly and miserable in their old age so they can sometimes be difficult but it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. They’re in the last stretch of their lives, these experiences are enriching for them, they can wind down knowing they were in good company, cared about. This stuff is important to them, even if they never say so (older generations often won’t), and it kinda seems like you need to suck it up and deal with it.

bgmnts

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #18 on: September 06, 2021, 12:17:54 PM »
Bit shitty of them to offer you a lift out of the blue isn't it? If that's how your partner was raised to behave better off binning her to be honest.

Buelligan

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #19 on: September 06, 2021, 12:20:39 PM »
I was thinking the same.  I mean, it's not as if he's ever done something like that to them.  Gas this house of cunts.

The Mollusk

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2021, 12:21:58 PM »
Also is your username a racist slur against the Swiss?

It’s (part of) one of the slang terms for Cake that Bernard Manning reads out on Brass Eye. Bit dodge and doesn’t really read well out of context. This guy is doing himself NO FAVOURS today.

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2021, 12:22:23 PM »
Bit shitty of them to offer you a lift out of the blue isn't it?

Yeah that's what stood out most to me, really disgusting behaviour. Solidarity with you OP x

Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2021, 12:43:46 PM »
I really like my wife's dad, proper old-school bean-munching folky. Wish he'd embrace life's pleasures a little more. Last time he visited us, I met him off the train and told him we were taking him out for dinner  and he said 'on, no need', took a baked potato out of his pocket and took a bite out of it. Every time we meet he tells me how beans will save the world and goes in to all the reasons why. He's right, to be fair, but the spiel gets a bit wearying after the 5th or 6th time. He's in his seventies, works as a gardener, has a couple of 2nd jobs (willow weaver and guitarist in a folk band) and eschews any kind of luxury. He's even tried to decline the sofa when he's visited, attempting to get us to allow him to sleep on the grass outside. There's a big gardening centre near us and we can't take him there any more as he gets really cross, saying that the whole place should be given over to growing food rather than flowers and shrubs for the bourgeoisie. As I say, I really like him but wish he'd let us treat him a bit more.

Wife's mum is also lovely but gets me down. She's nice but just seems to suck the life out of the room. Whether it's 'nursing' half a bitter or singing the Birds of a Feather theme tune, she's like a bad Alan Bennett monologue. She visited with her sister once and we went out and they both incessantly talked about 'the mizzle'. 'Ooh, it's mizzling!', 'look at the mizzle', 'still mizzling!'. They had right wide-ons for the fucking mizzle. That night at dinner I sat on the front door step to eat rather than the dinner table as if I heard one of them say 'mizzle' one more time I would have taken a hammer to them. As I say, she's lovely but a bit tedious. Real 'Sunday night with school the next day' vibes off her.

Wife has two brothers. One is a recovering alcoholic who patronises me even though he's about 15 years younger than me. When we went to his gran's funeral, when we got out of the car at the crematorium, he told me to remember that people were grieving and not to mess around. Cheeky fuck, just 'cause you can't take your drink. Other brother is just odd and really loud. Absolutely no boundaries, loves booze, innuendo-laden conversations with strangers and talking in funny accents. Does my head in.

I feel a bit bad as I have little to no contact with them. I get quite bad social anxiety and haven't been down to visit them with my wife for well over a decade. Brothers are aware that I'd prefer it if they didn't visit so don't any more, and I excuse myself much of the time when her parents come over. They're lovely people though.

Buelligan

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2021, 12:58:46 PM »
Lovely reminiscences HZJ, you've made me want to recount a small anecdote of my own, one of my happier memories.

My father's mother had a really incredibly hard life, god love her, but she saw herself as a lady to her dying day (in the sense that she embraced old fashioned and very strict "good manners" and ladylike behaviour above virtually anything else). 

She was on her deathbed, her sons and sons' families standing quietly around the cheerless hospital room in profound and sorrowful silence.  My cousin, a gay autistic woman with a deep loud voice, announced loudly in the noiseless space - PARDON ME, I FARTED.

bgmnts

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2021, 01:09:22 PM »
To be fair, a man who refuses spunking money/having money spunked on him on a sit down meal, instead choosing to happily munch on a baked potato, seems like a man who has reached the apex of contentment and experienced every pleasure he desired. A true arhat.

I like him.

Mr_Simnock

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2021, 03:49:45 PM »
I get on very well with my partners family, grand lot.

TrenterPercenter

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2021, 03:54:09 PM »
OP you sound like a bit of a tit mate but that’s just me reading into your bad attitude over what seems like relatively nowt.

Nah ten Sundays in a row TEN, I think regardless of whether you are a highly family orientated person expecting that of your partner isn't fair.

Sebastian Cobb

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #27 on: September 06, 2021, 03:54:50 PM »

lol this is a great patchwork quilt of pent-up frustration.

Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #28 on: September 06, 2021, 03:57:18 PM »
Can you not get drunk? We've agreed that the partner whose family it isn't is the one who gets first dibs on drinking.  And that's only cos we've got a kid. If we didn't have one we'd be smashed 24/7.

For real advice, I assume you have done that whole 'communication' thing with your partner about your displeasure? If she's not willing to make concessions and let you escape from these interminable meals at least half the time, despite you telling her that you hate them, then fuck your life together, dtmfa

touchingcloth

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Re: Yer Partners' Families
« Reply #29 on: September 06, 2021, 03:59:17 PM »
Nah ten Sundays in a row TEN, I think regardless of whether you are a highly family orientated person expecting that of your partner isn't fair.

I read "in a row" in the OP as meaning "of the times I have had Sunday dinner with my partner's family, ten in a row have been at the Italian", rather than those necessarily being consecutive Sundays. If this dinner did ten place across ten consecutive weeks, then, yeah, I'd be ready to garotte the fucks with spaghetti and drown them in ragu as well.

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