Neol Gallagher: King of the Ignoramuses

[gilbertharding]

I happened to catch a bit of Jo Wiley's Radio 2 show earlier, and she was interviewing Neol Gallagher, who was 'in session', as I believe they say.

The last track he'd recorded for her was a cover version of 'an obscure Bob Dylan track' . Jo Wiley had told her friends about it, and none of them had heard of this' obscure Bob Dylan song'. Neol said that none of his band mates had heard of it, either...

Agog, I waited to hear the title of this obscure Bob Dylan track - I'm moderately interested in some of his earlier work, but not a huge fan by any stretch.

So, imagine my surprise when this apparently obscure track, unknown to a professional DJ of many years standing, all her friends, AND the bass player from Heavy Stereo, turns out to be the extremely well known hit single for

Spoiler alert

The Byrds, You Ain't Going Nowhere.

[close]

Honestly, fucking hell.

[PlanktonSideburns]

He's doing it in purpose to wind you up

[Egyptian Feast]

My favourite Noel Gallagher interview:

I only read factual books. I can't think of... I mean, novels are just a waste of fing time. I can't suspend belief in reality... I just end up thinking, 'This isn't fing true.'

I like reading about things that have actually happened. I'm reading this book at the minute - The Kennedy Tapes. It's all about the Cold War, the Cuban Missile Crisis - I can get into that. Thinking, 'Wow, this actually fing happened, they came that close to blowing the world up!' But... what fing winds me up about books...

This is already the best sentence I've ever heard.

...is, like... my missus will come in with a book and it will be titled - and there's a lot of these, you can substitute any word, it's like a Rubik's Cube of shit titles - it'll be entitled The Incontinence Of Elephants. And I'll say "What's that book about?" And she'll say, "Oh it's about a girl and this load of fing nutters..." Right... so it's not about elephants, then? Why the f is it called The Incontinence Of Elephants?

Another one: The Tales Of The Clumsy Beekeeper. What's that about? "Oh it's about the French Revolution." Right, f*** off.

If you're writing a book about a child who's locked in a fing cupboard during the fing Second World War... he's never seen an elephant. Never mind a f***ing giraffe.

Why are album titles different? Why don't you call yours Some Songs That I've Written, then?

Because people who write and read and review books are fing putting themselves a tiny little bit above the rest of us who fing make records and write pathetic little songs for a living.

Thing is, I write books, and...

Hey. I know you write books and all that shit. I'm just saying. The winner of the Pulitzer Prize [for fiction]. What a c***. Whoever that is, has got to be. I don't get it. Book sellers, book readers, book writers, book owners - f*** all of them.

Book owners?

Yeah. And I own books! But about shit that happened. That's what I'm talking about. Fifty Shades Of Grey? Fifty shades of s****. I'm not having it.

Dig the weird censorship (I copied it from GQ's website and that's how it came out).

[shiftwork2]

Again, I recommend the collective listen to Neol's Desert Island Discs.  He has to confront his nothingness.  It's a satisfying listen.

[idunnosomename]

Neol is a cunt but I find his video commentaries one of the funniest things

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfNqyjZcleI

FUCKIN BURY THE DRUMMER!!?

A MAN WITH LEGS MADE OF SAUSAGES?!?!!

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

My favourite Noel Gallagher interview:

Dig the weird censorship (I copied it from GQ's website and that's how it came out).

I assume he's not a fan of Silence of the Lambs either.

[shiftwork2]

Again, I recommend the collective listen to Neol's Desert Island Discs.  He has to confront his nothingness.  It's a satisfying listen.

Actually forget that, on a revisit it's the most dull flaccid self-aggrandising bollocks that is not worth your time.  Had a notion that he was cornered and interesting but no. False memory.

[Echo Valley 2-6809]

When did he become the go-to rentaquote for the covers of music books?

'Fucking amazing book, man... fascinating, totally.'  Revolution in the Head - Ian MacDonald

'Love a fucking unicorn, me.'  I've Always Kept a Unicorn: The Biography of Sandy Denny - Mick Houghton

'Two younger brothers? No wonder he was fucking deaf.'  Beethoven: Anguish and Triumph - Jan Swafford

[Egyptian Feast]

I assume he's not a fan of Silence of the Lambs either.

I hope there's a trend in the future of historians attaching flowery names to their works and Noel gets angry because his new Cold War book never explains why there are fing pomegranates in the title. C***s.

[checkoutgirl]

He's quite witty for a total and complete idiot.

[Mobius]

The Ricky Gervais/Michael Owen of music

Although he's funnier than both of them.

[Lemming]

Neol is a cunt but I find his video commentaries one of the funniest things

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfNqyjZcleI

FUCKIN BURY THE DRUMMER!!?

A MAN WITH LEGS MADE OF SAUSAGES?!?!!

Fucking hell, nearly pissed myself watching that. I always had them pegged (phwoar) as NOEL = CUNT and LIAM = FUNNY CUNT but maybe I had it backwards.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

So judging from the video, Nole hates everything that Oasis released from Be Here Now onwards? I concur.

[Shaky]

Christ, I despise Neoll Gallacker.

[willbo]

to be fair, I haven't heard of that Byrds song, and I'm pretty much the generic Oasis fan.

[gilbertharding]

to be fair, I haven't heard of that Byrds song, and I'm pretty much the generic Oasis fan.

I don't want you to get the idea that I think EVERYBODY should know You Ain't Going Nowhere, either by the Byrds or on the Basement Tapes... but you simply can't make a case for it being obscure, especially if you are Neol Gallagher, Gem Archer, Jo Wiley, or any of her supposed Dylan-enthusiast friends.

If you are any of those people and you haven't heard of it, that's on you, not the song.

It's no Mr Tambourine Man, granted...

I've enjoyed that video commentary on YouTube a couple of times in the past.

[Norton Canes]

my missus will come in with a book and it will be titled - and there's a lot of these, you can substitute any word, it's like a Rubik's Cube of shit titles - it'll be entitled The Incontinence Of Elephants. And I'll say "What's that book about?" And she'll say, "Oh it's about a girl and this load of fing nutters..." Right... so it's not about elephants, then? Why the f is it called The Incontinence Of Elephants?

Another one: The Tales Of The Clumsy Beekeeper. What's that about? "Oh it's about the French Revolution." Right, f*** off

That is actually quite accurate and funny.

[Cuellar]

That is actually quite accurate and funny.

I'm sort of sympathetic to this sort of annoyance. That trend a few years ago for book titles that were basically a formula: [Obscure activity] in the [Semi-obscure place]. Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society or whatever the fuck. I can't think of any others right now but I reckon there are hundreds probably.

Anyway, my favourite version of You Ain't Going Nowhere is the 'studio outtake' version on 'The Essential Bob Dylan'.

[chveik]

i don't think radio shows should be promoting the work of famous nonce robert dylan

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

No-one apart from a tosser could genuinely like someone so permanently self-satisfied. Ok, perhaps a Manc.

Self-doubt and reticence are magnificent human qualities. We keep being told they are holding us back. Well imagine an entire world full of Noel Gallaghers and tell me if that's better.

[chveik]

he doesn't sound witty to me, just the most boring twat imaginable. fucking die neol

[Mr Banlon]

Neol is a cunt but I find his video commentaries one of the funniest things

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfNqyjZcleI

FUCKIN BURY THE DRUMMER!!?

A MAN WITH LEGS MADE OF SAUSAGES?!?!!

Noel Pilkington

[El Unicornio, mang]

I do quite like his Jerry Seinfeld story

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/noel-gallagher-recalls-hilarious-jerry-seinfeld-meeting-126380/

"hilarious" is overstating it a bit though

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

His face looks like it was drawn by Vic Reeves.

[checkoutgirl]

I do quite like his Jerry Seinfeld story

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/noel-gallagher-recalls-hilarious-jerry-seinfeld-meeting-126380/

"hilarious" is overstating it a bit though

There's not that much detail in the story, specifics would make it funnier.

[JamesTC]

Fucking hell, nearly pissed myself watching that. I always had them pegged (phwoar) as NOEL = CUNT and LIAM = FUNNY CUNT but maybe I had it backwards.

Liam is a stupid cunt but at least he does occasionally redeem himself by making time for fans (stuff like putting on the free gig recently for NHS workers which he gave the tickets out for at the height of the pandemic). I feel like these days his arrogance has an heir of self-awareness courtesy of him hitting rock bottom after Beady Eye failed.

Noel goes around complaining about masks and generally being a pathological liar and a right wing cunt.

[imitationleather]

Liam supported Corbyn. Dunno if it was just to piss off Noel or not but either way because of him being one of the few celebrities to do that he'll always be okay in my book.

Can't bear the music though, obviously.

[Sebastian Cobb]

It's really neck and neck with Ian Brown.

[sutin]

Liam's a great lad. Dumb as shit but great to the kids who buy his records, and genuinely funny without being a reactionary twat like his big bro.

[Kankurette]

Who would have thought that Liam would turn out to be the more likeable one?