Author Topic: Sideboard Bastard  (Read 520 times)

shiftwork2

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Sideboard Bastard
« on: September 10, 2021, 02:56:47 PM »
You need a new sideboard so get yourself down to Sideboard Bastard on the A47, great sideboard deals

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2021, 03:25:00 PM »
I went down to Sideboard Bastard and I couldn't believe the deals they had!

This brown one *gestures* just £479!

And this slightly more beige one with the weird looking handles? *gestures* Take it home today for just £199!

You can put stuff in 'em, you can put stuff on 'em, you can unscrew the legs and shove them right up your fat fuckin arse, exclusively at SIDEBOARD BASTARD.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2021, 03:47:21 PM »
Honestly I was expecting a good deal, but the range of choice was STAGGERING. Sideboard Bastard has completely changed the sideboard game.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2021, 03:50:36 PM »
Bought a luxury sideboard for my side, and they threw in a sideboard for my car at no extra cost! Unbelievable.

Twit 2

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2021, 04:02:00 PM »
Went to Cabinet Munter on the A140 recently but nothing doing.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2021, 04:56:17 PM »
Need a jingle?

🎸 I dont care, I dont care, I dont care if he comes round here
     I got my Sideboard Bastard here, let mother sort it out
     If he comes round here
🎸

shiftwork2

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2021, 05:01:32 PM »
They are the absolute tits at throwing things in.  I opened my car boot and Sideboard Mick personally threw in a load of horse waste.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2021, 05:03:56 PM »
SIDEBOARD BASTARD NOW INCORPORATING TALLBOY UNIVERSE

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2021, 05:07:00 PM »
Right well this post contains zero whimsy but now I’ve got a fucking sideboard in the front room as of Wednesday I didn’t want because the wife asked if we should take one [relative] was giving away and I gave a (I thought quite cleverly evasive) response of “I don’t think so, but if you can tell me where you think it should go we can talk about it”.

Next thing I know some fat fuck and his halfwit son from the movers is knocking on the door asking where I want it. “Oh I thought we should take it” she says from upstairs, so now I have to wrangle with these morons who ask for tips at the end of the process (I told them to fuck off the absolute wideboys, carrying stuff out a van into the front room and wanting a bit more on top of the outrageous delivery fee - that I paid - is jokeshop territory).

She comes down once Dumbo and Sons have fucked off: “oh, it is a bit big isn’t it? Do you think it should go there? Though hmm not sure where else to put it really”.

Our front room is hardly massive so now I have this mammoth oaken cunt looming down on me every time I walk in from the hall. I’m going to smash it to bits with a hatchet the second she goes out for an afternoon and blame it on termites and/or the boy (not decided), then stick it in the neighbours skip under cover of night.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2021, 05:09:38 PM »
That’s great news ferris, congratulations!

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2021, 05:10:32 PM »
That’s great news ferris, congratulations!

You can fuck off an all.

Though if you’re a dab band with some glue and know when my neighbours are out I know a way you can get a massive sideboard gratis.

shiftwork2

  • pies this is your time
Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2021, 05:10:51 PM »
See, if you’d gone to see Mick and told him I sent you you wouldn’t have had any of this caper.

A cautionary tale.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2021, 05:13:15 PM »
No, the tallboys aren't just sideboards with the legs snapped off and propped up on their ends. These are the highest quality furniture. Come down today and have a look for yourself, you fucking moron.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2021, 05:17:03 PM »
I promise you wont find a better dweal; nomt today, not tomorrowm,not at fucking workd of furknigture, not any fucking where,s o don't fukin start, aright?

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2021, 05:17:49 PM »
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKIN SIDEBOARDS MATE

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #15 on: September 10, 2021, 05:19:48 PM »
Loved it until the chains started popping up, then moving into different markets of sideboard need.

SIDEBOARD INFANTICIDE - No, it was rubbish
SIDEBOARD AIDS WALLIES - Again, just no

Why do they always end up getting greedy and push things too far

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #16 on: September 10, 2021, 05:26:04 PM »
Think of a sideboard as a chaise longue that your crystal glasses and nice decanter set can have a nice lay down on, but inside and behind a door and your mum's nice silver service and place mats can go in there as well and maybe she can put her record player on top, I don't know, but think of it like that, please.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #17 on: September 10, 2021, 05:26:32 PM »
Please think of it like that.

shiftwork2

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #18 on: September 10, 2021, 05:27:19 PM »
Nightstand Neutron Bomb on the A146 is in no way connected with Sideboard Bastard.  Mick has just whatsapped me and asked me to clarify.  Happy to clarify.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #19 on: September 10, 2021, 05:27:56 PM »
No, wait, there's no chaise longues here. It's just sideboards. The clue's in the name: Sideboard Bastard now incorporating Tallboy Universe.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #20 on: September 10, 2021, 05:28:27 PM »
And Tallboys because of the incorporation, of course.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #21 on: September 10, 2021, 05:29:20 PM »
We do have tallboys, I must point that out. The finest tallboys on the A47, and sideboards, but not chaise longues. You can't get those here, please. It was just a metaphor, I'm sorry.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #22 on: September 10, 2021, 05:31:14 PM »
It's a good metaphor, though. I make no apologies for the quality of that.

Nor do I make any apologies for the quality of our sideboards which are the best in the business: GUARANTEED.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #23 on: September 10, 2021, 05:32:23 PM »
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, SIDEYBO-OARDS, SIDEYBOARDS FOR YOUUUUUUUUU.

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #24 on: September 10, 2021, 05:34:28 PM »
Just pointing out now that song is a pastiche of the famous sanitary towel ads from the 90s and not saying that we sell something called "sideyboards". You can cut that shit out now. They're called SIDEBOARDS.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #25 on: September 10, 2021, 05:35:58 PM »
Sideboard
Sideboard, sideboard
Sideboard, sideboard
Sideboard

SIDEBOARD BASTARD


Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #26 on: September 10, 2021, 05:37:49 PM »
YES!!!!

And there are "NO LIMITS" to the savings you'll make!

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #27 on: September 10, 2021, 05:38:45 PM »
If anything, you could say the savings are 2UNLIMITED (too unlimited)!!!

Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #28 on: September 10, 2021, 05:41:59 PM »
Just been down to DFS to look at their sideboards. Save yourself a trip, son, it's all fucking shite down there. And that's the Sideboard Bastard promise.

shiftwork2

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Re: Sideboard Bastard
« Reply #29 on: September 10, 2021, 05:42:42 PM »
Dreadful Fucking Sideboards.

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