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March 29, 2024, 01:49:03 PM

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Sat night eject junkies from stairwell, feat. laughably useless plod cunts

Started by Rizla, September 19, 2021, 12:38:56 AM

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Rizla

10.15PM, I hear our communal stair door get bashed open. "That's annoying", I think, for I've only 2 days ago repaired the lock on it myself. Take a lookout into the hall and there's a pair of textbook ne'erdowells sat on the steps, brazenly preparing a drug taking. "What's all this?" I politely enquire. "We are waiting for our friend!" they reply. "No you're not, you are using the communal stair for drugtaking! Leave now please." "Alright, we'll leave, but we shall terrorise you in future!" they threaten. I snap them with my phone camera as they leave, which makes them cross. One of them kicks my door, and threatens again with the terrorising. Perhaps they will fly planes into the building. Best be on the safe side, I think, and phone the law. "We'll be right over, this sounds like some egregious shit and no mistake" they say. "Good, because they are still outside, just up the street a bit, taking their drugs. Come quick, you will get to feel collars"

One hour and forty minutes later, a 12 year old policeman and a police lady played by Susan Calman arrive at the upstairs neighbours. After they've spent 15 minutes confusing my thick upstairs neighbour, I intercept them in on their way out and explain it was I who called, and relate the evening's events. "We decided that since they threatened and kicked as they were leaving, it probably wasn't an emergency" "Luckily I wasn't assaulted and lying in a pool of my own blood!" I say, and we all laugh and laugh. Susan Calman then asks that I supply her with my name. Then my date of birth. Then my occupation. "Hang on, why do you need to know that?" I ask. "Just getting your details" she explains, not explaining anything.

So anyway if/when I get junkyslashed to death it was nice knowing you all. Now what is point police?

Wonderful Butternut

Next time say the druggies are BAME, possibly left wing and preparing to engage in a protest of some sort, the constabulary might be around quicker then.

Alternatively go shopping:

https://www.merlinarchery.co.uk/bows/crossbows/full-size-crossbows.html

Gurke and Hare

Oh, too good to have junkies shooting up in our stairwells are we Rizla? Fucking snobs round here.



H-O-W-L

Quote from: Wonderful Butternut on September 19, 2021, 12:48:14 AM
Next time say the druggies are BAME, possibly left wing and preparing to engage in a protest of some sort, the constabulary might be around quicker then.

Alternatively go shopping:

https://www.merlinarchery.co.uk/bows/crossbows/full-size-crossbows.html

You know, as one of the more moderate (IE insane) members here with regard to weapons, and with a lot of interest in firearms, and as someone who thinks crossbows are fucking rad, it is fucking mental to me that you can buy crossbows that have infinitely greater power than those wot killed blokes in armor with no license or background check or anything, in a country that goes fucking ballistic if you try to buy an air rifle or an airsoft gun. I wonder if that's because airsoft firearms had a legitimate presence in innercity BAME culture -- both criminal and enthusiast whereas crossbows have never been cool? Sort of like how the government is still absolutely terrified of ninja weaponry, as if your average white bloke from Berwick-upon-Tweed might get ahold of nunchuks and immediately end the world with his ninja prowess.

Butchers Blind

Unfortunately for Rizla there is sign up the street pointing to his home that says 'Good place to do drugs. Just kick in door'.

bgmnts

Quote from: H-O-W-L on September 19, 2021, 11:38:16 AM
You know, as one of the more moderate (IE insane) members here with regard to weapons, and with a lot of interest in firearms, and as someone who thinks crossbows are fucking rad, it is fucking mental to me that you can buy crossbows that have infinitely greater power than those wot killed blokes in armor with no license or background check or anything, in a country that goes fucking ballistic if you try to buy an air rifle or an airsoft gun. I wonder if that's because airsoft firearms had a legitimate presence in innercity BAME culture -- both criminal and enthusiast whereas crossbows have never been cool? Sort of like how the government is still absolutely terrified of ninja weaponry, as if your average white bloke from Berwick-upon-Tweed might get ahold of nunchuks and immediately end the world with his ninja prowess.

There was that serial killer a few years back who was caught on the CCTV in his flats killing a poor woman with a crossbow.

You sort of forget they're deadly as fuck weapons.

Butchers Blind

Quote from: bgmnts on September 19, 2021, 11:42:23 AM
There was that serial killer a few years back who was caught on the CCTV in his flats killing a poor woman with a crossbow.

You sort of forget they're deadly as fuck weapons.

They're not called crossbows for nothing.

H-O-W-L

Quote from: bgmnts on September 19, 2021, 11:42:23 AM
There was that serial killer a few years back who was caught on the CCTV in his flats killing a poor woman with a crossbow.

You sort of forget they're deadly as fuck weapons.

I've seen both medieval era and modern crossbows both used and they're fucking terrifying to behold in person. You do forget, because of vidyer james and filums and the like, and the prevalence of whizzbanger nucleotide gigasplozzler megaboombers in tellyfilm war man stuff that they're still a bastard weapon that will put a bolt through your throat. Similar for black powder weapons; people think muskets are slow and stupid but a .50 caliber ball will STILL put your sternum out yer backside with no qualms.

FredNurke

Quote from: Butchers Blind on September 19, 2021, 11:42:00 AM
Unfortunately for Rizla there is sign up the street pointing to his home that says 'Good place to do drugs. Just kick in door'.
Gandalf out causing mischief again, I see.

Kankurette

Quote from: H-O-W-L on September 19, 2021, 11:56:04 AM
I've seen both medieval era and modern crossbows both used and they're fucking terrifying to behold in person. You do forget, because of vidyer james and filums and the like, and the prevalence of whizzbanger nucleotide gigasplozzler megaboombers in tellyfilm war man stuff that they're still a bastard weapon that will put a bolt through your throat. Similar for black powder weapons; people think muskets are slow and stupid but a .50 caliber ball will STILL put your sternum out yer backside with no qualms.
Yep. We Need To Talk About Kevin might be fiction but you totally could murder the shit out of a bunch of people in a closed space with a crossbow. No, I am not speaking from experience here.

Dex Sawash


Rizla

Quote from: Wonderful Butternut on September 19, 2021, 12:48:14 AM
Next time say the druggies are BAME, possibly left wing and preparing to engage in a protest of some sort, the constabulary might be around quicker then.

Alternatively go shopping:

https://www.merlinarchery.co.uk/bows/crossbows/full-size-crossbows.html

They have in the past been proven effective against the hard left

Quote from: bgmnts on September 19, 2021, 11:04:08 AM
Why are you fixing the communal locks?
Because one of the neighbours (a grown man with his hair in a bun whose parents collect his washing and who owns a tiny dog) was about to get a locksmith out to charge everyone £200+ to fit a backset that I was able to get from screwfix for £28 & fit in a matter of seconds. I also oiled the hinges and adjusted the closing mechanism so it doesn't slam like the slade prison gates anymore (and I also weeded the front of the building so autumn's leaves don't gather in piles round the weeds and attract the dogs to shit there). Basically because the terms of late-stage laissez-faire capitalism in this post-Fordist dystopian waking nightmare dictate that we pay through the nose for council services that fail to materialise.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Keep pissing in the stairwell so they find it to be an unpleasant place to do drugs and move elsewhere.

batwings


Small Man Big Horse

Oddly enough back when I lived in Kilburn two blokes kicked down our communal door in the middle of the night, I heard the initial crash but was too stoned to bother with it, plus I lived on the third floor and thought by the time the rest of my housemates had been murdered they'd be too tired to finish me off. But about ten minutes later I heard a lot of shouting in the bathroom directly below me so thought I'd better investigate, only to find two fairly old men trying to find a comfortable way to have a nap in a quite small space, and one of the people I lived with was a policeman who was doing his best to gently suggest they leave before he called his colleagues, and so I sodded off and never saw them again (And yes, I am suggesting that he murdered them and the flushed them down the loo, as surely there is no other explanation).

Quote from: Rizla on September 19, 2021, 12:38:56 AMSusan Calman

I would have slammed that door shut so fucking hard.
You could never be 100% sure that it wasn't her.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: ImmaculateClump on September 19, 2021, 03:33:30 PM
I would have slammed that door shut so fucking hard.
You could never be 100% sure that it wasn't her.

You can usually spot the real-deal because they're trying to sell you some Bank of Scotland bollocks.