"Your Honour, I spent the child maintenance on dildos"

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/father-spent-over-400-in-online-sex-shop-while-falling-behind-on-maintenance-payments-for-his-son-court-hears-40870288.html

A judge has lashed out at a father for spending over €400 in an online sex shop while falling behind in maintenance payments for his young son.

At the Family Law Court, Judge Mary Larkin told the man "you have an absolute cheek coming in here expecting me to believe what you are saying because I don't believe a word of it".

The man had told Judge Larkin that he had fallen behind in maintenance payments because he was "struggling" on his weekly social welfare payment of €203 and had no other income.

However, solicitor Mairéad Doyle, for the mother, produced in court bank statement details of over €400 the man has spent in four separate payments between March and July to an online sex shop called Love Honey.

Judge Larkin told the man: "You wouldn't be spending over half your money on a fiddlydyedoe if you had only €203 a week."

She added: "You tell me how you can come in here and tell me that if you are on €203 a week and you are spending €139 and another €139 on a fiddlydyedoe?"

In response, the man said: "It was a mistake judge."

Judge Larkin told him: "No. It wasn't a mistake because you didn't have one bother with money because otherwise you wouldn't have spent the money."

She said that anyone on €200 a week would be worried about how much they spend on food, ESB and all the other bills.

She said: "You would not be paying that kind of money for an absolute nonsense."

...Judge Larkin said: "He obviously can buy diddlydodas or whatever you want to call those things whenever he wants without any regard to the cost or the expense which is obviously not the activity of a man who is on €203 a week."

Asked to explain the spend on Love Honey by Judge Larkin, the man replied from the witness box: "Judge, I have a social life."

I'm crying

[shiftwork2]

Judge Mary Larkin told the man "you have an absolute cheek coming in here

Thought my mother was dead but apparently not.

[madhair60]

your honour I have spent the dildo maintenance on childs.

[the hum]

I'm, perhaps inevitably, hearing the bits you bolded in my head in a cod Irish accent.

[Wonderful Butternut]

Fiddlydyedoe. As if she doesn't know what they are.

[Barry Admin]

No mention of talking books :-(

Edit: just saw "diddlydodas" at the bottom, lmao. Fucking hell.

[Blumf]

"fiddlydyedoe"
"diddlydodas"

Used to be, we were bothered by judges being ancient and out of touch, but this one seems to be 6 years old.

Or Russel Brand.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Fiddlydyedoe. As if she doesn't know what they are.

that's what makes it funny

[Butchers Blind]

Come on, we've all over spent on diddlydodas at some time or other.

[madhair60]

your child I have maint the spendo dildenance on honour.

[JamesTC]

Draw a couple of eyes on it and it is a snake. Kids love snakes.

[shiftwork2]

Any news yet on the floor-mounted status of the diddlydodas?

[idunnosomename]

Food: €200
Rent: €150
Child support: €400
Fiddlydyedoe dildos: €1,200
Utility: €100

[Wonderful Butternut]

Food: €200
Rent: €150
Child support: €400
Fiddlydyedoe dildos: €1,200
Utility: €100

Tch. Fucking millenials. No wonder they can't buy houses.

[Pavlov`s Dog`s Dad`s Dead]

Tch. Fucking millenials. No wonder they can't buy houses.

Are you sure you're not thinking of avockidyedoes?

[idunnosomename]

You can use them if they're not ripe

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Can you ask for a replacement judge on the grounds that they are a mental infant that is incapable of saying a name of something that embarrasses them?

I'll be off now for my late £12.30 brunch of avocadyedo on toast. Cheers.

[Paul Calf]

"Jude Larkin added, 'Perfick'"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Advanced Fiddlydyedonics

[Twit 2]

Hope he bought a holdall for them.

[checkoutgirl]

I've heard of fiddle-dee-idle and on occasion I've ventured forth with fiddle-dee-idle-doe but fiddlydyedoe? Seems like a load of paddywackery to me.

[thecuriousorange]

Food: €200
Rent: €150
Child support: €400
Fiddlydyedoe dildos: €1,200
Utility: €100

Analgasm: Priceless.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I'm, perhaps inevitably, hearing the bits you bolded in my head in a cod Irish accent.

Yep, totally non- legalese offended Irish wifie, doesn't sound like a judge at all. Great stuff.

[Inspector Norse]

Always wondered what that beak was for

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Can you ask for a replacement judge on the grounds that they are a mental infant that is incapable of saying a name of something that embarrasses them?

I'll be off now for my late £12.30 brunch of avocadyedo on toast. Cheers.

I don't read it as the judge being embarrassed, I read it as withering contempt. See also "an absolute nonsense". Either way it's still funny.

I'm, perhaps inevitably, hearing the bits you bolded in my head in a cod Irish accent.

Yep, totally non- legalese offended Irish wifie, doesn't sound like a judge at all. Great stuff.

This is exactly how it should be read.

[Barry Admin]

Stanley Unwin falollops from threadlipoppers with deep joy in his botty

[Chedney Honks]

Stanley Unwin falollops from threadlipoppers with deep joy in his botty

RIP HS Art

I assume that's the joke.

[Milo]

I'm, perhaps inevitably, hearing the bits you bolded in my head in a cod Irish accent.

I'm hearing it as "BIZARRE IRREGULARITIES IN THE ACCOUNTS".

[Fambo Number Mive]

I'm fascinated to know what made the dildo spending cost 400 euros. I don't know how much the average dildo is, but 400 euros seems a lot. Did he buy several dildos looking for the one that was just right for his botty, like some kind of adult Goldilocks? Did he buy a particularity expensive dildo? Or did he need to have several dildos so a couple could be waiting to be cleaned while there were another two ready to be used in the bedroom?

Unless not all the 400 euros spent at the site was on dildos.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Probably got 400 little keychain ones