"Your Honour, I spent the child maintenance on dildos"

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

I'm fascinated to know what made the dildo spending cost 400 euros. I don't know how much the average dildo is, but 400 euros seems a lot. Did he buy several dildos looking for the one that was just right for his botty, like some kind of adult Goldilocks? Did he buy a particularity expensive dildo? Or did he need to have several dildos so a couple could be waiting to be cleaned while there were another two ready to be used in the bedroom?

Unless not all the 400 euros spent at the site was on dildos.

Well he bought at least two fiddleydyedoes at €139 apiece so presumably the rest of the money went on diddlydodas

Ms Doyle [solicitor representing the mother of Mr. Dildo's child] said that bank statements show the man made two separate payments of €139 each to Love Honey in March and another payment of €98.60 in June along with a fourth payment to bring the total up to over €400.

[jobotic]

Judge, I have a social life



Perfect response. Fits all courtroom scenarios.

[Wonderful Butternut]

I'm fascinated to know what made the dildo spending cost 400 euros. I don't know how much the average dildo is, but 400 euros seems a lot. Did he buy several dildos looking for the one that was just right for his botty, like some kind of adult Goldilocks? Did he buy a particularity expensive dildo? Or did he need to have several dildos so a couple could be waiting to be cleaned while there were another two ready to be used in the bedroom?

Unless not all the 400 euros spent at the site was on dildos.

Checked the website (for research purposes) and they range from about €30 to stuff like:

"Vixen Maverick VixSkin Realistic Silicone Dildo 7.5 inch" - €134.99.

You can also buy a torso, crotch, knob and balls for €499.99.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I'm fascinated to know what made the dildo spending cost 400 euros. I don't know how much the average dildo is, but 400 euros seems a lot. Did he buy several dildos looking for the one that was just right for his botty, like some kind of adult Goldilocks? Did he buy a particularity expensive dildo? Or did he need to have several dildos so a couple could be waiting to be cleaned while there were another two ready to be used in the bedroom?

Unless not all the 400 euros spent at the site was on dildos.

It's probably one of the high-tech ones, some of them have stuff NASA invented in them.

[ProvanFan]

Dere's more to Ireland dan diddlydodas

[kalowski]

Judge, I have a social life



Perfect response. Fits all courtroom scenarios.

I bet Fred West is kicking himself.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I don't read it as the judge being embarrassed, I read it as withering contempt. See also "an absolute nonsense". Either way it's still funny.

Judge may have been attempting withering contempt but her total refusal to approach the object name being dildo or approach the subject of sexual pleasure as being a valid leisure activity suggests they were in no position to be trying contempt.

It might be the first time ever someone has spaffed child maintenance on dildos and yet the judge has come away looking like the pathetic one.

As for the guy, he forgot about the talking books the cunt.

[JamesTC]

It's probably one of the high-tech ones, some of them have stuff NASA invented in them.

I heard NASA investigated an airplane crash and found that a dildo was the only thing to survive intact. They now make all their space ships out of them. This is why wholesale prices of dildos have skyrocketed.

[PlanktonSideburns]

It's probably one of the high-tech ones, some of them have stuff NASA invented in them.

velcro dildo?

[Sebastian Cobb]

velcro dildo?

no, ta... farmers.

[idunnosomename]

if he can prove he can fit all the dildos up his ass at the same time, the jury must acquit (I KNWO THIS IS A CIVIL CASE AND THERE ISNT A JURY)

[touchingcloth]

fiddlydyedoe diddlydodas

Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope

I'm the Scatman

[idunnosomename]

fiddlydyedoe diddlydodas
deedi diddy do
fiddlydyedoe diddlydodas
dee da didi dida dildo

[Johnny Yesno]

Judge, I have a social life



Perfect response. Fits all courtroom scenarios.

He was clearly planning to attend a milonga.

[Captain Z]

d'you lickafiddleydyedoeaday?

[flotemysost]

Fiddlydyedoe, diddlydoda
My oh my, what a wonderful day
Plenty of sex toys headin' my way
Fiddlydyedoe, diddlydoda

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

The same judge (Judge Mary Larkin) has sent three men to the cells for not paying child maintenance:
https://extra.ie/2021/10/09/news/irish-news/judge-has-three-fathers-locked-up-over-failure-to-pay-maintenance

and roasted the shit out of two more:

In a fourth case, Judge Larkin told another father to 'stop the nonsense and get a job' after the unemployed man told her he spends his days 'tidying up the house'. His ex-partner said that the man, who is in his 30s, also helps out his father on his farm.

Judge Larkin asked: 'Why are you farming? You have the leisure of working on your father's farm because you love your father and you won't get a job to pay for your children.'

[...]

In relation to another father not complying with a court order to pay €50 per week per child in maintenance, Judge Larkin questioned why the man spent €162 on a night at the Kilmurry Lodge Hotel in Limerick and €217 for a night out with his parents at an Ennis restaurant over the summer. He said he made the spend 'after everything that has happened over the past two years'.

In response, Judge Larkin said: 'What do you mean "the last two years"? You have obligations to your children. What are you talking about going for meals or going to the Kilmurry Lodge Hotel because you had a hard time over the last two years?

'We have to pay our bills and what is due on foot of the court order... We can't decide: "Oh, I've had a hard time now. I will go off to the Kilmurry Lodge Hotel and spend some money instead of paying what I am supposed to pay on foot of the court order."'

(ps just going on my own experience, that €50 a week would barely pay for groceries. Getting away with murder and he still won't pay it.)

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I really like this judge, she's fucking great. Brooking no nonsense at all.

[imitationleather]

My dad never used to pay child maintenance and was a bit of an all-round useless bastard when I was growing up.

Reckon I can tell him to send me a Lovehoney giftcard or else I'll shop him to the OB?

[Buelligan]

I don't know and could be wrong but in the UK isn't/wasn't it the case that if the person caring for the child was on benefits, whatever the absent parent paid was deducted from the benefits?  If that was the case I can see why some people didn't pay.  Maybe your dad wasn't such a bad man, immi.  At least for that reason.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Judge Larkin asked: 'Why are you farming? You have the leisure of working on your father's farm because you love your father and you won't get a job to pay for your children.'

"Get your lazy arse out of toiling those fields from the crack of dawn, and get yourself down the call centre like a real man."

[imitationleather]

I don't know and could be wrong but in the UK isn't/wasn't it the case that if the person caring for the child was on benefits, whatever the absent parent paid was deducted from the benefits?  If that was the case I can see why some people didn't pay.  Maybe your dad wasn't such a bad man, immi.  At least for that reason.

Eh, I dunno.

I just think if my dad started paying for my dildos it would heal a lot of the distance between us.

[Buelligan]

Totally understand.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

"Get your lazy arse out of toiling those fields from the crack of dawn, and get yourself down the call centre like a real man."

The issue is that the guy's father isn't paying him (or is paying him under the table). It's a nice trick to pull, "oh Judge I have to help my poor aged father etc. I can't possibly work and support the children I made".

[Huxleys Babkins]

The issue is that the guy's father isn't paying him (or is paying him under the table). It's a nice trick to pull, "oh Judge I have to help my poor aged father etc. I can't possibly work and support the children I made".

Oh, I fully agree, I just love the judge making farming sound like a doss.

Which gives me a great excuse to post this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pDTiFkXgEE

[bgmnts]

Lets say you accidentally get someone pregnant and you obviously don't want the child but the other one does, are you still legally obliged to pay child support? If so, that's genuinely shite.

[katzenjammer]

.

[imitationleather]

Lets say you accidentally get someone pregnant and you obviously don't want the child but the other one does, are you still legally obliged to pay child support? If so, that's genuinely shite.

This isn't going to go well for you.

[jobotic]

So if the woman you stuck your pinger in and got pregnant doesn't want the abortion* you insist she has you should be able to just walk away, no money down? Nice


*I'm not anti-abortion

[Butchers Blind]

Lets say you accidentally get someone pregnant and you obviously don't want the child but the other one does, are you still legally obliged to pay child support? If so, that's genuinely shite.

Should've thought of that before sticking your penis up women's vaginas.