How suave are you?

[Shit Good Nose]

There's a snack van round the back of me flat that does 1x: bacon, lorne, egg, black pud, hash brown and beans for £4. 1x of everything is a bit tight but still 4 fucking quid and I can go in my slippers.

With your bollocks hanging out from your way too short dressing gown (bonus gust of wind that also exposes your incredibly hairy bum just as you reach up to pay).

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

I sometimes throw my metal band T-shirts out before they've started to fade.





Smooth, suave, sophisticated, you got it!

[Sebastian Cobb]

"i'm a love albatross!"

[Tony Tony Tony]

Just the other day tipped over into suave when I asked for ketchup on my bacon sarnie instead of tomato sauce.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

The suave man, when visiting Slater's Menswear, proceeds with supreme confidence and singularity of purpose to the rarefied environs of 'The Gold Room', where he will have the choice of exquisitely cut suits of the most superior fabrics.

The non-suave man might glance covetously towards 'The Gold Room' but he knows, in his heart of hearts, that he is never going to progress beyond 'Ralph's Room'.

[imitationleather]

I have it on good authority that most people on this forum think that the last word in fashion is Jerry Seinfeld.

[dr beat]

Yes. Also, it made me remember the fashion meme of the mid-90s: 'Brown is the new black'.  See also Larry Sanders and Frasier.

[Norton Canes]

How suave am I? How suave?

I'll tell you how suave

I took Mrs Canes (sorry, that makes her sound like a dominatrix) on a date night the other night, started in a chic and sophisticated cocktail bar (or as chic and sophisticated as anywhere gets in our calls-itself-a-city backwater) then onto a right classy restaurant, candle-lit table, we did starters and everything (fair enough she only had olives); then after the main course, as we dawdled over our drinks, making flirty small talk and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes I absent-mindedly reached up to my nose and pulled a huge white and wiry hair from my nostril.

That suave.

[Blue Jam]

"Mr Canes" is a pretty suave name to be fair.

Thankfully the only time I have pulled a wiry white hair out of my nostril was the time I borrowed a wire-haired Jack Russell and inhaled a very small bit of it.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

...I borrowed a wire-haired Jack Russell and inhaled a very small bit of it.

You can't inhale anything better in my opinion.



(Strictly speaking he's only half wire-haired Jack Russell but it's close enough).

[Blue Jam]

You can't inhale anything better in my opinion.



(Strictly speaking he's only half wire-haired Jack Russell but it's close enough).

D'awwww he's gorgeous.

I think I should stay away from the JRTs for now. I am already a dog addict so inhaling bits of them might be a slippery slope.

[pancreas]

Whenever I decide to insufflate a bit of dog, I always make sure to chop it up nice and fine on a mirror with a razor blade.

Suave.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

D'awwww he's gorgeous.

I think I should stay away from the JRTs for now. I am already a dog addict so inhaling bits of them might be a slippery slope.

Well if you tried inhaling bits of Ben at the moment, you'd be overwhelmed by the smell of fox piss. He's been very fragrant lately.

[Ferris]

514's ride a bit below the waist so when you turn into a 'pregnant skinny cunt' like I have, then you can sort of get away with it because your gut just rides over the top.

514s are where its at. Wearing these fuckers now, feeling good and I reckon this is my new jean joint for the foreseeable.

Great shout, Cobb.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Glad you like them!

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

the telltale yellow of turmeric is my usual one

I was putting the wash on and noticed a little turmeric stain in the front of some off-white strides. I tried swabbing them with a little bit of watered down bleach and now I have a bright white patch on them, right in the groin area.

I mean, that's not suave, is it?

[Blue Jam]

Sorry to tell you this a bit too late, but turmeric fades pretty quickly with exposure to sunlight. This is why it isn't used as a fabric dye. Next time leave your strides out in the sun for a bit.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Yeah, but I don't like to wait around. That's why it's called fast fashion.

[Blue Jam]

:)

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Also, I did try shining my UV laser pointer at it to no effect. If lasers don't work, what is the poxy old sun going to do?

[seepage]

The sun definitely worked for me in the past.

[Mr Banlon]

Not really suave. I do dress smart-ish (shirt, tie, sport coat. brogues/loafers)

[Cold Meat Platter]

How suave am I? You'll never know.

[Johnny Foreigner]

People oftentimes think me suave because of the way I dress, until I open my gob and nowt but shite emanates therefrom.
It's probably a prejudice of some kind.

[Rolf Lundgren]

Have worn a suit jacket over a polo neck on at least two occasions.

[Blue Jam]

I have it on good authority that most people on this forum think that the last word in fashion is Jerry Seinfeld.

Expensive suits with those trainers? Nah, fuck off Jerry, you're no Sean "Puffy" Combs.

fwiw I think Larry David is actually quite a stylish man. No logos. Understated. Stealth wealth.

[Blue Jam]

The JLD is quite suave though. That leather jacket.

Kramer likes his vintage shirts so has suave potential. If only he had a better sense of balance. Falling over is never suave.

Costanza is obviously the least suave of the lot. Even Newman has more suave than him.

[Blue Jam]

This is all you need I reckon

[TrenterPercenter]

I can only hope to one day attain the rank of "Premier Man"

[Blue Jam]

Yeah, well I'm so suave I can afford to buy my own screwdriver set outright, I don't have to buy a beige mac to scrounge a free one.