Author Topic: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)  (Read 2325 times)

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #30 on: October 07, 2021, 09:38:50 PM »
What do you call a duck from Wales? Bill Evans

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #31 on: October 07, 2021, 10:09:16 PM »
What do you call a fish in the sky? Gill 'Evans

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #32 on: October 07, 2021, 10:13:43 PM »
What do traditionalist bebop tuba players have in common with women who are married to ugly men? low standards

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #33 on: October 07, 2021, 10:14:38 PM »
When I worked at the Spar, the boxes of cheap chocolates seemed to empty quicker than we actually sold them. After a few weeks, I started to suspect my colleagues. I was sure that we had a Freddo freeloader working there.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #34 on: October 07, 2021, 10:33:56 PM »
I just got a new puppy and I like the sound of the craft beer his mother makes: Bitch's Brew

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #35 on: October 07, 2021, 10:42:36 PM »
The flight from London to New York took all night. I was surprised, I thought it would be quicker than taking a boat but it turns out that its Miles in the Sky too.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #36 on: October 07, 2021, 10:44:59 PM »
I can't believe I was accused of groping the drummer. I was told to stay in his pocket at all times!

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #37 on: October 07, 2021, 11:07:16 PM »
What is the difference between Quincy Jones and Roquefort-flavoured chewy sherbert? One's a cheesy fizz jawed, the other a cheesy jazz fraud.

Did you hear Quincy Jones opened a shop to sell his solos? It was called Quincy's Clam Shack

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #38 on: October 07, 2021, 11:08:01 PM »
Miles Davis' habit of calling everyone "motherfucker" stems from a time when a middle-aged Quincy Jones dated Miles' teenage grandmother.

What's the best thing Quincy Jones did for jazz trumpet? Stopped playing it.

Why did Max Roach call Quincy Jones "Del Boy" in 1965? Because he was always "falling through the bar".

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #39 on: October 07, 2021, 11:10:31 PM »
I've just decided to breed hens professionally. I hope I have a good chick career.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #40 on: October 07, 2021, 11:13:20 PM »
Why was Glenn Miller's nickname "Uncle Albert"? Because he was most popular "during the war".

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #41 on: October 07, 2021, 11:18:40 PM »
What did Mongo Santamaria say to Chick Corea when he fired him from his band? "Hit the Rhodes, buddy"

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #42 on: October 07, 2021, 11:22:26 PM »
Why did the goth leave the jazz gig early? I was disappointed because he was told there would be vamping.

zomgmouse

  • if life gets you down, make a pillow
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #43 on: October 07, 2021, 11:22:32 PM »
why did the two groups of Friends enthusiasts not get along? One was full of Rosses, the other was full of Ray Charles

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #44 on: October 07, 2021, 11:25:10 PM »
Did you see when the offspring of a popular file archiving program started a jazz ensemble for dogs? It was Son .rar's Barkestra

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #45 on: October 07, 2021, 11:31:35 PM »
What was the album Dexter Gordon released after his new lead singer refused to sing her hit song "Honey to the Bee" and left the band? Billie's Flounce

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #46 on: October 07, 2021, 11:48:39 PM »
Which jazz trumpeter shat himself at Dover? Cliff(ord) Brown.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #47 on: October 07, 2021, 11:49:09 PM »
Did you hear about the episode of Star Trek where the crew turned to cannibalism? For dinner, Spock had a roll and Kirk.

zomgmouse

  • if life gets you down, make a pillow
    • BEN VOLCHOK DOT COM
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #48 on: October 07, 2021, 11:55:41 PM »
did you hear about the doctor who drowned the people he healed? he would sink a patient

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • Your sleep paralysis demon
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #49 on: October 08, 2021, 12:24:45 AM »
jizz

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #50 on: October 08, 2021, 12:38:03 AM »
I heard you sent your goat on a package tour? Yes, it was time for Billy's Holiday.

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #51 on: October 08, 2021, 12:47:21 AM »
Did you know Jimmy Savile and Gary Glitter were jazz drummers? True, a right pair-o-diddlers

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #52 on: October 08, 2021, 01:16:32 AM »
I always use the same pen when I write an order for drugs. It's my Charlie Parker.

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #53 on: October 08, 2021, 03:13:37 AM »
I call my cock and balls Sly and the Family Stones, because there's always a griot goin' on.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #54 on: October 08, 2021, 03:14:42 AM »
Why not Davis because its not very long?

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #55 on: October 08, 2021, 03:15:49 AM »
And the critically acclaimed bit is kind of blue.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #56 on: October 08, 2021, 03:16:51 AM »
Remember when the lead singer of Primal Scream spent all day on the roundabout by mistake? Dizzy Gillespie.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #57 on: October 08, 2021, 03:23:15 AM »
Mate I read in the newspaper that scientists made a discovery that throws our entire understanding of human history and technological development into disarray, that can't be right can it? Afraid so, archaelogists were investigating an ancient burial ground from the middle ages and they uncovered a Saxon phone.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #58 on: October 08, 2021, 03:27:36 AM »
What does your mum have in come with Milt Jackson? Famously, they're both vibe soloists.

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #59 on: October 08, 2021, 03:31:08 AM »
I heckled Joey deFrancesco one night and he kicked me in the bum... I said "you know, Jimmy Smith would have used his left hand"

Tags: