Author Topic: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)  (Read 2368 times)

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #60 on: October 08, 2021, 03:33:53 AM »
Because neutron stars are the densest material known to science, with a lot of mass compacted into a small amount of space, its possible to have a very lyttel ton.

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #61 on: October 08, 2021, 03:34:51 AM »
You know who's a fishy character on stage? Eric Dolphin

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #62 on: October 08, 2021, 03:36:01 AM »
I couldn't believe those stories about racism and far right rhetoric behind the scenes of Sykes. According to Hattie Jacques, Eric could be a bit 'dofly.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #63 on: October 08, 2021, 03:37:44 AM »
Overrated racist piece of shit poet Philip Larkin once described Thelonious Monk as "an elephant on the keyboard", I think this is appalling because he wasn't called Thelonious Trunk, was he?

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #64 on: October 08, 2021, 03:39:35 AM »
Who played the bass clarinet for Joan of Arc? Eric Dauphin

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #65 on: October 08, 2021, 03:41:19 AM »
Which jazz flautist was plausibly the Secretary General of the United Nations between 1997 and 2006? Eric Kolfi-Annan.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #66 on: October 08, 2021, 07:43:03 AM »
Who's that 1920s cornet player over there, eating some biscuits while standing near a small stream?
Bics by the beck?
Yes, that's the one I mean. The one eating some bics by the beck. What's his name?
I don't know, sorry.

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #67 on: October 08, 2021, 09:34:15 AM »
Louis Alm-stream?

SpiderChrist

  • Be still, Taggart
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #68 on: October 08, 2021, 09:35:44 AM »
Are there any funny jazz jokes?

There are two types of jazz joke, and they're both shit LOLOLLOL!

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #69 on: October 08, 2021, 09:38:25 AM »
Why does Jamie Cullum stand up when he plays the piano?

To reach the keys!

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #70 on: October 08, 2021, 10:37:34 AM »
Willie Dixon?

JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #71 on: October 08, 2021, 01:55:29 PM »
Not a joke but a true story.  About 20-ish years ago I was told about an incident where a photographer from a jazz magazine (an actual jazz mag, not the other sort of jazz mag) was sent to photograph a jazz band and the sax player unzipped and placed his bell end in the bell of the sax and the photographer didn't notice and nobody in the publication chain noticed and the photo ended up on the cover of the magazine.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #72 on: October 08, 2021, 02:04:42 PM »
Are there any funny jazz jokes?
You have to listen to the laughs that they're not getting.

zomgmouse

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Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #73 on: October 10, 2021, 11:25:05 PM »
British national broadcaster went into surgery for a Beeb op

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #74 on: October 10, 2021, 11:58:08 PM »
I did everything I could to make sure this thread wouldn't be shorter.

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #75 on: October 12, 2021, 06:21:23 PM »
What did Cicely Tyson mutter to herself every night between 1981-1989?

"Miles to go before I sleep."

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #76 on: October 12, 2021, 10:49:15 PM »
Who played any old made-up, tossed-off shit for 50 years and made everyone think it was studious, academic jazz? Sonny Trollin'


famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #77 on: October 12, 2021, 10:55:51 PM »
Which jazzer masturbated furiously in his 1963 Volkswagen on the way to the Village Vanguard? Herbie Handcock

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #78 on: October 12, 2021, 10:57:34 PM »
Did you hear that famous NYC jazz club was taken over by hipsters in 2006? It's now called Beardland

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #79 on: October 12, 2021, 11:05:56 PM »
True story: Charles Mingus composed "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat" after attempting to book Horace Parlan for the session, but he mistakenly called Horace Panter.

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #80 on: October 13, 2021, 12:39:39 AM »
Which famous jazz standard was the very first "booty" song? Butt Beautiful

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #81 on: October 13, 2021, 12:50:33 AM »
We all know famous trumpeter Art Blakey's band was the Jazz Messengers, but what was the message? fuck off

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #82 on: October 13, 2021, 02:53:32 AM »
Why was Louis Armstrong's band called the Hot Five? They took his version of "Fly Me To The Moon" literally

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #83 on: October 13, 2021, 02:58:52 AM »
Why was Louis not happy in 1969? He thought everybody was saying "kneel, Armstrong"

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #84 on: October 13, 2021, 03:27:59 AM »
Who built a fried chicken shop shaped like a pyramid? Pharoah Sanders

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #85 on: October 13, 2021, 03:29:27 AM »
Rolf Harris never gave up his art, even in the last 10 years. Why then was he like Lonnie Liston Smith? Both knew about "draw bars"

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #86 on: October 13, 2021, 09:18:50 AM »
Tony Williams was confused to see Alan Pasqua's kid had attempted to install a submarine in his backyard setting. But Alan said " It's a try-Tone, sub-situ-son"

Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #87 on: October 13, 2021, 04:28:28 PM »
Paul Desmond (Dave Brubeck Band) was in a relationship with a woman, but her parents wanted to marry someone rich, and not a musician who "had no future".. Paul rapped it up with

"This is how her world ends. Not with a whim, but with a banker!"

famethrowa

  • mere rhetorical frippery
Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #88 on: October 14, 2021, 12:02:19 AM »
Why did Oscar Peterson think Luciano Pavarotti was a hot jazz singer? He heard he had a lot of "Schoeps"
« Last Edit: October 14, 2021, 12:15:58 AM by famethrowa »

Twonty Gostelow

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Re: Jazz Jokes (Hopefully w/ Attribution)
« Reply #89 on: October 14, 2021, 12:23:03 AM »
You never know what these eclectic foreign supermarkets will have in stock.

I just picked up two CDs. Lidl: Jimmy Scott; Aldi: Meola.

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