Started doing old man stuff

[Brundle-Fly]

*Denis Norden enters thread with clipboard.

Finding references to Denis Norden amusing.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Picking things up in shops and squinting at them because I'm wearing my 'outside' glasses.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Surely the one telltale sign of being an old bastard is having a CaB account? I know there's some people on here who claim to be under the age of 30, but they're probably lying.

[checkoutgirl]

Finding yourself in a hardware shop more times in the last month than the preceding 42 years.

Suddenly realising your birthday present request for the last 8 years have been your favourite brand of jumper.

Having at least two pairs of slippers and wearing them a lot.

Have had two professional haircuts in the last ten years.

[jamiefairlie]

Everything and everyone is too loud.

People getting all het up about stuff is not worth getting involved in, just walk away.

Sitting in a park doing nothing.

Working out how to get your money out of the pension scheme rather than into it because it's soon going to be the proverbial'rainy day'

Working out the most cost effective way to pass on belongings when you die.

[Huxleys Babkins]

For bonus old man points you have to get one of those folding wallet coin holder things that just holds coins and pipe cleaners and bits of old string etc.

There was an old bloke who'd come into our shop for a paper and when it was time to pay, he'd open his coin wallet, tip the contents into the tray and expect us to fish out the correct change. Proper old bastard behaviour.

I've always fancied one of those leather tubes with the spring that would dispense £1 coins. You'd slide one off the top and the rest of the stack would spring up into place.

[The Mollusk]

dropped my newspaper by a pond and a goose bit my arse and i did a whooaoaaoaoaaww windmilling of the arms before slowly and embarrassingly toppling in the water

fucking canned laughter went off and everything, didn't even know they still had that. absolute joke of an afternoon

[thenoise]

I asked for a toolbox for Christmas last year.

[thenoise]

I noticed that everyone on the train except me was fiddling on their phone. Bloody young people! So I got my phone out and messaged my wife about it.

[imitationleather]

dropped my newspaper

It doesn't get more Doing Old Man Stuff than buying a newspaper.

[JaDanketies]

Was gonna tell the hairdresser to just cut the grey ones out, but I held on to my youth and sat there in silence instead. It felt like a really original comment for half a second

[All Surrogate]

I've started drinking tea again, after spending the entirety of my adult life not. It's just ... nice.

[Cold Meat Platter]

I've started describing the ways in which I'm growing older to randos.

[easytarget]

Everything and everyone is too loud.

I'll add - and also muffled, mumbling, indistinct and hard to understand - do you not come with subtitles?

[The Mollusk]

I've started drinking tea again, after spending the entirety of my adult life not. It's just ... nice.

I've never been a tea guy but in the last couple years I've really got into herbals. My nan drinks green tea and she's on the fuckin money, it's great. (Should clarify my mum had me very young so even though I'm mid 30s my grandparents are still doing well in their late 70s.) Love having a brew with my nan and talking about our best recent charity shop finds.

[Johnny Foreigner]

It doesn't get more Doing Old Man Stuff than buying a newspaper.

I buy the East Lothian Courier, because I only care about local news. The national media simply pay too much attention to all sorts of foreign stuff, which does not concern me in the least.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I've started describing the ways in which I'm growing older to randos.

We're not randos, we're your best friends.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Looking at the interiors of a property on zoopla, and discussing the decor and the pros and cons of the layout, with absolutely no intention of ever living there

My auntie used to phone estate agents and arrange viewings just for a laugh, the absolute legend

[jamiefairlie]

Tutting disapprovingly at gratuitous (i.e. any) sex, violence or swearing on TV, "tut! there's no need for that".

[Ray Travez]

I've started drinking tea again, after spending the entirety of my adult life not. It's just ... nice.

Love a nice cup of tea. I like to get the teapot out, and a little milk jug, really make a meal of it*. Actually, the real old man thing is, I've got a tray. I put my cup and saucer on the tray- it's a lovely wooden tray, I got it in Age Concern in Harrogate- then the milk jug and teapot, carry it to the sofa, get the blanket over my knees, sorted.

_{*not an actual meal}

[checkoutgirl]

randos

Getting annoyed when people say randos instead of the perfectly serviceable strangers.

By extension noticing the same word morph into different words as the years go by with roughly the same meaning.

Feminist becomes
Right on becomes
Politically correct becomes
Woke becomes
Booblebop...

[checkoutgirl]

Getting more daring with your farting routines. i.e farting more often when someone could pop into the room at any minute. Farting in bed. Farting walking along the footpath with people around and hoping it comes out silent and nobody smells it. That type of thing. As a young man I'd much more usually hold it in.

[pancreas]

On the one hand my time on CaB has imbued me with such a nonchalant cynical sarcastic manner that real-life people can't really establish me in their minds beyond a 15 yo enfant terrible. In Shoulders' words, I'm an 'horrendous poof tyrant'; a fey little fairy, cackling and swinging my legs while sitting on a toadstool and boasting about how I'm going to fly around the village turning everyone's milk sour and all the children gay. 

On the other hand, I take a lot of things rather seriously and think about stuff properly and therefore can't be easily dismissed. I'm 'wise' like old people should be. I also play the organ on Sunday and listen exclusively to Radio 3 and do crosswords and spend half my waking life on bridgebase.com.

Fuck old and young. Curate the best bits of both. Have a prolapse at Bangface Weekender, why not.

[Ferris]

^probably aged 8 or 9 years just reading that shit.

[thenoise]

Recently if I am watching a film and browsing CAB on my phone at the same time I find that I am following neither.

[Sherringford Hovis]

Looking forward to finishing the cheapy bog roll so you can crack open the good stuff.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Forgetting what you were going to post on CaB (but dimly remembering it was feckin hilarious when you first thought it)

[Fr.Bigley]

Giving up on a tug and going downstairs for a tuc biscuit. Usually staring out the kitchen window eating it. A good long stare.

[jamiefairlie]

Forgetting what you were going to post on CaB (but dimly remembering it was feckin hilarious when you first thought it)

Or remembering what you want to post but just not being arsed enough to bother with the typing, especially with moronic predictive text on phones.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Getting more daring with your farting routines. i.e farting more often when someone could pop into the room at any minute. Farting in bed. Farting walking along the footpath with people around and hoping it comes out silent and nobody smells it. That type of thing. As a young man I'd much more usually hold it in.

I wish I even had the option to hold in farts. They literally pop out as I walk these days.

If I'm sat down, there's a fairly good chance a fart will just get stuck in an air pocket between my cheeks and I have great fun trying to tilt myself so it squeezes out the top of the crack.