Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 11:54:08 PM

Login with username, password and session length

"My legal team"

Started by Catalogue of ills, October 08, 2021, 10:30:16 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Catalogue of ills

I get this a lot in my job. "I will instruct my legal team henceforth", "I should advise you that I have briefed my legal team". What this usually means is that they get an hour a month from a paralegal on legal aid in a shit law firm in a despair basement in the worst bit of Bolton. Does anyone other than corporates even have a legal team?

Fr.Bigley

It's definitely a euphemism for "secret homosexual lover".

Dex Sawash


It's all my barely legal step team these days

Goldentony

why are we all getting shit off legal people today

Goldentony

the walls boys, closing in

Goldentony

sorry the fucking wolves, fucking hell!

I take an hysterical "you'll be hearing from my solicitor!" as a cast iron guarantee that I absolutely will not be contacted by a solicitor.

Nice to have some certainty in these uncertain times.

Inspector Norse


Theremin

"You'll be hearing from my legal team."


Icehaven

What is your workplace doing to people that makes so many of them threaten to lawyer up?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

The layperson threatens our firm with the dreaded OMBUDSMAN

Oh no no the Ombudsman let me just shit my pants as an overstretched only partly empowered regulator takes 18 months to pick up your case and then agree with me that you are wrong

When individuals actually file legal action it's kind of cute and it rouses the belligerent sleeping giant who is our senior solicitor who likes a challenge but not as much as he likes not doing anything.

Catalogue of ills

Quote from: icehaven on October 08, 2021, 11:48:16 AM
What is your workplace doing to people that makes so many of them threaten to lawyer up?

We make decisions about things. There is usually one person who wants outcome A and another person who is keen as mustard to avoid outcome A, and so we can be sure of upsetting someone 93% of the time.

Catalogue of ills

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 08, 2021, 12:10:30 PM
The layperson threatens our firm with the dreaded OMBUDSMAN

Oh no no the Ombudsman let me just shit my pants as an overstretched only partly empowered regulator takes 18 months to pick up your case and then agree with me that you are wrong

When individuals actually file legal action it's kind of cute and it rouses the belligerent sleeping giant who is our senior solicitor who likes a challenge but not as much as he likes not doing anything.

I like some of the ombudsman decisions, especially the ones that say "You are unhappy that Mr A stated their professional opinion that you are a shit parent and a worse human. That you disagree with them does not mean they are wrong".

gilbertharding

90% of my time in gainful employment has been in companies with professional customers. Other businesses. Occasionally legal procedings have been mentioned, but luckily never happened.

In the 10% of the time I was dealing with members of the public, or amateurs, on occasions where the company has fucked up somehow, I remember being threatened with Esther Rantzen - although at one company the MD did gather us all together to brief us on what we were to do if we were served. This was when I worked in double glazing for a few years.

JaDanketies

When I did customer support / tech support I always loved it when people threatened legal action  as I would simply stop helping them and inform them that everything now had to be sent through our lawyer. When you start stonewalling them with this same response over and over, you can hear the cogs moving in thwir head as they realise they're going to have to apologise and retract their threat before you reset their password or whatever

Icehaven

Quote from: Catalogue of ills on October 08, 2021, 01:22:25 PM
We make decisions about things. There is usually one person who wants outcome A and another person who is keen as mustard to avoid outcome A, and so we can be sure of upsetting someone 93% of the time.

I see your honour.

Catalogue of ills

Quote from: icehaven on October 08, 2021, 01:47:17 PM
I see your honour.

Civil, not criminal. Which is probably for the best.

ElTwopo

Ombudsman is a Swedish word, I think.

It means "man of ombuds" or, put simply, "ombudsman".

Kankurette

Are they threatening to take you to Internet Court and sic their lolyers on you?

kalowski

I don't have a legal team but simply resort to my dad's (genuine) advice of "Take a hammer to his car windows and he'll soon pay you what he owes you."

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on October 08, 2021, 12:10:30 PM
The layperson threatens our firm with the dreaded OMBUDSMAN

Oh no no the Ombudsman let me just shit my pants as an overstretched only partly empowered regulator takes 18 months to pick up your case and then agree with me that you are wrong

When individuals actually file legal action it's kind of cute and it rouses the belligerent sleeping giant who is our senior solicitor who likes a challenge but not as much as he likes not doing anything.
Who is your firm?  surely you should be taking these compaints a bit more serously? 

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle on October 08, 2021, 09:54:05 PM
surely you should be taking these compaints a bit more serously?

Yeah it's comments of this sort that get us going. We all sit around laughing shouting insults and sometimes get our genitals out for emphasis. Open plan office.

Video Game Fan 2000

my legal team
my legal team
you're gonna hear from
my legal team
-C Berry (deceased)