Doctors with exploding diarrhea thread

[PlanktonSideburns]

Anyone got anything to share?

[PlanktonSideburns]

Just a nice organic thread don't be shy guys

[Johnny Yesno]

I was just admiring how organic this thread is and then I noticed the spelling.

*Shakes head* D-I-A-R-R-H-O-E-A. We're not the 51st state quite yet.

[Fr.Bigley]

I worked with a fella that once had norovirus but came to work anyway, got disciplined for it later but not before he let out a pathetic, trembling "oh no" and proceeded to shit himself at his desk. There was no way of stopping what he started. One of the new starters took pity on him and gave him her coat to cover up with as he hobbled out of the room being stared at by 30 people giving him a guard of dishonour.

I never knew what became of him as I left a fortnight after. Can still smell the odour of shit that has 100 percent came from someone with an illness. It's a tropical smell. 

[popcorn]

When I was living in Nagano I had a bike accident and spent a week in hospital with a busted noggin.

At the end of my stay the doctor showed me the CRT scans. My boss, who spoke a bit of English, had come to interpret for me. The doctor said a lot of stuff in Japanese and my boss nodded and then turned to me and said "The diarrhoea has completely stopped." I said "Well, that's good news." The doctor had enough English to know this was not quite an accurate translation and said "haemorrhage, haemmorrhage".

That's the nearest relevant anecdote I can contribute to this thread.

[Kelvin]

Okay, this has made me laugh very hard.

[Cold Meat Platter]

I never knew what became of him as I left a fortnight after. Can still smell the odour of shit that has 100 percent came from someone with an illness. It's a tropical smell.

Like Lilt?

[Fr.Bigley]

Like Lilt?

Like lilt, but without the totally tropical taste.

[TrenterPercenter]

First time you get Norovirus is an event to be sure.

[Blue Jam]

Médecins Sans Frontières have let themselves go.

[idunnosomename]

when you're walking down the street, and it flows like wet concrete

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

I had Norovirus when I lived in a house share, as did eveyone else.  Luckly I had my own on suite toilet as I was shitting and throwing up at the same time.  Unfortunatly my girlfriend was in the room and there was only a curtain draped between the loo and the rest of the room.

[steve98]

I had Norovirus when I lived in a house share, as did eveyone else.  Luckly I had my own on suite toilet as I was shitting and throwing up at the same time.  Unfortunatly my girlfriend was in the room and there was only a curtain draped between the loo and the rest of the room.

Poor lass. A curtain will stop most diarrhea but not the  explosive kind.

[bgmnts]

First time you get Norovirus is an event to be sure.

Up there with aneurysm as top 5 fears of all time.

[Kelvin]

I suspect it's been built up a bit too much now. But a deal's a deal...

Years ago, I arranged on a dating site for a man to come round for some good old fashioned gay sex. I didn't know him, I'd never met him before, but that was - and still is - the way I meet up with most people for the old slap and tickle.

Anyway, the man turns up, and he's quite clearly very uncomfortable, filled to the brim, as it turns out, with diarrhoea. At this point, though, I had no inkling, so we walk up to my flat, and he immediately asks to use my toilet.

I assume he just needed a piss after his forty-minute drive here, but within seconds I hear the most thunderous, angry shitting I've ever heard in my life. The sort of strength and viscosity that I can only assume would propel its victim several feet up into the air, like Yosemite Sam shooting his pistols at the ground. A diarrhoea tornedo.

Unsurprisingly, I am already feeling less in the mood. But moments later, he starts groaning and moaning,

"Oh noooooo!"

*fffffffffftttttttttsssssshhhhhh*

"Oh Christ!"

*ffffffffffffffffffffffssssssssssssshhhhhhh*

on and on for minutes and minutes while I stand in my bedroom, trouserless, a deer in headlights, wondering how the hell I'm going to get out of this, and what the hell I'm going to be faced with once he finishes the ordeal and opens the bathroom door.

Eventually, though, he does finish. It finishes. And after a disturbingly brief amount of time, he exits the bathroom and walks straight into my bedroom with a big, horny smile on his face.

"Should I fuck you, or do you want to fuck me?" he asks.

I have no more time to think. He had to drive for forty minutes, and I can't get out of this without mentioning diarrhoea, so I said the only thing I could in the circumstances:

"I shall wank you off."

He seems fine with that and lies down next to me on the bed. But I realise now that he stinks of a man who has been howling from diarrhoea. Sweat and shit and panic. But a deal's a deal, remember, and so I slowly, mechanically tug away at his cock with all the enthusiasm of a rusted-up milking machine.

After a couple of wretched minutes, his phone rings. He says he has to answer it, so I stop, and he sits up to take the call.

"Yeah... Yeah... Right, just lance it, then. But just makes sure to drain all the fluid."

I have had enough thinking time. He finishes the call.

"My arm aches, you'll have to go."

And thus, our giddy dalliance concluded.

[bgmnts]

Wanking off a recently diarrhoea'd man is really funny I must admit.

I wonder what was going through his head on the 40 minute drive to yours? Do you think about halfway through the squits properly kicked in and he had to hold it but was too far along to go back?

I know for a fact if I felt even an ounce of loose stool sloshing around a rumbling belly i'd start stressing to buggery.

[PlanktonSideburns]

I was just admiring how organic this thread is and then I noticed the spelling.

*Shakes head* D-I-A-R-R-H-O-E-A. We're not the 51st state quite yet.

Just adds to the organic nature of the thread if you ask me

May as well be in papyrus font

[The Mollusk]

Fantastic thread, creasing with laughter on the train reading this

[PlanktonSideburns]

I suspect it's been built up a bit too much now. But a deal's a deal...

Years ago, I arranged on a dating site for a man to come round for some good old fashioned gay sex. I didn't know him, I'd never met him before, but that was - and still is - the way I meet up with most people for the old slap and tickle.

Anyway, the man turns up, and he's quite clearly very uncomfortable, filled to the brim, as it turns out, with diarrhoea. At this point, though, I had no inkling, so we walk up to my flat, and he immediately asks to use my toilet.

I assume he just needed a piss after his forty-minute drive here, but within seconds I hear the most thunderous, angry shitting I've ever heard in my life. The sort of strength and viscosity that I can only assume would propel its victim several feet up into the air, like Yosemite Sam shooting his pistols at the ground. A diarrhoea tornedo.

Unsurprisingly, I am already feeling less in the mood. But moments later, he starts groaning and moaning,

"Oh noooooo!"

*fffffffffftttttttttsssssshhhhhh*

"Oh Christ!"

*ffffffffffffffffffffffssssssssssssshhhhhhh*

on and on for minutes and minutes while I stand in my bedroom, trouserless, a deer in headlights, wondering how the hell I'm going to get out of this, and what the hell I'm going to be faced with once he finishes the ordeal and opens the bathroom door.

Eventually, though, he does finish. It finishes. And after a disturbingly brief amount of time, he exits the bathroom and walks straight into my bedroom with a big, horny smile on his face.

"Should I fuck you, or do you want to fuck me?" he asks.

I have no more time to think. He had to drive for forty minutes, and I can't get out of this without mentioning diarrhoea, so I said the only thing I could in the circumstances:

"I shall wank you off."

He seems fine with that and lies down next to me on the bed. But I realise now that he stinks of a man who has been howling from diarrhoea. Sweat and shit and panic. But a deal's a deal, remember, and so I slowly, mechanically tug away at his cock with all the enthusiasm of a rusted-up milking machine.

After a couple of wretched minutes, his phone rings. He says he has to answer it, so I stop, and he sits up to take the call.

"Yeah... Yeah... Right, just lance it, then. But just makes sure to drain all the fluid."

I have had enough thinking time. He finishes the call.

"My arm aches, you'll have to go."

And thus, our giddy dalliance concluded.

Totally worth it

(For me that is)

[PlanktonSideburns]

Wanking off a recently diarrhoea'd man is really funny I must admit.

I wonder what was going through his head on the 40 minute drive to yours? Do you think about halfway through the squits properly kicked in and he had to hold it but was too far along to go back?

I know for a fact if I felt even an ounce of loose stool sloshing around a rumbling belly i'd start stressing about buggery.

I'd like to think the interior of his car was plastered with liquid shit like that time mr bean put fireworks in cans of paint

[touchingcloth]

Submitting to a wank-off after blowing your guts out your arse is pretty heroic. A substantial and colon-plugging meal is enough to turn my libido down to zero, so the idea that there is anyone who can gobble down a stomach-aggravating meal, shit it fully out and then lie back on a stranger's bed for a glum tug-tugging? My God... the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, impure.

[Fr.Bigley]

An ex had the holiday shits and the drunken horn. Have to admit, hearing your other half dripping her guts in a Spanish pan is a real passion killer.

[touchingcloth]

She gave you something to remember her by
Spanish pans of Spanish leather

[Chollis]

walks straight into my bedroom with a big, horny smile on his face

highlight. the brass neck on this fella

[dissolute ocelot]

Nearest I can manage is farting a lot a few hours after a curry in the bathroom of one of those capsule hotels where the toilet is just a glass cube with no ceiling in the middle of the windowless bedroom. Middle of the night, dead silence, and someone I'd only been dating a few months 6 feet away.

[rectorofstiffkey]

Romance thwarted by faeces takes me back about 30 years.

Mr Rector and myself, a little adorable pub in the Lake District.  It has a sweet little courtyard in which there is a cutesy brick building with a charming weeny window.  We buy our drinks and sit by the charming weeny window, which is slightly open.  We hold hands and twinkle at each other, charmingly, while we peruse the oh-so-lovely menu.

Then it started.

"hhhhhhrrrrgh"

It turns out that the charming weeny window is to the gents.  And someone's not having a good time.

"HUUUGNNHGN"

We freeze, still holding hands.  Our twinkle diminishes.  And then it really starts.

"Ghhhnnnn!  HHHRrrrrrr!!!"  <wind escaping noisily>

Pause.

"Oh, dear god!   Mother!........"     "hhhhhhnngnh!"

A long pause.  A flush.  Another long pause.  And then the door of the cutesy brick building opens and a man walks out in chef's whites.

We don't eat there and the evening never quite gets back to full romance.

[Alberon]

Any excuse to repost this-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jHnbNU3GkE

[bgmnts]

I did once go on a date with a lady in NYC and we ended up hoing to a Bangladeshi restaurant.

About half an hour later she starts getting agitated and I assumed I was just irritating her so I just asked if she wanted to do something else. We pay and leave and about 20 steps out the door she asks where the nearest toilet is, and I say there is a coffee place a few blocks down the road.

I keep up with her pace for five minutes and watch as the poor woman, half waddling, absolutely legs it into the thankfully free single toilet in the place. Turns out she had IBS and the food triggered her bowels big time.

Had a laugh about it though so sometimes almost shitting yourself in a romantic setting has it's upsides.

[Replies From View]

I'd like to think the interior of his car was plastered with liquid shit like that time mr bean put fireworks in cans of paint

Paging Doomy Dwyer

[Replies From View]

We don't eat there and the evening never quite gets back to full romance.

I'm astonished you were so emotionally invested in the shitter's own subjective experience that you couldn't separate yourselves from it, laugh and base the rest of your lives on that hilarious time you ran out of a restaurant holding hands.

Experiences like that are what good dates should be built on.