Author Topic: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"  (Read 1697 times)

Midas

  • 𝔇𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢.
"Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« on: October 11, 2021, 04:30:50 PM »
fuck-off-fuck-off-fuck-off
has any job in the history of mankind ever offered anything that even approaches a high enough salary to justify asking this? what do you want me to say? "i'm a mediocre unemployed man so please oh please allow me the honour of your fine and noble patronage oh kind and generous sir". do you want me on my knees? what am i supposed to say? what do you want YOU CUNT?
fuck-off-fuck-off-fuck-off
« Last Edit: October 11, 2021, 04:56:40 PM by Midas »

Shit Good Nose

  • A shitload of ballbags
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2021, 04:52:37 PM »
fuck-off-fuck-off-fuck-off
has any job in the history of mankind ever offered anything that even approaches a high enough salary to justify asking this? what do you want me to say? "i'm an mediocre unemployed man so please oh please allow me the honour of your fine and noble patronage oh kind and generous sir". do you want me on my knees? what am i supposed to say? what do you want YOU CUNT?
fuck-off-fuck-off-fuck-off

".........m.........maybe you're not right for this role......"

thenoise

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2021, 04:57:28 PM »
I think the best answer is to quote Homer's "feisty yet spineless" speech to Mr Burns:

Quote
If you're looking for the kind of employee who takes abuse and never sticks up for himself, I'm your man! You can treat me like dirt and I'll still kiss your butt and call it ice cream! And if you don't like it, I can change!

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2021, 05:01:11 PM »
I always struggle with questions like this. My interests don't extend much beyond getting drunk and listening to music.

Wonderful Butternut

  • Celtic Druid God of Battle
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2021, 05:07:02 PM »
"Well, I'm very conscientious, hard working and dedicated to my work life. I have two cats, don't see humans outside work and spend most of my free time devoted to the worship of the Horned Prophet Baphomet."

I don't get many call backs.

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #5 on: October 11, 2021, 05:15:05 PM »
This is why I'm not earning a living on TV quiz shows. I can answer the factual questions but not the "tell us something interesting about yourself".

Ultimate Frisbee. You can't say anything to someone who does Ultimate Frisbee. Certainly not "Tell me more about Ultimate Frisbee."

kalowski

  • Maclunkey
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2021, 05:16:28 PM »
"I like sausages"
"Oh, so do I."
"Really? That's great. You must come round and see my collection. I've got thousands!"

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2021, 05:30:29 PM »
I'm a colossal pervert. That's it really, not much else to me. I mean a massive one. Appalling. But never in the workplace. NEVER.

unless....you'd like me to be one...

DrGreggles

  • [something funny]
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #8 on: October 11, 2021, 06:10:55 PM »
"Well, I'm a very private person."
"..."
"..."
"..."

icehaven

  • WORLD'S BIGGEST RIP OFF: $100 PER PERSON
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2021, 06:15:25 PM »
I spose they do it to see what you think is most important/relevant/interesting about you without being directly asked or knowing what they want to hear, but I'm not sure how much that really says about you anyway.

SpiderChrist

  • Be still, Taggart
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2021, 06:18:06 PM »

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2021, 06:27:16 PM »
“Every time I close my eyes, I see the boys face” and just leave it there

Captain Z

  • Die Hard or Die Tryin'
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #12 on: October 11, 2021, 06:27:46 PM »
I was voted Digital Calibration Insider's "One To Watch", April 2012.

Cloud

  • This is probably a mistake
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #13 on: October 11, 2021, 06:30:39 PM »
"I'm a furry and like ponies and booze"

Yeah no

You just give standard interview-friendly interests etc.  "I have a passion for {something related to what the job's about} and enjoy hiking, listening to music and photography" and then have an answer ready for attempts to see through your BS like  "oh where do you like hiking?"

PlanktonSideburns

  • Get on the fet STAT
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #14 on: October 11, 2021, 06:33:21 PM »
Well, I’m a month away from bailiffed, I’m ALWAYS a month away from being bailiffed, so I will always need to do whatever this job was again, forever, until exhaustion takes me, as it pays the bare minimum that I would need to survive without being made destitute

Don’t feel bad if that’s not good enough for you, there’s a million shit jobs like this, a million desperate cunts like me, just do whatever

shiftwork2

  • pies this is your time
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #15 on: October 11, 2021, 07:41:10 PM »
Doesn’t seem like a difficult or unreasonable question.

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #16 on: October 11, 2021, 07:53:46 PM »


My first exposure to this sketch was via MP’s Instant Record Collection, so no visual memory at all, and yet I still recognise it and which bit it is.

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #17 on: October 11, 2021, 08:01:36 PM »


You just give standard interview-friendly interests etc.  "I have a passion for {something related to what the job's about} and enjoy hiking, listening to music and photography" and then have an answer ready for attempts to see through your BS like  "oh where do you like hiking?"

Up the North face of your mum.

So am I hired or what?

kalowski

  • Maclunkey
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #18 on: October 11, 2021, 08:18:23 PM »
My first exposure to this sketch was via MP’s Instant Record Collection, so no visual memory at all, and yet I still recognise it and which bit it is.
Ha, yes, same here. "Golf's not very popular around here, but never mind"

Midas

  • 𝔇𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢.
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #19 on: October 11, 2021, 08:18:37 PM »
Doesn’t seem like a difficult or unreasonable question.

alright then, tell me a bit about yourself

SpiderChrist

  • Be still, Taggart
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #20 on: October 11, 2021, 08:40:54 PM »
"I have weeping sores on my scrotum, which I am constantly scratching. And I will only eat mild cheddar."

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #21 on: October 11, 2021, 08:43:40 PM »
I think most people ask it just because they've no clue how to transition from introductory talk to interview mode? Whatever you say gets almost totally ignored so just waffle off your last couple of roles.

Gurke and Hare

  • Fold water. Roll into small cubes.
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #22 on: October 11, 2021, 08:50:38 PM »
It depends on the job doesn't it? If it's a job that needs some specific expertise and experience then it's an invitation for you to show how your work/stud/life history makes you a good fit. If it's a no experience required job then it's rubbish, but I don't know what you would ask in an interview for one of those, may as well just put all the names of people who've applied in a hat and pull one out.

Blue Jam

  • (I may have you on ignore)
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #23 on: October 11, 2021, 08:53:11 PM »
"Whenever I'm doing a job interview, I relax by picturing the interviewer naked."

Fr.Bigley

  • Shall I boil this kettle dry?
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #24 on: October 12, 2021, 09:36:34 PM »
"Well erm...I have IBS and I've just eaten a jar of jalapeños so I'm used to stressful situations....I've also just shat myself just now"
 

Midas

  • 𝔇𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔰𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢.
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #25 on: October 12, 2021, 10:51:07 PM »
tomorrow i will face this question.

might have to take advantage of the demon drink.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • They call me mista bald bastard
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #26 on: October 13, 2021, 03:31:12 AM »
"Yeah no, Listen: it is what it is."

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #27 on: October 13, 2021, 04:51:37 AM »
"Whenever I'm doing a job interview, I relax by picturing the interviewer naked."

"....or sitting on the toilet if she's female."

Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #28 on: October 13, 2021, 06:52:52 AM »
They want to know what you're like interacting with people, whether you'll be relatively functional around the office, if you're comfortable around others or hard to get to know. It doesn't matter what you say but keep it light and inane. You don't have to be normal, they don't give a fuck what you do in your free time or what's decomposing in the boot of your car, you just have to be able to pretend.

Here's some advice

Got into cooking over lockdown, really enjoying it
Love going the pictures with my mates, great to be back in the cinema after lockdown
Started cycling over lockdown, had enough of walking over lockdown hahaha
Live music, great to go back to gigs after lockdown
Looking into volunteering again now things have opened up

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • They call me mista bald bastard
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: "Tell me a bit about yourself?"
« Reply #29 on: October 13, 2021, 08:26:35 AM »
Answer with: 'Do you like pasta? I fucking love it, me, it is great!!'

Tags: