"Tell me a bit about yourself?"

[gilbertharding]

Fix the interviewer with a hard, unblinking stare. Say nothing for several seconds, and then without unclenching your jaw, say "I like reading, and walks in the countryside."

If they ask any questions about your favourite authors or nearby villages, repeat the phrase, "I like reading, and walks in the countryside."

[Midas]

head's spinning.

"i am a void. a fly trapped in amber. the only thing that flourishes within me is despair. i am available for an immediate start."

[SpiderChrist]

"I have an extensive collection of children's shoes and enjoy bathing my elderly mother."

[Midas]

just had my (telephone) interview.

they (more-or-less) asked

"are you a nonce or murderer"

and then i said "no"

and then they said

"when can you start"

[Midas]

all that anxiety for nowt!

[touchingcloth]

just had my (telephone) interview.

they (more-or-less) asked

"are you a nonce or murderer"

and then i said "no"

and then they said

"when can you start"

That's a very shrewd move on there part, as if you become a nonce and/or murderer after you start working there they can fire you for lying.

[Midas]

i'm in the palm of their hand during this intermediary stage, for sure.

considering calling them back and reeling off my preprepared facts about my keen eye for detail just to be on the safe side.

[dissolute ocelot]

If you're a nonce and a murderer, how are you supposed to answer that question?

[Icehaven]

just had my (telephone) interview.

they (more-or-less) asked

"are you a nonce or murderer"

and then i said "no"

and then they said

"when can you start"

I hope you said "Well, I can start murdering right away but I might need some training for the noncing."

[Twit 2]

What was your upbringing?

[Midas]

thanks for the laffs/advice everyone btw. was ridiculously anxious about this new shit-shovelling venture.

[madhair60]

just had my (telephone) interview.

they (more-or-less) asked

"are you a nonce or murderer"

and then i said "no"

and then they said

"when can you start"

right but the weird thing is i know for a fact that you are a nonce and a murderer so what's happened here?

[Midas]

lies

[Midas]

i'll be contacting my legal team for further advice

[robhug]

Is this job at Hampshire Bakery?

I can see why they are looking for some clarification re: nonce/murderer as they've been stung on that before.

[kalowski]

"are you a nonce or murderer"

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

As of two days ago my answer to this question will always be "I FLEW A PLANE."