(serious thread) best pooing stance/tech

[Tony Tony Tony]

Not sure about best toilet stance, but I have seen the future...

To celebrate World Toilet Day (19 November), Bloo has revealed the 'MOT Health Check Toilet' of the future, to show its commitment to a more sustainable washroom.

The future report revealed that by 2050, toilets will have sophisticated technology that will offer complete health check MOTs, helping people improve life longevity by anticipating harmful diseases and deficiencies from human waste. Results will be cleverly projected via a hologram in front of people's eyes, with suggested lifestyle changes.

The toilet will support people's immune systems by analysing the contents of the toilet bowl, to check vitamin and sugar levels, anticipate potential diseases, flag any deficiencies – and when a person needs a check-up at the doctor. In a truly dystopian touch, results will also be shared with people's insurance companies to help lower (or increase) their rates, based on their lifestyle choices.

The MOT 'Health Checker' system will feature voice recognition, so people will effectively be able to talk with their toilet about their results.

Not sure I want me and my shitter discussing the results of my boxing day dump and reporting it to my insurance company.

[Midas]

no way i'd let that thing hop around like the terminator or whatever it does

[Twit 2]

We'll all be having Armitage Shanks defecation scenarios. Terrifying.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The MOT 'Health Checker' system will feature voice recognition, so people will effectively be able to talk with their toilet about their results.

Hiya mental clever toilet mate

[The Mollusk]

"Alexa, tell me about the health of my faecal deposits this week."

[Alexa adopts a never before heard sultry tone] "Well, someone was a big strong boy on Tuesday morning..."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Toilet: 'Hi guys how are we today, just follow me'

[thenoise]

Fucking hell. The toilet used to be the one thing in my life that didn't judge me, just swallowed up whatever ghastly thing I brought it without complaint. And now this! This!

[Cerys]

Well, speaking as someone with a bionic arse, I can heartily recommend

Spoiler alert

acquiring a bionic arse

[close]

.

[Twit 2]

"Hi guys! Did you enjoy your shits?"
"Yeah, lovely thanks, can I have the bill?"
"Haha, yeah. If you return within an hour you can have 15% off your next shit with this special discount code."
"Great. Wipe my arse for me, you whore."

[poo]

Mate shits off bridges

[idunnosomename]

Bum in the air all covered in hair yes its true

[All Surrogate]

Well, speaking as someone with a bionic arse, I can heartily recommend

Spoiler alert

acquiring a bionic arse

[close]

.

Sounds like you're trying to offload a bionic arse. Is it hot?

[touchingcloth]

Not sure about best toilet stance, but I have seen the future...



Not sure I want me and my shitter discussing the results of my boxing day dump and reporting it to my insurance company.

Fax them a hologram of your latest turd, though. That'd be great.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Poo sling mate.

[idunnosomename]

has that man got a massive fucking boner

[Cuellar]

Would you not

[Cerys]

Sounds like you're trying to offload a bionic arse.

You may take my bionic arse only when you pry my cold, dead fingers from it.

Is it hot?

Depends on your fetish.

[Tony Tony Tony]

has that man got a massive fucking boner

Yep. He is dying for a piss.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Poo sling mate.

Has anyone let Kelvin know?

[touchingcloth]

Poo sling mate.

Looks like a very expensive mobile for a toddler's cot.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I love the look on the cunt's face.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

I've found over the years that the tubgirl position is most amenable to feeshus expulsion. Just assume the position in the bath and make sure the dental dam is positioned correctly and you're good to go.

[KaraokeDragon]

Best tool for faecal removal...

Haha look at the bake on your man there - as if butter wouldn't melt. Filthy wee bastard.

[The Mollusk]

Bum in the air all covered in hair yes its true

What song are you doing here, is it "Pumping On Your Stereo"?

I pumped on my stereo once for a laugh, didn't realise how backed up I was. You wanna try cleaning wet shite out of the little nooks and crannies of those buttons. Waste of an afternoon that was.

[aunt mildred]

Poo sling mate.

Anybody who cares for an elderly immobile relative knows exactly what that is and how useful it is, but let's just take the piss in yet another shitting stance thread.

[hamfist]

I'm shitting as I (nnnnng) type this (aaahhhhhh)

no really I am

[thenoise]

I love the look on the cunt's face.

Be a model, they said.

It'll be glamorous, they said.