Extracting the urine

[poodlefaker]

Ever been catheterised? I always thought no way is anyone sticking a pipe anywhere near my old aretha, but when you haven't pissed for two days and your bladder's like a basketball full of hot Tizer, it's Slide that boy up me, baby!

[Bigfella]

When I was about 14 I read in FHM or somewhere that thinking of Thatcher/your gran is counterproductive because rather than your cock going "shit! Don't want to sex this! Better go soft!" it goes "shit! Don't want to give my best sperm to this! Better give it the old stuff!" and then just immediately spunks out the older sperms which are towards the front end of the testicles. Like I was trained to shelf-rotate in the supermarket, but with cums.

hear your point, but naw... Maggie has always been a highly effective turn-off for me.  Self anecdotal, empirical evidence, sure.  Effective all the same.

[Kankurette]

No, I would not use a urinal. I don't want people watching me piss.

[touchingcloth]

From Carrying the Fire - astronaut Michael Collins' autobiography:

It was a special pity to be leaving the barrel just as I discovered the answer to the all-time favorite question astronauts are asked. No one would ever ask it in a crowd, but after the lecture was over, inevitably someone would sidle up, amid the autographers, and half whisper, "Say, what I have always wondered is how you fellows ... you know ... how do you, well, go to the bathroom up there?" Allow me to enter for the record the official, approved Gemini 7 procedure for going potty in space:

Code Select Expand


Operating Procedure
Chemical Urine Volume Measuring System (CUVMS)
Condom Receiver

  1. Uncoil collection/mixing bag from around selector valve.
  2. Place penis against receiver inlet check valve and roll latex receiver onto penis.
  3. Rotate selector valve knob (clockwise) to the "Urinate" position.
  4. Urinate.
  5. When urination is complete, turn selector valve knob to "Sample."
  6. Roll off latex receiver and remove penis.
  7. Obtain urine sample bag from stowage location.
  8. Mark sample bag tag with required identification.
  9. Place sample bag collar over selector valve sampler flange and turn collar 1/6 turn to stop position.
10. Knead collection/mixing bag to thoroughly mix urine and tracer chemical.
11. Rotate sample injector lever 90 degrees so that sample needle pierces sample bag rubber stopper.
12. Squeeze collection/mixing bag to transfer approximately 75 cc. of tracered urine into the sample bag.
13. Rotate the sample injector lever 90 degrees so as to retract the sample needle.


[Johnny Foreigner]

Why is not wanting to piss next to a stranger being pathologised? It's a weird situation. I avoid it always, and prefer to sit anyway. My father was a standing pisser, splashy-splash splash, territorial pissings, didn't like to shut the toilet door, sometimes pissed into a watering can in the dining room while I was eating. Forgive me if I like to invite a little decorum into my micturation, because I've seen the alternative.

That actually used to be a form of popular entertainment.

‟Vincent had the peculiar knack of being able to squirt her wine across a table, to such a nicety that she would fire into the neck of a quart bottle. Lord Fielding, who had heard that she possessed such a power, but could not believe it, when our number was reduced to about eight, spoke to me on the subject, and I assured him, as the fact was, I had more than once seen her do it. His lordship then entreated me to let him witness so extraordinary a feat. I immediately asked her to oblige us with the exhibition, which, as she had a large dose of wine in her head, she consented to do with little difficulty, desiring me to be 'her bottle holder'. I, accordingly, took up a champagne bottle, and, going from the end to the side of the table, she placed herself opposite and, pulling up her petticoats, I presented the mouth of the bottle in a slanting direction toward her. In an instant, she with her fingers contracted the lips of her tu quoque so as to produce a narrow curved stream, so correctly aimed that at least one-third actually entered the bottle. Never did I hear such screams of laughter as ensued; Lord Fielding was near suffocation, so excessively did it excite his mirth."

William Hickey (1749-1830), Memoirs.

[Bigfella]

From Carrying the Fire - astronaut Michael Collins' autobiography:

Armstrong and Aldrin get the glory while Collins is orbiting the moon and doing the piss detail.  What deal is William Shatner getting?

[Midas]

Re: Urinals

Those "stainless" steel urinals that are basically just a piss-filled trough nailed to the wall are probably one of the worst things ever invented; there has been many a time, after wandering into pub toilets, when I've thought "Actually, I'd rather piss myself than spend another second in here."

[touchingcloth]

                       Armstrong and Aldrin get the glory while Collins is orbiting the moon and doing the piss detail.  What deal is William Shatner getting?

Collins often talked about how he realised he had the worst seat on the Apollo 11 mission, but that it was a seat he was happy to have sat in nonetheless. Before now I hadn't considered he was talking about toilet seats.

[canadagoose]

Ever been catheterised? I always thought no way is anyone sticking a pipe anywhere near my old aretha, but when you haven't pissed for two days and your bladder's like a basketball full of hot Tizer, it's Slide that boy up me, baby!

Yeah, but wait till they take it out!

[Cerys]

From Carrying the Fire - astronaut Michael Collins' autobiography:

remove penis

This seems rather harsh.

[Vinnie01]

Yeah, but wait till they take it out!

You will get used to them after a while compared to the 1st time it will feel wrong.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

No, I would not use a urinal. I don't want people watching me piss.

People don't watch you piss.

Public urinals are one of the few aspects of society that is relatively liberal when it comes to bodies and their functions in an intensely and increasingly repressed nation. We get daily proof that the world doesn't fall in by quickly discharging urine regardless of whether or not others are around doing the same.

The thread is so far rather 'forgot my p.e kit sir' bedwetting in my opinion.

[AllisonSays]

I hate to agree with the little bald maestro, but I do genuinely enjoy pissing at a busy urinal in a pub or whatever. It's a weird little moment of sociality and intimacy, and as the Leeds Gorbachev says, the whole idea is that nobody watches you. I can't think of anyone ever looking at my dick in a urinal, sometimes drunk people make conversation, but I don't mind that either.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

Avoidant Paruresis is a medical condition, can be brought on by medications as well as anxiety. It is a form of social phobia. Person who has this will have a extremely hard time regardless of how full your bladder is because it locks up. If it gets too much then catherisation may be required if any other methods don't work.

To a person at a urinal with this condition may lock up forcing them to go in to a cubical or else where they may feel safe or even holding it until they get home.

If it's an anxiety thing, just count to ten in your head, and I'll bet you're flowing before you reach 10.

[shiftwork2]

People don't watch you piss.

Public urinals are one of the few aspects of society that is relatively liberal when it comes to bodies and their functions in an intensely and increasingly repressed nation. We get daily proof that the world doesn't fall in by quickly discharging urine regardless of whether or not others are around doing the same.

The thread is so far rather 'forgot my p.e kit sir' bedwetting in my opinion.

By that logic we should do away with cubicles and have an open plan public toilet.  They had one in Full Metal Jacket so there is a precedent.

[Vinnie01]

If it's an anxiety thing, just count to ten in your head, and I'll bet you're flowing before you reach 10.

Some medications are known to cause it too. Some Depression and Epilepsy meds particularly Carbamazepine are the worst for this. Medication induced condition often require catherisation. Doesn't matter how hard you try it doesn't always flow without force.

You are more prone to UTI from catherisation as well.

People don't watch you piss.

Sure there are weirdos as well in the society.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

Some medications are known to cause it too. Some Depression and Epilepsy meds particularly Carbamazepine are the worst for this. Medication induced condition often require catherisation. Doesn't matter how hard you try it doesn't always flow without force.

Oh definitely, I meant if it was purely psychological.
Do you want to know who told me it?  A scouser called Ritchie who was playing in Owen "You're My Favourite Waste Of Time" Paul's backing band.

[Dex Sawash]

Had major stage fright at a NASCAR race after drinking one of my two regulation sized coolers full of beer.
Shoulder to shoulder at the trough and nothing. Had to go up under the metal stands in turn one 10/10. I imagine the state of the stands at turn #2

[Paul Calf]

I mean, while we're on the subject this story has to be aired again

https://www.vice.com/en/article/vdybgj/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-piss-dungeon

[amateur]

Any time I can't piss in public for whatever reason, I imagine pissing on the faces of whoever else is in the room.

Works every time, and great fun too.

[Jittlebags]

I mean, while we're on the subject this story has to be aired again

https://www.vice.com/en/article/vdybgj/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-piss-dungeon

Could be worse. I'm thinking Lisa Stansfield's chest freezer after a power cut.