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Who's got the best anus?

Started by kalowski, October 15, 2021, 04:14:38 PM

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kalowski

I don't mean the sexiest or anything like that.
Most functional.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Send the best anus to me immediately

kalowski


Replies From View

ask someone with a chromed anus

Glebe

Shoulders' anus is pretty decent I hear. But it's expensive £39.95 exclusively from Morrisons.

kalowski

Quote from: Glebe on October 15, 2021, 05:36:42 PM
Shoulders' anus is pretty decent I hear. But it's expensive £39.95 exclusively from Morrisons.
I'm not keen on those people flashing the cash for a top quality anus. I prefer a home grown anus.

Glebe

Quote from: kalowski on October 15, 2021, 05:39:45 PMI prefer a home grown anus.

That's a sentence I never thought I'd read.

Povidone

Well I eat three Weatabix a day and shove another one up my arse at night for luck and I have NEVER had problems with taking a shite so I'd like to submit my arse for bestness, george bestness if possible.

kalowski

Quote from: Povidone on October 15, 2021, 11:42:49 PM
Well I eat three Weatabix a day and shove another one up my arse at night for luck and I have NEVER had problems with taking a shite so I'd like to submit my arse for bestness, george bestness if possible.
God. This makes me realise I've never considered the real parameters for what constitutes "best anus". Most functional? You sound like you are in with a chance of the grand prize.

Povidone

Quote from: kalowski on October 15, 2021, 11:44:50 PM
God. This makes me realise I've never considered the real parameters for what constitutes "best anus". Most functional? You sound like you are in with a chance of the grand prize.

Well if the criteria was 'cleanest'... actually I'd fucking win that as well, baby wipes and Aldi moisturiser. Listen, fucking LISTEN RIGHT, anal hygeine is important, especially if you plan on necking three bags of Malbec.

poo

Had a good look at my anus the other day and I thought fair play mate, fair play

kalowski


Replies From View

Why doesn't your anus have a snapping beak added??

kalowski


Replies From View

I once knew a man who was entirely crippled by his anus

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Our Lord Jesus Christ, of course.

Replies From View

It was a good anus, and it crippled him.  It was good that it crippled him.



Jesus' anus wasn't so terrific.  When he was being crucified on that fateful day did it reach up and pop him off the cross?  No, it did not (unless it just wasn't written down but if his anus was so brilliant it would have written it down).

itsfredtitmus

A really useful arse. Can think of a few!

Replies From View


The Dog

Know a bloke with a lucky anus - you can slide things into it and they come out lucky.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy



Replies From View

Lucky, he said.  Why must anus talk always lead to sheer filth.  An anus is actually the cleanest part of the body because it has such a strong immune system



You remember those brilliant coin slide things that swizzle all around and take ages to go into the hole

itsfredtitmus

He kept his ass in a pot for extra reach

Replies From View

Don't you dare whitewash his custom toothbrush from history

Glebe

My anus I like a well fucked squid.

kalowski


kalowski

Or is "My anus" a statement of surprise? An ejaculation, as Conan Doyle would say, like "By Jove"?
"My anus, I like a well fucked squid!"


Replies From View

Quote from: itsfredtitmus on October 16, 2021, 11:00:45 PM
A well-worn in arse

the most loved teddy bear in all of the northern hemisphere is not automatically the best anus



sometimes it needs to be functional to be good.  only sometimes