Speaking with the bank manager

[touchingcloth]

I remember that speaking with a bank manager used to be a recurring theme in joke books and the like when I was a kid.

But do they exist? What would speaking with a manager at a branch of Northern Rock get you?

[Glebe]

Speaking with the Bank Manager About Poetry.

[Buelligan]

Was invited in yesterday for a little tête-à-tête but I declined.  Waved the old covid amulet at them and they retreated.  I shall never know what that intercourse would have been like but I don't give one solitary fuck about that.

[JamesTC]

I work for a bank and I am kind of a manager (I get called sir).

[Buelligan]

Not by me, you don't.

[JamesTC]

And we wonder why more bank managers don't post here.

[imitationleather]

Surely we've all defaulted on our high-street bank accounts and are now with Monzo, Revolut, Monese and the rest of the app lads?

[Sebastian Cobb]

The idea of an 'app only, not on websites' bank is revolting enough but you can GET TO FUCK if I'm recording a selfie video of me agreeing to the terms.

I do have a revolut, but that was just a proxy to throw about 60 quid into coinbase once a month as my credit card company were being dicks and blocked the transaction. Coinbase have now banned me for suspected 'prohibited activity' now though :(

[Johnny Foreigner]

But do they exist?

I doubt it. Most banks are international conglomerates; hence the manager would be the CEO, the one at the top, and you would never get to see him or her, but more likely him.

They have plenty of branch managers, however. Mine asked me for proof of ID; I did not have a proper passport at the time and I gave him an ID card, which he only copied on one side. By the time he remembered he also needed a photocopy of the reverse, that card was with my embassy. It nearly ended in my bank account being suspended. Jobcentre Plus, who also took an interest in my ID card, acted like proper scum. Note: I am not saying Jobcentre Plus in general are scum, just that this particular branch was full of filth, bastards and pondlife in desperate need of an arse-buggering.

Those were the good old days of Yorkshire Bank, before Richard bloody Branson decided he'd like them for his dinner.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

I remember somebody starting a savings account for me as a kid, and being very disconcerted when somebody told me that they lend your money out to other people. How could they be sure to get it back, I wondered. I had thought that they kept all the bags of 2p coins and 5p coins and 50p coins I'd counted up and put in wee plastic bags in my own personal safe.

I think tomorrow I'll make an appointment with my bank manager and ask to withdraw all my money in bags of coins. Then I can put all the coins into an app.

[Icehaven]

Jobcentre Plus, who also took an interest in my ID card, acted like proper scum. Note: I am not saying Jobcentre Plus in general are scum, just that this particular branch was full of filth, bastards and pondlife in desperate need of an arse-buggering.

If someone stab murders in the job centre now I hope you know it'll be your fault.

[Ambient Sheep]

I remember somebody starting a savings account for me as a kid, and being very disconcerted when somebody told me that they lend your money out to other people. How could they be sure to get it back, I wondered. I had thought that they kept all the bags of 2p coins and 5p coins and 50p coins I'd counted up and put in wee plastic bags in my own personal safe.

Not the Nine O'Clock News sketch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRGD04ok_qM&t=6m34s

[Endicott]

It's the sort of thing Tom Good would do on the Good Life isn't it. Never going to happen in real life. If you want a loan you see an underling and fill out a form.

Years ago I remember discussing my abuse of my overdraft with the front desk person. I managed to catch a glimpse of my details on their screen and noticed the word STRICT in capitals in one of the boxes. They sent me plenty of letters at 30 quid a pop all suggesting I shouldn't go overdrawn but I never had the joy of expressing my feelings about this with the manager. Shame.

[Sebastian Cobb]

It's the sort of thing Tom Good would do on the Good Life isn't it. Never going to happen in real life. If you want a loan you see an underling and fill out a form.

Years ago I remember discussing my abuse of my overdraft with the front desk person. I managed to catch a glimpse of my details on their screen and noticed the word STRICT in capitals in one of the boxes. They sent me plenty of letters at 30 quid a pop all suggesting I shouldn't go overdrawn but I never had the joy of expressing my feelings about this with the manager. Shame.

more terry and june i reckon. Tel has the manager round for tea to butter him up for a loan but then it all goes to pot as he goes missing then june finds him in the airing cupboard in an ss uniform.

[Endicott]

And then his trousers fall down.

[Endicott]

Oh no, I've got confused with Brian Rix.

[Ham Bap]

I havent been in a bank since 2002. Gives them less to manage, dont have to empty their bins as much etc.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I havent been in a bank since 2002. Gives them less to manage, dont have to empty their bins as much etc.

last few times has been down to obstinance on behalf of the bank, closing dormant accounts, not accepting signature, me moving house and them not wanting to send cards to new address etc.

[Glebe]

This this the type of thing your dad jokes about. "I'd love an Aston Martin... I'll have to speak with my bank manager!"

[Butchers Blind]

I havent been in a bank since 2002. Gives them less to manage, dont have to empty their bins as much etc.

I've not been in a bank for maybe 6 years; do my transactions online. When I see people inside queuing up, I do wonder what they're all up to.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Darling fascist bullyboy,

[Fr.Bigley]

I always thought "Speaking to the bank manager" was just a turgid euphemism your dad uses when he goes off cottaging on Wednesday afternoons 

[Icehaven]

I've not been in a bank for maybe 6 years; do my transactions online. When I see people inside queuing up, I do wonder what they're all up to.

Depositing their entire life savings in fucking 2p pieces, if the ones in front of me in the queue are anything to go by.