What the heck are Masons?

[Tony Tony Tony]

What do these bods do?

They are known as 'side orders' and are an extension of yer bog standard Masonic group which is known as the 'craft order'. You join craft first which entitles you to 'chapter' for which you get a different apron and sash. You also get a medal to wear at craft meetings indicating you are advancing.

The additional orders are simply a way of extending your membership to even more nights out and feeling even more self important. Craft meetings take place over a season with approx eight or nine a year. This isn't enough for some folks so they join side orders which meet less frequently but serve as an addition to regular meets.

It also demonstrates a dedication to the fraternity that along with donations to charity through the lodge gets you quicker promotion to Provincial rank (upper regional lodges you get to join once you have been 'through the chair' that is have been Worshipful Master of your mother lodge) or London Grand rank for lodges in the London area. Provincial officers, as well as London Grand rank, get slightly fancier aprons, are saluted in lodge, process out towards the head of the queue at the end of the ritual and are toasted at festive board. They also get to sit in the best seats in the 'temple' (the room where the ritual takes place). Freemasonry is a very hierarchical system with rank getting you privileges. This appeals to a certain type of person as well as satisfying the need I described earlier about demobbed services types.   

[bgmnts]

That Sooz Kempner gig is a lovely little slice of deso.

[olliebean]

British equivalent of the Shriners (as seen in Laurel & Hardy), isn't it?

[Dex Sawash]

Shame Steven and titbo aren't around to argue over exactly how bad masons are

[Shit Good Nose]

Shame Steven and titbo aren't around to argue over exactly how bad masons are

Although they are a mere drunken no-wimmins-allowed-club blip for the mostpart these days, I think I'm right in saying (though am fully prepared to be corrected) that the apathy has led to a massive reduction in charitable contributions and philanthropy.  I know for a fact that the lodge nearest me (located in Keynsham, near Bristol) used to fund at least 25% of community events like christmas fayres, victorian evening, bonfire night etc, but now barely contribute anything, and that seems to be the case in other local lodges too from what I've been told.

(Note - this is neither a defence or criticism of Masons, just information)


I also know that numbers and uptake of new members are massively down locally as well, and have been dwindling for the past 10 years or so.  The youngsters just aren't interested (and are no doubt dubbed as homosexual snowflakes as a result).

[Tony Tony Tony]

Although they are a mere drunken no-wimmins-allowed-club blip for the mostpart these days, I think I'm right in saying (though am fully prepared to be corrected) that the apathy has led to a massive reduction in charitable contributions and philanthropy.  I know for a fact that the lodge nearest me (located in Keynsham, near Bristol) used to fund at least 25% of community events like christmas fayres, victorian evening, bonfire night etc, but now barely contribute anything, and that seems to be the case in other local lodges too from what I've been told.

(Note - this is neither a defence or criticism of Masons, just information)

You are pretty much spot on. Lots of lodges are dying due to declining numbers. Some are simply closing and handing back their constitution or charter (a bit of paper given by Grand Lodge that originally gave the right to form as an official lodge). Others are amalgamating to stay alive. Some are trying new ways to hold meetings, such as more convenient shorter timings, making them less formal or being a bit less secretive about what goes on.

Obviously less members means less lodges means less money raised to divvy up in the community.

On a side note the HQ of masonry in London is always open for visitors with a museum attached. It's quite an impressive building and gets used for film and TV locations quite a lot. It features in the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy Movie, the Crown and Spectre amongst others.

[thecuriousorange]

It's a bunch of retired chaps who get off on presenting themselves as a "secret society" that controls the world. In reality, the only clandestine group doing that is the NWO. But even they weren't powerful enough to get Hulk Hogan fully out of that racism scandal.

[Shit Good Nose]

You are pretty much spot on. Lots of lodges are dying due to declining numbers. Some are simply closing and handing back their constitution or charter (a bit of paper given by Grand Lodge that originally gave the right to form as an official lodge). Others are amalgamating to stay alive. Some are trying new ways to hold meetings, such as more convenient shorter timings, making them less formal or being a bit less secretive about what goes on.

Obviously less members means less lodges means less money raised to divvy up in the community.

On a side note the HQ of masonry in London is always open for visitors with a museum attached. It's quite an impressive building and gets used for film and TV locations quite a lot. It features in the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy Movie, the Crown and Spectre amongst others.

Full disclosure - a few years ago I was casually asked if I was interested in joining (as opposed to being properly invited to join/have a sack put over my head and kidnapped to the middle of nowhere for initiation and having sex with a goat) but, not being a smoker or that much of a drinker, and completely ignoring everything else about them, I really didn't see any point or benefit to me, nor am I the type of man that feels he needs to escape all female contact (a couple of my very best and closest friends are women).  I just personally find it all a bit sad and embarrassing (no offence intended).  I'd genuinely only be a member for the buffets and barbecues (which I know are - or at least were - of very very high quality).

[robhug]

they're called kilner over this side of the pond i believe

[The Ombudsman]

A family member has been as mason for a very long time now and pretty much all their working career was spent with the charitable arm. His descriptions seem to match exactly those of Tony Tony Tony etc. Not my sort of thing, at all, although I'd go to one event for the experience.

I can definitely see how it gives some folks pleasure and companionship. Also like any large group, there will always be some percentage of the membership that get up to badness. Like the folks in the allotment committee with their cocaine smuggling.

A quick edit to add : I believe Masons have some sort of reciprocal arrangements with lodges worldwide, except the US. Not sure why that is the case and if there is any beef between the two. I can also say they run a tight COVID vaccination centre. My jab was at the local lodge and it was like some military operation.

[Tony Tony Tony]

being properly invited to join/have a sack put over my head and kidnapped to the middle of nowhere for initiation and having sex with a goat)

It was the sex with goats bit that I enjoyed the most about the meetings.

[Blinder Data]

there's one in my village that must be dying on its arse. i'm tempted to go along to see what the craic is but my Catholic upbringing and Celtic allegiances make me shy away, not to mention the fact those qualities would prohibit my membership on a technical basis. they must be desperate for willing members though!

i heard ages ago that the way a mason greets another mason is to do the funny handshake and ask "how old's your granny"? The answer is the order number of your lodge, apparently.

[gilbertharding]

"The Mafia of the Mediocre", according to Our Friends in the North.

The London HQ is indeed impressive.

Now - what the heck are Rotarians, Round Tablers, Lions Clubbers, Independent Order of Oddfellows... etc etc?

[Tony Tony Tony]

i heard ages ago that the way a mason greets another mason is to do the funny handshake and ask "how old's your granny"? The answer is the order number of your lodge, apparently.

That's quite correct there is a 'secret' handshake but it is easy to misinterpret. The Granny bit comes from the lodge number position in the register of lodges. Say your number was 1852 the answer to the question "when is your grandmother's birthday" would be 1st 8th 52.

I used to recognise fellow masons by lapel badges they tend to sport. Also some drop particular turns of phrase from the ritual into ordinary conversation which also alerts to someone being a member.

[checkoutgirl]

The other half's father was not only a Mason, but a member of the Knights Templar and the Rose Croix.

Did he have a raft or neuroses and mental disorders? What kind of person needs to join at least three secret societies?

[checkoutgirl]

Whist I was typing my long winded post Chedney said pretty much the same thing far more eloquently and succinctly.

Nonsense this was a fascinating insight. I'd be inclined to say fair play except for the bit about everyone getting to be master and the heaping of the praise which seems sad and a bit pathetic.

[Dannyhood91]

I always thought that they excluded female members but when my great aunt passed away in 2011 myself, my mum, grandma and uncle were charged with sorting through all her stuff in her tiny one bedroom flat in Scotland and found all her Mason member stuff.

[Tony Tony Tony]

I always thought that they excluded female members but when my great aunt passed away in 2011 myself, my mum, grandma and uncle were charged with sorting through all her stuff in her tiny one bedroom flat in Scotland and found all her Mason member stuff.

Your regular lodges, that is ones officially recognised by the United Grand Lodge, very much do not admit female members. However there are some unofficial lodges that do have women members. If your great aunt was married to a mason she could have been a 'lodge widow' which are the surviving spouses of deceased members. They are often well looked after and get presents at Xmas and invited along for social events.

She could also have been a member of a quasi Masonic order such as the Soroptomists which are remarkably similar to freemasonry in the way they work.

[Blinder Data]

She could also have been a member of a quasi Masonic order such as the Soroptomists which are remarkably similar to freemasonry in the way they work.

Or the Orange Order, perhaps...

[Better Midlands]

Anyone know much about the Rotary Club? It seemed be a Freemasons-lite affair that ran charity fundraisers when I was a kid.

[Gurke and Hare]

How come the smoking laws don't apply to them?

[Icehaven]

How come the smoking laws don't apply to them?

They're private clubs, so I don't think the ban applies. I think there's a thing where some private clubs can't technically sell alcohol too so you just give a 'donation' when you get a drink. My other half is in a club (not anything like the Masons I hasten to add) and the clubhouses are like pubs 25 years ago, drinks are about £2 and everyone smokes indoors.

[JaDanketies]

Used to work for a woman who was in a Rotary Club, which is Mason-esque. After several months I discovered that I knew her sister, who was in a residential care facility just up the road. She literally never went to visit her mentally-disabled sister and occasionally tried to suck some of her sister's state-provided money out of the residential care facility, despite being wealthy, iirc. so fuck em all is what I say

[Shit Good Nose]

Anyone know much about the Rotary Club? It seemed be a Freemasons-lite affair that ran charity fundraisers when I was a kid.

I've done work (in a professional sense through my own job) in the past with the Bath rotary club, and know a couple of members of our local one (Midsomer Norton) and, though still largely made up of old white men, they do have women members, volunteers and presidents, and they're not some "secret" mystic order with grand wizard pretence.  Both the Bath and Midsomer Norton ones describe themselves, independently of each other, as being more like the WI.  Their main remit is local charitable and community stuff, and "doing good" in the usual places overseas (parts of Africa, India etc).

Note the above is specific to the two clubs mentioned.

[JaDanketies]

I'd reckon a factor in their decline that isn't mentioned itt is that people don't do 'networking' in these old ways any more. Fraternities, member's only clubs, etc. I'm sure the attraction for a lot of these boring old white men was networking for business purposes, but nowadays handing a business card to everyone who brought their laptop to Costa Coffee would make more sense. I love a bit of networking, but secret societies aren't even on my radar. It's all on social media innit. 'The Wirral Tradesmen Chat' Facebook group is probably a much more lucrative networking hotspot than the equivalent Masons chapter. So why would anyone be interested in joining the Masons?

[An tSaoi]

There's a masonic hall in my town, but I've never seen any activity in it. I can't imagine it would be popular round these parts. I gather they're not at all keen on Catholics, banning them from joining. Pointlessly, the Vatican also bans Catholics from being Masons.

I always assumed it was a more middle-class Orange Order.

[Ferris]

I had a girlfriend who worked as a waitress at the local lodge for a bit, apparently it was just weird lonely old men who wore funny hats and commented on the length of her skirt.

A funny bunch who aren't nearly as powerful as they think they are - you might get 5% off your next caravan purchase if the place is owned by a member[nb]and typically only after he's quietly added it on first[/nb] but after the subs is that worth it?

[Cold Meat Platter]

Reading between the lines of mason and Joe Rogan crackpot favourite Randall Carlson's wibblings it's a society to preserve awareness of comet/meteor/asteroid strike threats.

[holdover]

I once went to the Masonic Hall in Crown Street in Aberdeen. It's very fancy. Went there as part of location drawing class. We were given a tour by a doddery old bastard who I think showed us more than he should have and also left us alone in one of the main rooms to get on with our drawing.

On the tour he took us down an incredibly steep spiral staircase into a tiny round room painted in gold leaf. It had some old writing on it (done a hundred years before) which he said no-one in the current membership now knew what it meant. Probably random Hebrew to look mystic.

The main event though was when we looked in wooden chest and found a human skull. It had a bayonet sort of attachment which I'm assuming meant it could screw onto a fancy ceremonial pole.

Masons are fucking weirdos.

[Johnny Foreigner]

I've done work (in a professional sense through my own job) in the past with the Bath rotary club, and know a couple of members of our local one (Midsomer Norton) and, though still largely made up of old white men, they do have women members, volunteers and presidents, and they're not some "secret" mystic order with grand wizard pretence.  Both the Bath and Midsomer Norton ones describe themselves, independently of each other, as being more like the WI.  Their main remit is local charitable and community stuff, and "doing good" in the usual places overseas (parts of Africa, India etc).

Note the above is specific to the two clubs mentioned.

Our headmaster at secondary school was a Rotarian and frequently advertised some brilliant work placement scheme with the EU or something that would offer priceless professional experience for pupils' later working life. His calls for volunteers were always left unanswered.

I also get the impression that Rotarians have a great fondness for erecting wishing wells.