I've never had a girlfriend.

[Hairy Chin]

I'm crying inside from the future, and so's my wife.

[Munday's Chylde]

Jesus - too many people to take the piss out of... This requires some organisation... Could all you unattractive people please PM me and I'll get back to you with the sneering later? I'm going to have to work out some kind of system utilising graphs and colour codes... virgins down this end... never even had a snogs over here... And mods i'm going to need confirmation on the identity of crying inside please because he's getting a category all of his own. Thanks.

[Lord Spong]

(Sorry if this is all very 'Dear Deirdre')

I'm a semi-regular poster here, on another account. It's depressing and lonely, but I've never kissed a girl, let alone slept with a woman or had any kind of romantic relationship. I'm 29. If I was posting from my regular account, I'd probably joke it away. But it kills me. Every year seems to reinforce some mental barrier to ever finding love. Plenty of girls at work like me (as a friend), and I'm not ugly (quite good looking), and I'm pretty outgoing and active (before you say it, I've never been to a sci-fi/Star Trek convention either). But forever a 'wingman' I guess.

I'm rambling a bit here. Confessing to strangers I suppose. I'd sure die of embarrassment if anyone I knew found out. Think I'll continue the pretense to my friends, they wouldn't laugh in front of me, but I guess would have a guilty chuckle behind my back. Ah.

*sighs with heavy heart*

You sound like me from a year ago.  This time last year I had never had sex, or even kissed a girl.  I was 28 then, I'm 29 now.  In fact, you sound a hell of a lot like me, I had plenty of female friends, people were telling me I was quite good looking (I put a picture of myself up on hotornot.com as an 'experiment', and came out with a 8.7 average thankyouverymuch).  I don't think I was very outgoing though, because I've always been very painfully shy  (and I have been to a sci-fi convention, so you have that over me at least).  Like you, it was killing me, I was convinced I was ugly, that there was something wrong with me.  I was sure people were laughing at me behind my back.  

It just never seemed to 'happen' to me like it did to other people, and I couldn't understand why.

Anyway, I did manage to lose my virginity about six months ago.  The point is, if you had told me a year ago that within twelve months I would have (gasp)  kissed a girl, and even (shock) had sex, I would have thought you were taking the piss.  I would have spat on you.  I would never have believed it, but I was wrong.  I was more surprised than anybody when it actually did happen.

So I guess my advice to you (and anybody else) is not to give up hope.  It may sound like a twee, cliched thing to say, but it's coming from somebody who was in exactly the same position as you are, so believe me I know what I'm talking about.  

I also think perhaps you should tell your friends.  If they are proper friends, and they find out how much it's getting to you, they won't laugh.  They might even be able to fix you up!

Oh yeah, ignore any piss taking replies you might get.  I'm sure they're only meant in good humour, but I know that unless you've been there you can't really understand what it's like to be in that particular situation.

Good luck!!

EDIT: edited for spelling

[Cheese Arse H Christ]

How much did it cost, spongy?

[Hairy Chin]

I would have spat on you.

But not in someone's mouth?

[Lord Spong]

How much did it cost, spongy?

The cost was one cherry, never been used, one careful owner.  A bargain!!

But not in someone's mouth?

<shocked>
I don't think I'm ready for that kind of foul perversion just yet, although it is on on my wish list, just next to a Dutch Blindfold.

[Hairy Chin]

If you need any tips, then it's Kazuo Kiriyama You want to speak to!
(bottom of previous page/top of this one) The fiend.

[Kazuo Kiriyama]

As far as mouthspitting goes, I think you crazy kids call it 'kissing'.

[Lt Plonker]

Oh yeah, ignore any piss taking replies you might get.  I'm sure they're only meant in good humour, but I know that unless you've been there you can't really understand what it's like to be in that particular situation.

Yeah, no piss takery meant. Best of luck, chum. I'm feeling similar, though probably not of the same magnitude, down this end.

[Hairy Chin]

Kissing you say?

[12 years, 11 months old]

OK

[terminallyrelaxed]

I knew he meant kissing I was just oh never mind.....

What a senseless waste of human life...

[Virtually Perennially]

I don't think I'm ready for that kind of foul perversion just yet, although it is on on my wish list, just next to a Dutch Blindfold.

Come on then, you got me, what is it?

[Purple Tentacle]

Isn't it dangling both balls into your lady's eyesockets?

[fanny splendid]

I had to look that up, too. Apparently when you are being orally pleasured in a particular way, one's testicles dangle lovingly in your partner's eyes.

I was in Bruges a couple of weeks ago on another beer buying trip, and had fun explaining to a Dutch girl in a cap, what a Dutch cap was...

[Hairy Chin]

Bloody hell, I've got 'Dutch Cap' to look up now and then pass off to my friends (alright friend then) that I've known what it is for ages.

[Hairy Chin]

Oh. Never heard it called that before.

[Virtually Perennially]

Ouch.

[Smackhead Kangaroo]

Bah to hell with the animated series let's have a sitcom!

Hasn't anyone else accidentally fallen into being celibate? I don't mean cases of where you just don't get any either. No? Just me then.
That said I have to beat them orf with a stick.
It's me self flagellation stick, but normally when I'm being flocked it's for flagellating others.
It does seem odd but I think unnattainability seems to make people want you. Either that or it's because I'm a man slut wearing PVC bumless trousers.