Funny Phonecalls - except I'm not laughing

[Hairy Chin]

I know these 'sound boards' have been around for ages where you can sample and play out bits of film clips to make it sound as if you're getting a phonecall from Arnie or someone - and I heard Scot Mills on Radio 1 yesterday, who's doing it.

I got a phonecall yesterday evening from a withheld number. Some twat was tinkering around with one of these, but I had no idea who the person on the other end was meant to be. Plus I got pissed off at the principal of some dick phoning me up to waste my time, so I hung up. 15 mins later, the phone goes again, withheld number - so I just let it ring, they didn't leave a voicemail, so I'm guessing it was the prick from earlier.

And just now my phone went again, withheld number - I answered it, thinking it might be work ringing me for something, but I had an inkling it would be that dick with the crank call again. I picked up the phine with "Hello?" which was answered wth a slightly echoey "Yeah, 'sup?" I just hung up.

I've got no credit on my phone to ring up Orange and complain about this time-waster, and I would like them to have their phone disconnected or be cautioned or something, just to inconvenience them for ringing me with these stupid calls. They're not threatening or worrying me, just getting on my nerves and wasting my time. Is there any way I can report them and get Orange to trace their number that won't involve me putting redit on my phone?

If they ring again I'm just going to answer it and leave it hanging around to rack up their phone bill.

[Mr Flunchy]

Jesus Christ man, chill the fuck out.  It's probably someone you know making a rather ill-advised attempt at humour.

[Hairy Chin]

No, I refuse to.

[butnut]

Can I completely hijack this thread please? Thanks.

Has anyone else been rung up by those fucking machines? Some American computer woman who starts droning on about winning a great prize. Total cunts. And there's no way of finding out who's doing it. And if you hang up and pick the phone up again - she's still there, whittering on about nothing, and using up my fucking phone line.

FUCK OFF!!!!!!!

It's like having a girlfriend, but without the occasional bonus of intercourse.

[Hairy Chin]

I've not had one of them. Is it all roboted?

[butnut]

I've not had one of them. Is it all roboted?

Yes - and there's nothing you can do to get them to go away.

[Hairy Chin]

Yes - and there's nothing you can do to get them to go away.

Those bastards. At least I can hang up on my supposed celeb caller.

[gazzyk1ns]

I think it's pretty much a myth (except in the most extreme cases) that if you ring up your service provider, they can tell who has been ringing you and/or bock a single number from ringing you? That's certainly the "official line" of a couple of providers, although whether they're just saying that to make you stop bothering them is another thing.

Mundays works in a call centre advising people about this and what to do if you've dropped your phone down the bog, maybe he can shed some light.

[Hairy Chin]

Trouble is, if you drop your phone down the bog you can't use it for days. I know, i've done it. Not on purpose though.

Best thing you can do, if you do drop your phone down the kermit, is dry it out as much as you can ASAP - take it outside, shake it and use the hair dryer, then stick it in the airing cupboard for a few days.

Unlike what I did, shake it, hairdryer it and then try and leave it in the most sunlight on the windowsill you can find. After a few days my display came back, so I started using it. But the display kept fading and coming back, the whole display went back at one point. But it's alright now - although I STILL have two lines missing from the bottom of the display. Odd, but my fault for taking my mobile into the bog.

[Munday's Chylde]

Yeah I work for Orange. And no, there's nothing you can do about it - we can't trace incoming calls to your phone and we can't tell you someones number if it's withheld. If you ring us up and ask us the only thing we'll be able to offer you is a change of number. Sorry.

[Neil]

However, the pranker probably doesn't know that, so next time they call say "I've had enough, I'm ringing my phone provider and telling them I'm being hassled by some dick who thinks he's Chirs Moyles and keeps with-holding his number, see you in prison FUCKO!!"

[Crazy Penis]

When I first moved into this place, I received a few calls (mainly German folk) for the previous tennant and I informed them all thet they had moved out. Around two weeks after I moved,  a particular phone call from a German woman asked to speak to the previous (German) tennant.
"Hello, I wish to speak to Mr *******, please"
"I'm afraid he doesn't live here anymore, he was the previous tennant."
"OK I'll try again later."
"OK speak to you later" (don't ask why I said that)
I waited in all day but she didn't phone back.
She rang again two weeks later on a Saturday afternoon and asked the same question.
"No," I said . "He's moved out. He was the previous tennant and so doesn't live here anymore."
"Can I speak to Mrs ******* then please"
"No. As far as I know there wasn't a Mrs *******, but they don't live here anyway because they moved out and I live here now."
"OK. Thank you" and she hung up
The next time she rang, again about two weeks later I was was angry.
"Look I'm getting really pissed off with you phoning. I don't know where he is and you certainly won't get to speak to him by phoning me all the time, so stop it alright."
"Yes, thank you. Bye." and she hung up.
This woman has continued to phone me every so often over the past 10 months asking for him and I've tried everything I can think of (short of telling her that he is dead)  to get her to stop. If anyone has any ideas please tell me.

[Hairy Chin]

Yeah I work for Orange. And no, there's nothing you can do about it - we can't trace incoming calls to your phone and we can't tell you someones number if it's withheld. If you ring us up and ask us the only thing we'll be able to offer you is a change of number. Sorry.

It's alright - I don't hold you personally responsible :-)

If they ring back I'll just answer and leave the handset to one side to rack their bill up as I said up there.

OR, as I said further up there, I'll refuse to chill out and just fuckiing let rip at them with all my nicotine-deprived vitriol.

[peterperv]

Join the TPS!

[Hairy Chin]

This woman has continued to phone me every so often over the past 10 months asking for him and I've tried everything I can think of (short of telling her that he is dead)  to get her to stop. If anyone has any ideas please tell me.

You could turn her into an experiment by saying the person she's after has died in a bizarre way, and if she rings back, make it a more bizarre death, and so on - and count how many time's he's died in the year. Then phone your provider and complain about her/change your number when you've had your fun with her.

[Timmay]

Reminds me of when I'd just changed my phone to one of these silly new Nokia-do-it-all things, so had to enter all my numbers back in manually. Anyway, I'd been sending a mate of mine various messages over the few weeks before New Year, "Hey fuckhead, you out tonight?", "Oi, CUNT. Why aren't you replying??", that sort of thing.

On New Years eve, a little drunk, around midnight I send him another text wishing him a happy new year, and I get one back saying something along the lines of, "Look, who the FUCK are you?" Thinking he's lost my number, and actually doesn't know who I am, I send little clues back. He draws a blank.

2am, two hours later, I see his number pop up on the screen. He's calling.

"Hello?"
"Who the fuck's that?"
"HAHA!!! Yeah, put soandso on the line"
"Who? This isn't soandso!"
"Yeah, whatever. Where is he? And who are you? I don't recognise your voice!"
"Look mate, I think you've got the wrong person, now stop fucking texting me!"
*click durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

I sheepishly sent one back explaining what had happened.

[Crazy Penis]

Join the TPS!

Got the confirmation through for that today

bizarre death

As far as I know the guy was a computer programmer over here on contract.
I could start with "He was compiled to death" or is that too bizarre to start with?

[Hairy Chin]

You could start with that, it's a good'un! then just carry on with things that rhyme:
Compiled
Filed
Smiled

[Mr Flunchy]

You could start with that, it's a good'un! then just carry on with things that rhyme:
Compiled
Filed
Smiled

Um, do you really think it's a good idea to tell this woman that the man she's looking for is dead?  I mean, she might be his mother, or his wife and he might be missing or whatever.

Or you could say you've chopped him up and stuffed him in the drywall.

[Ambient Sheep]

Yeah I work for Orange. And no, there's nothing you can do about it - we can't trace incoming calls to your phone...

Really?  That seems a bit shit.  BT have a Malicious Calls Department that can do that, I'm surprised that Orange can't.  Oh well.

Nothing personal to you, obviously.

[Neil]

I don't understand why everyone needs to have these stupid little phones these days anyway.  I've never had one and never want one, and I've turned down free spares on the grounds that they give me headaches within seconds of usage, so I don't even use them unless I absolutely have to.  I was forced to take a pager though by friends who get annoyed at not being able to get the hold of me.  Anyway, the headaches I get from using mobile phones convince me they can't be particularly good for you.  

Oh, and how irritating is it when you're trying to have a conversation with someone and they are busy looking down at their phone while they text stuff to another person?  Noone gives it a second thought cause it's second nature now for people to get their phones out to check and reply to texts in the middle of chatting.

[Crazy Penis]

Yeah. I shall give that a go. I'll probably add. "terrible, terrible mess" after each one.

[Hairy Chin]

I don't understand why everyone needs to have these stupid little phones these days anyway.  I've never had one and never want one, and I've turned down free spares on the grounds that they give me headaches within seconds of usage, so I don't even use them unless I absolutely have to.  I was forced to take a pager though by friends who get annoyed at not being able to get the hold of me.  Anyway, the headaches I get from using mobile phones convince me they can't be particularly good for you.  

Oh, and how irritating is it when you're trying to have a conversation with someone and they are busy looking down at their phone while they text stuff to another person?  Noone gives it a second thought cause it's second nature now for people to get their phones out to check and reply to texts in the middle of chatting.

I have mine for convenience more than anything, I can't say I have it "just in case" because other than a serious accident involving me, there's no real excuse - although I'm glad I did have it when my car got stuck on a deserted hillside somewhere (don't ask!!) and the time I had my car crash. As well as a way for mates to get in touch with me, I also use it as a first-means-of-contact for work too.

While I am 'pro-mobile' and think they're great, I do agree that it's irritating and downright rude when someone's trying to send a text while you're having a conversation with them - just as annoying (possibly moreso) if they do it while you're on the phone to them! You get all the clicky keypad noises down the phone - but at least in a face-to-face conversation there's a chance they can actually hear you while they text, something they certainly can;t do on the mobile. Bloody rude that. I will admit I've sent a text reply while having a conversation (in person) with someone - but I've made sure it's just a simple straightforward reply. Usually though I ignore the text until after I've chatted to whoever I'm with, or until I get a quiet moment to myself. Having said that, i have left texts go ignored like that before, only to completely forget about them until hours later.

I still don't understand why schoolkids have mobiles though, they just have them to irritate the piss out of other folk with the ringtones.

[Crazy Penis]

If someone answers their mobile while having a conversation with me. When they hang up I pretend I can't quite remember what we were talking about and get them to retrace the entire conversation. Then I remember what we were talking about and I say "so then I said?" "and you said?" and so on.

[gazzyk1ns]

Hehe Timmy's story there reminds me of the time I gave an old phone to a mate - apparently his girlfriend's sister needed one. My mum was using it verrry occasionally but when I explained the situation she just said she's use it as an excuse to buy a new one, so I could give my old one away as I intended. So I did. A couple of days later I txt my mum for something or other and... you guessed it, I'd forgotten to change the number - so I quickly sent another explaining what I'd done. However, the reply came back "That's OK. If you're young and good looking, keep on txting." Now, my mate's girlfriend is very attractive and I knew she only had older sisters, so I thought "I could be in business here!". After a few flirty messages, I asked "So, what do you look like? What do you do?" and the reply was "I drive buses for Ipswich council. I'm 6'1, dark hair, got a big cock :)"

When my mate said his girlfriend needed a phone for her sister, what he meant was that her sister had asked around for an old phone because her boyfriend had recently lost his...

[Munday's Chylde]

Yeah I work for Orange. And no, there's nothing you can do about it - we can't trace incoming calls to your phone...

Really?  That seems a bit shit.  BT have a Malicious Calls Department that can do that, I'm surprised that Orange can't.  Oh well.

Nothing personal to you, obviously.

Well okay... slight fib on my part... Orange can do it but the official line is that we don't... Orange (and the others) can do fucking anything. I had one of the technical bods showing off his skills to me once and now if I get a phone call from a witheld number it comes up on my screen anyway - even if it's being called from an extension (it has the main line number then a # then the extension number) I've scared a lot of cold callers that way I can tell you!

Unfortunately with all this technology available to the networks they don't implement it and we aren't meant to speak about it. But I dont suppose it matters here...

We do have a malicious calls department and I suspect they would probably trace calls IF they were malicious in nature and not just pranks and IF the police were involved.

But what i told hairy chin isnt a lie, if he rung up and insisted on speaking to the managing director of orange they would still tell him it couldnt be done.

And when I say I'm sorry I REALLY mean it, I've spoken to people in floods of tears over things like this and it kills me to know that in real life we can do it but we just have to sit there and tell them we cant.

[Dangermouse]

I could be in business here!"[/i]. After a few flirty messages, I asked "So, what do you look like? What do you do?" and the reply was "I drive buses for Ipswich council. I'm 6'1, dark hair, got a big cock :)"

When my mate said his girlfriend needed a phone for her sister, what he meant was that her sister had asked around for an old phone because her boyfriend had recently lost his...

So what happened next?? Did you find out if he were telling the truth?

[Poppy Erection]

Munday's, some time ago I got a *nasty* call from someone who I think was a friend of a "friend". I called OCS and asked what could be done and was told that they could only do something *if* I was willing to get the police involved. I said that if it happened again I would do so.

I let a couple of people know this and have never had a problem again. Basically, I think if you get the police involved then they contact Orange's incident team, but they won't give the details to us paying customers.

Now, how do you get your phone to show all incoming call numbers please? ;)

[ColaCoca]

I haven't had any prank or malicious calls but get shit loads of cold callers.  There are two ways to deal with them that I've found, if you can be arsed talk absolute bollocks, eg. tell them that you can't possibly have what they're offering because you don't speak any English or just leave the receiver off hook.  That would probably be the best thing to do with the prank calls, if you just leave it off hook for a couple of minutes the person will feel like a dick making their oh-so-hilarious sampled remarks to nobody and not bother you any more.

[gazzyk1ns]

I could be in business here!"[/i]. After a few flirty messages, I asked "So, what do you look like? What do you do?" and the reply was "I drive buses for Ipswich council. I'm 6'1, dark hair, got a big cock :)"

When my mate said his girlfriend needed a phone for her sister, what he meant was that her sister had asked around for an old phone because her boyfriend had recently lost his...

So what happened next?? Did you find out if he were telling the truth?

No because he had it in my bum most of the time so I couldn't really judge size. Hehe seriously, I did consider finding out what this mate's girlfriend's sister looks like... and if the results were pleasing, weasling my way into her pants by saying "ooh, by the way, this message confused me... what, that's your boyf-...oh of course, I thought it was- yes.. ooh no, so he's offering sex to strangers whilst going out with you, that must be terrible, here, I'll comfort you, yes, that's right..."