My brother died today.

[Capuchin]

Sorry Sam.

[Neil]

Sorry for your loss Sam, my thoughts are with you and your family.

[Cambrian Times]

I'm really sorry.

I lost my dad when I was 13. On the death certificate it said he died of cardiac infarction, but he brought it on himself  being a chronic alcholic, who would rather socialise with his friends then go to a doctor. Also he was a little too kean with his fists, both with me and my mother.

Subsequently I had to force myself to cry at his funeral.

Does that make me a bad person?

[Sam]

I have to say I am touched by the overwhelming response. I'll post again in this thread when I've got my thoughts together. I am still in shock, to be honest.

[No-oneSpecial]

You poor thing. Thats awful. Make sure youre surrounded by good friends and/or family and take care. xxx Laura

[No-oneSpecial]

A similar experience - a girl I used to go to tech with, her Mum hung herself a couple of years ago. One of her sons was only about 9 and he found his Mum hanging in the garage. The funeral was terribly sad as you can imagine ,  but the two children (9 & 12) got up in the church and read a poem they wrote about all the things they used to do with their Mum. The reason I say this is because to this day I dont know how they got up and did it. How brave. NOt sure if this helps . x I guess what Im saying is youll find the strength to deal with this.

[Ambient Sheep]

Just seen this Sam.  What can I say, especially after others have said it so well.

Perhaps in a way, the fact that you had no warning does mean that, as Jutl said, it was inevitable.  You'd be feeling worse perhaps if there *had* been warning signs but you'd ignored them due to other committments or whatever.  Not that that's much comfort now, I know.

You have my deepest sympathies, of course.  Take care.

Sheepy


EDIT: The closest experience I've had is as follows - just a drinking pal I used to see occasionally.  Unlike your brother it was obvious that he had some problems, but I liked the guy for all that.  One pissed Thursday night he invited me and a couple of other guys back to his place in order to play some records and carry on drinking.  The other guys said no.  Now normally I would have gone for it, but that night I just couldn't, I'd had a couple of late nights already that week and I was completely shattered, I just couldn't face it, and obviously I had work in the morning.  So I made my apologies...and he virtually begged me to go back to his place, saying he needed some company.  Again I said no, I *really* apologised, assured him massively that we would do it some time soon, etc.  He left, dejected.

Well you can guess the rest nearly...I never saw him again.  No, he didn't top himself that night, but a couple of weeks later on a boat trip in the Mediterranean.  He threw himself off, the boat circled round, they lowered down a dinghy and pulled him out of the water, and got him back on board.  Then he did it again, and they didn't find him.

I still wonder what would have happened if I'd gone back to his flat that night.  Probably nothing, given that it was a few weeks earlier, but you never know and I never will.

To be honest Sam, I can't see if this story's going to help you at all, I wondered whether to post it, but you asked for experiences and that's mine.

[Rubbish Monkey]

some good advice up there, sorry i have nothing to add that hasn't already been said.

deepest sympathies and all the best to you and everyone close to your brother.

[Silver SurferGhost]

I don't know what to say, that's so terrible.
I've had people close to me die, a mate of mine died at Christmas, but never anything like what's happened to your brother.
I can't even imagine what you must be going through.
All I can do is offer my condolences and my sympathy, whatever they're worth.
Be with your family, you need each other.

EDIT: And to you too Lu tze, as one parent to another.
I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my son, and I shouldn't think the passage of time makes it any easier.
My father died six years ago, and it still crushes me every day.
.

[ccab]

Sam, I'm so sorry to hear about this.

[Neil]

If anyone reading this thread has suicidal tendencies then please get to the doctor and tell him about it.  They can and will help you, there's no need to suffer or bottle everything up.  

Again Sam, I'm very sorry for your loss.  If you have trouble sleeping then you shouldn't be afraid to go to the doctor either, they will gladly give you something to help you sleep or settle your nerves.  I'm sure you're still in shock now, but when that wears off please do bear it in mind.

[blue jammer]

I can't pretend to know how you feel, but would like to say I'm sorry for your loss Sam.

I've heard a lot of people giving advice in similar situations, and the one thing that always stuck in my mind was:

Try and celebrate his life, remember the good times and cherrish them.

Celebrating life as we grieve reminds us how short and how precious are the bonds we develop with just a few other humans during this experience we call life. It reminds us of the very short time we have to share the beauty of a sunrise, the serenity of a sunset, a refreshing breeze, and a cleansing rain.

It reminds us that we, too, are drifting toward the end of life and we should take advantage of every opportunity to make life meaningful for our self and meaningful for those with whom we share this experience. The human condition is precarious and chaotic. Let us celebrate its uncertainty frequently.

[Cerys]

If anyone reading this thread has suicidal tendencies then please get to the doctor and tell him about it.  They can and will help you, there's no need to suffer or bottle everything up.  

Again Sam, I'm very sorry for your loss.  If you have trouble sleeping then you shouldn't be afraid to go to the doctor either, they will gladly give you something to help you sleep or settle your nerves.  I'm sure you're still in shock now, but when that wears off please do bear it in mind.

Definitely.  Also the Samaritans are there for anyone who needs to talk, whatever the situation.

[Borboski]

I'm sorry.

[whelmed]

I'm very sorry to hear of this, Sam. I hope you're doing okay and that you've got someone you can talk to about it all.

[mook]

Oh mate, I've no idea what to say that could possibly be of any help to you, just keep in contact with your folks and don't blame yourself for this. Sorry mate.

[El Unicornio, mang]

Very sorry to hear this terrible news, Sam. I have no experience of anyone close to me taking their own life but I did have a close family member die in bad circumstances, and the fact that it was the main headline on the local news for a while made it all the more surreal and hard to deal with.
The only thing you can really do is be there for your other family members, and friends of the deceased. It really does help make things more bearable. Also, it may be a cliche, but time definetly is the best healer. It will never take it away, but as the weeks, months, and years pass things will gradually get back to a state of relative normality.
Again, sorry to hear this. This may just be a message board but I know that everyone here will do whatever they can to help out.

[Gazeuse]

So sorry to hear about this, Sam. Take care,

Garry.

[Spellbound]

So sorry to hear what's happened Sam. I'm sure your head's all over the show and you don't even know yourself what it is you're feeling right now. A couple of years ago a friend of mine died in a car accident after a night out. All I could think about was how young he was, how unexpected - how I never got to say goodbye and how I didnt appreciate my last time with him. There were also the constant 'what if's'.

You need to be around your loved ones at this time, for mutual support, and don't underestimate the power of talking it through. try not to bottle it up, and I strongly recommend a councillor, when you feel ready to talk about it.

Call your dad Sam and my strongest sympathies are with you and your family.

[elderford]

Hola Sam,

I would imagine your life is a bit hyper reality at present.

Feel free to PM me, I'm only online during work hours.

Do try and get in touch with your Dad, go and see your family as I'm sure their present state of mind is similar to yours.

Don't forget you can telephone the Samaritans, or contact the mental health charity Mind. As Neil said if you're feeling too fucky contact your GP.

Hang in there, I don't think you'll ever make a lot of sense out of what's happened. I work with a woman whose son killed himself at 21 many years ago, and when my bestest friend was born, his dad named him and then drank bleach a couple of weeks later. Another work colleague had to bear her mother dying and her sister killing herself on the same day.

It doesn't make a lot of sense. Try and be with the people you love. You can never completely know or understand the motives of anyone but yourself. I know it's glib for me to ask you not to try and reason out why it happened or what you could have done to prevent it.

It is one of those actions that leaves a big hole.

Love onya.

[Pilf]

Ah, I know sorry doesn't really do anything but I am anyway. You and your family will get through it eventually, although it probably doesn't feel like it. My thoughts are with you.

I had a similar experience but was very young when it happened, so consequently have no real advice on how to deal with it when you are older and able to be properly emotionally affected by it. If you want to PM me to talk about anything then feel free - you don't know me at all but the offer is there and sincere.

[hencole]

Sorry to hear your bad news Sam. I've had a couple of relatives that commited suicide, but they were quite distant relatives I didn't know too well. My Mum used to verge on the suicidal when she used to suffer from heavy depression, including trying to jump out of the car on family holidays. This happened quite a lot and is one of those memories that seems so distant now that it feels unreal, as if it never happened. She'd also have blazzing rows with my dad and leave the house saying she was going out to jump under a bus. If it wasn't for me and my brither she probably would have done. My last to girlfriends suffered from bad depression as well, and would occaisonly mention suicicide though I don't think they ever would have actually attempted it. With all these cases though it was known the people invoved were unhappy, and it must be a real shock when someone who seemed to be OK even to those closest to them decides to take their own life. Again very sorry and I wish you all the best.

[Virtually Perennially]

Sam, if you're back down this way because of all this and you fancy a pint with someone outside your normal loop, PM me. (I am capable of shutting up and listening sometimes.) The only other thing I can offer is to say don't worry about what you feel, when you feel it, or indeed whether you feel anything. It takes its own course.

[Tom Rad]

So sorry to hear about this, Sam. There isn't much I can add that hasn't been said already. I haven't had anyone I know commit suicide but my mother died three years ago of cancer, so I do know what it's like to lose a family member. The only thing I can tell you is to get together with your family as I'm sure you will all need each others' support. And I know it is not really going to make things easier for you now, but I can tell you that time really is the best healer. Things will get easier down the line.

Sorry again and take care,

Anu

[MonkeyDrummer]

edited out

[wooly]

Nothing to add that hasn't been said already.

Really sorry mate, take care.

[Bilko]

As with the Prozac thread there have been a lot of admissions of depression. I do not know how you feel Sam but I do know the feelings of someone who wants to kill themselves. I have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital when I tried to kill myself 4 and a half years ago. I suffered from a low mood for 5 years, depression for 5 years of which I had two bouts of clinical depression.

I didn't post this in the Prozac thread because I am still unsure about admitting this to anyone. No-one outside my family, my doctor plus the psychiatrist/psychologists/C.P.N know anything about this. No one at work knows anything about what I went through; I have given them none of my knowledge. I do not feel the need to tell anyone about of past because it is just that my past, and am wary of people lack of educated on depression/suicide can lead to intolerance and exile. But I probably being prejudice.

I haven't been asked often why I wanted to kill myself, but when I have I find it an impossible question to answer. Depression and suicide is far too complicated and subjective to give a definition of. The only thing I can say is I wanted to be somewhere where I couldn't be disappointed, there was no-one I could have been with, nowhere I could go, nothing that I could have that would of made me content. Depression is hell, when chemicals in your brain aren't being produced at their required level for you to function depression consumes you. From when you wake up in morning you know its was going to be misery.

I glad to described myself as being a different person now to what I five years ago. With the help of anti-depressants and mood stabilisers I am rational probably for the only time in my life during the past 4 years. Depression is heredity in my family, my brother got drunk once, one of only two or three times he has ever done and smashed the glass on the bar table and cut his wrists. Luckily he didn't cut a vein or artery. My Grandmother used to suffer from depression as well, she saw a psychiatrist, took anti-depressants. If your brother Sam didn't have any events that would of caused his suicide then it would have been chemical.

I feeling you hurt today Sam, I'm depressed today for you. There's nothing I can say, no words I can summon up that can comfort or compare to your loss.

[TOCMFIC]

Deepest sympathies from here in the Frozen Wastelands of Canada... That's harsh man...

[king mob]

If anyone reading this thread has suicidal tendencies then please get to the doctor and tell him about it.  They can and will help you, there's no need to suffer or bottle everything up.  

If you need something outside your family GP try NHS direct, i know some people may have a problem with dealing with the same GP that the rest of their family deals with.

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/

The Samaritans are very good at what they do & use both if its helps.

[Garfield And Friends]

How awful. This is sad to read about.