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[Anonymous]

err...have you read this site at all? Why would you want to join exactly?

Well maybe they hated Nathan Barley, and wants somewhere to talk about how shit it was all day. It's the only thing us CaBers do you know.

no it isn't. but it's the only thing the guests can do 'cos they can't fucking get in to talk about anything else.

[dfdfdfdsss]

err...have you read this site at all? Why would you want to join exactly?

Well maybe they hated Nathan Barley, and wants somewhere to talk about how shit it was all day. It's the only thing us CaBers do you know.

no it isn't. but it's the only thing the guests can do 'cos they can't fucking get in to talk about anything else.

Shut you up, hasn't it? Go on, answer it properly not with a witticism. Why is Cab for comfy members only? I absolutely challenge you to answer that properly.

[A Passing Turk Slipper]

Hah, I dunno, just something's broken. I'm sure someone will fix it soon, CaB has never been closed to new people before.

[weekender]

I saw there was an internet 'virus' going round, maybe that has something to do with it?

[wrwerwrrw]

Hah, I dunno, just something's broken. I'm sure someone will fix it soon, CaB has never been closed to new people before.

How about it, Neil? A straight answer? Is it my computer or have you closed the site to new people?

[The Gatekeeper]

The site is closed, but to become a member you must first prove yourself worthy. First go to the east and bring me the voice of a siren, then to the south and find me the wings of a thousand faeries, then to the west in the search for the lost souls of Atlantis and finally to the polar north wherein lies your destiny and final quest, only then will you be considered for membership into the inner circle of  illuminati that is Cookd and Bombd.



Oh and can you pick us up a packet of fags and a bottle of pasturised milk while you're on your way ?

[Slackboy]

Hang on, I've come to the front door to chat to you while you wait to be let in.
And it wasn't a sarky apology, it was a sincere one...

A sincerely sarky one!!!
ha ha hahahaha Blubllbubububblbububub WWEEEEhhheeee etc.

No, genuine apologees for my insipid and futile gag.
Brrrrrr, it's cold out here! I'm going back inside now.

Thanks a bunch. You've been about as useful as a computer screen with a load of old bollocks written on it.

Oof. He's done you there gems. You're not going to sit there and take that from someone like him are you?

[ffogems]

I certainly am, the sarky fool.  
He's the one with all the circumscribing injunctions and obsructions, so it's perfectly reasonable that he would currently own a short fuse.
And If he's too scared to run past the eye-balling statues then that's his problem.

Hey, and you, Slackboy, you provocative bastard, trying to stir shit and then giving me a whiff.

[Slackboy]

I love you ffogems.

[Bring Back Manning]

In the Brass Eye spoof interviews everything was loaded in Morris's favour and yet the impression was given that a fair game was being played and the celebrities behave like idiots because they are idiots, and not because they have been intimidated and bullied into behaving and speaking in an illogical manner by a carefully organised group of people. Group is the key word with Morris since even when working alone he behaves as a group of people would when initiating someone into their clique, or not, as the case may be. Just like cookdandbombd, or so it would appear from this disgusting thread.
Morris proved nothing with the Brass Eye interviews other than that people can be manipulated and edited into saying things that don't make sense, whatever they actually believe. I would behave like those celebs did in such a situation. Does this mean I'm an idiot? Does it mean my opinions should be negated as I cannot contribute to evolution? I am not the strongest so I should not survive? A great many people seem to think so, Morris certainly, and his followers who work in television and newspapers and shape the way people think about absolutely everything.
Not that this has anything to do with Nathan Barley of course, and I really don't want to offend or upset anyone on here just for the sake of it. In fact you might as well delete this post, although the fact remains that even though your're not Nathan Barley's you're all Chris Morris's and Morris is nothing more than Derren Brown with satirical pretentions and I think he's a prick and I'm going to go away and sulk.

[Slackboy]

Does this mean I'm an idiot?

Yes.

Well you did ask.

[Manning is a cunt.]

Spare me that 'Oh, I'm just going to squeeze out this formidable, contentious fart, but I'm going pretend that I didn't mean to. Oh, my conceits and allusions are bound to galvanise indignance, but oh, pardon me, did I just exhale that out of my anus? I'm terribly sorry, didn't mean to ;) winky wink'  guff.
You're right: your post should have been deleted.

[Slackboy]

Spare me that 'Oh, I'm just going to squeeze out this formidable, contentious fart, but I'm going pretend that I didn't mean to. Oh, my conceits and allusions are bound to galvanise indignance, but oh, pardon me, did I just exhale that out of my anus? I'm terribly sorry, didn't mean to ;) winky wink'  guff.
You're right: your post should have been deleted.

Are you going mad ffogems?

[Bring Back Manning]

Spare me that 'Oh, I'm just going to squeeze out this formidable, contentious fart, but I'm going pretend that I didn't mean to. Oh, my conceits and allusions are bound to galvanise indignance, but oh, pardon me, did I just exhale that out of my anus? I'm terribly sorry, didn't mean to ;) winky wink'  guff.
You're right: your post should have been deleted.

You agree with me don't you? About Morris, I mean. That's why you're so angry at the way I phrased the post and have totally ignored what I actually said. You're furious with yourself for worshipping Morris, admit it. You've devoted the essence of your life to something you detest but have been tought to respect. Don't worry about how I've phrased this or whether I've tried to cover my back or anything else, just answer that honestly and I'll fuck off.

[Prince Floppycock]

The size of this thread reflects the fact that there is a line of angry contributors outside the locked door.

Two of these seem to base their identity on the differential appreciation of Bernard Manning.

The site operatives must now have a very hard task deciding whether to re - open the registrations portal.

[Bernard's watch]

Your delivery is essential to understanding the point you're trying to make, though!
The reason the content of your post was ignored was because it was vapid and insubstantial, and was only there to provoke, not to initiate disquisition. It's been proclaimed before, in similar haughty tones, and will be ignored by the majority, I assure you.
You've also made assumptions about my stance as a Morris fan. Let me shift your scope a little – I am not an avid Morris fan. I have not vacuumed every drop of Morris ejaculation, have not adorned my disposition with drapes of Morris aphorisms, nor do I think others here have either. I come here because it is a good place to discuss everything.
I'm guessing you've scanned the site, in particular this thread, and, like most, have tried to find a way of dismissing it. We all need to get our superiority kicks some way, eh.
Although, it's not that I don't agree with earlier sections of your post, it's just that it is boring and not worth the time reading. So I moved on to how you ended your post, by trying to provoke.
Go back to Chortle, you cunt.

[Bring Back Manning]

Your delivery is essential to understanding the point you're trying to make, though!
The reason the content of your post was ignored was because it was vapid and insubstantial, and was only there to provoke, not to initiate disquisition. It's been proclaimed before, in similar haughty tones, and will be ignored by the majority, I assure you.
You've also made assumptions about my stance as a Morris fan. Let me shift your scope a little – I am not an avid Morris fan. I have not vacuumed every drop of Morris ejaculation, have not adorned my disposition with drapes of Morris aphorisms, nor do I think others here have either. I come here because it is a good place to discuss everything.
I'm guessing you've scanned the site, in particular this thread, and, like most, have tried to find a way of dismissing it. We all need to get our superiority kicks some way, eh.
Although, it's not that I don't agree with earlier sections of your post, it's just that it is boring and not worth the time reading. So I moved on to how you ended your post, by trying to provoke.
Go back to Chortle, you cunt.

OK. But before I go I will just give you one more vapid, unsubstantiated opinion. Clubs bother me. The satirical club of Morris, Coogan, Ianucci etc... that feel they have to answer to no-one because they are satirists is to me no more or less than Mirror journalists claiming the same since they are reporting the news not their own opinions (there's another one to be ignored by the majority, I assure you). Open debate which is in fact closed off bothers me both in reality and online. This is what cookdandbombd appears to have become. It is my pointless little view that most don't come to such places because they are good places to discuss everything but because they are comfortable places where you pretty much know in advance how everyone is going to react to what you say and so what you say is pre-structured in the way a group of friends slightly alter their tone, content of their statements etc.. depending on who is at the table.
Also, If you are in a club you don't have to worry about cunts like me turning up and ruining it for everyone. It's wrong. It's an Eton debating society whereby what is being said is secondary to how it is being said.
But forget it. The piecemeal approach works fine. Just deal with each one as they turn up, tell them to cunt off and they probably will, the spineless fuckers.
BYE!

[Neil]

Deary me, no need to be so melodramatic.  The registrations are closed, and have been so for a few weeks.  I'm sorry if this bothers you so much, but you're more than welcome to stick around until they are reopened.   Pissing and moaning about it will not speed up the process of reopening registrations, though.

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

that's what's so bloody frustrating about this site and others like it. You all pretend to want well written stuff dealing why a particular show didn't work or whatever, and when something approaching it actually comes along that as well as this makes points a little more complicated than 'They're just like Reeves and Mortimer, the industry and media know that though...' all you can do is behave like such a bunch of dimwits that they immediately piss off again

What does that middle bit mean?

And when you say 'something approaching it comes along', what shows are you talking about?

[Janek's Little Black Box]

What does that middle bit mean?

And when you say 'something approaching it comes along', what shows are you talking about?

Wasn't she referring to my breathtaking posts?

[Anonymous]

obviously not

[Gamma Ray]

Morris proved nothing with the Brass Eye interviews other than that people can be manipulated and edited into saying things that don't make sense, whatever they actually believe.

I agree that if you're going to analyze what Morris did with Brass Eye  you need to take a good look at how he uses the edit, but you'd have to admit that he is excellent at manipulating footage to his own ends. However, for me the point is that many of the people in Brass Eye walked right in to the trap by talking about things that they don't know anything about. They're like ventriloquists dummies, you see their mouths move but the words don't belong to them, whether the puppet master is Morris or indeed anyone else. I haven't watched Brass Eye in a long time so I'd need to watch again to check, but that's what strikes me at this moment. I think that it comes across when they're being made by Morris to say something against their will - didn't Claire Rayner get wise to the canabliss gag? And the others, well, all Morris does is make what comes out of their mouths more absurd than it already is.

I would behave like those celebs did in such a situation..

So I don't think that I would behave like those celebs. I'd make sure that I knew what I was talking about before I opened my mouth on national television.

It puts me in mind of good ol' Mark Twain ...

It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Bring Back Manning]

Thanks for responding to my post, Gamma Ray.

My opinion is that those who hold the view you outlined do so not because they respect, or even give a toss about the truth, but because they respect the ability to control, manipulate and make fun of those they disagree with and because they believe that in order to evolve we really ought to respect these qualities in people and celebrate them. It makes perfect sense that people should hold this opinion, they are taught to do so. If you think differently you are punished by teachers, parents, bosses and dickheads like Chris Morris. You are shouted at and made to look stupid in front of the class for not doing your homework. Well I didn't respect my teachers so it's perfectly natural I suppose that I wouldn't respect Morris.

It's more than likely you're totally correct and also that I am just angry because I live too far North of Watford to understand that if I were as clever as Morris I'd probably be doing exactly what he is.

Having said that, maybe if more people admitted to the real reason for their admiration of people like him then it would all be slightly less frustrating. Not that they respect or even agree with the points he may make but because they just love the thrill of confidence, capability, articulacy, education and aggression. And what better way to make such things stand out in sharp relief than by placing them next to ignorance? I'm not siding with the celebs in this, by the way. But I'm not siding with Morris either since I really do think he's a prick.

There's nothing personal, Gamma Ray, but I feel that Morris' influence backs up alot of what most of us were told at school about how being a puppet master is something to be aimed for and adored. It just makes me want to puke.

But people love it and always have done so throughout history, so who am I to argue? I'm a tiny little Nathan Barley wannabe cunt on an internet forum and Morris doesn't give a tonbridge toss and good luck to him.

You're quote from Mark Twain made your point extremely well and I hope I can do the same with this one by Ivor Cutler, a poem called The Gathering Doubt.

Holding her eyes, he tilted her chin, smiling as he had learned.

'You are both stupid and ugly,' she whispered, holding his gaze to enjoy the gathering doubt there.

'I'm in advertising,' he replied, 'Public relations' - and took her hands.

'Oh Christ' she whimpered, 'another bloody phoney.' And spat into his face, holding his gaze, to enjoy the gathering doubt there.

'You are irresistible', he smiled, dripping saliva.

[DonkeyRhubarb]

What school did you go to? I was never taught to be a 'puppet master', I was taught Maths, Science and English and I too live 'North of Watford'. Go and have a lie down man.

[YellowCalx]

What school did you go to? I was never taught to be a 'puppet master', I was taught Maths, Science and English and I too live 'North of Watford'. Go and have a lie down man.

Who was speaking to you? He was answering Gamma Ray's post. If you're going to butt in on an interesting if rather intense discussion then please do so with a bit more originality than 'Oh go take a chill pill...'

[Anonymous]

Yeah DonkeyRhubarb you fucking cunt. Shut up.

[Slackboy]

Easy lads, it's only comedy.

[Neil]

Is there anyone who actually liked that redubbed episode of Nathan Barley then?  I just can't see the bloody point.  As I said, they just don't go far enough with the voices so there's really no point in redubbing them!  And it's all technically very well done too, they've matched the syncing up very well....but what's the bloody point?  I can think of a million and one ways to make that an interesting and/or amusing DVD extra.  Number 1:  Morris, Sgt Murphy and Brooker sitting improvising new dialogue over the top of the episode.  Number 2:  FUNNY VOICES!  Remember those?  I'll type up the other 999,999 in a bit.

Why does Morris have to be so bloody wacky these days?  He used to be fervently against wackiness as he knew it was nothing more than unfunny people trying too hard to be funny.  And now he's one of them.  Yeah, thanks very much for giving us an option to make minituarized episodes of jam bounce around the screen, but you forgot to include Wayne Carr chanting "wacky!" over the top of it.  I hope he can at least claw his way back up to Average with The IT Crowd.

[Janek's Little Black Box]

It also made me angry that they only re-dubbed one episode but perhaps it was too difficult and costly to do all of them, as you say the quality of the synchronising is very high, but I must say I don't really buy that, it just seems like laziness. It reminded me of TV Offal where music videos were dubbed over, especially the one where Noel Gallagher sings 'Wonderwall' in an enthusiastic posh accent. I thought those were very funny, personally.

Here's something else: what if Nathan Barley had been released straight to DVD and not shown on television at all? You know, as if it were a guerilla film release by someone like Nathan? Wouldn't the 'you're watching this so you are implicated in the satire' have then made a lot more sense? After all, everyone watches television so it didn't work, but not everyone buys DVDs like that, and those who do so are surely at least a little more likely to be justly implicated as 'Nathans'.

[Anonymous]

Just seen the dvd in Virgin for the first time today. When I looked at the back the picture of a bloke spray painting 'twat' over NBs face sort of made me smile. The £19.99 label however, didn't.