The King, King Charles, has Cancer

[Blue Jam]

Maybe that special ointment he had to put on during the coronation was carcinogenic?

No wonder that bit was hidden from view. Too holy to broadcast? Something like that.

[Mister Six]

Buckingham Palace PR team quietly return polonium jar to lead vault.

[Ferris]

Camilla 2.0.

In this scenario, what happens to 1.0? She can't retire and drink exoctic liqueurs all day like the queen mum. She's nobody's mum*.

Presumably they stash her in a castle somewhere until the local townspeople rise up with flaming torches and pitchforks? Uncharted territory, it's all to play for.

_{*excluding the restaurant critic of The Mail on Sunday}

[Pink Gregory]

the guardian misreported

his royal highness has crabs, crabs

*king* crabs

[Butchers Blind]

Harry is making the trip over to see his dad apparently. Final days.

[Blue Jam]

In this scenario, what happens to 1.0? She can't retire and drink exoctic liqueurs all day like the queen mum. She's nobody's mum*.

Presumably they stash her in a castle somewhere until the local townspeople rise up with flaming torches and pitchforks? Uncharted territory, it's all to play for.

_{*excluding the restaurant critic of The Mail on Sunday}

We've figured it out. Camilla 1.0 will marry Wills and become Camilla 2.0.

Or maybe she'll moult and reveal her final form, Camzilla, and stomp all over all the palaces.

[poo]

According to the Telegraph he caught it off Meghan.

[superthunderstingcar]

So is God going to save the King or not?

[Blue Jam]

Harry is making the trip over to see his dad apparently. Final days.

Ooof. Game Over.

Just keep Liz Truss away until his plane lands.

[Emotional Support Peacock]

When you think about it the monarchy is kind of like a cancer

Even when you don't think about it the monarchy is kind of like a cancer.

[Butchers Blind]

Is Kate well enough after her *cough* abdominal surgery?

[Ferris]

In hindsight, this has become even funnier:

King Charles's appointment of a pro-homeopathy head of the royal medical household has been described as worrying and inappropriate by academics and campaigners. 

Dr Michael Dixon, who has championed faith healing and herbalism in his work as a GP, has quietly held the senior position for the last year, the Sunday Times reported.

I trust he'll be sticking to his guns on all this: "no cancer drugs for me please mate, just go in the next room and have a pray while this quack knocks up a glass of almost-completely water".

[Ferris]

We've figured it out. Camilla 1.0 will marry Wills and become Camilla 2.0.

This would make her v1.5 wouldn't it? It's complicated, is what I'm saying.

Or maybe she'll moult and reveal her final form, Camzilla, and stomp all over all the palaces.

Ok now we know what to pull for at least.

[Cuellar]

Maybe he can touch himself

[Alberon]

Bad news (for him) that it isn't prostate cancer.

Caught early enough it's a doddle as cancers go and something most men will face if they're lucky to live long enough. I had to research it for my dad twenty years ago as he'd have scared himself silly searching for it on the internet himself. He got through it (only to die of another cancer over a decade later).

Get your PSA checked and invite your doctor to stick their finger up your arse (and get your prostate checked at the same time).

[Blumf]

Harry is rushing over, example Mail comment:

seaview66, Liverpool, United Kingdom, 6 minutes ago
LITLE RAT CAUSES NOTHING BUT STRESS SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT AND NOW WANTS TO PLAY CONCERN ..

[Ferris]

Imagine having an opinion about any of these sponges beyond a disinterested disdain.

Then again, imagine being mentally infirm enough to spend your evening posting in the comment section of the Daily Mail.

[badaids]

Need to get him one of those boxes that Noel Edmonds is selling.

[frajer]

seaview66, Liverpool, United Kingdom, 6 minutes ago
LITLE RAT CAUSES NOTHING BUT STRESS SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT AND NOW WANTS TO PLAY CONCERN ..

4 down, Ratatouille

[IsavedLatin]

Really bloody sure that Wills and Kate are with the divorce lawyers now, trying to figure out how to make Diana 2.0 go away as quietly as possible before Wills finds himself a Camilla 2.0.

I'm intrigued by your confidence: what are your sources for divorce news? (I do my best to ignore Kate'n'Wills coverage as best I can, usually, if that helps pitch an answer suitably.)

[Blue Jam]

Get your PSA checked and invite your doctor to stick their finger up your arse (and get your prostate checked at the same time).

Be aware that PSA levels can be elevated for a number of non-cancer-related reasons and that the PSA test comes with a high risk of false positives, which is why there isn't a screening programme utilising it.

Finger up the bum is fine though, go for it.

[Alberon]

So is God going to save the King or not?

He's sent his apologies. Says he can't be everywhere.

[jobotic]

Ooof. Game Over.

Just keep Liz Truss away until his plane lands.

She'd enjoy saying "Dear oh dear" to him I reckon. And something about growth.

[Milo]

Personally as treatment and tests currently stand I'd pay no attention to my PSA levels or prostate until it was causing problems.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

*king* crabs

"its like buckingham adventure playground down there"
-sir billy connolly

[Alberon]

Be aware that PSA levels can be elevated for a number of non-cancer-related reasons and that the PSA test comes with a high risk of false positives, which is why there isn't a screening programme utilising it.

Finger up the bum is fine though, go for it.

The bit about the PSA is true, but getting it checked over a number of years can be useful. If it starts rapidly going up it can be a signal to check. Though it can go up without being cancer AND it can stay level while being it.

[Chollis]

heard that he's in high spirits in the cancer ward and proving quite the jester with the nursing staff. best wishes

[Kankurette]

Gooood saaaaave the riiiiiiiing

Harry is rushing over, example Mail comment:

A Royalist Scouser? He should be in a zoo.

[BlodwynPig]

His poor mum, she must be in bits.

[BritishHobo]

One more tragic accident stands between us and having a 10-year-old King, like fucking Tudor times or something. Public executions for anyone who has a different favourite flavour of Prime to our majesty.