worst piece of shit fucking laptop you ever owned

[Greg Torso]

i've had this Asus for about a year and its absolute fucking shite. Every couple of months starts freezing and can't handle running more than two applications at once, comeplete fucking awful tiurd shit. I've rebooted it completely twice, wiped it, blitzed everything. Virus protection is on, there's nae porn on it

It's werd because if I unplug it at the mains, it sometimes works better, but generally when I turn it on in the morning there's a fair chance that it'll just do the endless eye roll at me until i SLAM it shut in fury and punch the wall.

I swear i'm at the end of my tits I want ot take a hammer and smash its keyboard off and stamp it into pieces I have called it a cunt so many times that word has lost all meaning

CHrost it would feel so good to whip it agianst the wall and just punch the screen off it, about 3 seconds of pure bliss before I realise how fuicked I would be if I did that, but I do a lot of writing on it and when it freezes up right in the middle of a good sentence I want to fucking scream

and iTUNes fuck off and VLC stuttering and glitching all over it's useless, im meant to be on a microsoft teams meeting thing soon and I'm going to look like a cuhhhnt.

I'm gong to have a heart attack this fucker. I suppose now shops are open more i could take it in to get fixed but that's long and I've become quite withdrawn and fat over the last few months.

sorry venting here in the forum where no one ever looks

What absolute anus laptops have you owned and are any of them shitter than an Asus?

[georgetaylor]

My works laptop is a Lenovo Piece of Shit with an Accutype keyboard.

Only way to use the keyboard is to press each key directly in the centre, otherwise keypress not recognised / letter missed. Go back to edit every single thing typed, but the arrow keys are not in the normal place so you end up somewhere else in the words typed.
I use the network port a lot to connect to network things when on-site, but I have to wake the port up every time by running Wireshark. Turn off and on again and the port not working again. I end up walking site to site with the laptop open so the network port stays alive.
Battery last 1 hour 20 minutes.
None of the USB ports provides power when the laptop is off.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I bought a Targus laptop in 2006 from Lidl that was actually a good deal. Quite compact and thin, bright screen, lots of accessories including a tv tuner card.

It wasn't shit exactly, although the HDD got a SMART error about a month or so after I got it so it needed to be picked up by a courier and sent back for repair, fair enough, bit annoying but these things happen.

The wifi was annoyingly deaf too and didn't play nicely with linux/bsd if I wanted to dual boot (then again not many chipsets did back then) so I ended up getting a Lucent card to kill those two birds.

Then it served me for a couple of years but started failing badly. Another HDD death, out of warranty but I had a spare out of a dead Creative Zen so slapped that in there. Then the left click button cracked and fell off so I had to click by pushing the pressed metal switch below it. Then the cable for the backlight in the screen went in an odd way... it would go to half-brightness if you opened it over a certain amount, which was obviously less than a useful amount. And the optical drive started opening by itself if you merely looked at it funny.

It's clear these things must've been bothering me on a subconscious level, because I woke up one morning after a few beers the night before to find the thing inexplicably wet and pissy smelling.

[evilcommiedictator]

My partner has a POS Lenovo that somehow has arabic on the keyboard as well as English, she used it to torrent but now it's really slow and unresponsive, so I looked at it, it was running Win 8, thought 10 might help, but no, it's going to the tip.

Back in the day had a EEE Laptop that was lovely for about 2 years, then yep, had trouble doing anything but playing music. Gave it to Dad who overheated it a ton and made it even more useless. Into the bin!

[checkoutgirl]

Not a laptop but I got a HP pc a few months ago for €400 and it's dogshit. Within days it was struggling with basic internet, buffering away. VLC videos would make that quick stuttering noise that I've only ever heard before on a 7 or 8 year old machine and this when it was practically brand new. I won't replace it until it's unusable so I'm stuck with it.

If only I'd paid a little more. If only I'd done my research.

Oh yeah, 4 USB ports in the front and 3 broke in the first month. Can't get Bluetooth to work from day one. Takes ages to power off. Piece of Chinese garbage.

[JamesTC]

I bought an HP and it clearly wasn't powerful enough for Windows 10. Tolerated the slow as fuck laptop because I was in the middle of buying a house when my old one had suddenly died and I just thought I would be able to sort the issues. Eventually realised it wasn't a software issue so a swapped out the RAM and while it still isn't wonderfully quick, it is good enough for general browsing.

It sounds like the problem with OP may be the RAM. My laptop had a poultry 4GB which I upgraded to 8GB. These days I feel like 8GB is the minimum there should be.

[peanutbutter]

I had an Asus I got because the internet said it was a good hackintosh option. In retrospect I'm a bit bemused why all the sites only suggested new laptops, I guess the amazon affiliate links were important.

The laptop was fine asides from a very loud trackpad, but I swapped it out for a 5 year old Thinkpad that cost less than a fifth the price within a year

[canadagoose]

I once had a very nice-looking HP laptop. Purple, it was. It was really slow though (probably owing to the crappy hard drive and low-spec processor), and had the "wonderful" Windows 8 on it. Anyway, I managed to spill something on it, the keyboard knackered up and in order to replace the keyboard you had to completely dismantle the thing and take the mainboard out. I didn't know this and tried to take the top cover off. Got it professionally repaired (and glued back on) and then sold it because I couldn't be arsed with it. Replaced it with a second-hand ThinkPad T420, which broke after a couple of years (malfunctioning motherboard) but was much more pleasant to use, even if it wasn't as nice-looking.

[seepage]

In 1989 I had a Toshiba to support the overnight batch run from home. It had a monochrome display. That would have been fine but it only displayed black & white with no shades of grey for cyan and magenta in the 4-colour CGA palette, which made interpreting the menus in the 3270 emulator rather difficult. Combine that with a job falling over at 3am and a 1200 baud modem for a really fun time.

[Sebastian Cobb]

In 1989 I had a Toshiba to support the overnight batch run from home. It had a monochrome display. That would have been fine but it only displayed black & white with no shades of grey for cyan and magenta in the 4-colour CGA palette, which made interpreting the menus in the 3270 emulator rather difficult. Combine that with a job falling over at 3am and a 1200 baud modem for a really fun time.

I remember my old man getting a lend of his works PPC. I think he had to use it on the landing because although he had a desk, he couldn't really accommodate it without moving lots of stuff.

Later he had this Elonex 386:


It had an ISA slot, although I think it probably only took half-sized cards.

[seepage]

yes, that looks similar.

[Dex Sawash]

Had a small clunky thing that the "mouse" popped out of the side and was connected by arms that worked like one of those side by side tracing gizmos. Was OK just weird.

Worst was a 3-cell W8 home netbook that didn't have enough room on solid state disc drive to load mandatory update that had already auto-downloaded most of the file and kept locking up refusing to function enough to do any workarounds. The screen resolution was odd and you couldn't get to the print button or other important things in any popup windows that didn't have a scroll bar. Would boot Ubuntu from a thumb though.
It did have an optical drive and battery life was incredible, great for dvd watching in bed but I couldn't make the optical drive work in Ubuntu.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Like this?



I had no idea that was a thing! I love odd things like that. I also saw a slightly newer model with a cdrom that doubles as a discman:

[Ferris]

I had an HP for work that was absolute dog muck.

It was literally the cheapest laptop they could find (I know because I had to approve the purchase) and I kept trying to explain that an extra 100 quid per unit would mean productivity would go through the roof because the laptops would actually fucking work and people would be able to do their jobs without restarting every 5 minutes. So it might "cost" more upfront, but you'd get a longer term (what we call in the business) "benefit" far exceeding that. Was told no because "that's the budget we have, we will make the best of it" and any attempt to explain why it wasn't sufficient meant you weren't a team player.

It was woeful, on a good day you'd get 30 minutes of functioning work done before having to restart (I got 2hrs once) and because it was working using a Remote Desktop, every time you restarted you lost everything you had open unless you saved it.

No idea what the model was, but I'll never touch an HP laptop with a 10 ft pole after that. Even the Acer notebook I had in the late '00s was faster.

[Dex Sawash]

Like this?



I had no idea that was a thing! I love odd things like that. I also saw a slightly newer model with a cdrom that doubles as a discman:

That's it!

[Ferris]

Will mention how much I liked my Sony VAIO and was distraught when it packed up after 8 years of service. I have a Dell XPS now which is probably better, but none of the style of the old Sony.

[Greg Torso]

Just stone cold Steve Austined this peoce of shit into the bath tub fuck off. Done with it. Paid 40 quid to fix it BOLLOCKS phone posting form now it