Captain Tom Moore

[Phoenix Lazarus]

This would be good with the Steptoe and Son theme played over it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6rT62u7Xhw

I tell a lie: Chariots of Fire.

[hamfist]

Cunts are now trying to get the Red Arrows to fly over this guy's palace. So he raised money to pay for something which should be covered by our tax / NI contributions anyway, and now people want to spend more of our rather limited funds to fly 9 aeroplanes over his house.

[Ferris]

He played the long game.

Misplayed it more like

[Butchers Blind]

Maybe he needed the money because he was being blackmailed for his war crimes in India.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

He's no boys' hero.  He didn't stay and singel-handedly defend India from being taken from the British Empire with his old school catapult and pea shooter.

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Should've done a cover of this Dystopia song instead.

https://youtu.be/sg6CHLDCeNs

"Education stable career
Join the army
Become a murderer
Kill for god and country
Return to be a hero
To tell you the truth
I hope you don't come back
Courage
It takes a big man to push a button
Fight with your honor
Like shooting children
And cutting their parents throats
Go to the frontline
Watch your friends
Get cooked by napalm
And they're murderers just like you
Getting education by killing people too
Bodies blown apart
You feel a sharp pain in your stomach
Now you've lost both of your legs to a grenade
Blood and vomit spew from your mouth
No career education
And you're sent home in a doggy bag
Waste your life
While taking others lives away from them
Left so empty
Just a pile of shit to me
And your parents looking stupid
Their son reduced to a pile of shit and dog tags
But he did what he was programmed to do
Such a good soldier
I hope you're fucking proud of your son
Fuck your son I hope he fucking dies"

All together now!

[idunnosomename]

20 million

did he sponsor himself then? or is he just getting the exercise and going to be bed with a big smug smile on his face?

[BlodwynPig]

If people are still donating, lets just increase tax?

[ollyboro]

If people are still donating, lets just increase tax?

So that would be, what? 30p a year each. You should run for Pm. "I promise to increase tax by 30p a year each - NOFUCKINGEXCEPTIONS! - to stop this daft old cunt ruining a shared lawn."

[BlodwynPig]

So that would be, what? 30p a year each. You should run for Pm. "I promise to increase tax by 30p a year each - NOFUCKINGEXCEPTIONS! - to stop this daft old cunt ruining a shared lawn."

I have started my own political party, btw

[ollyboro]

I have started my own political party, btw

Upping everybody's tax by 30p a year's a clever start. It suggests a willingness to take tough decisions, but not decisions that'll scare the horses. By the way, I'm not called btw.

[BlodwynPig]

After a year i will simply add "...in the pound" during the budget

More likely be 1 pound 20 given not everyone pays tax

[Danger Man]

He's no boys' hero.  He didn't stay and singel-handedly defend India from being taken from the British Empire with his old school catapult and pea shooter.

His three medals are for attendance, not for actually doing anything.

[chveik]

I'd pay for him to walk to La Hague.

[idunnosomename]

one year's long service.... three years' long service....


... five years' long service

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Headstone epitaph nailed on as 'walking cunt'

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Just get him to walk into the grave.

Get in grave. They could say.

Before chucking soil all over his war criminal face.

Bury him with the walker as well.

[idunnosomename]

he could also dig his own fucking grave. i'd buy THAT for a dollar

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I heard when there's a thunderstorm Captain Tom Moore's glass of sterident makes his false teeth rattle like a reanimated skeleton.

He exhales. 'Must...walk'.

[Chairman Yang]

And just where was this decrepit old bastard on Thursday? It's hard to Clap for the Carers when you're clutching on to your dodder-box, you Werther's Original twat.

[ollyboro]

Since Dylan's is such prolific form, perhaps he could write a song called Who Killed Captain Moore. If he outlives him, obviously.

[Hand Solo]

So he's ponced up and down his 25m long garden 50 times? That's only about 1.5 miles for 20 million quid?! This is quite possibly the shittest and most lazy self-promotional charity stunt ever pulled, and I'm including those tedious self-confessed 'wacky' cunts who sit in a bath of beans every year for Comic Relief. He's not even walking it on his own, the frame is doing most of the work and it'd be even more of a doddle if the showboating cunt didnt wear his heavy stupid fucking attendance medals like a great big show-off.  I hope he dies of cramp before his 100th brithday and they have to legally give all the money back, which would end up a costly administrative nightmare and Justgiving.com go into bankruptcy and the concept of charity itself is somehow cancelled out of embarrassment. Cunt.

[chveik]

horrible little slug. I bet he's laughing at us right now

[idunnosomename]

if only the old cunt had filmed himself bathing in a bath of beans for clips4sale, could've raised way more

[shiftwork2]

!

[The Bumlord]

Imagine the state of his unsheathed cock and bollocks.

[Cardenio I]

That's a bit fucking much.

Edit: Sorry, got 'unsheathed' mixed up with 'degloved'.

[Aaron500]

I don't even think he was in the military, all that slouching.
Fucking stand up straight, get your head up man!

Either an imposter or else he's hanging his head in shame over those Indian children he slaughtered.

His 100th birthday is on a fucking Thursday. It fucking would be wouldn't it.

So clap clap this Thursday on Big Night In with Gary fucking Barlow and David cunting Walliams and lots of other celebs who mistakenly think they're popular, then the Thursday after it's clap clap Happy Birthday Sir Captain Tom, the Butcher of Bombay. Fuck's sake.

[Dr Trouser]

How fit is his daughter? I assume she'll inherit this windfall when the old tortoise collapses?

[Al Tha Funkee Homosapien]

Mumbai Murderer these days. Bloody PC snowflakes.