Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => Comedy Chat => Topic started by: Tikwid on July 08, 2017, 01:49:21 PM

Title: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Tikwid on July 08, 2017, 01:49:21 PM
I'm not just talking about yer average standups bombing or yer typical so-bad-it's-good shlock repurposed years later as anti-comedy. I'm talking about the most convoluted, tortured, inept humour possible; comedy that is unreacted to, even by the few people actually paying attention to it; comedy that initially leaves you stone-faced, but later ends up leading you into an existentialist frame of mind, where you realise its meaningless nature is simply a microcosm for the meaningless nature of life its-bloody-self.

My nomination for this dubious honour: Jokes For Minecrafters (http://i.imgur.com/YSquGPQ.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: doppelkorn on July 08, 2017, 01:53:50 PM
I think a few have mentioned it on here, but Fred Bassett is anti-humour in the sense that it invokes a reaction that is precisely the opposite to being slightly amused.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kalowski on July 08, 2017, 01:57:10 PM
Quote from: doppelkorn on July 08, 2017, 01:53:50 PM
I think a few have mentioned it on here, but Fred Bassett is anti-humour in the sense that it invokes a reaction that is precisely the opposite to being slightly amused.
From the Not the Nine O'clock News book
(http://i57.tinypic.com/zlc55f.png)

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Glebe on July 08, 2017, 02:03:39 PM
I have a weird kind of nostalgia for Fred Bassett, but yes, there's no denying he's the least-funny cartoon character in world history.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on July 08, 2017, 02:51:52 PM
As a child I wrote to Alex Graham saying Fred Bassett should be made into a cartoon.



I'm so sorry.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on July 08, 2017, 03:07:39 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvU2CdzPQf8

Ad agency exec: "Ted, are you sitting down? I've got an idea..."
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gurke and Hare on July 08, 2017, 04:13:06 PM
The Perishers is worse than Fred Basset.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Steven on July 08, 2017, 04:22:43 PM
"No roaming charges? Wheeey..."
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yjyx750B1S0)
*shudders*
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: up_the_hampipe on July 08, 2017, 04:44:11 PM
Quote from: Steven on July 08, 2017, 04:22:43 PM
"No roaming charges? Wheeey..."
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yjyx750B1S0)
*shudders*

You could probably link every "funny" advert ever and it would qualify for this thread.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on July 08, 2017, 04:48:55 PM
(http://cad-comic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/cad-20040515-37a02.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on July 08, 2017, 05:11:31 PM
Quote from: up_the_hampipe on July 08, 2017, 04:44:11 PM
You could probably link every "funny" advert ever and it would qualify for this thread.

Yes. Advertising is a field where comedy goes to die.

Remember "Halifax FM"? This ad only lasts a minute, feels like a lifetime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3veZJjvhzM

I think Orange cinema ads epitomise this, the kind of thing you'd smirk at once or twice, but if you had to sit though them in front of multiple films, resentment gradually developed into a bitter, burning hatred. Astonishingly, when the ads switched to EE they got even worse.

This fucking bollocks is what I'm talking about. All the effort put into this for such a shit "joke".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHRd-ctw1Jk
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: BeardFaceMan on July 08, 2017, 05:52:53 PM
My text file of 500 jokes that even Tim Vine would say 'fuck off' to.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: madhair60 on July 08, 2017, 05:56:09 PM
Quote from: marquis_de_sad on July 08, 2017, 04:48:55 PM
(http://cad-comic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/cad-20040515-37a02.jpg)

This is actually painful to read.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Smeraldina Rima on July 08, 2017, 06:07:05 PM
JLC's stand up
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP4AA8_0C-0)

But I don't think there's a way out of these things, like the comic, being a bit funny in reverse, if you contemplate them long enough.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: BurkzPeirage on July 08, 2017, 06:45:27 PM
This hurt
(http://i.imgur.com/p2lUwAz.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Tikwid on July 08, 2017, 07:21:45 PM
Quote from: Smeraldina Rima on July 08, 2017, 06:07:05 PM
JLC's stand up
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP4AA8_0C-0)

But I don't think there's a way out of these things, like the comic, being a bit funny in reverse, if you contemplate them long enough.
I actually dreamt of this man a few months back - he was in Cabots Circus shopping centre at the top of an escalator getting ready to jump off, and it was a full hour (of compressed dream time) before he leapt, his body splattering all over the pavement in grisly slow motion. Which was interesting because a) I honestly had no idea he was from Bristol at the time, and b) it might have been a subconscious metaphor for his entire comedic career?

Alternately, as Wikipedia so bitingly phrases it:
(http://i.imgur.com/Ww8bOX1.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: hard rocx and mettals on July 08, 2017, 08:15:26 PM
Quote from: marquis_de_sad on July 08, 2017, 04:48:55 PM
(http://cad-comic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/cad-20040515-37a02.jpg)

this featured on a recent big Twitter thread of 'the worst mid-2000s videogame webcomics you can find', which includes plenty of other execrable examples:

https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776 (https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: doppelkorn on July 08, 2017, 08:19:14 PM
I don't understand that Jesus one at all, but the more annoying part is the mixing American and British phrasing.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: neveragain on July 08, 2017, 09:24:45 PM
I've been watching some of the midday repeats on Challenge recently and some of the gags that Brucie et al are forced to spew out are really convoluted. Take this oddly-worded example from Play Your Cards Right, which involved one of Brucie's dollies (who do their dealing) -

Bruce: Golf can be dangerous. I was once playing a round and clonk I got hit in the head with a golf ball.
Lady: Oh dear!
Bruce: But at least I got to fulfil one of my dad's ambitions.
Lady: Oh, did he always want you to become a golfer?
Bruce: No, but I went to the doctor. He was always saying I should get my head examined.

Just... weak. I mean, it may look better written down but it really didn't deserve the amount of time it took them to mug through it. To start with, 'I got to fulfil one of my dad's ambitions' doesn't come out sounding natural at all, let alone the follow-up question which suggests every father wants their son to be a golfer. Note not a professional golfer, merely one that golfs. Can't quite remember where the 'went to the doctor' came in but I'm sure it was at the least comedically viable moment.

There was also a lovely laughter-free moment on Family Fortunes when Les Dennis, to someone who worked in a lightbulb factory, asked:
'How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One.. (Turns to audience, over-egging) but the lightbulb has to want to change.'
Of all the lightbulb jokes to choose, why that one? It's also worth saying Dennis' impressions are dire. I had always heard he was good.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: a peepee tipi on July 08, 2017, 09:35:14 PM
Quote from: hard rocx and mettals on July 08, 2017, 08:15:26 PM
this featured on a recent big Twitter thread of 'the worst mid-2000s videogame webcomics you can find', which includes plenty of other execrable examples:

https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776 (https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776)

Oh my good god
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: armful on July 08, 2017, 09:36:57 PM
Quote from: Phil_A on July 08, 2017, 05:11:31 PM
Yes. Advertising is a field where comedy goes to die.

Remember "Halifax FM"? This ad only lasts a minute, feels like a lifetime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3veZJjvhzM

I think Orange cinema ads epitomise this, the kind of thing you'd smirk at once or twice, but if you had to sit though them in front of multiple films, resentment gradually developed into a bitter, burning hatred. Astonishingly, when the ads switched to EE they got even worse.

This fucking bollocks is what I'm talking about. All the effort put into this for such a shit "joke".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHRd-ctw1Jk



I dont know. I liked the Rik Mayall beer adverts .

I also recall a gravy advert in which an old Age pensioner tells her equally old husband she was pregnant to get her share of the gravey. I'm having a chuckle just thinking about it

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gwen Taylor on ITV on July 08, 2017, 09:38:07 PM
Quote from: marquis_de_sad on July 08, 2017, 04:48:55 PM
(http://cad-comic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/cad-20040515-37a02.jpg)

I don't understand this one.  What is the joke meant to be/what is the reference?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Andy147 on July 08, 2017, 10:12:48 PM
No reference. The "Chef Brian" comics were used as lolrandom filler when Tim Buckley ran out of ideas/got drunk/wanted to mark the end of a long storyline.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: zomgmouse on July 09, 2017, 02:14:53 AM
Quote from: up_the_hampipe on July 08, 2017, 04:44:11 PM
You could probably link every "funny" advert ever and it would qualify for this thread.

Especially if it's companies attempting to appeal to the "youth" market. Or worse, politicians attempting to appeal to the "youth" market. Execrable, the lot of it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: pcsjwgm on July 09, 2017, 04:02:59 AM
Ironically imitating "SJWs." Shit like this:
https://twitter.com/21logician/status/839959170203975684
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: smudge1971 on July 09, 2017, 08:46:19 AM
Quote from: madhair60 on July 08, 2017, 05:56:09 PM
This is actually painful to read.
Aye, Tim Buckley certainly went downhill after Starsailor/death.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on July 09, 2017, 08:57:29 AM
Quote from: zomgmouse on July 09, 2017, 02:14:53 AM
Especially if it's companies attempting to appeal to the "youth" market. Or worse, politicians attempting to appeal to the "youth" market. Execrable, the lot of it.

Does anyone recall how, in the 1987 election campaign, the SDP/Liberal Alliance did a broadcast with David Owen as Max Headroom?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Mark Steels Stockbroker on July 09, 2017, 10:05:02 AM
Quote from: Glebe on July 08, 2017, 02:03:39 PM
I have a weird kind of nostalgia for Fred Bassett, but yes, there's no denying he's the least-funny cartoon character in world history.


Apart from the time In One Ear did their "What The Papers Say" segment (the joke being they were a live show, so couldn't say anything specific)

Quote from: Radio 4, before most of you were bornClive Mantle: There's this thing in the Mail about a talking dog.
Nick Wilton: Oh really?
Clive Mantle: Yeah, it's called "Fred Bassett".
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Mark Steels Stockbroker on July 09, 2017, 10:06:17 AM
Mike Huckabee has established himself on Twitter as the most reliably incompetent celebrity joke-teller.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Serge on July 09, 2017, 10:42:30 AM
Quote from: Gurke and Hare on July 08, 2017, 04:13:06 PM
The Perishers is worse than Fred Basset.

Noooo! The Perishers - in its Dennis Collins-drawn heyday - was fantastic. It went downhill after Collins' retirement, largely as Maurice Dodd and Bill Mevin just couldn't draw the strip as well as he did, but for nearly 25 years, it was excellent.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Petey Pate on July 09, 2017, 11:32:26 AM
Stupid Comics (http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/index.html) is a haven for stuff like this.  You can almost hear canned laughter playing when reading this mind numbing Flintstones panels.

(http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/bnb2.jpg)

(http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/bnb3.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: slapasoldier on July 09, 2017, 11:36:49 AM
(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/25/15/2ECD7C2F00000578-3333601-image-a-24_1448463923827.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: notjosh on July 09, 2017, 12:26:34 PM
David Cameron in PMQs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo4NHaKvk4w)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on July 09, 2017, 01:37:36 PM
Urgh. Whoever came up with this dreary piece of vapid sassiness needs to be shot. Seriously.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDRAEx_VYAAAp5-.jpg)

Ha. Ha. Ha.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: famethrowa on July 09, 2017, 02:24:39 PM

For truly nerdy non-humour, it's hard to go past the "Bench Humor" (http://www.ampage.org/h.cgi?ms=&mode=d&I=142) thread on Ampage, a guitar amp fixing site. With pure tech comedy gems like this one:

Quote
A couple of years ago, a customer called to enquire about repairing his amplifier. As my secretary took the call I could see that she was becoming frustrated. She asked me to take the call. This customer had a *Petis* *amppifier*. I asked him the model of his amp and he was unsure. However, he did say that it had two big plungers on the front.I opined that I was sure the ladies enjoyed it. He said they did. Unfortunately the amp had the serial #'s ground off so I couldn't help him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: phantom_power on July 09, 2017, 02:26:27 PM
Quote from: notjosh on July 09, 2017, 12:26:34 PM
David Cameron in PMQs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo4NHaKvk4w)

Christ politicians are an embarrassment. Bunch of boorish, jeering cunts
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Small Man Big Horse on July 09, 2017, 02:30:00 PM
Quote from: slapasoldier on July 09, 2017, 11:36:49 AM
(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/25/15/2ECD7C2F00000578-3333601-image-a-24_1448463923827.jpg)

Is he holding Richard Herring's emergency questions book there?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on July 09, 2017, 03:41:34 PM
Quote from: hard rocx and mettals on July 08, 2017, 08:15:26 PM
this featured on a recent big Twitter thread of 'the worst mid-2000s videogame webcomics you can find', which includes plenty of other execrable examples:

https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776 (https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776)

+1 karma for this Twitter user:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDbVo1CUIAATFEy.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on July 09, 2017, 04:29:52 PM
Quote from: newbridge on July 09, 2017, 03:41:34 PM
+1 karma for this Twitter user:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDbVo1CUIAATFEy.jpg)

I can't get over that fucking weird drawing of Kramer, it's like the Tom Waits' corpse after a week in the river.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Rolf Lundgren on July 09, 2017, 04:57:27 PM
Quote from: neveragain on July 08, 2017, 09:24:45 PM
I've been watching some of the midday repeats on Challenge recently and some of the gags that Brucie et al are forced to spew out are really convoluted.

You're not wrong there. I always got the impression they were Bruce's idea as a leg-up to the girls to help them get on in showbusiness. He occasionally did it on The Price is Right too with equally unsuccessful results, usually because the premise was based on them flirting with him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Glebe on July 09, 2017, 05:39:49 PM
Fuck me, that Girlz 'n' Games cartoon, what the fuck? And the C+A+D, am I missing something?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on July 09, 2017, 05:50:22 PM
Quote from: Glebe on July 09, 2017, 05:39:49 PM
And the C+A+D, am I missing something?

It's a meme based around Tim Buckley's hamhanded attempt to introduce drama into his shitty gaming webcomic by making the main female character have a miscarriage. There have been many, many re-edits and parodies of this over the years. This one has Kramer as the final panel.

http://knowyourmeme.com/videos/142885-cadbortion-loss-edits
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on July 09, 2017, 06:58:23 PM
It's also based on another awful webcomic in that Twitter thread and someone's request that this bizarre drawing of Kramer become the final panel in every comic.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDWt65VUMAAQi56.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: SavageHedgehog on July 09, 2017, 07:05:33 PM
Quote from: Phil_A on July 08, 2017, 05:11:31 PM
I think Orange cinema ads epitomise this, the kind of thing you'd smirk at once or twice, but if you had to sit though them in front of multiple films, resentment gradually developed into a bitter, burning hatred.

I agree, but I also remember the Val Kilmer one, which touched on the "difficult" reputation he genuinely does/did have, came out around the same time as the Extras Xmas special which had Clive Owen as a ridiculous sub-cartoonish diva which had no meaningful connection to any kind of reality, and it occurred to me that the former was actually a lot bolder im terms of both acting and writing.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on July 09, 2017, 07:41:19 PM
At Cambridge station they've put up a little funny Fred Bassett-esque comic to liven up all the commuters

(http://i.imgur.com/WqGi6U6.jpg)

I was sort of torn between here or the desolation thread
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gwen Taylor on ITV on July 09, 2017, 10:39:06 PM
Love the satirical edge to this one - really makes you think.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDSNd2RXYAEAH1o.jpg:large)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Monsieur Verdoux on July 09, 2017, 11:11:38 PM
I'm pretty sure that Powerup Comics! was a parody of the form.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on July 09, 2017, 11:25:26 PM
Quote from: Gwen Taylor on ITV on July 09, 2017, 10:39:06 PM
Love the satirical edge to this one - really makes you think.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDSNd2RXYAEAH1o.jpg:large)

That one was an intentional spoof made by the members of another forum. I remember they were trying to keep it going as long as they could before anyone realised.

(http://s3.amazonaws.com/media.drunkduck.com/users/ShadowGamer/comics/Powerup_Comics/web/00310571.jpg)

There's another slightly less subtle parody of Least I Could Do on the same site.

http://www.theduckwebcomics.com/Smug_I_Could_Do/5121095/
.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Harpo Speaks on July 10, 2017, 01:37:59 AM
Quote from: Angrew Lloyg Wegger on July 09, 2017, 07:41:19 PM
I was sort of torn between here or the desolation thread

That's a recreation of an actual Web comic that I saw on Facebook the other day, can't recall the artist. Does that make  it more desolate or less?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: mippy on July 10, 2017, 11:30:13 AM
There are many questions I have about the Civ comic, but I think the main one is whether the artist has ever actually seen a human woman before.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on July 10, 2017, 12:52:19 PM
Quote from: slapasoldier on July 09, 2017, 11:36:49 AM
(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/25/15/2ECD7C2F00000578-3333601-image-a-24_1448463923827.jpg)

You lot loved that. You're still dining out on it. Next you'll be saying you didn't like Liam Byrne's hilarious letter.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on July 10, 2017, 04:39:46 PM
Seen that Kramer comic loads of times and only just noticed she calls him 'Kraimer'
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on July 10, 2017, 08:15:46 PM
Quote from: mippy on July 10, 2017, 11:30:13 AM
There are many questions I have about the Civ comic, but I think the main one is whether the artist has ever actually seen a human woman before.

yup, the one on the left in the first panel appears to have an arse for tits
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on July 10, 2017, 08:57:41 PM
Quote from: Harpo Speaks on July 10, 2017, 01:37:59 AM
That's a recreation of an actual Web comic that I saw on Facebook the other day, can't recall the artist. Does that make  it more desolate or less?

Really? Fuck me that raises it into stratospheric levels of pointlessness then. I'd be interested to see the original just to see if anything was lost in the transcription (if there even was anything to lose)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: haigyman on July 10, 2017, 10:06:06 PM
Quote from: Angrew Lloyg Wegger on July 10, 2017, 08:57:41 PM
Really? Fuck me that raises it into stratospheric levels of pointlessness then. I'd be interested to see the original just to see if anything was lost in the transcription (if there even was anything to lose)

http://www.mrlovenstein.com/comic/823#comic

not much to lose, really.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Rocket Surgery on July 10, 2017, 10:23:15 PM
Quote from: haigyman on July 10, 2017, 10:06:06 PM
http://www.mrlovenstein.com/comic/823#comic

not much to lose, really.

Nope, just a spot of gratuitous profanity which nullifies the potential excuse that it was aimed at small children.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on July 11, 2017, 12:39:28 AM
Quote from: hard rocx and mettals on July 08, 2017, 08:15:26 PM
this featured on a recent big Twitter thread of 'the worst mid-2000s videogame webcomics you can find', which includes plenty of other execrable examples:

https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776 (https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776)

What is going on in this one?
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDW3MXkUwAAqUC1?format=jpg&name=small)

It's amazing that no matter how many interpretations you can draw from that last scene they're all equally painfully unfunny, normally that should make something unfunny, funny for the wrong reason, but no.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on July 11, 2017, 12:43:40 AM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on July 11, 2017, 12:39:28 AM
What is going on in this one?
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDW3MXkUwAAqUC1?format=jpg&name=small)

It's amazing that no matter how many interpretations you can draw from that last scene they're all equally painfully unfunny, normally that should make something unfunny, funny for the wrong reason, but no.

I think that yellow blob is meant to represent a crowd of nerds staring at her breasts, which makes it such a monumentally bad artistic depiction that I have to give it some grudging respect.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Avril Lavigne on July 11, 2017, 01:19:17 PM
Quote from: Catalogue Trousers on July 09, 2017, 01:37:36 PM
Urgh. Whoever came up with this dreary piece of vapid sassiness needs to be shot. Seriously.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDRAEx_VYAAAp5-.jpg)

Ha. Ha. Ha.

I think there must be some sort of law stating that all webcomics about geeks *must* include that beyond-hackneyed Dreamworks-face raised eyebrow expression.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Alternative Carpark on July 11, 2017, 02:43:56 PM
Quote from: slapasoldier on July 09, 2017, 11:36:49 AM
(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/25/15/2ECD7C2F00000578-3333601-image-a-24_1448463923827.jpg)

Syd Little asking someone for an autograph?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: QDRPHNC on July 11, 2017, 03:12:42 PM
Quote from: newbridge on July 11, 2017, 12:43:40 AM
I think that yellow blob is meant to represent a crowd of nerds staring at her breasts, which makes it such a monumentally bad artistic depiction that I have to give it some grudging respect.

I wonder if it's possible to pinpoint the moment where comic strips stopped having jokes and just became things that happened / did not happen to the author.

Panel 1: QDRPHNC arrives at the office. "Too bad I didn't have time for breakfast this morning. Still, I'll get a banana from the kitchen."
Panel 2: QDRPHNC stares at empty bowl in office kitchen.
Panel 3: "I can't believe you guys ate all the bananas!!!"
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Billy on July 11, 2017, 03:45:34 PM
This is an early example. Used to follow this comic quite a bit, but he hasn't updated in two years now.
(http://reallifecomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/20020305_640.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: big egg on July 11, 2017, 04:12:18 PM
I'm kind of fascinated by that. Do we know if these web comics are popular? I'd be amazed if they were, but then I can barely comprehend that stuff like Fred Basset and Nemi (shudder) gets syndicated.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: QDRPHNC on July 11, 2017, 04:22:34 PM
Quote from: QDRPHNC on July 11, 2017, 03:12:42 PM
I wonder if it's possible to pinpoint the moment where comic strips stopped having jokes and just became things that happened / did not happen to the author.

Panel 1: QDRPHNC arrives at the office. "Too bad I didn't have time for breakfast this morning. Still, I'll get a banana from the kitchen."
Panel 2: QDRPHNC stares at empty bowl in office kitchen.
Panel 3: "I can't believe you guys ate all the bananas!!!"

ACTUALLY HAPPENED
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on July 11, 2017, 04:28:26 PM
(http://www.tenhomaisdiscosqueamigos.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/thich-Quang-Duc-foto.jpg)

ACTUALLY HAPPENED










sorry, my truly pathetic attempt at humour
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ollyboro on July 11, 2017, 05:40:56 PM
Margaret Thatcher's sketch with Eddington and Hawthorne was fucking awful. She was known for possessing no sense of humour and then proved she had no acting ability either.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on July 11, 2017, 06:40:08 PM
Quote from: big egg on July 11, 2017, 04:12:18 PM
I'm kind of fascinated by that. Do we know if these web comics are popular? I'd be amazed if they were, but then I can barely comprehend that stuff like Fred Basset and Nemi (shudder) gets syndicated.

They were, I think the popularity of the genre has been on the wane for some time, though

Penny Arcade was legitimately a big thing for a while (even spawned it's own RPG spin-off), and loads of other terrible imitators spawned on the back of that, like the dreadful Ctrl-Alt-Delete and VG Cats. But I doubt any of those where anywhere near as popular. I'd forgotten most of them existed until I saw that twitter thread.

Achewood(probably the best of the early webcomics) was also phenomenally successful in the early 2000s, until it was torpedoed by Chris Onstad's tendency to self-sabotage his own success. Like taking unannounced hiatuses of unspecified lengths(I swear the longest was like eighteen months without a word), or accepting money from fans for a book he no longer had any interest in actually producing.

Just looked at the most recent comic, it was from seven months ago. Oh, Chris.

The webcomics that are still around and read are mostly story-based, and some are really good. The "two guys sat on a couch making jokes about X-Boxes" genre has pretty much dwindled to nothing, thank goodness.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: JesusAndYourBush on July 11, 2017, 07:15:52 PM
Quote from: big egg on July 11, 2017, 04:12:18 PM
I'm kind of fascinated by that. Do we know if these web comics are popular? I'd be amazed if they were, but then I can barely comprehend that stuff like Fred Basset and Nemi (shudder) gets syndicated.

(http://i66.tinypic.com/2k3mug.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on July 11, 2017, 11:52:01 PM
Quote from: ollyboro on July 11, 2017, 05:40:56 PM
Margaret Thatcher's sketch with Eddington and Hawthorne was fucking awful. She was known for possessing no sense of humour and then proved she had no acting ability either.

You just reminded me of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkLzSLkYnGc
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: hard rocx and mettals on July 12, 2017, 08:39:10 AM
Quote from: newbridge on July 11, 2017, 11:52:01 PM
You just reminded me of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkLzSLkYnGc

Likewise, that time Nigel Farage ruined a decent Harry + Paul sketch.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on July 12, 2017, 09:27:22 AM
Quote from: newbridge on July 09, 2017, 06:58:23 PM
It's also based on another awful webcomic in that Twitter thread and someone's request that this bizarre drawing of Kramer become the final panel in every comic.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDWt65VUMAAQi56.jpg)

+1 for new avatar.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on July 12, 2017, 09:36:20 AM
Quote from: Phil_A on July 11, 2017, 06:40:08 PM
Like taking unannounced hiatuses of unspecified lengths(I swear the longest was like eighteen months without a word), or accepting money from fans for a book he no longer had any interest in actually producing.


Except none of this actually happened.
To my recollection, all hiatuses were announced and explained pretty satisfactorily via social media and his blog. http://chrisonstad.blogspot.co.uk/2016/12/some-news-to-wrap-up-2016.html explains the most recent end to the comic.

What book did he take money for that he had no interest in producing?

If you're referring to the Dark Horse-produced volumes of Achewood strips, it was Dark Horse who decided not to continue as it was a niche product and unfortunately sales were not great. Onstad was pretty gutted about it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on July 12, 2017, 09:50:58 AM
Quote from: ollyboro on July 11, 2017, 05:40:56 PM
Margaret Thatcher's sketch with Eddington and Hawthorne was fucking awful. She was known for possessing no sense of humour and then proved she had no acting ability either.

Was it as bad as Tony Blair (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfkjvagVsRI) is he bovvered lol

edit: not as bad as I remembered it being
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on July 12, 2017, 10:23:04 AM
Quote from: Old Gold Tooth on July 12, 2017, 09:36:20 AM
Except none of this actually happened.
To my recollection, all hiatuses were announced and explained pretty satisfactorily via social media and his blog. http://chrisonstad.blogspot.co.uk/2016/12/some-news-to-wrap-up-2016.html explains the most recent end to the comic.

What book did he take money for that he had no interest in producing?

If you're referring to the Dark Horse-produced volumes of Achewood strips, it was Dark Horse who decided not to continue as it was a niche product and unfortunately sales were not great. Onstad was pretty gutted about it.

No, it was a second Achewood cookbook. I understand he was going through a messy divorce at the time, but it was a bit rub to accept money in good faith and then just never mention it ever again.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: FredNurke on July 12, 2017, 10:26:40 AM
Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 11, 2017, 07:15:52 PM
(http://i66.tinypic.com/2k3mug.jpg)
Nemi was just poorly translated - these superior translations (http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/nemi001.html) reveal its true glory.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on July 12, 2017, 10:57:24 AM
Quote from: Phil_A on July 12, 2017, 10:23:04 AM
No, it was a second Achewood cookbook. I understand he was going through a messy divorce at the time, but it was a bit rub to accept money in good faith and then just never mention it ever again.

Ah okay, I didn't know about that one. That's a shame.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: doppelkorn on July 12, 2017, 04:44:59 PM
Quote from: Catalogue Trousers on July 09, 2017, 01:37:36 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DDRAEx_VYAAAp5-.jpg)

What's the joke here? I'm completely lost.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: big egg on July 12, 2017, 04:57:42 PM
Quote from: doppelkorn on July 12, 2017, 04:44:59 PM
What's the joke here? I'm completely lost.

You're obviously neither a geek or a gamer... it's a quote from the game Portal. She's correctly (in this instance) assuming that the mere mention of the word cake will elicit the pavlovian response "the cake is a lie" from any geek or gamer in the vicinity.

An equivalent might be:

"This party's cool but I wish there was a way to find the Peter Kay fans in the crowd"
"This garlic bread is great, it's so delicious and moist"
"GARLIC BREAD?!"
*The gang pull Sonic the Hedgehog facial expressions*
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on July 12, 2017, 05:02:28 PM
Quote from: doppelkorn on July 12, 2017, 04:44:59 PM
What's the joke here? I'm completely lost.

A reference to the popular physics-based puzzle game Portal, in which a murderous AI attempts to lure your player character to their death with promises of delicious cake. Late in the story you find some graffiti stating "THE CAKE IS A LIE", meaning you are being tricked.

This was then turned into a tiresome meme which was hammered to death until no-one can could possibly extract any further amusement from it.

The joke in the strip, if you can call it that, it that only true geeks will understand the reference and respond accordingly.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bobtoo on July 12, 2017, 05:39:24 PM
Quote from: thenoise on July 12, 2017, 09:50:58 AM
Was it as bad as Tony Blair (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfkjvagVsRI) is he bovvered lol

edit: not as bad as I remembered it being

It put me in mind of the Tony Blair one too. His effort was much better, in fact he wasn't even the worst performer in the sketch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwaX_DgHZkM The Thatcher one appears to be for an audio recording, they are all reading from scripts and Mary Whitehouse is there too. Considering Thatcher wrote the script and is playing herself her delivery is fucking awful, like a school kid doing a reading at assembly.

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: notjosh on July 12, 2017, 08:20:40 PM
Quote from: Bobtoo on July 12, 2017, 05:39:24 PM
It put me in mind of the Tony Blair one too. His effort was much better, in fact he wasn't even the worst performer in the sketch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwaX_DgHZkM The Thatcher one appears to be for an audio recording, they are all reading from scripts and Mary Whitehouse is there too. Considering Thatcher wrote the script and is playing herself her delivery is fucking awful, like a school kid doing a reading at assembly.

Tony Blair is brilliant in that sketch. That was the moment that the scales fell from the eyes of the British people and we realised that he was in fact just a great actor. And who could forget this Oscar-worthy performance?:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3qinDH_3HE
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: doppelkorn on July 12, 2017, 08:45:07 PM
I can't begin to explain how glad I am that I'm not a gamer or a geek.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Smeraldina Rima on July 12, 2017, 09:57:20 PM
Quote from: QDRPHNC on July 11, 2017, 03:12:42 PM
I wonder if it's possible to pinpoint the moment where comic strips stopped having jokes and just became things that happened / did not happen to the author.

Autobiographical comics took off through the 60s and 70s. I'm not an expert but these were the kind of comics I liked best growing up, not at that time. Some of the artists are now famous. A lot of the comics had grave historical or personal subjects but Harvey Pekar's American Splendor stands out for elevating the mundane. There was a film about him starring Paul Giamatti. Perhaps that is the slice of life origin of the woman whose enormous outdoor cheese reflects the faces staring at her boobs.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: QDRPHNC on July 12, 2017, 10:49:33 PM
Oh yeah, love American Splendor (the movie and the comic). But it at least has subtext, not basically a Tweet about some mundane non event that happened to the author that day, in three panels.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on July 13, 2017, 12:02:26 AM
QuoteA reference to the popular physics-based puzzle game Portal, in which a murderous AI attempts to lure your player character to their death with promises of delicious cake. Late in the story you find some graffiti stating "THE CAKE IS A LIE", meaning you are being tricked.

This was then turned into a tiresome meme which was hammered to death until no-one can could possibly extract any further amusement from it.

The joke in the strip, if you can call it that, it that only true geeks will understand the reference and respond accordingly.

In addition, the use of the phrase 'delicious and moist' is a direct description of the non-existent cake by GLaDoS, the murderous AI concerned, in a song called 'Still Alive' which 'she' sings over the end credits. In all fairness, it's a nice little song - and it too became a meme used by wankers within minutes.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Steven on July 13, 2017, 12:18:47 AM
Quote from: Catalogue Trousers on July 13, 2017, 12:02:26 AM
In addition, the use of the phrase 'delicious and moist' is a direct description of the non-existent cake by GLaDoS, the murderous AI concerned, in a song called 'Still Alive' which 'she' sings over the end credits. In all fairness, it's a nice little song - and it too became a meme used by wankers within minutes.

Not all wankers. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mg6wrYCT9Q)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on July 13, 2017, 12:21:24 AM
Okay, and obnoxious furries as well, then.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: TheWoodenSpoon on July 13, 2017, 09:38:19 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu1gj010oa8
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Quincey on July 13, 2017, 09:46:46 AM
Sarah Teather's Lib Dem conference stand up.

Balls of Steel's "let's harass innocent members of the public and ruin their day for lols"

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: TheWoodenSpoon on July 13, 2017, 09:54:24 AM
Phill Jupitus.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on July 14, 2017, 03:50:37 PM
Quote from: Quincey on July 13, 2017, 09:46:46 AM
Sarah Teather's Lib Dem conference stand up.

Did anyone see Lembit Opik's one man show at the Edinburgh Fringe last year?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on July 15, 2017, 11:29:25 PM
Quote from: Angrew Lloyg Wegger on July 09, 2017, 07:41:19 PM
At Cambridge station they've put up a little funny Fred Bassett-esque comic to liven up all the commuters

I was sort of torn between here or the desolation thread

Greater Anglia are BACK ON TOP FORM

(http://i.imgur.com/3LT44X1l.jpg)

I wholeheartedly agree, munted-eyed minion with a deformed tentacle for an arm
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on July 16, 2017, 04:24:46 AM
Quote from: TheWoodenSpoon on July 13, 2017, 09:54:24 AM
Phill Jupitus.

I saw him at the fringe doing a surprise spot as Porky the Poet. He was alright, as I recall.

Every interview I've heard of him he sounds so fucking bitter though. Like, Partridge-esque levels of score-settling and self-aggrandizement.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on July 16, 2017, 04:26:01 AM
My shout is "Aunty Acid". I can't bring myself to post any examples, but google it.

Someone at my office has a calendar and I see a new cartoon every day. Very bad for my blood pressure.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Skip Bittman on July 16, 2017, 04:48:09 AM
Being American, I figured the culture gap would probably explain most of the comedy that doesn't work for me that I've been pointed at by this board for the past 15 years or so. I have no problem adoring Vic and Bob. Hancock's Half Hour? Sign me up for some grim 50s slices of boring Sunday afternoon. I can handle high dosages of Limmy injected into the bloodstream and howl like a loon.

But Phill Jupitus? What the hell is that about and how did you guys let it happen?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on July 16, 2017, 04:52:25 AM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 16, 2017, 04:26:01 AM
My shout is "Aunty Acid". I can't bring myself to post any examples, but google it.

Someone at my office has a calendar and I see a new cartoon every day. Very bad for my blood pressure.
Holy shit

http://www.auntyacid.com/18-things-i-rather-hear-husband-say-i-love/

"What if he said things you'd like to hear!!! This is a funny joke so let's do it 18 times over"
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: neardark on July 16, 2017, 01:55:37 PM
http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,61296.0.html
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Glebe on July 16, 2017, 01:56:43 PM
Quote from: neardark on July 16, 2017, 01:55:37 PMhttp://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,61296.0.html

Yeah, that's a really shitty thread!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Barry Admin on July 16, 2017, 02:07:31 PM
Quote from: neardark on July 16, 2017, 01:55:37 PM
http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,61296.0.html

I've been really trying (straining, if you will) not to say anything, but yeah, the anal fixation on here is too much for me, I must admit. Ditto the toilet humour obsession, and the forced memes, where people are literally told to repeat phrases for the gratification of someone's ego. I actually skipped buying Viz this month, as I think I'm just completely worn out with regards humour about shiteing, sticking things up arises and wanking.

So yeah, not to pick on that thread/thread starter in particular or anything, but I was just relieved (like after a shit etc) to see I'm not the only miserable bastard on here. :-)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: DrGreggles on July 16, 2017, 02:10:58 PM
Quote from: neardark on July 16, 2017, 01:55:37 PM
http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,61296.0.html

Thanks for your love and support.

It was actually an off-shoot of something in the GE thread.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on July 16, 2017, 02:41:41 PM
Quote from: Twed on July 16, 2017, 04:52:25 AM
Holy shit

http://www.auntyacid.com/18-things-i-rather-hear-husband-say-i-love/

"What if he said things you'd like to hear!!! This is a funny joke so let's do it 18 times over"

The calendar makes me legitimately angry. Thinking about it now has already irreparably ruined my Sunday.

https://www.google.ca/search?q=aunty+acid+calendar&safe=off&client=safari&hl=en-ca&prmd=isnv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj3qJnu9o3VAhXIVT4KHUuPAyoQ_AUICSgB&biw=1024&bih=672
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Glebe on July 16, 2017, 02:47:44 PM
[tag]You don't have to be pathetic to post here... but it helps![/tag]
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: weekender on July 16, 2017, 03:51:40 PM
Quote from: Barry Admin on July 16, 2017, 02:07:31 PM
I've been really trying (straining, if you will) not to say anything, but yeah, the anal fixation on here is too much for me, I must admit. Ditto the toilet humour obsession, and the forced memes, where people are literally told to repeat phrases for the gratification of someone's ego. I actually skipped buying Viz this month, as I think I'm just completely worn out with regards humour about shiteing, sticking things up arises and wanking.

So yeah, not to pick on that thread/thread starter in particular or anything, but I was just relieved (like after a shit etc) to see I'm not the only miserable bastard on here. :-)

I just wanted to say thank you for articulating (mostly) what I think.  I think you're being a bit harsh on Viz to be fair, they're usually a bit cleverer than is assumed, although I have to admit that I dislike Roger's Profanisaurus and the 'wacky' overseas products that look a bit like swear words.

But yeah, it's like in the Doctor Who thread when a certain poster starts talking about Doctor Who's bottom.  It's never funny, it's never amusing, it's never satirical, it's never...anything.  It just makes me feel so kind of...weary.

I genuinely don't understand what *anyone* gains from it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: New Jack on July 16, 2017, 04:30:09 PM
Back before I joined CaB, I would browse from work mainly for comedy news, wondering why there was such a faux-ironic or possibly even non-ironic fixation on arses, shitting, arses shitting, bums, wee and poo (you even have a poster named Poo for fuck's sake).

Now I am closer to the forum, by which I mean look at GBS, I start to wonder what, on a pathological level, is 'up' for such things as farts and wee to become interweaved with the identity of the forum. The maxim of 'arses, baldness, phimosis, cum, tossing off, diarrhea, farts getting into mouths, tits' screams loud.

Those who wish to challenge the trends might want to consider going over the top with the threads about shit and piss and wanking, in an effort to satisfy all the strange urges behind this activity in an orgy of shite that my toddler nieces are too sophisticated for, but I've accepted it as part of the site's DNA, proof that even a relative newcomer can mentally block the fucking shit that marks out the arse-besotted dullards.

I have no doubt that a satirical 'what's the best piss you've ever done?' thread would reach multiple pages. I like to think I'd only add surrealistic content to that, such as when I pissed in my freezer on Christmas day and (snip!)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on July 16, 2017, 04:33:39 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DEiuKBAXgAQjUH2.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Thursday on July 16, 2017, 05:36:56 PM
Quote from: weekender on July 16, 2017, 03:51:40 PM
I just wanted to say thank you for articulating (mostly) what I think.  I think you're being a bit harsh on Viz to be fair, they're usually a bit cleverer than is assumed, although I have to admit that I dislike Roger's Profanisaurus and the 'wacky' overseas products that look a bit like swear words.

But yeah, it's like in the Doctor Who thread when a certain poster starts talking about Doctor Who's bottom.  It's never funny, it's never amusing, it's never satirical, it's never...anything.  It just makes me feel so kind of...weary.

I genuinely don't understand what *anyone* gains from it.

I think sometimes people feel compelled to make the most juvenile, obvious joke possible, It's like a reflex reaction. Almost as a joke on the fact that we all know that joke is there so we might as well make that joke, as if there's something kind of post-modern irony to it. But even that just becomes incredibly tiresome.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: weekender on July 16, 2017, 07:48:05 PM
But there's not a joke in the first place, is there?

It's just weird, it seems like constructing random word couplings has become the height of comedy.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Avril Lavigne on July 17, 2017, 12:35:20 AM
Quote from: New Jack on July 16, 2017, 04:30:09 PM
...wondering why there was such a faux-ironic or possibly even non-ironic fixation...

...I start to wonder what, on a pathological level...

Those who wish to challenge the trends might want to consider...

....I have no doubt that a satirical...

It's dorks chatting shit to pass the time.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: slapasoldier on July 17, 2017, 04:34:57 PM
(http://comedywarehouse.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/flyer-front-2-SMALL-360x490.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: New Jack on July 17, 2017, 05:24:44 PM
Quote from: Avril Lavigne on July 17, 2017, 12:35:20 AM
It's dorks chatting shit to pass the time.

Aka the Banter defence...
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on July 17, 2017, 06:04:12 PM
Quote from: New Jack on July 17, 2017, 05:24:44 PM
Aka the Banter defence...

Nope.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: New Jack on July 17, 2017, 07:03:11 PM
OK, you defend it to the admin rather than just say "nope" to me. It's easy to disagree with me when the admin has complained about the same stuff.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on July 17, 2017, 07:45:36 PM
Quote from: New Jack on July 17, 2017, 07:03:11 PM
OK, you defend it to the admin rather than just say "nope" to me. It's easy to disagree with me when the admin has complained about the same stuff.

It's usually a lot more creative than you're giving it credit for. If you don't like it, probably best not to engage with it. There's plenty of threads with different appeal. Room enough for everyone.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Avril Lavigne on July 17, 2017, 09:21:20 PM
Quote from: New Jack on July 17, 2017, 05:24:44 PM
Aka the Banter defence...

I'm not defending anything or anyone, my point was just that pondering the immaturity of peoples' anonymous posts on the internet, on a forum populated mostly by male geeks, seems a bit futile.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on July 18, 2017, 08:43:47 AM
Quote from: Old Gold Tooth on July 17, 2017, 07:45:36 PM
It's usually a lot more creative than you're giving it credit for.

Yeah.  I know Barry isn't a fan, but there is a lot more to Poo's body of work than just witlessly referencing the lavatory.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sin Agog on July 18, 2017, 08:49:19 AM
The whole bordered images/slogans side of the internet is one I tend to ignore, but I'd imagine it gives people who aren't total verb-whores (like me) an opportunity to pop their heads over the fence.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: New Jack on July 18, 2017, 07:39:30 PM
Quote from: Old Gold Tooth on July 17, 2017, 07:45:36 PM
It's usually a lot more creative than you're giving it credit for. If you don't like it, probably best not to engage with it. There's plenty of threads with different appeal. Room enough for everyone.

Yeah, like the "Celebrity Dead" fake thread stuff? I'll just have to avoid everything I don't like... which is a shame, but some stuff is only funny the first 30 times or so.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Terryfuckwit on July 18, 2017, 07:45:18 PM
Chortle comedy reviews when they try to include jokes theyve come up with. And I love the site.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on July 18, 2017, 08:06:51 PM
Quote from: New Jack on July 18, 2017, 07:39:30 PM
some stuff is only funny the first 30 times or so.

Leave Stewart Lee alone.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Brundle-Fly on July 18, 2017, 08:14:31 PM
Quote from: weekender on July 16, 2017, 03:51:40 PM
I just wanted to say thank you for articulating (mostly) what I think.  I think you're being a bit harsh on Viz to be fair, they're usually a bit cleverer than is assumed, although I have to admit that I dislike Roger's Profanisaurus and the 'wacky' overseas products that look a bit like swear words.


I've said it before here, I genuinely believe Rogers Profanisaurus as a work of literary genius.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on July 18, 2017, 08:19:17 PM
Quote from: Brundle-Fly on July 18, 2017, 08:14:31 PM
I've said it before here, I genuinely believe Rogers Profanisaurus as a work of literary genius.

Yes, at least half a dozen laughs every profanisaurus update for me.  That and the letters/tips are the first thing I always read.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Monsieur Verdoux on July 31, 2017, 12:53:26 PM
https://twitter.com/PrisonPlanet/status/891968918813913088
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: neveragain on July 31, 2017, 01:23:58 PM
God what a load of cunts. I'm no big fan of John Oliver but conspiracy theorists do my nut in, particularly when they're pro-Trump etc.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on July 31, 2017, 02:47:54 PM
Quote from: Monsieur Verdoux on July 31, 2017, 12:53:26 PM
https://twitter.com/PrisonPlanet/status/891968918813913088

This is as strong an argument as Microsoft need for the discontinuation of MS Paint
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: hard rocx and mettals on July 31, 2017, 03:48:51 PM
What a twatty cig hanging out PJW's mouth in his DP. And he's not a performance artist/parody?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on July 31, 2017, 04:02:37 PM
OnenationunderGod in there too.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: notjosh on August 02, 2017, 09:26:22 AM
Not sure where else to put this:

https://www.facebook.com/londonistcom/videos/10155367856456043/
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Quincey on August 02, 2017, 09:40:17 AM
I thought that was an Onion style spoof but TWID appears to be a real restaurant.

It's a shame as eating a meal in a booth made to look like an opera box seems fun and listening to opera while you eat would be fun as well but I would not want a man clambering about the place, making me jump and singing to me 15cm from my face. Although one of the people in the comments says he does not behave like this. A lot of people seem to want to go for the LOLRANDOMness of the place, so I suppose the video has done its job.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 11:01:21 AM
Quote from: newbridge on July 16, 2017, 04:33:39 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DEiuKBAXgAQjUH2.jpg)

Something about turquoise vs yellow backgrounds?

Is the joke "yellow is the colour of jealousy"?  Green is supposed to be envy though.  Looking and commenting is the 'healthy' option, a yellow background.  Foreground person has a hairband with animal ears.  Argh, I give up.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 11:08:06 AM
Quote from: New Jack on July 17, 2017, 07:03:11 PM
OK, you defend it to the admin rather than just say "nope" to me. It's easy to disagree with me when the admin has complained about the same stuff.

To be fair I don't think "the admin" was speaking as "the admin" at that moment, as in "I want to see an end to this stuff or else".  He was just speaking as his human self, offering an opinion.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on August 02, 2017, 11:38:18 AM
Quote from: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 11:01:21 AM
Foreground person has a hairband with animal ears.  Argh, I give up.

I'm not sure where the joke is either, but I must point out that the foreground person appears to be cosplaying as some sort of sexy Pikachu.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 11:42:22 AM
Quote from: Chriddof on August 02, 2017, 11:38:18 AM
Pikachu.

You may as well be saying "Tamagotchi" to me there.  I've heard the word before but I don't associate anything with it.  Can anyone who knows what it means explain the joke?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on August 02, 2017, 11:47:48 AM
Quote from: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 11:01:21 AM
Something about turquoise vs yellow backgrounds?

Is the joke "yellow is the colour of jealousy"?  Green is supposed to be envy though.  Looking and commenting is the 'healthy' option, a yellow background.  Foreground person has a hairband with animal ears.  Argh, I give up.

It's not a joke is it? Isn't it part of some terrible relationship advice comic strip?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on August 02, 2017, 12:04:31 PM
Quote from: jobotic on August 02, 2017, 11:47:48 AM
It's not a joke is it? Isn't it part of some terrible relationship advice comic strip?

That was what I was kind of wondering myself, but I kept assuming there must be something that was meant to be a joke. I think you're right.

Quote from: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 11:42:22 AM
You may as well be saying "Tamagotchi" to me there.  I've heard the word before but I don't associate anything with it.  Can anyone who knows what it means explain the joke?

Pikachu is this character from the hugely popular video game / card game / anime TV series, Pokemon:

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/f5/1d/08/f51d08be05919290355ac004cdd5c2d6--pikachu-tattoo-pikachu-drawing.jpg)

And cosplaying basically means "fancy dress".
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 12:16:55 PM
Argh.

Okay I can see this is a world I'm never going to get my head around.  The joke could be outright hilarious for all I know.  I'm thinking it's to do with my age, but then if someone showed me a picture of, I don't know, Lion-o holding his sword aloft and saying "give me sight beyond sight" whilst standing in an opticians I don't think I'd find that funny either.  I just don't get reference humour.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on August 02, 2017, 12:20:49 PM
I'm guessing Lion-o is from Thundercats, which never interested me and you're right that wouldn't be funny.

Tell you what though - do it, you'll be an internet sensation ledge!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on August 02, 2017, 01:02:19 PM
Quote from: hard rocx and mettals on July 31, 2017, 03:48:51 PM
What a twatty cig hanging out PJW's mouth in his DP. And he's not a performance artist/parody?

Smoking is the ultimate way to stick to the loony left, because lung cancer and emphysema are a MSM conspiracy.

I wish I was joking (I don't, it's hilarious BECAUSE it's true).
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hank the Rapper on August 07, 2017, 06:56:44 PM
Any of this fucking shitwank.

(http://www.oursuperadventure.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/159_butt_rater.jpg)

(http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/our-super-adventure-comics-love-relationship-sarah-graley-36-57a33af89b44c__700.jpg)

(http://www.silversprocket.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Sarah-Graley-4.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/BEuyaZr.png)

Like an even less sophisticated "Love is..."

Sad thing is, it's such a compelling hate watch/read...
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on August 07, 2017, 06:59:59 PM
Jesus Christ, that could only be written by somebody with a brain made out of jelly, or by a jellyfish.

Such satisfied-just-to-exist artless pap.

It's that sort of humour where people think it's literally enough just to say "there was a large amount of food and a person would be greedy to eat it... BUT THE PERSON DID EAT THE FOOD AND THAT'S THE PUNCHLINE! A PERSON WAS GREEDY!".
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on August 07, 2017, 07:01:39 PM
Oh my fucking Christ

most recent comic

didn't even have to hunt for it

(http://www.oursuperadventure.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/OSAA-web-005.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hank the Rapper on August 07, 2017, 07:05:55 PM
I know. I almost lost a good friendship whilst criticising them, as said friend knows the creator. I guess there might be a marginally talented artist in there somewhere, they've done the Rick and Morty Mr. Poopybutthole comic, but Jesus... their fucking twee faces...
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on August 07, 2017, 07:08:34 PM
Did your friend explain to you that in one of the comics there is too much food but it gets eaten anyway, and then the character makes a shitty fucking face?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hank the Rapper on August 07, 2017, 07:16:22 PM
No, he thought it remiss of me to criticise a hard-working independent comic artist, whilst being a fan of a show that featured emoji robots in its most recent season. Fair point, really.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on August 07, 2017, 07:19:48 PM
All people who have jobs are deserving of them and immune from criticism. Come on, you know that.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on August 07, 2017, 07:20:16 PM
Nice montage of crap 90s 80s standup from everythingisterrible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei916rq9x0M
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hank the Rapper on August 07, 2017, 07:28:02 PM
Quote from: Twed on August 07, 2017, 07:19:48 PM
All people who have jobs are deserving of them and immune from criticism. Come on, you know that.

Sorry, sir. It won't happen again, sir.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Uncle TechTip on August 07, 2017, 07:35:22 PM
Do you think it might be for kids?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on August 07, 2017, 08:08:13 PM
Quote from: Uncle TechTip on August 07, 2017, 07:35:22 PM
Do you think it might be for kids?
No, not at all. This is clearly squarely aimed at 20-35 year old Internet People who really do have that fucking boring zombie apocalypse conversation repeatedly and read Ready Player One.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on August 07, 2017, 08:10:08 PM
Quote from: Twed on August 07, 2017, 07:08:34 PM
Did your friend explain to you that in one of the comics there is too much food but it gets eaten anyway, and then the character makes a shitty fucking face?

I mean that's basically a Ralph Wiggum put-down. So it's not just shit, it's also stolen and had all the charm peeled off it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on August 07, 2017, 08:16:22 PM
You've either misunderstood the target, intention and meaning of what I wrote there or you have a very confusing view of Ralph Wiggum's character. And it's actually stolen from Stewart Lee. Ahhhhhhhh.

It's also not my fucking job to please you with the quality of my put-downs. I could just go on and on about why the comic is just shit instead if I wanted to, due to that being what the thread is for.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: madhair60 on August 07, 2017, 08:18:46 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/7sA8eXhl.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on August 07, 2017, 09:58:09 PM
Quote from: madhair60 on August 07, 2017, 08:18:46 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/7sA8eXhl.png)

That's ten seconds of my life reading that I can never get back: for the creator, probably about a full minute.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: neveragain on August 07, 2017, 10:22:28 PM
Quote from: Bhazor on August 07, 2017, 07:20:16 PM
Nice montage of crap 90s 80s standup from everythingisterrible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei916rq9x0M

That's terrific.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on August 07, 2017, 10:47:02 PM
Is that comic strip called Our Super Adventure?

Imagine if you met a couple who referred to their relationship as "our super adventure" in the presence of others. Fuck me.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on August 07, 2017, 10:50:17 PM
Quote from: neveragain on August 07, 2017, 10:22:28 PM
That's terrific.

Rewatching it, its uncannily like the first series of The Eric Andre show. "Bitches be shoppin'"
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: notjosh on August 08, 2017, 09:39:35 AM
Quote from: Twed on August 07, 2017, 06:59:59 PM
It's that sort of humour where people think it's literally enough just to say "there was a large amount of food and a person would be greedy to eat it... BUT THE PERSON DID EAT THE FOOD AND THAT'S THE PUNCHLINE! A PERSON WAS GREEDY!".

When I worked as a waiter the moment I always dreaded was offering a table the dessert menu, prompting a hilarious exchange of bantz:
"Oooo... shall we be naughty?"
"Take it away quick!"
"Cover your eyes Sheila!"
"Are you trying to kill us?"
"Ah, go on, you've tempted us."

When I started I used to force out a weak smile, but over time I learnt to stare at them impassively until it was over.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on August 08, 2017, 09:44:12 AM
Quote from: notjosh on August 08, 2017, 09:39:35 AM
When I worked as a waiter the moment I always dreaded was offering a table the dessert menu, prompting a hilarious exchange of bantz:
"Oooo... shall we be naughty?"
"Take it away quick!"
"Cover your eyes Sheila!"
"Are you trying to kill us?"
"Ah, go on, you've tempted us."

When I started I used to force out a weak smile, but over time I learnt to stare at them impassively until it was over.

There's a Limmy sketch for every occasion (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBU-pzAmqcM)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thatguyfromthatthing on August 08, 2017, 05:14:04 PM
Quote from: marquis_de_sad on July 08, 2017, 04:48:55 PM
(http://cad-comic.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/cad-20040515-37a02.jpg)
I'm probably reading to much into this, but this reads like the cartoon equivalent of Ulysses in terms of train of thought style.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Barry Admin on August 09, 2017, 02:34:44 AM
 
Quote from: Replies From View on August 02, 2017, 11:08:06 AM
To be fair I don't think "the admin" was speaking as "the admin" at that moment, as in "I want to see an end to this stuff or else".  He was just speaking as his human self, offering an opinion.

Someone actually gets it. Thank you.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gloria Trubshawe on April 22, 2018, 03:34:38 PM
Been reading this forum for a while now. But I had to sign up today, when I stumbled across this thread and realised that you have all missed the one true comic genius of our age.

Ladies and gentleman, let me present to you Max West and his Sunnyville Stories:

http://sunnyvillestories.com/

(http://sunnyvillestories.com/wp-content/uploads/sunnyvilleno14page13.jpg)

The whole package is so unutterably atrocious that part of me wants to believe it is an elaborate spoof, created by a master satirist. But surely no-one could carry it on for so long?

Max West's strips elevate unfunniness to an art-form although unfortunately the quality of his artwork isn't so lucky.

But what makes the whole thing car-crash viewing of the finest quality, is that Max himself thinks he is a genius and that anyone who doesn't appreciate this genius is "jealous of his success".

He blogs incessantly, promoting his latest comic strips, pushing his vanity self-published books and bemoaning the fact that the wider world doesn't appreciate his talent, as he records "disappointing sales" at comic convention after comic convention or post mortems his latest failed Kickstarter, blaming everything from the weather to the time of year, to the layout of the venue –but never for a moment his own lack of talent. 

In fact, so blind to his own complete lack of ability is he that he regularly publishes art tutorials and dispenses, from the lofty heights of his success, sage advice for wannabe cartoonists.

Enjoy!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dannyfc on April 22, 2018, 04:35:42 PM
I generally have Radio 4 on as background noise in my flat, which my attention will tune in and out of.

But there's this half hour comedy bit that airs tonight they keep promoting in between shows that's driving me mad. I can't recall the comedians name, but he just seems a very camp, generically inoffensive chap. No worries, not my taste, but this last line on the promo snippet...

"Once I went to a football match? And then someone called me mate.....and I thought no thanks"

AND THATS IT. THAT'S THE JOKE. THE PUNCHLINE BEING A CAMP MAN AT FOOTBALL BEING CALLED MATE IS HILARIOUSLY INCOMPATIBLE.

Maybe the promo is missing the context and doesn't do it justice, but the tone of the delivery is just like those Limmy vlogger videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8LH7ryspjs
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on April 22, 2018, 05:20:50 PM
Quote from: Gloria Trubshawe on April 22, 2018, 03:34:38 PM

Ladies and gentleman, let me present to you Max West and his Sunnyville Stories:


The commentary on his comics is amazing.
(http://sunnyvillestories.com/wp-content/uploads/sunnyville0p4.jpg)

QuoteThat text box that reads "Look of Horror" generated some controversy.  Some thought that was overkill – I had sound thinking to back it up then.  This was meant to convey that this is a MAJOR turning point in Rusty's life.  He's being taken away from everything he knows and is going to be thrust into a completely alien environment.  One troll was harassing me about this page.  This guy couldn't draw himself and I tried to explain to him that this is something Scott McCloud calls a "duo-specific" combination of words and pictures.  Big mistake – the troll's Neanderthal mind was too stupid to process that information and he just started flinging insults (as most trolls do when confronted with facts and logic).  Needless to say, he ended up looking very foolish and juvenile.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on April 22, 2018, 06:07:05 PM
Bad cartoons/comics make me legitimately angry. They take so much more time to read because you absorb the artwork, the writing, the graphic effects etc and then you do that for each panel then realize it's complete crap and you've wasted your analytical powers assessing it. It's like being given a balance sheet and spending ages analyzing it only to realize it's an elaborate waste of your time.

That, and the sheer waste of time on the writer's/artist's time. Infuriating.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on April 22, 2018, 06:30:55 PM
But remember. He's making money from his artwork and you're not. So who really is the ball licker?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Tony Yeboah on April 22, 2018, 09:11:33 PM
Quote from: dannyfc on April 22, 2018, 04:35:42 PM
I generally have Radio 4 on as background noise in my flat, which my attention will tune in and out of.

But there's this half hour comedy bit that airs tonight they keep promoting in between shows that's driving me mad. I can't recall the comedians name, but he just seems a very camp, generically inoffensive chap. No worries, not my taste, but this last line on the promo snippet...

"Once I went to a football match? And then someone called me mate.....and I thought no thanks"

AND THATS IT. THAT'S THE JOKE. THE PUNCHLINE BEING A CAMP MAN AT FOOTBALL BEING CALLED MATE IS HILARIOUSLY INCOMPATIBLE.

Maybe the promo is missing the context and doesn't do it justice, but the tone of the delivery is just like those Limmy vlogger videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8LH7ryspjs

Joe Lycett. I think it's a funny bit, he's taking the mickey out of his own snobbery. One of his stand-up shows is on BBC Two tonight if anyone's a fan.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Monsieur Verdoux on April 22, 2018, 09:38:40 PM
Have posted this somewhere here before, but it definitely deserves a re-airing in this thread due to how shockingly bad it is: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AhT2mRwrNno
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on April 22, 2018, 10:27:12 PM
He's so happy he's found a way to make faggot jokes without having to use the word faggot.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: olliebean on April 22, 2018, 10:54:02 PM
Quote from: Tony Yeboah on April 22, 2018, 09:11:33 PM
Joe Lycett. I think it's a funny bit, he's taking the mickey out of his own snobbery. One of his stand-up shows is on BBC Two tonight if anyone's a fan.

The half-hour thing on Radio 4 tonight was Tom Allen, though. I don't know if that's one of his jokes, but he fits the description.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 23, 2018, 12:24:41 PM
Have any Metro readers said Nemi yet?  Fucking Jesus.

All newspaper cartoons are wank.  What the hell was Garth, Andy Capp, the Gambols?  I'll give The Fosdyke Saga a pass as that could be quite good and Bill Tidy was always ace on things.  What about George and Lynne, what was that spoof thing that basically just had the word 'Ubbs' every other word?  Much much better than the original and 'Robot Lynne' had tears rolling down my cheeks.  Must give that another swatch.

I don't have time for comedy that has to take a convoluted route to get to the 'punchline'. That's yer Tim Vines of this world, yer Milton Joneses of this world and that other wee pricks of this world.

Who remembers 'Oooh Gary Davies'?  not the 'Sloppy Bit' but the bit where he'd read a letter 'from' a listener that somehow worked its way to a song title.

One I can never forget was about a bloke who lived in Newquay (which was now an independent state and had it's own President by the way.  Remember that, it'll come in handy at the end).  He was a wig maker and blah blah.

When asked what he did he said 'I make wigs, wigs for the President of Newquay'.

He then played Weak in the Presence of Beauty by yer Alison Moyets of this world.

Wigs for the President of Newquay?  Fuck off.

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on April 23, 2018, 12:42:15 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on April 23, 2018, 12:24:41 PM
Have any Metro readers said Nemi yet?  Fucking Jesus.

All newspaper cartoons are wank. 

nah, I (really) like this one: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flook_(comic_strip).

Plus Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes are other more lauded quality ones.

I think it'd be very hard to produce a daily humour strip, with a punchline at the end of each 4 panels, while maintaining an ongoing story. No wonder so many devolve into utter pablum or never rise above it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 23, 2018, 12:57:45 PM
Quote from: notjosh on August 08, 2017, 09:39:35 AM
When I worked as a waiter the moment I always dreaded was offering a table the dessert menu, prompting a hilarious exchange of bantz:
"Oooo... shall we be naughty?"
"Take it away quick!"
"Cover your eyes Sheila!"
"Are you trying to kill us?"
"Ah, go on, you've tempted us."

When I started I used to force out a weak smile, but over time I learnt to stare at them impassively until it was over.

To me laughter is a precious commodity and should be handled with love and care.  People who laugh at everything they see or hear or bantz are devaluing the currency.  You know what I do when I hear the above or anything along the lines of 'Not bad...for a TUESDAY!'?

Nothing.  Stone faced silence.  Laughing at these people only encourages them.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thecuriousorange on April 23, 2018, 06:39:05 PM
Count Curly Wee. What the hell even was that?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 23, 2018, 08:14:38 PM
Nemi was one of the earliest derided pieces of art on CaB, that goes back 15 years if not more.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bobtoo on April 23, 2018, 08:25:35 PM
Quote from: olliebean on April 22, 2018, 10:54:02 PM
The half-hour thing on Radio 4 tonight was Tom Allen, though. I don't know if that's one of his jokes, but he fits the description.

I heard the trailer in question today. It's definitely Tom Allen, which is who I originally thought it would be from the description. 
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Nelson on April 23, 2018, 09:34:52 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on April 23, 2018, 12:24:41 PM
Have any Metro readers said Nemi yet?  Fucking Jesus.

All newspaper cartoons are wank.  What the hell was Garth, Andy Capp, the Gambols?  I'll give The Fosdyke Saga a pass as that could be quite good and Bill Tidy was always ace on things.  What about George and Lynne, what was that spoof thing that basically just had the word 'Ubbs' every other word?  Much much better than the original and 'Robot Lynne' had tears rolling down my cheeks.  Must give that another swatch.

I don't have time for comedy that has to take a convoluted route to get to the 'punchline'. That's yer Tim Vines of this world, yer Milton Joneses of this world and that other wee pricks of this world.

Who remembers 'Oooh Gary Davies'?  not the 'Sloppy Bit' but the bit where he'd read a letter 'from' a listener that somehow worked its way to a song title.

One I can never forget was about a bloke who lived in Newquay (which was now an independent state and had it's own President by the way.  Remember that, it'll come in handy at the end).  He was a wig maker and blah blah.

When asked what he did he said 'I make wigs, wigs for the President of Newquay'.

He then played Weak in the Presence of Beauty by yer Alison Moyets of this world.

Wigs for the President of Newquay?  Fuck off.
The one I remember featured characters called Mave, Gaye and Rex, who got sunburnt.
Here's Mave and Gaye, with Rex; they're all peeling
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on April 23, 2018, 10:06:44 PM
Is Nemi the goth cartoon in the Metro? I remember that being utter toilet-water.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: non capisco on April 23, 2018, 10:07:45 PM
Nemi's not STILL going, is it? Next you're going to tell me the Daily Mail are still running their One Foot In The Grave ripoff cartoon called 'I Don't Believe It!'. Didn't even change the catchphrase, unbelievable.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on April 23, 2018, 10:10:44 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on April 23, 2018, 12:24:41 PM
All newspaper cartoons are wank. What the hell was Garth, Andy Capp, the Gambols?

Garth wasn't a comedy strip, it was an action-adventure strip:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_(comic_strip) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_(comic_strip))

QuoteGarth was a comic strip in the British newspaper Daily Mirror from July 24, 1943, to March 22, 1997. The strip belonged to the action-adventure genre and recounted the exploits of the title character, an immensely strong hero who battled various villains throughout the world and many different chronological eras.

QuoteIn the backstory, Garth washed ashore in Shetland and was adopted by an elderly couple.[1] Garth developed almost superhuman strength and eventually became a naval captain and all-round military genius.[3] Garth travelled through many eras and confronted villains such as Madame Voss and Apollo. His true love was the ancient goddess-like figure, Astra. Garth's sidekick and mentor was Professor Lumiere, who psychoanalyzed the hero and recovered memories of his previous experiences.

I don't know why, but I had an Andy Capp game for my ZX Spectrum (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41286Q89qTE). I also don't know why they made an Andy Capp game in the first place, though that seemed to be the kind of thing software companies did back then (here's the Allo Allo! game for the Amiga (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMW7raXEXLU)).
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: alan nagsworth on April 23, 2018, 10:39:43 PM
Quote from: newbridge on July 16, 2017, 04:33:39 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DEiuKBAXgAQjUH2.jpg)


This went somewhat unresolved when it wad first posted, so I'd like to offer my take on what is happening:

The artist is trying to convey what he thinks should be acceptable behaviour in a relationship. The scenario taking place here is that the couple are at a convention - note the lanyards - and there is a girl more conventionally attractive than his partner, who is cosplaying as Pikachu, with her ample bosom on display.

Rather than learning to respect his partner's wish for a boyfriend who doesn't ogle the breasts of a girl dressed as a cartoon rodent, he believes that she should not only allow his objectification, but also encourage and take part in it. This last interpretation isn't exact, however, as the second panel doesn't actually show the girlfriend similarly objectifying the girl dressed as the world famous electric mouse. Merely she is seen to be appreciating the spectacle but also allowing her partner to get a sweet eyeful of those big ol' tiddies.

Even if the artist's wish isn't granted IRL - and let's be honest, his marital status alone should probably be brought into question - you can at least guarantee some satisfaction on his behalf, because he got to draw a cartoon of a girl with big ol' tiddies dressed as a fucking Pikachu. Good for him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on April 24, 2018, 12:22:45 AM
Quote from: non capisco on April 23, 2018, 10:07:45 PM
Nemi's not STILL going, is it?

Nemi actually finished years ago, this was the canonical final strip.

(http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/pictures/nemi/20060903/VUG007.gif)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Oops! Wrong Planet on April 24, 2018, 12:30:46 AM
bitch be asleep!! 😼
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gregory Torso on April 24, 2018, 12:39:56 AM
There's a great Finnish language newspaper strip called Fingerpori which trades on the insane puns and double meanings you can fget nd in Finnish language.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on April 24, 2018, 12:57:08 AM
Ending strong and leave them wanting more. Textbook.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on April 24, 2018, 01:37:15 AM
Anything to do with meme.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Rizla on April 24, 2018, 02:31:46 AM
Quote from: Chriddof on April 23, 2018, 10:10:44 PM
Garth wasn't a comedy strip, it was an action-adventure strip:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_(comic_strip) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_(comic_strip))

I read an interview with Chas Chandler where he said he owned, or had at least tried to buy, the film rights to Garth.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: RedRevolver on April 24, 2018, 03:24:10 AM
My boyfriend and I were gibbed, in Ambleside, into buying two volumes of the 'Comedy Mag' or some shit like that at £3 each.

It was basically short form joke books that the guy said had been written and compiled by local unemployed people, heavily implying (although, in fairness, not explicitly stating) that it was for a charity. So, in my mind, a sort of 'Big Issue' for homeless comedians or some shit.

Anyway, didn't look at said magazines for several months and was I pissed to find they were nothing but awful jokes anyone could plaigirise off the internet. Full of blonde bimbo schtick and up to the knickers in Little Johnnies.

On the inside cover it said that it was all for profit too. And there were 19 of the bastards.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on April 24, 2018, 05:04:28 AM
Quote from: RedRevolver on April 24, 2018, 03:24:10 AM
My boyfriend and I were gibbed, in Ambleside, into buying two volumes of the 'Comedy Mag' or some shit like that at £3 each.

It was basically short form joke books that the guy said had been written and compiled by local unemployed people, heavily implying (although, in fairness, not explicitly stating) that it was for a charity. So, in my mind, a sort of 'Big Issue' for homeless comedians or some shit.

Anyway, didn't look at said magazines for several months and was I pissed to find they were nothing but awful jokes anyone could plaigirise off the internet. Full of blonde bimbo schtick and up to the knickers in Little Johnnies.

On the inside cover it said that it was all for profit too. And there were 19 of the bastards.




CSI* Ambleside ( *Comedy's Shit In ).
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on April 24, 2018, 05:09:40 AM
Berkeley Breathed bought back " Bloom County " a year or two back, dinnee? I've had a look  at some of the new strips, and they're terrible, awfully weak and diluted versions of the razor sharp wit of its 80s heyday, but mentioning new fangled smartphones and the internet and stuff like that. Kind of reminiscent of how "Peanuts" limped unamusingly on for the last 20 years or so of its existence. Not even Bill The Cat roused a smile from me. Ah, well.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on April 24, 2018, 07:12:18 AM
Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on April 24, 2018, 05:09:40 AM
Berkeley Breathed bought back " Bloom County " a year or two back, dinnee? I've had a look  at some of the new strips, and they're terrible, awfully weak and diluted versions of the razor sharp wit of its 80s heyday, but mentioning new fangled smartphones and the internet and stuff like that. Kind of reminiscent of how "Peanuts" limped unamusingly on for the last 20 years or so of its existence. Not even Bill The Cat roused a smile from me. Ah, well.

Just reading up on this on wiki, and I see the original (1980-89) run ended with a long running story arc featuring Donald Trump, culminating in Trump 'buying out' the regular cast of characters. I know Trump was obviously famous back then as well, but it seems oddly prescient that he was made the prime mover of the strips fictional demise. Guessing it was the strip tieing its fate to Trump so explicitly that was a big part of the reasoning for it getting revived in mid-2015?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 24, 2018, 08:49:42 AM
I am delighted Nemi is dead. 

From my youth I remember a cartoon where a wild west Cowboy used to roll his own fags and go 'yup' a lot.  That was the extent of it.

I can't remember much about it but I do remember thinking it was tosh.  Apart from the cig rolling bit.  Imagine that now, a cartoon where a character sparks up. 
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 09:45:19 AM
When you consider that the cartoon strips are put in newspapers to provide a bit of light relief in amongst the doom and gloom, it's ironic that ones like Nemi actually make me more angry and I usually have to find a story about immigrants raping pensioners and eating their cats, to calm me down again afterwards.

I don't so much mind the ones that aren't very funny [such as Andy Capp and Fred Bassett which have already been mentioned] or anything Mac does in the Daily Mail. At least with those someone's bothered to try and think of a joke, but it just turned out to be not a very good one. You can read the strip and think "Meh! –that was a bit corny"

With the ones like Nemi and my own nomination Doonesbury, I don't actually know what the joke is supposed to be.  In Doonesbury, you'll have something like the bloke sitting at his desk for three frames and then, in the last frame, he'll have a thinks bubble with something like "I suppose I'd better staple the quarterly report then" and, inside my head, my brain is screaming "WHAT IS THE FUCKING JOKE?!!!"

I'm almost convinced that this type of strip is some kind of "Emperors New Clothes" scam or a bit like when you're a nipper and an older kid at school tells a dirty joke and you join in the rib-elbowing and knowing sniggers, even though you're not really sure what "anal felching" means. In this case, I reckon the authors of these incomprehensible strips pay a few hired shills to snigger knowingly at their latest creations in the appropriate middle-class aspirational company and everyone else joins in for fear of looking like they didn't get the joke – Before you know it, it's worldwide syndication and laughing all the way to the bank.

EDIT: I think my memory was being charitable when I portrayed Doonesbury as three frames of nothing followed by a random statement serving as a punchline.  I just looked up the Doonesbury archive and these were the first two random ones I clicked on. the formula is obviously three frames of the kind of tedious dialogue you'd hear at a bus stop... followed by a random statement serving as a punchline.

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/939/40955315394_622d5a1c5f_c.jpg)

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/840/27796999058_354f7bbbcd_c.jpg)

I need to go and punch something now.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 24, 2018, 10:11:39 AM
As a former Metro reader I remember an 'article' about this great cartoon that everyone was talking about.  It had like OMG, soooooOoo many like fans and it was like all cool and like everthink.  Everyone just like loved it.

Then a couple of days later it came to pass that Nemi arrived.

For someone so fed up with the meaningless trappings of life she doesn't half surround herself with vapid, paper thin twats.

What the fuck am I talking about?  It was some ink on a page drew by someone who wouldn't know funny if Pub Dog was above them and Hagar the Truly Awful below.

Kiss the Cat could almost be a Partridge line.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on April 24, 2018, 10:25:40 AM
I'm pretty sure Nemi is still going, it's just been discontinued from the Metro.

Also, the 'sleep cat' comic is not the real thing; it's a reworded parody strip.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 11:09:03 AM
Quote from: ajsmith2 on April 24, 2018, 10:25:40 AM
Also, the 'sleep cat' comic is not the real thing; it's a reworded parody strip.

That's probably why it's much funnier than the original would ever be.


EDIT:

PS: I never realised Nemi was meant to be a goth until the Metro started printing the strip in colour and you could see s/he had a white face compared to his/her companions. Before that and given the 'bordering-on-hideous-fucking-manga' style of the artwork, I though he/she/it was supposed to be some kind of "creature" of some kind, like a furbie.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 11:36:59 AM
Another of the "truly pathetic attempts at humour" that makes some sick come up into my mouth, are the jokey messages which companies put on packaging these days.

I think it started with Innocent Smoothies but has now, as is the way in the ideas vacuum that is the advertising world, extended to every kind of product, no matter how incongruous the fit. Here are a couple I snapped on a detergent box the other day:

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/884/41626861162_061502315a_z.jpg)

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/843/27798238008_f13fee969e_z.jpg)

There was another one which I unfortunately forgot to snap which was a cartoon picture of a pair of socks on the back with something really twee like "Good for niffy socks" written beside it.

The idea worked with Innocent Smoothies because they were promoting the whole 'simple / pure / unadulterated' nature of the product, even the brand-name was "Innocent" . So you got that "childhood = innocence, so make the packaging look like it was designed by kids" concept.  This connection seems to have passed by the  101 copycats who subsequently leapt on the bandwaggon and so we end up with things like this risible attempt to dress up a box of environment-raping industrial detergent as a whacky light-hearted product.

Here are a few more. 

From a coffee jar:

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/854/27798497438_e6f9b5d753_z.jpg)

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/825/41666399671_d518aae085_z.jpg)

And here's one from a bottle of shower gel, which has tried to be a bit flirty and risqué  but just comes across as a creepy sleazy innuendo about wanking in the bath.

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/848/41666399521_c0d4b2b0c3_z.jpg)

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on April 24, 2018, 11:41:30 AM
Quote from: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 11:36:59 AM
Another of the "truly pathetic attempts at humour" that makes some sick come up into my mouth, are the jokey messages which companies put on packaging these days.

I think it started with Innocent Smoothies but has now, as is the way in the ideas vacuum that is the advertising world, extended to every kind of product, no matter how incongruous the fit. Here are a couple I snapped on a detergent box the other day:

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/884/41626861162_061502315a_z.jpg)

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/843/27798238008_f13fee969e_z.jpg)

There was another one which I unfortunately forgot to snap which was a cartoon picture of a pair of socks on the back with something really twee like "Good for niffy socks" written beside it.

The idea worked with Innocent Smoothies because they were promoting the whole 'simple / pure / unadulterated' nature of the product, even the brand-name was "Innocent" . So you got that "childhood = innocence, so make the packaging look like it was designed by kids" concept.  This connection seems to have passed by the  101 copycats who subsequently leapt on the bandwaggon and so we end up with things like this risible attempt to dress up a box of environment-raping industrial detergent as a whacky light-hearted product.

Here are a few more. 

From a coffee jar:

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/854/27798497438_e6f9b5d753_z.jpg)

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/825/41666399671_d518aae085_z.jpg)

And here's one from a bottle of shower gel, which has tried to be a bit flirty and risqué  but just comes across as a creepy sleazy innuendo about wanking in the bath.

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/848/41666399521_c0d4b2b0c3_z.jpg)

Ones for the Infantilisation thread.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 11:45:05 AM
Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on April 24, 2018, 11:41:30 AM
Ones for the Infantilisation thread.

Where be that? I'm new around these parts
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 24, 2018, 11:48:43 AM
How about the little asides that get tagged on to the end of adverts?  Muttered under the breath these little quips are never funny.

Podcasts are terrible for this.  Just read your little advert for Squarespace or Grubinabox or whatever you want 10pc off for entering the code at check out and cut the 'funnies'.

American podcasters are the worst culprits.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on April 24, 2018, 12:02:50 PM
Quote from: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 11:45:05 AM
Where be that? I'm new around these parts
Here you go, 27 pages of sheer hell (https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,59094.0.html). The coffee one you posted is extremely upsetting.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on April 24, 2018, 12:04:31 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on April 24, 2018, 11:48:43 AM
Podcasts are terrible for this.  Just read your little advert for Squarespace or Grubinabox

I wish there was a "put you in a box" geek crate that just killed you when you opened it and that they gave away free samples.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: c on April 24, 2018, 12:08:31 PM
Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on April 24, 2018, 11:41:30 AM
Ones for the Infantilisation thread.

There is an exception to this Innocent Smoothie not-funny branding madness. I can't remember the chain, but they do coffees and cakes on station platforms. I ordered a coffee and they gave me it, and then handed me one of those stupid little biscuits. It came in a wrapper that said 'Stupid Little Biscuit'.

Not only did it make me laugh, for one blissful moment, I felt as if I wasn't alone in the world.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on April 24, 2018, 12:11:14 PM
Quote from: ajsmith2 on April 24, 2018, 10:25:40 AM
I'm pretty sure Nemi is still going, it's just been discontinued from the Metro.

Also, the 'sleep cat' comic is not the real thing; it's a reworded parody strip.

Tbh I've read this version so often it might as well be tbe official one, I can no longer imagine a version of Nemi without eggs, bees, Biggins etc.

(http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/pictures/nemi/20071012/bok008.gif)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bad Ambassador on April 24, 2018, 12:36:07 PM
Quote from: Bhazor on April 24, 2018, 12:04:31 PM
I wish there was a "put you in a box" geek crate that just killed you when you opened it and that they gave away free samples.

Twerp Coffin.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on April 24, 2018, 01:15:34 PM
Quote from: Bhazor on April 24, 2018, 12:04:31 PM
I wish there was a "put you in a box" geek crate that just killed you when you opened it and that they gave away free samples.

Coffn
DeadBox
Gravr
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on April 24, 2018, 01:39:38 PM
Zyklon Box
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 09:42:35 PM
Quote from: Jerzy Bondov on April 24, 2018, 12:02:50 PM
Here you go, 27 pages of sheer hell (https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,59094.0.html)....

Egads! It's even worse and more widespread than i thought.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: gib on April 24, 2018, 10:29:48 PM
Welcome to CaB.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on April 24, 2018, 10:35:55 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on April 24, 2018, 08:49:42 AM
I am delighted Nemi is dead. 

From my youth I remember a cartoon where a wild west Cowboy used to roll his own fags and go 'yup' a lot.  That was the extent of it.

I can't remember much about it but I do remember thinking it was tosh.  Apart from the cig rolling bit.  Imagine that now, a cartoon where a character sparks up.

That'd be Lucky Luke. Yup.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 25, 2018, 08:03:23 AM
Quote from: jobotic on April 24, 2018, 10:35:55 PM
That'd be Lucky Luke. Yup.

That was it.  Was it actually about anything or was it just some doodling that got out of hand?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on April 25, 2018, 08:40:57 AM
Some of it was scripted by Rene Goscinny, the main man behind Asterix.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Neville Chamberlain on April 25, 2018, 09:43:27 AM
Yep, I think reading Lucky Luke was one of the biggest disappointments in my life after I was expecting pure, unadulterated greatness from Goscinny.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Icehaven on April 25, 2018, 09:51:37 AM
Quote from: Gloria Trubshawe on April 24, 2018, 09:45:19 AM

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/939/40955315394_622d5a1c5f_c.jpg)

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/840/27796999058_354f7bbbcd_c.jpg)


All Doonesbury characters have exactly the same face. I mean exactly. Is that intentional or just shockingly bad art to add to the shocking unfunniness?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: AsparagusTrevor on April 25, 2018, 11:44:12 AM
Regarding the twee packaging shite, I (fairly) recently saw a repeat of Dave's Dave Gorman's Modern Life is Goodish devoted entirely to this phenomenon, "wackaging', including a disturbingly sexual collection of hotel toiletries.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on April 25, 2018, 11:48:00 AM
I always used to feel like I was stupid for not understanding Doonesbury. Now I'm pretty sure it's the strip's fault. Is it still running in the Guardian?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on April 25, 2018, 11:54:17 AM
There was a Doonesbury musical.

(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/52/Doonesbury.JPG)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kngen on April 25, 2018, 02:23:01 PM
Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on April 25, 2018, 09:43:27 AM
Yep, I think reading Lucky Luke was one of the biggest disappointments in my life after I was expecting pure, unadulterated greatness from Goscinny.

Lucky Luke was great. It might not have hit the heights of Asterix, but it was still better than Lord fucking Snooty.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on April 25, 2018, 07:00:51 PM
A line by line analysis of Lady Lazarus

QuoteLines 10-15

Peel off the napkin
O my enemy.
Do I terrify?—

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

    Lady Lazarus knows she's freaking us out in this poem, and addresses us—her audience—directly. She tells us to "peel off the napkin," to (figuratively) reveal her face. She calls us her "enemy." Thanks, Lady L, for making us feel welcome in your poem.
    And for you Bible scholars out there, line 11 may be using a biblical allusion to Micah 7:8, in a moment in which the Jews address an enemy and then say: "Though I have fallen / I will rise." It's one of the many moments in the poem in which Lady Lazarus imagines that she has an intense connection with the Jewish people, although we're not quite sure who her enemy is—the Nazis? Death? Us? (Yikes.)
    This address to the audience is called an apostrophe. Lady Lazarus speaks to several different audiences throughout the poem, but in this moment, she seems to be talking directly to us (shiver).
    She then asks if she terrifies us, and our answer is: yes, obviously. Lady Lazarus knows how to wield power. We're quaking in our boots over here.
    And, Lady L keeps at it. She describes what she looks like, and even this simple act takes on a grotesque tone. She figures herself as a kind of living corpse, with "eye pits" instead of eyeballs, and "sour breath" that will disappear once she's actually dead—in a day.
    This is some pretty intense imagery, if we do say so ourselves. Apparently, it's the zombie apocalypse, and Plath's here to tell us all about it.

Get in bin. Always hated this bants in school. Attempts at humour that manage to destroy the last shreds of beauty in poetry even more than english lessons already do. In turn making it even more of a chore.

https://www.shmoop.com/lady-lazarus/lines-1-15-summary.html
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on April 25, 2018, 07:47:35 PM
Godawful
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: alan nagsworth on April 25, 2018, 09:05:18 PM
AH MATE HAS ANYONE MENTIONED THE DAVE ADVERTS ON THE UNDERGROUND YET

FUCKING HELL THEY MAKE ME SCREAM INSIDE

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSufVd7WAAA0LCp.jpg:medium)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DTwmoVLWsAAhwiE.jpg:medium)

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DS9S7chWsAEV0k4.jpg:small)

Fortunately all of these were easy to find on Twitter because commuters are constantly uploading their own photos with the Dave hashtag.

Honestly the despair I experience looking at these every day, I wonder if that's how [banned troll] feels whenever he comes back here and tries to tolerate us.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on April 25, 2018, 09:07:23 PM
So relatable!!!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 25, 2018, 09:49:15 PM
Quote from: Bhazor on April 22, 2018, 05:20:50 PM
The commentary on his comics is amazing.
(http://sunnyvillestories.com/wp-content/uploads/sunnyville0p4.jpg)

Is the cat in the bottom panel supposed to be one of the cats in the top panel?  If so, which one?


Also, I can see that the cat on the left of the top panel is wearing glasses, but what's going on with the eyes of the cat on the right of the same picture?  They're a spirograph nightmare.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Andy147 on April 25, 2018, 10:46:34 PM
No, the "Look of Horror" cat is the son of the other two.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Famous Mortimer on April 26, 2018, 05:05:59 AM
My local alternative weekly is the Riverfront Times, a fine publication, full of actually useful journalism, reviews of expensive restaurants and reprints of "Savage Love". Oh, and something called Streak's Corner, which is the physical manifestation of the absence of comedy.

https://media1.fdncms.com/riverfronttimes/imager/u/original/3140403/011117.jpg

(I didn't put it in image tags as it was too large, and I'm too tired to figure out how to resize it)

The above strip appears to be, mercifully, the only proof of its existence on the internet, but we RFT readers are treated to a new one every week.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 26, 2018, 08:07:13 AM
I hope "Dave"'s TV programmes are funnier than their adverts.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Danger Man on April 26, 2018, 09:11:59 AM
Quote from: Famous Mortimer on April 26, 2018, 05:05:59 AM
https://media1.fdncms.com/riverfronttimes/imager/u/original/3140403/011117.jpg

(I didn't put it in image tags as it was too large, and I'm too tired to figure out how to resize it)


(https://media1.fdncms.com/riverfronttimes/imager/u/original/3140403/011117.jpg)

There you go.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 26, 2018, 02:35:50 PM
Quote from: Danger Man on April 26, 2018, 09:11:59 AM
(https://media1.fdncms.com/riverfronttimes/imager/u/original/3140403/011117.jpg)

There you go.

I assumed the first bloke was sitting behind a desk at first.  Is he meant to be the same height as the second man, and standing up?

It's just too much shitness for one brain to take in.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on April 26, 2018, 02:48:01 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on April 26, 2018, 02:35:50 PM
I assumed the first bloke was sitting behind a desk at first.  Is he meant to be the same height as the second man, and standing up?

It's just too much shitness for one brain to take in.

I think he's sitting behind the desk, but the other smaller guy is walking on top of the desk.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on April 26, 2018, 02:58:12 PM
Considering he's the owner of Streak's Corner Bar, I assumed that was the eponymous bar.

Quite why the other bellend is walking on it as another matter.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gregory Torso on April 26, 2018, 03:26:14 PM
Does he have a huge Tom Selleck moustache or a huge muppet gape mouth?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Barry Beano on April 26, 2018, 03:48:27 PM
(https://www.stickerzilla.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/imported/Funny-Toilet-Sticker-Virgin-Trains-South-West-Trains-Railway-Collectors-B01E7OJXVG.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Depressed Beyond Tables on April 26, 2018, 07:44:44 PM
BOB STRETCH

His name is funnier than the whole strip.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: holyzombiejesus on April 26, 2018, 07:47:29 PM
Quote from: Barry Beano on April 26, 2018, 03:48:27 PM
(https://www.stickerzilla.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/imported/Funny-Toilet-Sticker-Virgin-Trains-South-West-Trains-Railway-Collectors-B01E7OJXVG.jpg)

Adam Buxton nominated that on Room 101 a few weeks ago. Got knocked back too if I remember correctly.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on April 27, 2018, 08:14:40 AM
Genuine question - why 'sweater' rather than 'jumper'? These appear all over British trains, right? Was it an American focus group?

Surely any English person would have to go out of their way to call it a 'sweater'. Just, what's the thought process here?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Porter Dimi on April 27, 2018, 10:10:59 AM
Quote from: hard rocx and mettals on July 08, 2017, 08:15:26 PM
this featured on a recent big Twitter thread of 'the worst mid-2000s videogame webcomics you can find', which includes plenty of other execrable examples:

https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776 (https://twitter.com/abigbagofkeys/status/879398284384587776)

There's an extended look at the history of Ctrl + Alt + Del in Hbomberguy's latest video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TebCHHCw9rY
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on April 27, 2018, 11:42:40 AM
On the subject of webcomics I'd like to post this.

(https://proxy.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fthecube.guru%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2Ffigure-out.jpg&f=1)

Now it's not intended to be funny but I'm posting it because that third panel deeply upsets me. Look at that fucking picture. The cunt doesn't know how the fucking transform tool works. I mean this was clearly made in some kind of digital art software. But the cunt doesn't bother learning how one the most basic fucking tools work.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on April 27, 2018, 12:12:54 PM
Another thing that's bothersome is the way that the hand in the first panel is drawn in a deliberately over-simplified way, of the kind that you might see on something like an Adventure Time character - and then in the third and fourth panels we see the same character with realistic (and clearly traced) hands. Also the thumbnail in the third panel doesn't look right at all, despite the tracing.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 27, 2018, 12:16:07 PM
Bloke's got a Rubik's cube for an 'ead mate.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hobo With A Shit Pun on April 27, 2018, 01:06:28 PM
It wasn't the diluted Daily Mail "news" that made me finally stop reading the Metro on my commute. It wasn't the letters, comprising sub-par H.S.Art and the ravings of offline Tenmen. It was Stephan Pastis's Pearls Before Swine.

Because it is shit. Best decision I've ever made. Don't even know if it's still in there.

www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on April 27, 2018, 01:13:31 PM
I thought 'Pearls Before Swine' was no bad as far as these things go. This was a strip that tickled me that I still recall fondly:

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e1/07/0b/e1070b3e4f1ca27f9b07f85abec56d88.jpg)

Much better than the cookie cutter pet-based cuteness of 'Buckles' that ran between Pearls Before Swine and 'This Life' (not the 90s zeit-drama, but the Metros's original, basically drawn but agreeably mordant one panel slice of life cartoon).

The cat pun based cartoon the Metro used to run as a column breaker was the worst of those kind of things. Typical edition would be a cartoon cat falling over subtitled 'Cat-astrophe'. Rinse and repeat.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on April 27, 2018, 01:20:03 PM
edit, nah, felt bad.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 27, 2018, 01:23:57 PM
Quote from: holyzombiejesus on April 26, 2018, 07:47:29 PM
Adam Buxton nominated that on Room 101 a few weeks ago. Got knocked back too if I remember correctly.

What was the reason Frank Skinner gave?

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Virgo76 on April 27, 2018, 01:28:07 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on April 25, 2018, 11:48:00 AM
I always used to feel like I was stupid for not understanding Doonesbury. Now I'm pretty sure it's the strip's fault. Is it still running in the Guardian?

Last time I looked, The Guardian was running reruns of Doonesbury as the creator Garry Trudeau was too busy writing the quite short lived Washington-set sitcom Alpha House.
This has made Doonesbury even more comprehensible than usual as it's about Walter Mondale picking Geraldine Ferraro as his 1984 running mate or something.

The Perishers is just a British copy of Peanuts isn't it?
Peanuts wasn't funny either.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Tikwid on April 27, 2018, 01:33:56 PM
I find it interesting coming back to this thread nine months on and finding that my attitude towards "truly pathetic attempts at humour" has changed somewhat - the Minecraft joke book is still dire, but a fair few of the other nominations just seem like they've been nitpicked by an increasingly cynical userbase. But maybe that's just because in that interval I've experienced things like worsening depression, a newfound awareness of mortality etc., and I now percieve these attempts for what they really could also be - genuine efforts to reach out and bring some tiny bit of light into the hopeless crushing existences of their readership or target demographic.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on April 27, 2018, 01:41:21 PM
Quote from: Barry Beano on April 26, 2018, 03:48:27 PM
(https://www.stickerzilla.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/imported/Funny-Toilet-Sticker-Virgin-Trains-South-West-Trains-Railway-Collectors-B01E7OJXVG.jpg)

They've changed it now. I will have a go at remembering it word-for-word.

Quote
Hello! It's me! The toilet. Yeah, I knew what I was getting into, becoming a toilet. I used to be a PUBLIC toilet. This is a step up! Anyway, I just want to tell you, not flush nappies or sanitary towels down me. As you were. Ahem.

yep just what you want while falling around pissing on yourself. a fucking unfunny toilet.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on April 27, 2018, 01:58:35 PM
Quote from: ajsmith2 on April 27, 2018, 01:13:31 PM
I thought 'Pearls Before Swine' was no bad as far as these things go. This was a strip that tickled me that I still recall fondly:

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e1/07/0b/e1070b3e4f1ca27f9b07f85abec56d88.jpg)

Much better than the cookie cutter pet-based cuteness of 'Buckles' that ran between Pearls Before Swine and 'This Life' (not the 90s zeit-drama, but the Metros's original, basically drawn but agreeably mordant one panel slice of life cartoon).

The cat pun based cartoon the Metro used to run as a column breaker was the worst of those kind of things. Typical edition would be a cartoon cat falling over subtitled 'Cat-astrophe'. Rinse and repeat.

Oh Pearls Before Swine is fine. The cartoonist takes the piss out of himself so much it doesn't really mean much, but it's funny enough.

fuck you for reminding me about the cat one. clearly the cartoonist never expected it to take off and they just ended up with a master-list of words associated with cats (paw, fur, tail) and looking through the dictionary for words to substitute one of those words for a syllable. And it ended up with things like terri-BOWL, because you know cats eat out of bowls

Fuck me, it's still going and makes even less fucking sense. Current strip is a cat disguising itself as a lamp by a mousehole with the caption "bright idea". How the fuck is that even funny?
http://www.gocomics.com/learn-to-speak-cat/2018/04/26

If I ever met Anthony Smith I think I would bludgeon his face.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: poodlefaker on April 27, 2018, 02:50:50 PM
How about Andy Dawson's contributions to Athletico Mince? The catchphrase stuff; the "Do you think Blondie's still got her heart of glass?" stuff; the unfunny voices. Woeful.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: AsparagusTrevor on April 27, 2018, 02:57:23 PM
Quote from: ajsmith2 on April 27, 2018, 01:13:31 PM
I thought 'Pearls Before Swine' was no bad as far as these things go. This was a strip that tickled me that I still recall fondly:

(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e1/07/0b/e1070b3e4f1ca27f9b07f85abec56d88.jpg)

Made me think of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjyzYh43L-A



Quote from: ajsmith2 on April 27, 2018, 01:13:31 PMThe cat pun based cartoon the Metro used to run as a column breaker was the worst of those kind of things. Typical edition would be a cartoon cat falling over subtitled 'Cat-astrophe'. Rinse and repeat.

Fuck I remember those, they got increasingly tenuous after they'd exhausted the 10 or so acceptable cat-puns.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on April 27, 2018, 03:09:51 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on April 27, 2018, 01:58:35 PM
Oh Pearls Before Swine is fine. The cartoonist takes the piss out of himself so much it doesn't really mean much, but it's funny enough.

fuck you for reminding me about the cat one. clearly the cartoonist never expected it to take off and they just ended up with a master-list of words associated with cats (paw, fur, tail) and looking through the dictionary for words to substitute one of those words for a syllable. And it ended up with things like terri-BOWL, because you know cats eat out of bowls

Fuck me, it's still going and makes even less fucking sense. Current strip is a cat disguising itself as a lamp by a mousehole with the caption "bright idea". How the fuck is that even funny?
http://www.gocomics.com/learn-to-speak-cat/2018/04/26

If I ever met Anthony Smith I think I would bludgeon his face.

You mean CAT-oonist.  Like a cat.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: phantom_power on April 27, 2018, 08:40:03 PM
Quote from: poodlefaker on April 27, 2018, 02:50:50 PM
How about Andy Dawson's contributions to Athletico Mince? The catchphrase stuff; the "Do you think Blondie's still got her heart of glass?" stuff; the unfunny voices. Woeful.

I am not as down on him as some but that "Do you think <70s/80s band> still have <name of their hit>?" needs to fuck off and die. In the sea
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Andy147 on April 27, 2018, 09:04:53 PM
Surely the worst thing about that Rubik's Cube comic is that (in panels 2 & 3) it has 2 yellow centres and a corner with 2 white faces.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: non capisco on April 28, 2018, 10:54:41 AM
Quote from: phantom_power on April 27, 2018, 08:40:03 PM
I am not as down on him as some but that "Do you think <70s/80s band> still have <name of their hit>?" needs to fuck off and die. In the sea

Nearly worth it for Bob's very probably genuine groans of distaste. The Andy material I couldn't abide were those minimalist "songs" he used to record with him singing in a German accent, with an effect on the vocals that rendered them indistinct. He thankfully seems to have stopped doing those now, possibly shamed out of them by the quality of Bob's Sunderland ditties.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: magval on April 28, 2018, 11:17:57 AM
I don't think Andy Dawson is burdened by a shred of self awareness. Incapable of shame.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on April 28, 2018, 12:44:41 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on April 27, 2018, 03:09:51 PM
You mean CAT-oonist.  Like a cat.

You meoowwwn CAT-oonist. Like a cat.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 28, 2018, 01:04:18 PM
You said "cat"!!!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: a duncandisorderly on April 28, 2018, 02:10:15 PM
I have been exposed to a great deal of this guy's other "job" because of where I work & the heavy repeat rotation of the bogus auction show he hosts.

be glad that's his day-job, then, & that he's not constantly on telly trying to be funny, like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8-OQVGfZ_g
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on April 28, 2018, 03:16:53 PM
Quote from: poodlefaker on April 27, 2018, 02:50:50 PM
How about Andy Dawson's contributions to Athletico Mince? The catchphrase stuff; the "Do you think Blondie's still got her heart of glass?" stuff; the unfunny voices. Woeful.

The Dom Littlewood segments are easily the most execrable. I've said it on here before, but it reminds me of being trapped in conversation with someone in a rural pub who lapses into a bad impersonation of someone off the telly, and you're trapped and try to politely laugh it off, but the guy just keeps going, and going, and going, long beyond the point where any of it is remotely funny.

Andy Dawson is what the "skip forward" button on my podcast app was made for.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 28, 2018, 04:23:37 PM
Poor guy.


But it's his own fault for being irredeemably shit.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on April 28, 2018, 08:42:00 PM
No one is going to shine next to Bob Mortimer when doing that kind of comedy, but a reasonable person would recognize that and not even try for fear of looking like a dickhead. No such fear for our Andy!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on April 29, 2018, 02:50:55 AM
Quote from: yesitsme on April 27, 2018, 03:09:51 PM
You mean CAT-oonist.  Like a cat.

Oh, that is purr-fect.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ColinPopshed on April 29, 2018, 10:18:27 PM
I always wondered why everyone in Doonesbury looks like Anthony Hopkins.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: samadriel on April 30, 2018, 05:45:18 AM
At least Anthony Hopkins' nose is below his eyes.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: SavageHedgehog on April 30, 2018, 08:15:50 AM
I seem to recall reading Gary Trudeau took a year-long sabbatical in the early 80s to improve his drawing skills. The results speak for themselves?

I wouldn't say I find Doonesbury very funny, but it's OK. Like most or all topical pop culture it has historical value. And I like that talking Cigarette who turns up sometimes.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Poison To The Mind on May 05, 2018, 05:56:27 AM
Quote from: SavageHedgehog on April 30, 2018, 08:15:50 AM
I seem to recall reading Gary Trudeau took a year-long sabbatical in the early 80s to improve his drawing skills. The results speak for themselves?

Trudeau has taken various sabbaticals from the strip over the decades, but it would be hard to argue that his drawing did not improve between 1970 and 1985, whatever the end quality was.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on May 05, 2018, 05:53:02 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on April 28, 2018, 08:42:00 PM
No one is going to shine next to Bob Mortimer when doing that kind of comedy, but a reasonable person would recognize that and not even try for fear of looking like a dickhead. No such fear for our Andy!

He's not only bad in comparison with Bob Mortimer, though.  His humour is objectively cack.

'Get in the sea' is the only thing of relative worth that anyone recognises him for, but it was nicked wholesale from Boston Crab's 'Get in Grave'.  And he's going to be publishing a book of 'Get in the sea' on the back of that stolen idea.

So he can fuck off.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ieXush2i on May 05, 2018, 06:17:33 PM
Most RfV posts. He's going dadjoke-tits over in the Antman & The Wasp thread right now
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Pranet on May 05, 2018, 06:45:46 PM
Back in the days when I used to buy a paper everyday I got into Doonesbury. It isn't really something you can just dip into. You have to get to know the characters and situations. That just sort of happened without me trying over years and years of reading it everyday. Not read it for years now though.

Nemi was fucking awful though. Just read that it was a Norwegian cartoon translated into English. I don't know if that explains anything.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on May 05, 2018, 11:39:31 PM
Quote from: (Ex poster) on May 05, 2018, 06:17:33 PM
Most RfV posts. He's going dadjoke-tits over in the Antman & The Wasp thread right now

Fair enough, but I wasn't really cracking jokes so much as expressing mild surprise that the character exists.

People understandably get uppity when their favourite franchises aren't given due respect, and I apologise for that.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: BritishHobo on May 06, 2018, 12:26:14 AM
Replies from View twatting about in a thread about a popular franchise is among the funniest things that happen on this website and I will fight my mum and some of my cousins if they disagree
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on May 06, 2018, 01:59:28 AM
The idea that (Ex poster) would have the gall to have a go at someone else for not being funny is actually quite amusing.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bronzy on May 06, 2018, 02:11:38 AM
Any of my posts.

lol jk am funny as fuck and if you disagree then you should go and touch ur mums wet spot
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 06, 2018, 04:53:49 AM
Quote from: marquis_de_sad on May 06, 2018, 01:59:28 AM
The idea that (Ex poster) would have the gall to have a go at someone else for not being funny is actually quite amusing.

My thoughts exactly.

Replies From View is an excellent poster.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on May 06, 2018, 05:24:09 AM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on May 06, 2018, 04:53:49 AM
Replies From View is an excellent poster.

Hmm.  I said a hip, hop, hippie to the hippie.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gregory Torso on May 06, 2018, 05:26:01 AM
No idea what that means, mate.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on May 06, 2018, 06:59:40 PM
My favorite pathetic attempts at humor are the flirty replies to any moderately attractive woman on Twitter with enough followers to be a "Twitter personality" but few enough followers as to keep the dream alive that she will fall in love with a follower because of his hilarious replies.

I don't have any to post off the top of my head, but it is a goldmine.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Nowhere Man on May 06, 2018, 07:18:54 PM
All the british banter lol shite you see on instagram
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: BritishHobo on May 06, 2018, 08:33:40 PM
Quote from: newbridge on May 06, 2018, 06:59:40 PM
My favorite pathetic attempts at humor are the flirty replies to any moderately attractive woman on Twitter with enough followers to be a "Twitter personality" but few enough followers as to keep the dream alive that she will fall in love with a follower because of his hilarious replies.

I don't have any to post off the top of my head, but it is a goldmine.

In a similar vein, few things are less funny than when a woman on Twitter complains about something irritating men do, and then fifty right-on feminist dudes all reply doing the thing ironically.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on May 07, 2018, 05:23:05 AM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on May 06, 2018, 05:26:01 AM
No idea what that means, mate.

Don't worry, neither do I.  It was a drunken post.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dex on May 07, 2018, 07:05:04 AM
The entirety of Miranda, Mrs Brown's Boys and Keith Lemon.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on May 07, 2018, 07:06:03 AM
Quote from: Gregory Torso on May 06, 2018, 05:26:01 AM
No idea what that means, mate.

That he thinks RTV is a hippy?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on May 07, 2018, 07:33:06 AM
Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on May 07, 2018, 07:06:03 AM
That he thinks RTV is a hippy?

No.  It really was just a drunken post.  It's meaningless.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Brian Freeze on May 07, 2018, 07:18:14 PM
Has making jokes about Belgium being boring been mentioned yet? Tedious shit for sure.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on May 07, 2018, 09:55:32 PM
Quote from: Brian Freeze on May 07, 2018, 07:18:14 PM
Has making jokes about Belgium being boring been mentioned yet? Tedious shit for sure.

When it's British people making those jokes it smacks largely of hypocrisy / nationalistic insecurity.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on May 08, 2018, 01:19:10 PM
Quote from: Brian Freeze on May 07, 2018, 07:18:14 PM
Has making jokes about Belgium being boring been mentioned yet? Tedious shit for sure.

*Ford Prefect leaves the thread disgusted*
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 08, 2018, 04:40:52 PM
Belgium is just quite a funny word if I'm honest
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sherman Krank on May 08, 2018, 09:25:47 PM
Quote from: Brian Freeze on May 07, 2018, 07:18:14 PM
Has making jokes about Belgium being boring been mentioned yet? Tedious shit for sure.
"Looks like we got ourselves a Belgie lover!"
"Is that it boy? Do you love them Belgies?"
"Are you sittin' at the side of the road, in the middle of the afternoon, cuttin' notches in a stick every time your caged bird sings it's sweet sweet song?"
"Get the ropes boys!"
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: DrGreggles on May 09, 2018, 08:09:52 AM
Quote from: Brian Freeze on May 07, 2018, 07:18:14 PM
Has making jokes about Belgium being boring been mentioned yet? Tedious shit for sure.

John Finnemore's stuff on Belgium a couple of years ago on JFSP was bloody good.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Andy147 on May 09, 2018, 09:37:53 AM
Here it is (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtbFvPt_ylc) (well, the end of it).
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: gilbertharding on May 09, 2018, 09:40:21 AM
If we're allowed to nominate Radio 4 6:30 comedies, can I mention Sketchtopia?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 09, 2018, 11:00:23 AM
Someone puts up a load of LOLRANDOM street signs around Oxford: http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/16211957.Mysterious_artist_strikes_again_as_new_street_signs_appear_across_Oxford/

Hopefully it won't cost the council too much to remove them.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: FredNurke on May 09, 2018, 11:03:21 AM
As long as BILL STICKERS IS INNOCENT stays.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on May 09, 2018, 11:11:25 AM
To be honest even though I don't find it funny I don't mind that.  They've gone to a bit of effort at least.

Whether the result was worth it is a different matter.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 09, 2018, 11:44:10 AM
Probably quite confusing for tourists as well , given that some of the signs look like they are in the city centre.

The person who put them up says "It's an illusion, in the same way that much of social media is an illusion". https://twitter.com/Athirty4
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on May 09, 2018, 12:14:58 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DcsUWLqX0AIle5M.jpg)

No thanks!!!!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Steven on May 09, 2018, 12:31:00 PM
Quote from: Cuellar on May 09, 2018, 12:14:58 PM
No thanks!!!!

Presumably leading to Cuntgrope Lane.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Famous Mortimer on May 09, 2018, 01:22:11 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 09, 2018, 11:00:23 AM
Someone puts up a load of LOLRANDOM street signs around Oxford: http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/16211957.Mysterious_artist_strikes_again_as_new_street_signs_appear_across_Oxford/

Hopefully it won't cost the council too much to remove them.
For fuck's sake. Imagine having all that time and money and using it to make shit like that.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on May 09, 2018, 01:25:19 PM
Possibly one for the 'amuse yourself' thread but when I was young I used to alter the MEN's/BEN's headlines with a rubber/felt tip.

Used sparingly it was a real hoot.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on May 09, 2018, 01:26:55 PM
Memes.

Does anyone know what memes means?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 09, 2018, 01:57:13 PM
Quote from: gilbertharding on May 09, 2018, 09:40:21 AM
If we're allowed to nominate Radio 4 6:30 comedies, can I mention Sketchtopia?

It's not brilliant but quite honestly it kind of did have more jokes that landed properly than I expected from you usual right-on minority sketch show. Similarly the bloke doing the thing about Africa at the moment is funny and it's kinda interesting.

There has been some horrendously unfunny programmes presented by utterly unfunny cunts recently though that make me turn over to World Service while making the tea.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on May 09, 2018, 02:06:34 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on May 09, 2018, 01:26:55 PM
Memes.

Does anyone know what memes means?

Memes means Heinz.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: C_Larence on May 09, 2018, 02:14:52 PM
(https://i.redditmedia.com/GYMHvr1qM4MrnMd9QJ1cfOa0FZkqstG7wg3orMoeePA.jpg?fit=crop&crop=faces%2Centropy&arh=2&w=640&s=ada1175fab8118f18c4a27af4c6883d7)

This comic which somehow made its way to the front page of reddit today.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on May 09, 2018, 02:22:30 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on May 09, 2018, 01:26:55 PM
Memes.

Does anyone know what memes means?

Short for mementos maybe?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on May 09, 2018, 02:23:41 PM
Quote from: C_Larence on May 09, 2018, 02:14:52 PM
(https://i.redditmedia.com/GYMHvr1qM4MrnMd9QJ1cfOa0FZkqstG7wg3orMoeePA.jpg?fit=crop&crop=faces%2Centropy&arh=2&w=640&s=ada1175fab8118f18c4a27af4c6883d7)

This comic which somehow made its way to the front page of reddit today.

Who is supposed to have written the letter?  The deer?  Why is the deer afraid of a dragon stalking his wife?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: C_Larence on May 09, 2018, 02:48:36 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on May 09, 2018, 02:23:41 PM
Who is supposed to have written the letter?  The deer?  Why is the deer afraid of a dragon stalking his wife?

As I ascertained from the comments underneath the original post on reddit, the deer wrote the letter to the dragon about the man in the third panel, who I guess is a hunter.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: AsparagusTrevor on May 09, 2018, 03:06:33 PM
I often find the best comic strips need their jokes explaining by Reddit users.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Depressed Beyond Tables on May 09, 2018, 03:08:51 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on May 09, 2018, 01:26:55 PM
Memes.

Does anyone know what memes means?

Dawkins I think. He likened it to genes too, if I remember correctly.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: C_Larence on May 09, 2018, 03:10:42 PM
Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on May 09, 2018, 03:06:33 PM
I often find the best comic strips need their jokes explaining by Reddit users.
What comic isn't improved upon with a thread of tangentially related, uninspired puns?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 09, 2018, 09:35:36 PM
Oh come on guys

The deer complains to the dragon about the person in that house on those three points - drinking from the stream (seems a bit harsh), deforestation (eh), hunting his partner (well works in the sense of the strip)

The dragon incinerates them

It's shit and has no value. I guess it's commenting on moderation of social media. But it's shit
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sexton Brackets Drugbust on May 09, 2018, 09:41:47 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 09, 2018, 09:35:36 PM
Oh come on guys

The deer complains to the dragon about the person in that house on those three points - drinking from the stream (seems a bit harsh), deforestation (eh), hunting his partner (well works in the sense of the strip)

The dragon incinerates them

It's shit and has no value. I guess it's commenting on moderation of social media. But it's shit

The way it's laid out makes it look as though the dragon has either transformed the house into a deer, or that said deer is the sole surviving object from the incinerated building.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on May 09, 2018, 10:48:01 PM
The thing that makes me angry about that is that the author and fans think that just using the reference/phrase "The system works" forms enough of a joke. I hate that shit.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 10, 2018, 07:41:29 AM
They are removing the fake signs. The council say rightly that it makes it harder to navigate. Artist responds

QuoteA34 responded: "Most people tend to use Google Maps to find their way around. I'm sure the council admire my signs really, but have to be seen to not encourage other people to put fake signs up."
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jumblegraws on May 10, 2018, 08:51:27 AM
I experienced a sort of inverse to this phenomenon a couple of years ago. It was after Theresa May had been prattling on in the Commons about exploitative bosses and made that dull, Thatcher-aping "Remind him of anyone?" jibe at Jeremy Corbyn. Dead Ringers consequently did a sketch where May (that is to say, the person who impersonates May) makes a series of jokes using the same feedline/punchline format, culminating in her using the "remind him of anyone?" phrase in reference to her own crappy sense of humour. Problem was that the series of gags, deliberately written as feeble, were actually funnier on their own merit than the sincere attempts at comedy in the rest of the show.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 10, 2018, 09:03:28 AM
Quote from: Sexton Brackets Drugbust on May 09, 2018, 09:41:47 PM
The way it's laid out makes it look as though the dragon has either transformed the house into a deer, or that said deer is the sole surviving object from the incinerated building.

Well look how the second frame is just zoomed in on the head with some eyebrows and mouth (between the nostrils) added

A bad artist
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on May 10, 2018, 09:48:00 AM
Saw Jack and Jill having just rewatched some Half in the Bag reviews. It really is breath taking how sloppy it is. One quick example of how lazy it is. There's a running gag centering around the adopted Indian kid sellotaping things to himself at the dinner table. At one point an upset Jill moans "It needs more salt", grabs the kid's head by one of the objects and does a salt shaker motion. Not bad for a quick visual gag. The problem? The object she uses is a fucking pepper-grinder. It even has a close up where you can tell there's no holes in it.

Another example. Without any set up Jill goes on The Price Is Right where she is called up to spin the wheel for one of the shows contestants. Which I'm honestly not sure is how the show even works. But the gag is she spins the wheel and knocks herself out. Apparently falling down is too dangerous for our king of physical comedy and he needs a stunt double. Not even a fucking insert show of him on the floor.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQphYuw8T1s

I also think the RLM boys undersold just how lazy Johnny Depp's inclusion is. He is just *there*. A single take, he doesn't stand up, he's in a single scene where he has three lines. I don't even think he even went into make up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpJSmBliO4E

It really a fascinating movie to dissect and deconstruct. It really does just cut to a commercial for Royal Caribbean cruise. Like not even trying to hide it. Here's a DVD extra about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkYvDMAtUzc
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: itsfredtitmus on May 10, 2018, 12:47:44 PM
The entirety of The Goldbergs
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on May 11, 2018, 07:18:13 AM
Quote from: itsfredtitmus on May 10, 2018, 12:47:44 PM
The entirety of The Goldbergs
The entirety of the 1980s
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on May 11, 2018, 12:14:32 PM
Surely the worst - THE VERY WORST of all is either office or office lift bantz - or perhaps football phone in bantz?

Just bantz in general.

People for whom Friday is some sort of masturbatory fantasy - stretching away from them on a Monday they claw there way through the week to reach the ultimate goal 'TGIF! Ahahahahaha!'

All fucking week prior to this we've had 'Not bad....for a Monday/Tuesday/hump day/Thursday...' and then here we are.  The weekend is upon us but what do you do with it?  Nothing.  You don't go to the beach, you don't take the kids to the park of paint a picture or make love with wild abandon you watch Graham Norton (this week's guests are Robbie Williams, Hugh Jackman, Olivia Colman and that other twat who's never off) and go to Asda.

Meet one of these cunts in the lift and heaven help you say 'going down' or 'squeeze in' or 'can you tell I've got a hard on?' tee-fucking-hee for 8 floors.

'Hello, Tom, you're through to 606.  I believe you're a Crystal Palace fan..?'
'Yeah - FOR MY SINS!!!!!!1111!'
'Fuck off you prick'

That sort of stuff.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on May 11, 2018, 12:51:51 PM
It's like doing gags about the weather - it's just safe conversation to have with someone who you don't know much about (ie work people).

I do it all the time - you have to say something but know fuck all about them. Here we go, bit of weather banter/plans for the weekend, better than standing in silence.

I don't think they are true attempts at making everyone laugh, just a bit of formalized informal politeness. Am I overthinking this?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on May 11, 2018, 03:58:01 PM
https://twitter.com/extranapkins/status/971986302953439232?s=19

I like this, which is about the kind of weak crap we've been talking about in this thread.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: gilbertharding on May 11, 2018, 04:51:18 PM
Quote from: Depressed Beyond Tables on May 09, 2018, 03:08:51 PM
Dawkins I think. He likened it to genes too, if I remember correctly.

Dawkins used the word 'meme' to mean something akin to genes, but which were characteristics or behaviours passed from parent to offspring by being taught, rather than inherited from their biology. They have a similar effect on natural selection and evolution as genetics, but are cultural.

I can't explain how the word now means a short film clip of someone shaking their head with a pithy caption in Tahoma Bold.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on May 11, 2018, 05:52:40 PM
Quote from: gilbertharding on May 11, 2018, 04:51:18 PM
I can't explain how the word now means a short film clip of someone shaking their head with a pithy caption in Tahoma Bold.

Somebody saw the last part of this definition of the word...

QuoteMemetics is the study of information and culture based on an analogy with Darwinian evolution. Proponents describe memetics as an approach to evolutionary models of cultural information transfer.

...and misappropriated the word for describing the viral and branching distribution of tedious gifs, based around popular culture.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on May 11, 2018, 05:57:22 PM
Quote from: Twed on May 11, 2018, 03:58:01 PM
https://twitter.com/extranapkins/status/971986302953439232?s=19

I like this, which is about the kind of weak crap we've been talking about in this thread.

Full version

(http://brokenpants.com/comics/hip/hip04.png)

http://brokenpants.com/comics/hip/
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on May 11, 2018, 06:05:01 PM
Quotebad thing ... oh no

The "oh no" webcomics are themselves parodies. The punchline is always "oh no". E.g.:

(https://78.media.tumblr.com/a08b8eeefe5ffbeea6db48a3c57a6bb8/tumblr_p32qzvHNYg1vbwf2ko1_1280.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 11, 2018, 06:40:28 PM
I see webcomic name from time to time and it makes me laugh. It is so simplistic broad-brush self-deprecation about lack of self-confidence it's obviously a satire of comics that do this without just blobs.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: a duncandisorderly on May 11, 2018, 09:13:05 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on May 11, 2018, 12:14:32 PM
People for whom Friday is some sort of masturbatory fantasy - stretching away from them on a Monday they claw there way through the week to reach the ultimate goal 'TGIF! Ahahahahaha!'

All fucking week prior to this we've had 'Not bad....for a Monday/Tuesday/hump day/Thursday...' and then here we are.  The weekend is upon us but what do you do with it?  Nothing. 

anybody & everybody I've ever worked with in technology projects, especially in telly & especially at Mtv in the early 00s, when suddenly we were awash with IT/project management who knew FUCK ALL about broadcasting but enjoyed swanning around coked up back-slapping their way through the week..... the difference was, at Mtv, we went out & got trashed on school nights too.
at sky, I encountered the worst sort of project managers- no offence to anyone here, of course... but there's clearly a conflict of interest thing going on with contracted PMs... maybe even a bit of cognitive dissonance.... see, they want their little fixes, their 'deliverables', so they artificially create little milestones so that every week they can finish early on friday & go to the nearest watering hole for a massive round of self-congratulation ('what did you deliver this week?' & so on), but they never want the totality of the project to finish because by definition they'd then be out of work.

& this creates the perfect petri dish for the banal, truly pathetic 'humour' we've seen so far in this thread. most of these people consume it. some of them actually generate it themselves.
at Mtv, there was a brief craze for those folding aluminium scooters, in the office. this coincided with 'nathan barley' being on for the first time, & which they all watched without realising it was THEM. even when the plastic tractor appeared in one episode.

fuckers.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jumblegraws on May 12, 2018, 08:41:52 AM
Quote from: Twed on May 11, 2018, 03:58:01 PM
https://twitter.com/extranapkins/status/971986302953439232?s=19

I like this, which is about the kind of weak crap we've been talking about in this thread.
Penny Arcade always left me cold, even moreso the imitators it spawned, so I always appreciated GAMERJōX, homestarrunner.com's one-shot, snarky take on the gamer webcomic sub genre.(https://img00.deviantart.net/c20e/i/2013/234/0/5/gamerjox__strong_bad__webcomic_by_hewylewis-d6j74ew.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hobo With A Shit Pun on May 14, 2018, 01:27:50 PM
Quote from: St_Eddie on May 11, 2018, 05:52:40 PM
Somebody saw the last part of this definition of the word...

...and misappropriated the word for describing the viral and branching distribution of tedious gifs, based around popular culture.

I wouldn't say it was misappropriated, I'd say it was if anything more accurate. Like selfish genes, memes are units of culture that exist solely to have themselves replicated, and their "success" is the result of how well tailored they are to having this happen. Like packets of RNA injected into you like a virus, draining your own resources to keep copying and spreading this information which serves you no practical purpose. Only with cunts on Facebook.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: sillymisslily on May 14, 2018, 03:14:02 PM
Might already have been posted, but this prick
https://tinyurl.com/y7soq8mg (https://tinyurl.com/y7soq8mg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Terryfuckwit on May 14, 2018, 04:02:45 PM
Quote from: sillymisslily on May 14, 2018, 03:14:02 PM
Might already have been posted, but this prick
https://tinyurl.com/y7soq8mg (https://tinyurl.com/y7soq8mg)

oldest trick in the book. truly pathetic.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: newbridge on May 15, 2018, 12:59:52 AM
Puff Daddy: "Shit, this video is going to be a massive hit. Hundreds of millions of people are going to see it. It's also a touching tribute to our dead hardcore rap friend Biggie Smalls. Mase, can you say something hilarious at the beginning of this incredibly expensive music video that hundreds of millions of people are going to see over and over again?"

Mase: "Get ready for this.."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUhRKVIjJtw
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ieXush2i on May 15, 2018, 07:46:33 AM
Quote from: a duncandisorderly on May 11, 2018, 09:13:05 PM
anybody & everybody I've ever worked with in technology projects, especially in telly & especially at Mtv in the early 00s, when suddenly we were awash with IT/project management who knew FUCK ALL about broadcasting but enjoyed swanning around coked up back-slapping their way through the week..... the difference was, at Mtv, we went out & got trashed on school nights too.
at sky, I encountered the worst sort of project managers- no offence to anyone here, of course... but there's clearly a conflict of interest thing going on with contracted PMs... maybe even a bit of cognitive dissonance.... see, they want their little fixes, their 'deliverables', so they artificially create little milestones so that every week they can finish early on friday & go to the nearest watering hole for a massive round of self-congratulation ('what did you deliver this week?' & so on), but they never want the totality of the project to finish because by definition they'd then be out of work.

& this creates the perfect petri dish for the banal, truly pathetic 'humour' we've seen so far in this thread. most of these people consume it. some of them actually generate it themselves.
at Mtv, there was a brief craze for those folding aluminium scooters, in the office. this coincided with 'nathan barley' being on for the first time, & which they all watched without realising it was THEM. even when the plastic tractor appeared in one episode.

fuckers.

This is so out of nowhere, i love it
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: rm2kmaster on May 15, 2018, 08:24:14 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4ryPZW06EY

Demi Lardner - cringey comedian extraordinaire.

Why the fucking hell anybody would find this funny is beyond me.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on May 15, 2018, 08:52:48 AM
Quote from: rm2kmaster on May 15, 2018, 08:24:14 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4ryPZW06EY

Demi Lardner - cringey comedian extraordinaire.

Why the fucking hell anybody would find this funny is beyond me.

Christ, I've seen this woman all over Facebook. Multiple videos of extremely similar 'stand-up' sets, mostly entailing her doing a funny little walk and doling out weaksauce absurdism in lolrandom voices. Genuinely sounds like it was written by six-year-olds. Just offensively bad. I still would, of course.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on May 15, 2018, 09:05:27 AM
In a remarkably similar vein is this other insultingly crap Australian comedian, Tom Walker (which is also Jonathan Pie's real name, I found out): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC1pqxnkGRY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC1pqxnkGRY)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on May 15, 2018, 09:10:53 AM
Quote from: rm2kmaster on May 15, 2018, 08:24:14 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4ryPZW06EY

Demi Lardner - cringey comedian extraordinaire.

Why the fucking hell anybody would find this funny is beyond me.

I don't think that's a comedian doing a bit of stand up.  I'm fairly certain that's a woman having a mental breakdown on stage.  The audience shouldn't be laughing at her.  It's cruel.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 15, 2018, 11:06:01 AM
I'm stealing the owl joke tho
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Soup on May 15, 2018, 11:11:46 AM
Yeah, that owl joke made me chuckle and I was like "Hey, she's not bad really!" and then the rest happened.

I'm minded to think its the sort of utter shite which is at least genius adjacent though.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on May 15, 2018, 11:42:23 AM
Quote from: Ornlu on May 15, 2018, 09:05:27 AM
In a remarkably similar vein is this other insultingly crap Australian comedian, Tom Walker (which is also Jonathan Pie's real name, I found out): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC1pqxnkGRY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC1pqxnkGRY)

He seems to be keeping a tally of people walking out.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on May 15, 2018, 11:46:03 AM
Quote from: rm2kmaster on May 15, 2018, 08:24:14 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4ryPZW06EY

Demi Lardner - cringey comedian extraordinaire.

Why the fucking hell anybody would find this funny is beyond me.

Something endearing about it. Doesn't seem to give a fuck.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: The Lion King on May 15, 2018, 11:54:53 AM
Currently working with a bloke who has a reputation for cracking sexual innuendo wherever he can find it, which is pretty much everywhere. Thing is he misses more obscure opportunities and grabs only low hanging fruit. Imagine thinking of actual ejaculation every time you heard the words come or coming. That's what happens in his brain. He is older than 13.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on May 15, 2018, 12:23:26 PM
Quote from: The Lion King on May 15, 2018, 11:54:53 AM
Currently working with a bloke who has a reputation for cracking sexual innuendo

'Cracking' sexual innuendo sounds like it's some sort of code.  Is he some sorts of semantics academic who dissects each double entendre into its constituents?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on May 15, 2018, 12:24:58 PM
Quote from: The Lion King on May 15, 2018, 11:54:53 AM
Currently working with a bloke who has a reputation for cracking sexual innuendo wherever he can find it, which is pretty much everywhere. Thing is he misses more obscure opportunities and grabs only low hanging fruit. Imagine thinking of actual ejaculation every time you heard the words come or coming. That's what happens in his brain. He is older than 13.

I recall quoting a line from U2, Pride in the Name of Love: 'One man come on a barbed-wire fence,' and joking how painful that must be.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: purlieu on May 22, 2018, 06:42:49 PM
Quote from: marquis_de_sad on May 11, 2018, 06:05:01 PM
The "oh no" webcomics are themselves parodies. The punchline is always "oh no". E.g.:

(https://78.media.tumblr.com/a08b8eeefe5ffbeea6db48a3c57a6bb8/tumblr_p32qzvHNYg1vbwf2ko1_1280.png)
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 11, 2018, 06:40:28 PM
I see webcomic name from time to time and it makes me laugh. It is so simplistic broad-brush self-deprecation about lack of self-confidence it's obviously a satire of comics that do this without just blobs.
What I enjoy about it is there's definitely an element of "relatable!" to it, followed by a much bigger element of "so what?"
It's also an excellent parody of catchphrase-based humour and there are quite a few very good strips that focus on just how it'll get to "oh no". The whole thing is a great satire without feeling too smug.
The other one referenced in that strip about comic strips is Sarah's Scribbles, which is probably the only one of those low self-confidence comics that actually makes me laugh. It does cross the line into dull, unfunny and obvious from time to time, but there's a certain spirit to it that works.

The problem with a lot of these comics is they rarely have enough ideas to keep it up regularly. There are plenty I've seen shared on Facebook that I've laughed at, then checked out the comic's archive and found that the one that was shared is the only funny strip.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on May 22, 2018, 10:33:56 PM
Her pussy was dead (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_vlDZxi8r0c), therefore she was no good in bed, we are informed by the delightful Roy, whilst also giving us the pleasure of stripping off and barely attempting a parody of that Miley Cyrus video that everyone did a shitty parody of.

20 years after his chart topping hit 'Who the fuck is Alice?' and this is his swan song. What a career.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on May 22, 2018, 10:51:04 PM
It's impressive how he doesn't even try to mimic any of the songs he claims to be parodying. I mean that's a whole other level of laziness there.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on May 23, 2018, 08:44:21 AM
You'd have thought by now we'd have seen the end of the Funny T-Shirt but you can still buy them.

What I like better is a funny tattoo.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: a duncandisorderly on May 23, 2018, 08:54:09 AM
Quote from: rm2kmaster on May 15, 2018, 08:24:14 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4ryPZW06EY

Demi Lardner - cringey comedian extraordinaire.

Why the fucking hell anybody would find this funny is beyond me.

in the office, so no sound yet, but.... she looks like justin bieber. that's not helping.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: rm2kmaster on May 23, 2018, 11:52:46 AM
Quote from: a duncandisorderly on May 23, 2018, 08:54:09 AM
in the office, so no sound yet, but.... she looks like justin bieber. that's not helping.

Wait till you actually hear it. Whole new world of pain right there.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on May 23, 2018, 11:53:59 AM
I really don't find her to be some kind of new level of offensively bad. Better than a Noel Fielding standup set.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: momatt on May 24, 2018, 11:41:45 AM
Quote from: rm2kmaster on May 15, 2018, 08:24:14 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4ryPZW06EY
Demi Lardner - cringey comedian extraordinaire.
Why the fucking hell anybody would find this funny is beyond me.

I liked it!
The owl joke was good and rest made me giggle on the train.
I'd be interested to see a whole 1 hour set of that.  Could go either way, into sublime or tiresome.

Quote from: Ornlu on May 15, 2018, 08:52:48 AM
I still would, of course.
Yeah.  Short shorts.
Hmmm, maybe I'm getting this confused with being funny?

Quote from: Cuellar on May 15, 2018, 11:46:03 AM
Something endearing about it. Doesn't seem to give a fuck.
True, it takes some balls to fuck about like that in front of 2000 people (and a TV audience).
I like balls.
Good on her!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on May 24, 2018, 12:12:36 PM
Not for me.

I just don't find cavorting about funny.  It's like something she had to think up to pass a course. 

Plus she's saying 'Secret Stash' not 'Secret Tache' or 'Secret's Tache'.

Plus she's Australian.
Don't let me put you off though.  If you like laughing at nothing you carry on.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 24, 2018, 12:38:46 PM
I mean I don't know about it really. It's very embarrassing to watch but at least there's a bit of self-awareness in "most people use <this show> for their best material and I do this". You have to admire the gumption of it.

Also I guess I didn't realise the punchline wasn't random and it was a pun on stash/tache. Which somehow disappoints me even more.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: C_Larence on May 24, 2018, 12:57:30 PM
Achewood. I'm convinced that people only pretend to find it funny because everyone else does.

EDIT: except for the motorbike mountain one. that's pretty funny.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on May 24, 2018, 01:03:11 PM
Yeah, Phil Kay and Noel Fielding running around a stage going 'Oooh, look at this it's YELLOW!' for 45 minutes isnt' funny.

Somehow cunts like this think it's YOUR fault for not laughing at them.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 24, 2018, 01:43:55 PM
Quote from: C_Larence on May 24, 2018, 12:57:30 PM
Achewood. I'm convinced that people only pretend to find it funny because everyone else does.

EDIT: except for the motorbike mountain one. that's pretty funny.
It's not really pathetic though. It's well-done. It's just so dry and like not really that funny

I suppose it's been pretty pathetic for the past decade tho
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: C_Larence on May 24, 2018, 01:53:12 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 24, 2018, 01:43:55 PM
It's not really pathetic though. It's well-done. It's just so dry and like not really that funny

I suppose it's been pretty pathetic for the past decade tho

That's true, is there a thread for "things I don't find funny but everyone else does"? It would have been better suited for that.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: momatt on May 24, 2018, 03:41:10 PM
Quote from: yesitsme on May 24, 2018, 12:12:36 PM
Don't let me put you off though.  If you like laughing at nothing you carry on.

I do and I will!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 24, 2018, 06:54:53 PM
Quote from: C_Larence on May 24, 2018, 01:53:12 PM
That's true, is there a thread for "things I don't find funny but everyone else does"? It would have been better suited for that.

You know I don't think there has been a "things you just don't get" thread in living memory. GO FOR IT

With Achewood I think I do get it. I read it for a bit, it's fine, but it's just too long-winded, dry, and weird. But the admiration for it was utterly extreme.

It was unique at the time and no one tried to emulate it as far as I can think. Bloke should have ended it rather than letting it drag on at a snail's pace though.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: phantom_power on May 24, 2018, 07:36:14 PM
Has anyone mentioned the StandUpShots subreddit yet? Comedians post their own pedestrian, unfunny jokes on pictures of themselves doing stand-up. Uniformly awful
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on May 24, 2018, 08:07:08 PM
Did anyone check out the Minecraft sitcom that once sponsored an episode of RHLSTP?

I did out of curiosity, and it was quite bad.  I mean you can just imagine it really.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on May 25, 2018, 07:36:46 PM
https://twitter.com/Herring1967/status/1000074162877222912 (https://twitter.com/Herring1967/status/1000074162877222912)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on May 25, 2018, 07:55:05 PM
Quote from: Angrew Lloyg Wegger on May 25, 2018, 07:36:46 PM
https://twitter.com/Herring1967/status/1000074162877222912 (https://twitter.com/Herring1967/status/1000074162877222912)

Eh? What is the stupid bastard on about?

Not even sure it qualifies as a joke. It's more like a child who doesn't quite grasp how punchlines work.

Why did they handcuff Harvey Weinstein? Errrm um errrr to stop him wanking into flowerpots when he was at the police station ahaha
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 25, 2018, 07:56:38 PM
They don't even have flowerpots in police stations.

Helmets would've been funnier.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: asids on May 25, 2018, 08:10:01 PM
Quote from: phantom_power on May 24, 2018, 07:36:14 PM
Has anyone mentioned the StandUpShots subreddit yet? Comedians post their own pedestrian, unfunny jokes on pictures of themselves doing stand-up. Uniformly awful

Yes. In fact, we could probably put general Reddit humour in here.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: McChesney Duntz on May 25, 2018, 09:13:27 PM
Quote from: Old Gold Tooth on May 25, 2018, 07:55:05 PM
Eh? What is the stupid bastard on about?

Not even sure it qualifies as a joke. It's more like a child who doesn't quite grasp how punchlines work.

Why did they handcuff Harvey Weinstein? Errrm um errrr to stop him wanking into flowerpots when he was at the police station ahaha

Well, one of the accusations leveled against Weinstein involves him jerking off into a potted plant, so the reference is legitimate. Doesn't make the joke any better - if anything, it makes it hacker. But not as nonsensical as it may appear.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 25, 2018, 09:15:29 PM
I kind of stuck my tongue out at that in a stifled laugh sort of way

Mostly because wanking into potted plants is intrinsically funny

Are we hating on Herring now. I like Herring. Leave Herring alone!!!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Old Gold Tooth on May 25, 2018, 09:19:15 PM
Quote from: McChesney Duntz on May 25, 2018, 09:13:27 PM
Well, one of the accusations leveled against Weinstein involves him jerking off into a potted plant, so the reference is legitimate. Doesn't make the joke any better - if anything, it makes it hacker. But not as nonsensical as it may appear.

Ah I didn't know that. Yeah you're right, that makes it more understandable but even less of a decent joke.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on May 25, 2018, 10:13:23 PM
I'm generally indifferent to Herring, but it just struck me as a particularly hackish gag for an actual professional comedian. Plus generally my rule is that if you're going to make jokes about horrific sexual predators, there should at the very least be some level of wit or artistry behind it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on May 25, 2018, 10:24:14 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 25, 2018, 09:15:29 PM
I kind of stuck my tongue out at that in a stifled laugh sort of way

Mostly because wanking into potted plants is intrinsically funny

Are we hating on Herring now. I like Herring. Leave Herring alone!!!

Agree on all counts!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on May 26, 2018, 03:12:10 AM
I got confused at first and assumed that Herring was making some sort of off-colour reference to somebody who worked on the Minecraft sitcom.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kalowski on May 26, 2018, 09:20:35 AM
Quote from: Angrew Lloyg Wegger on May 25, 2018, 07:36:46 PM
https://twitter.com/Herring1967/status/1000074162877222912 (https://twitter.com/Herring1967/status/1000074162877222912)
The Herring line is fine, he's obviously taking the piss outeof Corden. As for the replies, though. Ugh.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dex on May 26, 2018, 03:06:58 PM
Ross Noble. Shit for cunts.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: not friend on May 26, 2018, 04:39:20 PM
Quote from: biggytitbo on May 26, 2018, 04:01:51 PM
not fiend.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: mr. logic on May 26, 2018, 05:09:09 PM
The joke doesn't make sense because there's an obvious, actual reason they put handcuffs on him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bronzy on May 27, 2018, 03:54:26 AM
Quote from: mr. logic on May 26, 2018, 05:09:09 PM
The joke doesn't make sense because there's an obvious, actual reason they put handcuffs on him.

To stop him feeling up woman breasts
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jumblegraws on May 27, 2018, 12:20:45 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on May 25, 2018, 07:56:38 PM
They don't even have flowerpots in police stations.
Wait, what? Is that a rule? Surely some must have the odd spider plant or whatever in the waiting areas? Not that it makes the joke any better, but that strikes me as a vey bold claim indeed.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Annie Labuntur on May 28, 2018, 02:29:41 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85kIb490Gyo#t=39m57s   Only in America!!

You guys have been too drunk to care great, goodnight!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: a peepee tipi on May 28, 2018, 02:47:32 AM
Quote from: Annie Labuntur on May 28, 2018, 02:29:41 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85kIb490Gyo#t=39m57s   Only in America!!

You guys have been too drunk to care great, goodnight!
If all you had was a transcript of Nate Craig's act there, you'd think he was just parodying observational stand-up holy shit. Could have even been funny if that was his angle. Timestamped bit is just remarkable, even more extraordinary because it must have worked enough times for him to throw it in a televised set
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on May 28, 2018, 02:56:55 AM
That is a good impression of a toilet to be fair.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Annie Labuntur on May 28, 2018, 03:26:44 AM
Quote from: a peepee tipi on May 28, 2018, 02:47:32 AM
If all you had was a transcript of Nate Craig's act there, you'd think he was just parodying observational stand-up holy shit.

Part of me thought that was a possibility and I was missing the point. The rest of his act isn't quite that bad, but I reckon you could randomly click on any Gotham Comedy Live episode and find some jaw-droppingly weak material. (Some good stuff in there too though, and Cliff knows my dim and distant stand-up was pretty forgettable.)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: a peepee tipi on May 28, 2018, 04:31:06 AM
Fair play, not to knock someone doing their own thing, isn't a celeb, etc.

Yeah it's usually good, it was where I first saw Tom Green's Trump story. Want to say it was pre-election too
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on May 29, 2018, 11:57:34 AM
Q) Why did they not let Weinstein into the greenhouse.

A) Because of the potted plants inside it that they were anxious he'd wank on.




Follow up:  Turns out Weinstein smashed his way into the greenhouse anyway and now all the potted plants have been wanked on.  Cheers for that, Weinstein.


Q) Why couldn't Weinstein wait until he got home.

A) No potted plants there.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kalowski on May 31, 2018, 09:56:05 AM
Quote from: Replies From View on May 29, 2018, 11:57:34 AM
Q) Why did they not let Weinstein into the greenhouse.

A) Because of the potted plants inside it that they were anxious he'd wank on.




Follow up:  Turns out Weinstein smashed his way into the greenhouse anyway and now all the potted plants have been wanked on.  Cheers for that, Weinstein.


Q) Why couldn't Weinstein wait until he got home.

A) No potted plants there.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A-KF2n7CYAARqd3.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: purlieu on May 31, 2018, 01:25:27 PM
This is the only good wanking into a plant pot joke (https://youtu.be/VKH9ECC_Qa4?t=3m6s).
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on June 03, 2018, 04:26:32 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on May 25, 2018, 07:56:38 PM
They don't even have flowerpots in police stations.


You've clearly been in every single police station in the UK, then.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on June 04, 2018, 11:36:32 AM
Weinstein has been arrested in the U.K.?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on June 04, 2018, 11:45:17 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 15, 2018, 11:06:01 AM
I'm stealing the owl joke tho
It's a good line but the smug face she pulls after ruins it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on June 05, 2018, 08:39:42 AM
You listen to Beef and Dairy right?  Did you hear the Ray Moss podcasts from the same people?  it was brought to you by yer very own Radio One's Scott Mills and whoever his sidekick is of this world under the banner 'Kench'.

'Kench' promises new and brilliant comedy.  Yes the Ray Moss ones were good but didn't make it through the pre-pod scripted bantz from the second lot, three women talking like fourteen women and I defy you to listen to the current one.

The bloke doing it thinks he's hilarious.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: madhair60 on June 05, 2018, 09:28:37 AM
Quote from: C_Larence on May 24, 2018, 12:57:30 PM
Achewood. I'm convinced that people only pretend to find it funny because everyone else does.

Fuck off.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hobo With A Shit Pun on June 05, 2018, 09:37:23 AM
Quote from: C_Larence on May 24, 2018, 12:57:30 PM
Achewood. I'm convinced that people only pretend to find it funny because everyone else does.

EDIT: except for the motorbike mountain one. that's pretty funny.

Anyone who can say this has never read one of Philippe's fun facts, or has no joy in their hearts.

I've only just realised (through thinking "Hear Comes A Special Boy!" to myself) that Philliipe is what Derke may have been like, had Derke not been created by a Gervais.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Benjaminos on June 05, 2018, 03:23:17 PM
https://twitter.com/DennisDMZ/status/1003034135395356673

QuoteProgressives are shooting themselves in the foot more frequently than a centipede who quite frankly is "getting no relief whatsoever" from a topical application of a generic anti-fungal toenail cream.

That's a particularly egregious example, but every 'joke' he posts is just dogshit. Weird, considering he's an SNL alumnus.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Enrico Palazzo on June 05, 2018, 03:25:24 PM
Quote from: Benjaminos on June 05, 2018, 03:23:17 PM
https://twitter.com/DennisDMZ/status/1003034135395356673

That's a particularly egregious example, but every 'joke' he posts is just dogshit. Weird, considering he's an SNL alumnus.

The first couple of responses to that are quite amusing.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: The Lion King on June 05, 2018, 03:49:44 PM
Quote from: Hobo With A Shit Pun on June 05, 2018, 09:37:23 AM
Anyone who can say this has never read one of Philippe's fun facts, or has no joy in their hearts.

I've only just realised (through thinking "Hear Comes A Special Boy!" to myself) that Philliipe is what Derke may have been like, had Derke not been created by a Gervais.

Yea man I love Achewood. I wasn't really aware of it when it was really popular (was it ever?) because I'd checked out a few strips here and there without really knowing the context of ongoing plot lines. It works best to binge it all from the start, like a very still HBO series. I enjoyed spending hours in the evenings eating crisps and reading it from the beginning. Roastbeef's reaction to Pat's new six pack great because you know the characters so well.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on June 05, 2018, 04:35:03 PM
That's clunkier than Robbie the Robot falling down a metal staircase and hitting a floor which is also made out of metal. #DennisMillerOption
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hobo With A Shit Pun on June 05, 2018, 04:57:46 PM
Quote from: The Lion King on June 05, 2018, 03:49:44 PM
It works best to binge it all from the start, like a very still HBO series.

Agree totally: I read the first decade of them in a single sitting. It helped that I was chronically depressed.

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dannyhood91 on June 07, 2018, 11:53:19 AM
https://www.facebook.com/helphelensmash/videos/1159481967547176/
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: saltysnacks on June 07, 2018, 12:31:13 PM
You could almost say that his joke is as pathetic as the informal but much more common definition of the word pathetic, that which is miserably inadequate, rather than arousing any kind of pity.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on June 07, 2018, 12:34:05 PM
Quote from: Benjaminos on June 05, 2018, 03:23:17 PM
https://twitter.com/DennisDMZ/status/1003034135395356673

That's a particularly egregious example, but every 'joke' he posts is just dogshit. Weird, considering he's an SNL alumnus.

Now he's writing for Breitbart. A truly baffling piece of I don't even know what

Quote"I'll have an absinthe, hold the sweet fennel as I'm right on the brink of Ketosis," said 24-year old Earnest Hemingway to Jules Valar, his server-person-human who was currently transitioning gender-wise and also from back of house to front of house.

Jules/Julie scribbled the order onto zie/hir/Two Spirit hemp Beaver Brand memo pad, making a mental note to purchase a less incendiary notebook when the next EBT card arrived.

Valar (sorry, less familiar but easier on this writer) enjoyed the position at the recently rechristened "Cafe Au Lait" on Rue St. Rue the Day. Until a month ago known as "Café Olé," it was then forced to rebrand after charges of cultural appropriation.

Hemingway eyed the "Bearnaise Is Death" poster on the door of the pansexual W.C. before shifting his gaze to the tabletop placard warning patrons about capricious use of the Heimlich Come-On.

He would soon carpool in a hybrid horse-drawn carriage (Appaloosa/Shetland for idling) to Montmartre to join Fitzgerald, Stein, Toklas, and Pound for a Smart Water or twelve — that is, if Pound could hurry through his hearing at the Academy of Weights and Measures where he was to show cause as to why he should not have to alter his surname to be in line with recent metrics issued by the "higher-ups" in Brussels.

He wondered if Scott had made any headway on his new tome, The Not Really Any Better Than Any Other Gatsby, and if he would bring Zelda. Z was currently in the dairy-free soup for tweeting out some anti-Christian, anti-gay, anti-everyoneexceptZelda sentiments on a half-dozen shadow Twitter accounts. She was also very involved in the Parisian #moiaussi movement.

Stein and Toklas would be late as they were picketing Milo (yes...weirdly that one) at the Sorbonne. The gals had hired a quick twitch charcoal caricaturist to accompany them and chronicle any overreach by the local gendarmerie during the protest.

After drinks, they were all heading over to the Shakespeare and Company bookstore that was hosting a humorist night where there were to be no punchlines. (BTW are there ever any punchlines with French comedians?)

They would discuss their upcoming plans to head to Pamplona and shut down the running of the bulls next year. Last year's breakout session ended disastrously when the requisite goatskin of red wine was passed around and everyone demurred because there was a general consensus that tannins made them flatulent and thus CO2 villains.

Unanimously conceding that length rather than quality of life was the thing, les miserables all crowded back into Victor's Yugo for the long drive home to Paris, "The City of LED Light."

Earnest swirled his neutered absinthe and mulled the loss of the rough draft (the draft no doubt due to the windows in their walk-up not being caulked to code) of his new novel The Daughter Also Rises. It had been lost by his wife on a visit to Gstaad where she left it in the sitting room of their green hotel where their housekeeper/planet warrior shredded and folded it into the compost heap, replacing the Christmas fir in the lobby of the hotel. I repeat, that's Christmas "fir," not "fur." One has to be cautious.

He craved a Gitane, then remembered the nearest smoking area was four blocks over and two blocks down. In the sewers.

He perused an article in Le/La Monde about a group of student activists who felt the Eiffel Tower resembled a massive oil derrick. They were being triggered and wanted to shut it down because it gave them a mal de tete. They were also demanding a lower co-pay on the Laudanum they would require to quell the throbbing in their prematurely greying temples.

Hemingway was not really all that shocked by the student's complaint. He had worked as a Safe Space Lifeguard on the Seine the previous summer. He was expected to jump in and save the kids drowning in their own bul... uh, let's say facts. He then had a faint memory of a time of yore when Gay Paree... oops... when Paris was known for wine, not whine.

His reverie was broken by Valar, who approached the table and asked if Earnest was ready to order. "Are the escargot locally sourced?" EH asked earnestly.

"Oui."

"Then I'll have the escargot to start. Do you have any extra lean beef?" He now made a conscious effort to no longer order marbled steak with his frites. He felt it fat shamed the heifer who quite unfairly gave its life for his repast.

"Oui."

"D'accord... then the steak frites... and a kombucha... if that indeed exists at this point in history."
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on June 07, 2018, 12:46:04 PM
That is awful, a real slog to get through and there's no payoff.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Shaky on June 07, 2018, 01:23:33 PM
That is truly embarrassing. An actual human adult male with a public platform wrote that. Christ alive.

I liked him in Bordello of Blood, mind you.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jfjnpxmy on June 07, 2018, 02:26:06 PM
My fascination with the shit adverts in Viz will be the death of me. I have signed up for TALES OF THE BRITISH WRESTLERS. I have listened to Aqua Velvas hit "Snowshoes Thompson". I have ordered a Powerball. I am already well tall, or I'd be having me a set of secret height shoes. I am seriously considering a Brennan JB7 oh wait that's Private Eye.

Anyway.

http://www.therakeandherald.tv/ is a regular advertiser n the Viz, and it is not good. A 2001-style content aggregator, each item liberally splattered with some boring chuffer's attempts at irreverent comedy. Occasionally he tries for profound (http://www.therakeandherald.tv/world-news/mother-earth-flat-as-a-pancake.html), and instead lands squarely in "yer dad's boring mate that corners you at a barbecue and keeps sneaking peeks at your sister's cleavage". And the occasional mystifying video where he murders a couple of jokes and then shows you footage of himself wandering around various boring suburban areas (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvGBgqyWv48).

The whole thing seems to be an attempt to pimp the t-shirt shop (https://rakeclag.threadless.com/), and that is where the real head-clutchingly grim shite lies. Topical cracks at hipsters, snowflakes and mbas. A recurring obsession with oversized green eyes. Desperate attempts to make spanners be a Thing. Oof, it's just dire.

Still, my Powerball is pretty cool. Even if I dunno what it's for.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Famous Mortimer on June 07, 2018, 02:52:14 PM
Quote from: Benjaminos on June 05, 2018, 03:23:17 PM
https://twitter.com/DennisDMZ/status/1003034135395356673

That's a particularly egregious example, but every 'joke' he posts is just dogshit. Weird, considering he's an SNL alumnus.
He's like Lee Hurst, in that once he steered into his (no doubt there all along) right-wing views, he completely forgot how to be funny.

The people burning his non-jokes are way funnier than he is.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on June 07, 2018, 03:11:30 PM
All I know him from is Space Ghost, where he was a big nothing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-I56g9UEnY

I really really love the sarcastic laughter just after the 9 minute mark.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on August 10, 2018, 10:14:09 AM
Aplogies for breathing life back in to this thread but I was looking for that George and Lynne spoof that's been mentioned on here a few times.  Far from being a TPaaH it's hilarious but I can't find it on the intornets.

Do any of you have a link?

I'm genuinely asking for a friend.

Ubbs!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on August 10, 2018, 12:30:20 PM
It's here:

http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/georgeandlynne001.html (http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/georgeandlynne001.html)

(NSFW, for anyone who hasn't read it)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on August 10, 2018, 03:28:16 PM
Quote from: Chriddof on August 10, 2018, 12:30:20 PM
It's here:

http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/georgeandlynne001.html (http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/georgeandlynne001.html)

(NSFW, for anyone who hasn't read it)

Thanks.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kalowski on August 10, 2018, 08:50:51 PM
Made me laugh
(http://razstar.brinkster.net/goaste/pictures/georgeandlynne/GEORGEANDLYNNE014.gif)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on August 10, 2018, 09:32:01 PM
My proudest achievement in life is having a George & Lynne on the goaste George & Lynne section. It's all been downhill from there.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on August 10, 2018, 10:04:44 PM
That's great. Love the Bad Weather ones. And the line CHRIST GEORGE THAT WAS WEAK EVEN FOR YOU.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Petey Pate on September 02, 2018, 12:00:54 PM
This is an opinion piece in a 'serious' newspaper.  Way to labour the point.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/opinions/wp/2018/08/31/eat-cheese-live-forever-eat-cheese-never-die/

Quote"Cheese and yogurt were found to protect against death from any cause," proclaimed this article from NBC.

THAT'S RIGHT, ANY CAUSE!

CHEESE WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE.

CHEESES, TAKE THE WHEEL!

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE AT DEATH'S DOOR? NO WHEY.

THIS IS WHY THEY SAY GOAT CHEESE IS THE G.O.A.T., BECAUSE OF ITS LOYALTY.

YOU WILL NOT EVER GET A GREY HAIR — NOT WHEN YOU HAVE GRUYERE.

UNLIKE IAGO, ASIAGO WOULD HAVE SAVED OTHELLO'S LIFE.

MONTEREY JACK WILL FIX YOUR BROKEN-DOWN AUTOMOBILE ON A DESERTED STRETCH OF ROAD.

CHEDDAR WILL FIGHT A BEAR FOR YOU. THERE'S NO PUN THERE, IT JUST WILL.

ARE YOU IN DANGER? SAY "CHEESE."

CARVE YOUR LIKENESS IN CHEESE AND YOU WILL NEVER AGE.

VAMPIRES ARE CRETINS. WHY WOULD YOU DRINK HUMAN BLOOD WHEN FONDUE WILL DO THE JOB AND FURTHERMORE IS FONDUE?

BUILD YOURSELF A TEAR RICOTTA ARMY AND CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES.

MAKE CHEESE YOUR PROTECTOR. IT IS THE ORIGINAL SWISS GUARD.

TOSS LIMBURGER AHEAD OF YOU INTO A BUILDING TO SMOKE OUT YOUR ENEMIES. IT WILL! IT WILL DO IT!

BRIE IS EVEN STRONGER THAN CAPTAIN MARVEL.

STRING CHEESE WILL STRANGLE OR TRIP ANY ATTACKER WHO SEEKS TO HARM YOU. YOU SAW "HOME ALONE"? IT WAS A WEAK PREVIEW OF WHAT CHEESE WILL DO TO DEFEND THOSE IT LOVES.

ONE LOOK AT GORGONZOLA WILL TURN THEM TO STONE.

SWISS WILL OPEN A HOLE AND SWALLOW YOUR OPPONENT AND HE WILL NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

CHEESE WILL PROTECT YOU ANY WAY: WAX ON, WAX OFF.

(AMERICAN CHEESE WILL NOT WORK; IT IS NO GOUDA.)

CHEESE IS THE REAL MUENSTER.

CALL CHEESE. YOUR ENEMIES SHALL BE CRUSHED BENEATH THE WHEEL.

BUILD A SAFE HOUSE FROM CHEESE, A ROQUE FORT, AND NOTHING CAN EVER TOUCH YOU.

WHAT IS PENICILLIN IF NOT KIND OF A FORM OF CHEESE, KIND OF? UNLESS YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO IT.

CHEESE IS MOLD WITH LOYALTY.

LACTOSE IS INTOLERANT OF ANYONE WHO WOULD HARM YOU.

EAT YOUR CURDS AND WHEY, AS MISS MUFFET DID, AND SPIDERS CANNOT TOUCH YOU.

I HAVE NOT READ ANY OF THE ASSOCIATED SCIENCE.

ALSO CHEESE MAKES YOU IMMUNE TO FIRE. I BET. ADD FIRE TO CHEESE AND YOU JUST HAVE FONDUE.

"WHO MOVED MY CHEESE" WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN ANGERED BECAUSE HE KNEW THE SOURCE OF HIS IMMORTALITY WAS THREATENED. NEVER MOVE YOUR CHEESE FOR ANY REASON.

I understand that if I were to talk to the authors of the study they would say something like, "This is a correlation that needs to be looked into further — cheese does not actually confer the gift of immortality," but this is why journalism is such a depressing practice frowned upon by those in power. No.

I BELIEVE IN CHEESES.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Stoneage Dinosaurs on September 02, 2018, 12:53:31 PM
^ sounds like something he meant to post in HS art
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Famous Mortimer on September 07, 2018, 04:12:27 AM
Quote from: Phil_A on August 10, 2018, 09:32:01 PM
My proudest achievement in life is having a George & Lynne on the goaste George & Lynne section. It's all been downhill from there.
I also have one, and feel much the same way.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: turnstyle on September 14, 2018, 08:32:35 AM
Quote from: Petey Pate on September 02, 2018, 12:00:54 PM
This is an opinion piece in a 'serious' newspaper.  Way to labour the point.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/opinions/wp/2018/08/31/eat-cheese-live-forever-eat-cheese-never-die/

I mean, this is dog shit, obviously, but it also reminded me of humourous chalkboards outside businesses, mainly this

Sweet dreams are made of cheese,
Who am I to diss a brie?
I cheddar the world,
And the feta cheese
Everybody's looking for stilton

I probably found that amusing the first time I saw it, but that's so far away in history I don't recall. The collective brain cells that absorbed that memory are the same ones that also would recall my first steps and the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand.

I mean Christ, it's just so fucking lazy. All these chalkboard signs that are meant to be witty and inventive are just some bellend typing 'funny chalk signs' into Google, probably prodding at the keyboard with the inbred nub of their one good finger and their tongue lazily searching the corners of their mouth for forgotten globules of their morning Farley's rusk.

Fuck off!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jockice on September 14, 2018, 09:28:41 AM
Quote from: turnstyle on September 14, 2018, 08:32:35 AM
I mean, this is dog shit, obviously, but it also reminded me of humourous chalkboards outside businesses, mainly this

Sweet dreams are made of cheese,
Who am I to diss a brie?
I cheddar the world,
And the feta cheese
Everybody's looking for stilton

I probably found that amusing the first time I saw it, but that's so far away in history I don't recall. The collective brain cells that absorbed that memory are the same ones that also would recall my first steps and the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand.

I mean Christ, it's just so fucking lazy. All these chalkboard signs that are meant to be witty and inventive are just some bellend typing 'funny chalk signs' into Google, probably prodding at the keyboard with the inbred nub of their one good finger and their tongue lazily searching the corners of their mouth for forgotten globules of their morning Farley's rusk.

Fuck off!

Pubs with 'witty' comments on the walls should all be bombed. Full stop.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on September 17, 2018, 08:06:07 AM
When I first started going to away games I used to use the official travel club.  A few old codgers but mainly lads too young to drive all aboard a coach.

The drivers ALL loved The Roy Hudd Lines.

Never laughed ONCE.

Fuck Roy Hudd.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: H-O-W-L on September 17, 2018, 10:45:33 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/lH8DkDz.gif)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on September 17, 2018, 03:55:10 PM
THANK GOD IT'S FUCKED
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on September 17, 2018, 04:05:38 PM
Anyone said practical jokes yet?  Y'know Vinny Jones snipping the toes off Dean Holdsworth's socks or taking a shit in his shoes?

God how we laughed.

Edit.

Actually the thought of Dean Holdsworth putting his bare toes in to one of Jones' turds has actually brought a smile to my face.

Good old Vinny!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bigfatheart on September 17, 2018, 04:46:23 PM
Oh God yeah, 99% of 'hilarious' football stories I've heard fall under the category of "You had to be there", and that's being generous.

Jimmy Bullard likes to wheel out that story about David Bentley shouting "Postman Pat" in Fabio Capello's face as if Bentley was the second coming of Oscar Wilde, doesn't he? Noticing that Capello looked like Postman Pat is funny, but when the wittiest thing you can do with that idea is scream into the face of an elderly man with a poor grasp of English, you're probably a tedious Legend Gary whose behaviour wouldn't be tolerated in any other profession.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Neville Chamberlain on September 21, 2018, 01:10:18 PM
https://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/news/plymouth-news/storm-bronagh-arrives-plymouth-nearly-2027226 (https://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/news/plymouth-news/storm-bronagh-arrives-plymouth-nearly-2027226)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on September 21, 2018, 02:04:53 PM
Could quite easily slide in tot he advert thread, I'll be stunned if it isn't already but how about when characters from bitter/sweet comedy dramas turn up in Supermarket aisles in adverts?

Y'know Pete and Jen pushing a trolley, she's ace at the bargainz but he's a twit putting all sorts of shit in.

But he's loveable.  She probably even calls him 'Pete' in the ads and perhaps goes 'Oh Peter!' like she does in the show.  That they're divorced in.  I'm sure we're meant to laugh along at their madcap antics and his lack of respect for trolley etiquette.  Mind you, yer Baxendale and yer Jimmy O'Irish met in a car park didn't they...?

Oh fuck off.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Clownbaby on September 25, 2018, 11:21:02 AM
I've just remembered these fucking shit "Raymondo Person" comics.

(http://raymondo.chickennation.com/1/2004-03-06-0006-approx.gif)

And whatever the fuck this is supposed to be

(https://i.imgur.com/qOHKlWv_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium)

Fucks sake man
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: MojoJojo on September 25, 2018, 12:38:24 PM
Quote from: H-O-W-L on September 17, 2018, 10:45:33 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/lH8DkDz.gif)

I thought that was going to be GILF.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Clownbaby on September 25, 2018, 12:48:25 PM
I've got a 67 year old facebook friend who would share the shit out of that gnome gif
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Here Comes Mongo on September 25, 2018, 01:19:01 PM
Did anyone happen to catch the pilot episode of 'Which Way to the War', a Lloyd and Croft sitcom from 1994 which was cancelled after the episode was broadcast? Based on this clip it doesn't look like it was too promising. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mDAk6LKSdA
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bhazor on September 25, 2018, 01:22:08 PM
Quote from: Clownbaby on September 25, 2018, 12:48:25 PM
I've got a 67 year old facebook friend who would share the shit out of that gnome gif

Well it is very, very sexy.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on September 25, 2018, 02:47:45 PM
Quote from: Clownbaby on September 25, 2018, 11:21:02 AM
And whatever the fuck this is supposed to be

(https://i.imgur.com/qOHKlWv_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium)

Fucks sake man

Fucking hell. Fucking hell.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Norton Canes on September 25, 2018, 03:07:47 PM
Quote from: Clownbaby on September 25, 2018, 11:21:02 AM
I've just remembered these fucking shit "Raymondo Person" comics
(http://raymondo.chickennation.com/1/2004-03-06-0006-approx.gif)

Sorry, that's hilarious.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Norton Canes on September 25, 2018, 03:19:40 PM
I mean if this doesn't sum up CaB's attitude to newspaper strips, I don't know what does

(http://raymondo.chickennation.com/1/2005-11-07-0033.gif)

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on October 04, 2018, 05:53:07 PM
lol coffee ^_^

Did you remember pants? OMGWAFFLE

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DoraV7PU8AAs9fx.jpg:large)

This is doing the rounds on Twitter in 2018. Not 2002. 2018.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: doppelkorn on October 04, 2018, 07:06:05 PM
The drawing style of those shit cartoons above is actually quite endearing. Is it ripping someone else off? I can't put my finger on it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: fucking ponderous on October 04, 2018, 10:27:47 PM
Kenneth, The Man Who Offended The Lord is quite funny
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on October 05, 2018, 08:08:58 AM
I also think he's ripping off an art style but that crapping in bed one is good enough to pull it off

but "THE cheese has THE AIDS" negates it entirely.

Edit wow. Remember Cecil Parkinson

Edit 2 who wouldve thought t.    E.  H was such a problem
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: alan nagsworth on October 05, 2018, 02:23:05 PM
Ah, I just realised I used to read this guy's comics. Looking back, it was more miss than hit (stale Hitler jokes and other really obvious "wacky" tropes that are only really carried by Alexander's decent drawing style) but there were a few that still hold up as funny to me:

(http://hilarity.chickennation.com/012_garf-eel.png)

(http://hilarity.chickennation.com/014_teenagers.png)

There's a really good four parter here too called Charlie in "Truth or Dairy" (http://hilarity.chickennation.com/index.php?start=33)

A lot of the above mentioned Raymondo Person stuff is pretty crap, though.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: doppelkorn on October 05, 2018, 10:49:40 PM
Quote from: alan nagsworth on October 05, 2018, 02:23:05 PM
There's a really good four parter here too called Charlie in "Truth or Dairy" (http://hilarity.chickennation.com/index.php?start=33)

Genuine lol at what happens when he snorts the cheese.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: doppelkorn on October 05, 2018, 10:51:49 PM
Oh some of those are quite funny

(http://hilarity.chickennation.com/040a_Dead_Dreams_Dance_Party.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: fucking ponderous on October 06, 2018, 12:06:08 AM
I genuinely just do not believe that the Truth or Dairy and poodle comics are by the same man who did the cheese AIDS comic. Truth or Dairy looks and feels like a little more wacky Daniel Clowes, and is actually very funny. Cheese AIDS seems like it was written by a 12 year old in 2008.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: garnish on October 06, 2018, 11:39:35 AM
Quote from: doppelkorn on October 04, 2018, 07:06:05 PM
The drawing style of those shit cartoons above is actually quite endearing. Is it ripping someone else off? I can't put my finger on it.

It's similar to the Don Hertzfeldt rejected cartoon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l7sxPLhOQk (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l7sxPLhOQk)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Clownbaby on October 06, 2018, 11:42:41 AM
I wonder why this guy sort of gets it right with his other ideas and then does this Raymondo Person shite as well. Split personalities. I don't know what he's going for with Raymondo at all. I sort of love to hate them.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on October 06, 2018, 04:33:16 PM
Quote from: alan nagsworth on October 05, 2018, 02:23:05 PM
(http://hilarity.chickennation.com/012_garf-eel.png)

Does the writer think that 'IELD' is a type of cat?  Dunce.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Terryfuckwit on October 11, 2018, 05:14:24 PM
https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,69476.0/topicseen.html
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gregory Torso on October 11, 2018, 06:30:20 PM
Ha ha, fuck off, you dull cunt.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Great Satan on October 11, 2018, 07:27:06 PM
If you're going after other members for trying too hard, you've at least got to show you've ever tried at all, matey.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Terryfuckwit on October 11, 2018, 07:31:39 PM
Quote from: H-O-W-L on September 17, 2018, 10:45:33 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/lH8DkDz.gif)

I really, really like this image!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on October 12, 2018, 01:57:24 AM
I don't understand why you would be unpleasant to someone on CaB, unbidden, when you are also posting here so don't go pretending your shit doesn't stink. Especially Greg Torso who does fantastic work.

Are you ok mate?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Terryfuckwit on October 12, 2018, 08:51:33 AM
Its okay that you dont understand it
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Utter Shit on October 12, 2018, 08:52:36 AM
This isn't going brilliant for you Terryfuckwit.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Terryfuckwit on October 12, 2018, 08:53:13 AM
Quote from: Utter Shit on October 12, 2018, 08:52:36 AM
This isn't going brilliant for you Terryfuckwit.

It's great for me
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 12, 2018, 12:01:20 PM
You have a go at Gregory Torso 'round here, mate, you'll wind up getting stabbed.

I'm not saying you're going to get stabbed. I'm not saying that I'm going to stab you. I'm simply saying that people who have a go at GT often end up getting stabbed. And a lot of the time those stabbings are carried out by me.

Behave yourself.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Terryfuckwit on October 12, 2018, 03:25:53 PM
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on October 12, 2018, 12:01:20 PM
You have a go at Gregory Torso 'round here, mate, you'll wind up getting stabbed.

I'm not saying you're going to get stabbed. I'm not saying that I'm going to stab you. I'm simply saying that people who have a go at GT often end up getting stabbed. And a lot of the time those stabbings are carried out by me.

Behave yourself.

What, are you gonna stab me?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Huxleys Babkins on October 12, 2018, 03:31:58 PM
Quote from: Terryfuckwit on October 12, 2018, 03:25:53 PM
What, are you gonna stab me?

I think I was very clear about who was and who wasn't going to get stabbed and who would or who wouldn't be doing said stabbing, should it happen, which it might or might not.

If you can't stand the heat or the cold then stay in or out of the kitchen.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on November 04, 2018, 03:39:56 PM
Admittedly shooting fish in a big barrel but I've recently been transfixed by this desperately unfunny Youtube "one-liner" and "sketch" "comedian": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlnXsMV8CmY (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlnXsMV8CmY)

I honestly could have linked to any of his videos, they're all absolute death. The sheer amount of painfully amateur content on his channel is rather troubling. A neverending, unfiltered stream of shit.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on November 04, 2018, 04:16:07 PM
I think it's a conscious effort to cash in on the current good will given to "dad jokes".

I don't hate it. I don't mind your average one-liner pun at all. Not everything needs to be art that needs to be preserved. For me it stands alone from the wet stuff in the rest of this thread that relies heavily on recognition from a certain subculture.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on November 04, 2018, 04:19:51 PM
pfft, the whole point of dad jokes is that they involve no effort.

(https://c1.staticflickr.com/6/5630/22518927860_a8be00d8b8_b.jpg)

actually funny
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on November 04, 2018, 06:48:58 PM
Maybe that wasn't that great an example. I'm instead just going to post the trailer for his channel, which gives a much grander scope of his oeuvre.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_0lUXO6guQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_0lUXO6guQ)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on November 04, 2018, 07:28:00 PM
Mmm I've poked around on there a bit.

It's er, yeah.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on November 04, 2018, 07:37:39 PM
At least he's having a laugh to be fair to him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on November 04, 2018, 08:53:14 PM
The fella also hosts a UK snack food review vlog called Food Review UK, which is where I found him. Obnoxiousness aside I think he's rather good at that bit of what he does (even if it's probably because he's just filling a gap in a fairly barren market). But christ mate.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on November 05, 2018, 08:43:54 AM
Tony Slattery.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on November 30, 2018, 09:50:37 AM
Anyone said Jonathan Pie yet?

I'm saying it now.

Someone sent me a 'thought provoking' clip of his last night.  Aye, it provoked some thoughts all right.

What's he meant to be?  What are we meant to believe is happening?

Even his name?

I hate him and I hate the people who like him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on November 30, 2018, 09:51:53 AM
Quote from: yesitsme on November 30, 2018, 09:50:37 AM
Anyone said Jonathan Pie yet?

I'm saying it now.

Someone sent me a 'thought provoking' clip of his last night.  Aye, it provoked some thoughts all right.

What's he meant to be?  What are we meant to believe is happening?

Even his name?

I hate him and I hate the people who like him.
Why hasn't he been sacked from the news yet? Seems to spend more time ranting than anything else these days.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on November 30, 2018, 09:55:18 AM
Quote from: yesitsme on November 30, 2018, 09:50:37 AM
Anyone said Jonathan Pie yet?

I'm saying it now.

Someone sent me a 'thought provoking' clip of his last night.  Aye, it provoked some thoughts all right.

What's he meant to be?  What are we meant to believe is happening?

Even his name?

I hate him and I hate the people who like him.

Yeah he's utter shite.

Angry student in the body of a middle-aged man. Bleak.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Monsieur Verdoux on November 30, 2018, 10:38:25 AM
Jonathan Pie represents the nadir of the 'rant into the camera' style. It's barely even humour anymore.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on November 30, 2018, 10:43:43 AM
The first few seconds of the first Jonathan Pie video you watch are quite good. Cor look this news man is going off on one! As soon as you realise it's just some bloke and that it's somehow supposed to be funny, the bubble bursts. You can go and see him on tour if you like. I bet that's good.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: gout_pony on November 30, 2018, 03:07:13 PM
Quote from: Soup on May 15, 2018, 11:11:46 AM
Yeah, that owl joke made me chuckle and I was like "Hey, she's not bad really!" and then the rest happened.

I'm minded to think its the sort of utter shite which is at least genius adjacent though.

Her song was basically The Residents circa. 1995!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: yesitsme on December 04, 2018, 08:38:25 AM
What's Russell Howard?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Norton Canes on January 18, 2019, 12:24:04 PM
A new offender

(https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/icelandic-humor-comics-hugleikur-dagsson-78-583bfc06afe6a__700.jpg)

(https://i1.wp.com/humorisart.de/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/wife.jpg?resize=1024%2C1005)

(http://trendnet.is/wp-content/uploads/karenlind/2013/09/HHD-400x412.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Monsieur Verdoux on January 18, 2019, 12:29:48 PM
damn makes u think tho
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dusty Substance on January 20, 2019, 03:18:41 AM
Quote from: notjosh on August 02, 2017, 09:26:22 AM
Not sure where else to put this:

https://www.facebook.com/londonistcom/videos/10155367856456043/

I shared this video on Facebook last year, declaring it as my idea of hell on Earth and the opera singing show-off as a literal demon. Turns out he lives in my town and we've got loads of mutual friends.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on January 20, 2019, 02:22:36 PM
Holy shit, not only is daggson abominably unfunny, but his site is all merch, as if people actually  like him and he's not just some prick on tumblr.

(https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/icelandic-humor-comics-hugleikur-dagsson-83-583bfc11ee280__700.jpg)

How is that even remotely clever? Doesn't everyone make that joke about the Cash song?

Nearly all of these are just as fucking appalling. It's like Modern Toss but  with even less creativity or individual style. They're all just poorly drawn things about edgy things..
https://www.boredpanda.com/icelandic-humor-comics-hugleikur-dagsson/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kalowski on January 20, 2019, 02:29:15 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on January 20, 2019, 02:22:36 PM

Nearly all of these are just as fucking appalling. It's like Modern Toss but  with even less creativity or individual style. They're all just poorly drawn things about edgy things..

This is exactly what I thought. Modern Toss has moments of brilliance where it is cruelly funny or just downright rude. This shit is  mundane.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on January 20, 2019, 02:42:39 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on January 20, 2019, 02:22:36 PM
(https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/icelandic-humor-comics-hugleikur-dagsson-83-583bfc11ee280__700.jpg)

Fucking Hell!  I'll often internally sing to myself, after consuming some spicy food, when sat on the toilet with a burning anus 'the burning ring of fire' but I would never dream of taking that thought and transcribing it to a comic because it's a fucking obvious and trite thing to think.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on January 20, 2019, 02:47:41 PM
Quote from: kalowski on January 20, 2019, 02:29:15 PM
This is exactly what I thought. Modern Toss has moments of brilliance where it is cruelly funny or just downright rude. This shit is  mundane.

I like Modern Toss - it has a great "take it or leave it" mentality, and I enjoy the bleakness.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: imitationleather on January 20, 2019, 03:49:56 PM
Quote from: St_Eddie on January 20, 2019, 02:42:39 PM
Fucking Hell!  I'll often internally sing to myself, after consuming some spicy food, when sat on the toilet with a burning anus 'the burning ring of fire' but I would never dream of taking that thought and transcribing it to a comic because it's a fucking obvious and trite thing to think.

I remember Ring of Fire being used in this exact same context in an advert for loo paper or supermarket curries or Mini Milks (for putting up the anus for comfort) or something years back.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on January 20, 2019, 06:04:22 PM
Quote from: St_Eddie on January 20, 2019, 02:42:39 PM
Fucking Hell!  I'll often internally sing to myself, after consuming some spicy food, when sat on the toilet with a burning anus 'the burning ring of fire' but I would never dream of taking that thought and transcribing it to a comic because it's a fucking obvious and trite thing to think.
That's my usual benchmark - published works should be better than a thing that people might just say in casual conversation or think to themselves on the bog. When somebody posts "i like to drink coffee excessively ^_^" as a comic meant for public consumption all I see is a declaration that they find their own mundanity vitally important and other people should take time out of their lives to consume it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on January 20, 2019, 06:05:56 PM
Really angry about Garfield now.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: pupshaw on January 20, 2019, 07:05:09 PM
Modern Toss is nothing but BOSS!

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DUe6oLQXkAAuZME.jpg:large)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: alan nagsworth on January 20, 2019, 08:47:16 PM
Quote from: imitationleather on January 20, 2019, 03:49:56 PM
I remember Ring of Fire being used in this exact same context in an advert for loo paper or supermarket curries or Mini Milks (for putting up the anus for comfort) or something years back.

My own recollection of it is on Come Dine With Me (when it were good, like), playing as the incidental music when one of the hosts had cooked a particularly spicy meal that the guests were struggling with. I loved that. Not too much attention brought to it, no jokey mention of the song title or anything from the not-yet-a-parody-of-himself narrator bloke, just subtle enough to be bloody great.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: imitationleather on January 20, 2019, 08:48:52 PM
I remember now. It was Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodles.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: alan nagsworth on January 20, 2019, 08:51:46 PM
classic lads chat, that is
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on January 21, 2019, 04:51:08 AM
Quote from: Twed on January 20, 2019, 06:04:22 PM
That's my usual benchmark - published works should be better than a thing that people might just say in casual conversation or think to themselves on the bog. When somebody posts "i like to drink coffee excessively ^_^" as a comic meant for public consumption all I see is a declaration that they find their own mundanity vitally important and other people should take time out of their lives to consume it.

I don't have much to say, other than that I agree.  Very much so.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on January 21, 2019, 05:11:47 AM
Quote from: Norton Canes on January 18, 2019, 12:24:04 PM
A new offender

(https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/icelandic-humor-comics-hugleikur-dagsson-78-583bfc06afe6a__700.jpg)

(https://i1.wp.com/humorisart.de/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/wife.jpg?resize=1024%2C1005)

(http://trendnet.is/wp-content/uploads/karenlind/2013/09/HHD-400x412.jpg)

I think they gave me cancer.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: phantom_power on January 21, 2019, 10:20:18 AM
There seems to be this new thing, that I will call "LinkedIn Humour" that is just transcriptions of conversations where bosses "pwn" bad employees and vice versa. Most of them are presented as having really happened when in reality I imagine they are prime candidates for /r/thathappened or whatever it is called. I don't have any examples because they are so shit they made me smash my computer and delete my account
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on January 21, 2019, 05:52:10 PM
Quote from: phantom_power on January 21, 2019, 10:20:18 AM
There seems to be this new thing, that I will call "LinkedIn Humour" that is just transcriptions of conversations where bosses "pwn" bad employees and vice versa. Most of them are presented as having really happened when in reality I imagine they are prime candidates for /r/thathappened or whatever it is called. I don't have any examples because they are so shit they made me smash my computer and delete my account

They offend from both a professional and comedic sensibility. "Oh, I'm not going to accept this job because there were too many interviews and your offer was too slow and 2 of the interviewers asked me the same question, ahh, do you not see"

If you weren't going to accept the position, why did you keep going to interviews? And why are you attempting to humiliate your prospective new employer in such a way that they never bother you again if a better position comes up? Sorry our HR team was slow - did it occur to you that nobody's HR department is any good? And that you won't be working for them, you'll be working for me - and we're a completely separate entity you cretin.

If you want the job and like the offer but won't take it because you thought it took too long, you're not being oh so smart, you're an idiot. If you don't want the gig, but want to get shots in at a prospective future employer, you're also an idiot. If you had no interest in the job or didn't like the offer then negotiate and stop wasting everyone's time. You're also still an idiot. Grow up.

And as an FYI: sometimes I ask people the same questions as previous interviews because I read interview notes that say candidates gave a shit answer and I want to see if they've self-reflected and come up with something better (or if they're making shit up and the answers are self-contradictory). It may appear that I've not done any research, but that's the appearance I want to give you, to lull you into a false sense of security so I can do my job more effectively and better assess you. I'm also giving you another chance not to fuck it up, you plum.

Long post rant.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bennett Brauer on March 03, 2019, 01:16:33 AM
Fairly recent SNL sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv6FMEvNiWo

They can't all be gold.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bronzy on March 03, 2019, 03:03:45 AM
Quote from: Bennett Brauer on March 03, 2019, 01:16:33 AM
Fairly recent SNL sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv6FMEvNiWo

They can't all be gold.

Fucking hell, that's like a sketch that The Two Ronnies would reject in the 1970's.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on March 03, 2019, 03:46:53 AM
Quote from: Bennett Brauer on March 03, 2019, 01:16:33 AM
They can't all be gold.

(http://i66.tinypic.com/b7b9c7.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: H-O-W-L on March 03, 2019, 05:00:54 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS00xWnqwvI

This SNL one continues to make me just baffled by its existence. It's beloved by a lot of people too and I just don't get why people think it's funny. It's like an alien scanned the word "funny" and this is what came out of his Universal Constructor.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on March 03, 2019, 05:38:07 AM
SNL is mainly for the huge majority of Americans who have no taste.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: fucking ponderous on March 03, 2019, 06:25:48 AM
I think David S. Pumpkins is mildly funny. The thing that ruins the sketch imo (and almost every SNL sketch) is that the writers seemingly aren't confident with their ideas. They have to undermine them with characters constantly commenting on how absurd the premises of the sketches are, basically explaining the jokes over and over again. It's like they're saying "hey, you think Tom Hanks in a suit covered with pumpkins is stupid? UHH THAT'S OKAY WE DO TOO", like a child trying to appeal himself to those more popular.

Anyway, the (most recent) absolute nadir of SNL is this: https://youtu.be/HG9Z961mhXU
I cannot tell if they support or are against the people they're ostensibly caricaturing, I don't think there's a single actual joke in there at all.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: confettiinmyhair on March 03, 2019, 10:36:21 AM
Josh Widdicombe.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: H-O-W-L on March 03, 2019, 11:52:36 AM
Quote from: fucking ponderous on March 03, 2019, 06:25:48 AM
I think David S. Pumpkins is mildly funny. The thing that ruins the sketch imo (and almost every SNL sketch) is that the writers seemingly aren't confident with their ideas. They have to undermine them with characters constantly commenting on how absurd the premises of the sketches are, basically explaining the jokes over and over again. It's like they're saying "hey, you think Tom Hanks in a suit covered with pumpkins is stupid? UHH THAT'S OKAY WE DO TOO", like a child trying to appeal himself to those more popular.

Anyway, the (most recent) absolute nadir of SNL is this: https://youtu.be/HG9Z961mhXU
I cannot tell if they support or are against the people they're ostensibly caricaturing, I don't think there's a single actual joke in there at all.

Honest to god I think if the sketch was just three solid minutes of Tom Hanks in a pumpkin suit in some kind of hideously bizarre stare-dance then I think I'd love it for the uncomfortable absurdity but as it stands the sketch is atrocious to me. The closest it gets to anything near good is the ending when Pumpkins appears behind them in a show of near-malevolence.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on March 03, 2019, 03:04:03 PM
Quote from: confettiinmyhair on March 03, 2019, 10:36:21 AM
Josh Widdicombe.

Lay off, he's barely out of sixth form.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on March 03, 2019, 03:08:33 PM
Cunt's older than I am.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on March 03, 2019, 03:53:45 PM
That's genuinely shook me to the core. THIRTY-FUCKING-FIVE? He's still got the chubby, rosy cheeks of a seven-year-old.

That's probably the funniest thing about him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on March 03, 2019, 04:27:20 PM
Quote from: phantom_power on January 21, 2019, 10:20:18 AM
There seems to be this new thing, that I will call "LinkedIn Humour" that is just transcriptions of conversations where bosses "pwn" bad employees and vice versa. Most of them are presented as having really happened when in reality I imagine they are prime candidates for /r/thathappened or whatever it is called. I don't have any examples because they are so shit they made me smash my computer and delete my account

Better or worse than the "Tinder Humour" that regularly pops up on the cesspit that is the Reddit homepage?

https://www.reddit.com/r/tinder
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on March 03, 2019, 04:27:45 PM
Quote from: Twed on March 03, 2019, 05:38:07 AM
SNL is mainly for the huge majority of Americans who have no taste.

The likes and dislikes ratio on those YouTube videos is a testament to that.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on March 03, 2019, 04:38:05 PM
Quote from: fucking ponderous on March 03, 2019, 06:25:48 AM
I think David S. Pumpkins is mildly funny. The thing that ruins the sketch imo (and almost every SNL sketch) is that the writers seemingly aren't confident with their ideas. They have to undermine them with characters constantly commenting on how absurd the premises of the sketches are, basically explaining the jokes over and over again. It's like they're saying "hey, you think Tom Hanks in a suit covered with pumpkins is stupid? UHH THAT'S OKAY WE DO TOO", like a child trying to appeal himself to those more popular.
I agree with every ounce of this. I think the key to American humor versus British humour is that (generally) the Americans need things to be explained, and to have meaning. That means that in the worst comedy you get characters pretty much explaining to the camera what is going on.

I don't mean this as a slight against all American humour. It's very much a generalisation, and I think that when American comedy does have the confidence to not root itself in immediate, explainable logic it's divine, as its practitioners are the cream of the crop who have filtered out that tick. Similarly, it does mean that a lot of British humour gets away with being simple easy whimsy, because there's no real accountability. In Britain this manifests as things like This Is Jinsy, which is just not on.


Quote from: fucking ponderous on March 03, 2019, 06:25:48 AMI cannot tell if they support or are against the people they're ostensibly caricaturing, I don't think there's a single actual joke in there at all.
It's fun to watch Hollywood liberals cope with AOC and Ilhan Omar etc., because they are very comfortable with their identities but often very perpendicular to their ideals.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on March 03, 2019, 05:37:17 PM
Quote from: confettiinmyhair on March 03, 2019, 10:36:21 AM
Josh Widdicombe.

Yes, he always comes across as friend-of-James-Acaster and nothing else, to me.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: St_Eddie on March 03, 2019, 05:45:15 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on March 03, 2019, 05:37:17 PM
Yes, he always comes across as friend-of-James-Acaster and nothing else, to me.

Is that code, like a friend-of-Dorothy?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Mr Banlon on March 03, 2019, 06:07:35 PM
Quote from: imitationleather on January 20, 2019, 03:49:56 PM
I remember Ring of Fire being used in this exact same context in an advert for loo paper or supermarket curries or Mini Milks (for putting up the anus for comfort) or something years back.
The Mini Milk thing does work.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Prison Biscuits on March 04, 2019, 01:26:01 PM
Quote from: confettiinmyhair on March 03, 2019, 10:36:21 AM
Josh Widdicombe.

He's just nothing, isn't he?

Josh Widdecome's ubiquitous banality would make me really angry but there's nothing there to even really get angry about - it would be like getting angry about the shape of a cloud. What does he do? Is he a stand-up? He just seemed to slowly appear and multiply, turning up on panel shows laughing at other people's jokes in a shrill cackle like a child watching its mate do a headstand in some dog shit.

Seeing Josh Widdicome on TV is like seeing someone's foot - unremarkable, slightly repulsive and only funny if it was stuck up someone's arse

Josh Widdicome is so dull I can't be bothered to creatively swear about him. I can't even bring myself to check how to spell his name. Certainly can't be arsed to check if that foot analogy is funny or makes sense.

Seeing Josh Widdicome is like noticing that your gran has hung a watercolour of a sparrow on her wall.

Like a regional news report about a coat someone left on a bus.

He's everywhere

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: momatt on March 04, 2019, 02:46:36 PM
Quote from: Bennett Brauer on March 03, 2019, 01:16:33 AM
Fairly recent SNL sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv6FMEvNiWo
They can't all be gold.

Made me laugh!
Perhaps overlong, but I liked  it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jockice on March 04, 2019, 03:09:34 PM
Any of mine.

Close thread.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: The Lion King on March 04, 2019, 06:18:30 PM
That David Pumpkins thing is the sort of thing that might show up on Tim and Eric but without any of the surrounding sketch
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on March 04, 2019, 06:27:03 PM
Quote from: Prison Biscuits on March 04, 2019, 01:26:01 PM
He's just nothing, isn't he?

Josh Widdecome's ubiquitous banality would make me really angry but there's nothing there to even really get angry about - it would be like getting angry about the shape of a cloud. What does he do? Is he a stand-up? He just seemed to slowly appear and multiply, turning up on panel shows laughing at other people's jokes in a shrill cackle like a child watching its mate do a headstand in some dog shit.

Seeing Josh Widdicome on TV is like seeing someone's foot - unremarkable, slightly repulsive and only funny if it was stuck up someone's arse

Josh Widdicome is so dull I can't be bothered to creatively swear about him. I can't even bring myself to check how to spell his name. Certainly can't be arsed to check if that foot analogy is funny or makes sense.

Seeing Josh Widdicome is like noticing that your gran has hung a watercolour of a sparrow on her wall.

Like a regional news report about a coat someone left on a bus.

He's everywhere
Something I've noticed is that Avalon likes to fill entire programmes and podcasts etc. with their talent, and encourage them all to laugh extra hard at each other. This is how they promote a new person. You can sense it when there's somebody vaguely new on Cats Does Countdown or something. The new person will say something mostly shit, and then all the air will leave the room and the camera does a wide pan of established stars laughing unnaturally hard.

Josh Widdicombe is very good at laughing at the others. His purpose is to make them all look good. That's why he doesn't do much alone.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: DrGreggles on March 04, 2019, 06:35:05 PM
Quote from: Prison Biscuits on March 04, 2019, 01:26:01 PM
He's just nothing, isn't he?

Josh Widdecome's ubiquitous banality would make me really angry but there's nothing there to even really get angry about - it would be like getting angry about the shape of a cloud. What does he do? Is he a stand-up? He just seemed to slowly appear and multiply, turning up on panel shows laughing at other people's jokes in a shrill cackle like a child watching its mate do a headstand in some dog shit.

Seeing Josh Widdicome on TV is like seeing someone's foot - unremarkable, slightly repulsive and only funny if it was stuck up someone's arse

Josh Widdicome is so dull I can't be bothered to creatively swear about him. I can't even bring myself to check how to spell his name. Certainly can't be arsed to check if that foot analogy is funny or makes sense.

Seeing Josh Widdicome is like noticing that your gran has hung a watercolour of a sparrow on her wall.

Like a regional news report about a coat someone left on a bus.

He's everywhere

I saw him as the support act for someone quite famous* about 8-10 years ago.
It was decent enough stuff, I suppose. Nothing hilarious or ground-breaking, but greatly preferable to another 20 minutes of empty stage anyway.
Cut to last September at a charity gig. First 4 acts are all good, and Kitson's on fire as compere - really good vibe in the room.
Then Widdicombe appears. Fuck me, he kills the atmosphere stone dead within a couple of minutes with his piss poor sixth form level comedy stylings.
Give me an empty stage every time now.

He was OK on Taskmaster though.


*can't remember who or where at the moment, but it was a big venue
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bennett Brauer on March 04, 2019, 06:52:00 PM
Quote from: The Lion King on March 04, 2019, 06:18:30 PM
That David Pumpkins thing is the sort of thing that might show up on Tim and Eric but without any of the surrounding sketch

You wouldn't have the pay-off without the sketch though. I like it anyway, but it's odd that it became so popular.

Jimmy Carr finds the level of Jonathan Ross's house as David S Pumpkins:
(https://i.imgur.com/dohfpiw.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: BeardFaceMan on March 04, 2019, 07:07:31 PM
Quote from: Twed on March 04, 2019, 06:27:03 PM
You can sense it when there's somebody vaguely new on Cats Does Countdown or something.

Hearing Jimmy Carr do his insane laugh at some of the truly appalling 'acts' they have on dictionary corner is vomit-inducing.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bennett Brauer on March 04, 2019, 07:12:07 PM
Quote from: momatt on March 04, 2019, 02:46:36 PM
Made me laugh!
Perhaps overlong, but I liked  it.

An earthquake affecting people in a legal change of name office isn't a great idea on paper, but the worst thing about it is the captions sucking any life out of puns that are crap in the first place. Actually no, the worst moment is Pete Davidson's "nanu nanu", closely followed by Bryant misdelivering her line, then Davidson walking across the scene clapping his hands. Please don't make me watch it again.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jonbob on March 04, 2019, 10:12:26 PM
Quote from: St_Eddie on March 03, 2019, 05:45:15 PM
Is that code, like a friend-of-Dorothy?
its a code for the sort of bland middle of the road comedy  designed to appeal to a broad mass of TV panel show audiences
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: momatt on March 05, 2019, 09:42:26 AM
Quote from: Bennett Brauer on March 04, 2019, 07:12:07 PM
Please don't make me watch it again.

No, I demand you watch it again.
DO IT NOW!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bennett Brauer on March 05, 2019, 12:54:10 PM
Quote from: momatt on March 05, 2019, 09:42:26 AM
No, I demand you watch it again.
DO IT NOW!

Heh. It could just be me slowly turning into a po-faced twat as I often love SNL. I also seem to be immune to the charm of Pete Davidson.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: momatt on March 05, 2019, 01:49:09 PM
You just don't appreciate his big-dick-energy.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jumblegraws on March 22, 2019, 06:04:10 PM
Quote from: biggytitbo on March 22, 2019, 05:56:07 PM
Compiled from here I think:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D2KvJu5WoAA9tFd?format=jpg&name=large)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on March 22, 2019, 06:21:16 PM
The right are getting better at comedy and the libs are triggered!!!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on March 22, 2019, 07:07:46 PM
"Medicine shortages!"

"A single tangible benefit?!"

I love how genuine concerns are so transparently mocked by the terminally sociopathic now, and that's supposed to represent a sense of humour.



Anti-homeless Bingo:

"They are dying in the streets!"

"Why can't the state help them?!"


Chortle!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on March 22, 2019, 07:31:44 PM
These fucking alien comics, which seem okay at first but then you see that every single one of them is the same: http://digg.com/2019/pyle-alien-comics-strange-planet

Alien 1: YOU SEEM TO BE EXPRESSING LIQUID FROM A PIPE
Alien 2: YES IT CORRELATES WITH ME INSERTING LIQUIDS INTO THE HOLE NEARER TO THE PEAK OF MY BODY
Alien 1: DOES IT PROVIDE A SERVICE
Alien 2: YES IT ENCOURAGES RELIEF IN MY BRAIN QUARTERS

Fuck off
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on March 22, 2019, 08:58:02 PM
I saw the cat series and thought "oh this is ok i guess" but yes hack shit for cunts
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Benjaminos on March 27, 2019, 07:32:36 PM
This fucking thing: #ruinafilmbyaddingupyourbum (https://twitter.com/hashtag/ruinafilmbyaddingupyourbum)

Purestrain unadulterated shit for cunts. Apart from this, which did make me laugh a bit.

(https://i.ibb.co/Ssg7Whh/Capture.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on March 27, 2019, 07:39:57 PM
Some of the top picks are pretty good! I'm sure Kevin from the accounting department is coming up with absolute bullshit though.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Povidone on April 05, 2019, 01:29:58 PM
Quote from: Twed on March 22, 2019, 07:31:44 PM
These fucking alien comics, which seem okay at first but then you see that every single one of them is the same: http://digg.com/2019/pyle-alien-comics-strange-planet

Alien 1: YOU SEEM TO BE EXPRESSING LIQUID FROM A PIPE
Alien 2: YES IT CORRELATES WITH ME INSERTING LIQUIDS INTO THE HOLE NEARER TO THE PEAK OF MY BODY
Alien 1: DOES IT PROVIDE A SERVICE
Alien 2: YES IT ENCOURAGES RELIEF IN MY BRAIN QUARTERS

Fuck off

Oh fuck yes this shite is all over my facebook feed at the moment and it is garbage. Same goes for Sarah's Scribbles - the most twee way of saying absolutely nothing of worth whatsoever.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Famous Mortimer on April 06, 2019, 03:59:10 AM
Quote from: confettiinmyhair on March 03, 2019, 10:36:21 AM
Josh Widdicombe.
I just popped on "Hypothetical" and  I thought his opening monologue was a joke about bad autocue reading. But no.  Someone thought that was good.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: BritishHobo on April 08, 2019, 07:36:02 PM
The alien comic man is now cancelled! He's tweeted in favour of a pro-life march. Done. Cancelled. I hope you're all happy.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kittens on April 08, 2019, 07:41:08 PM
that is terrific news!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on April 08, 2019, 07:45:36 PM
Hahaha! YES! What's his name, I want to check this out.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on April 08, 2019, 07:46:02 PM
Quote from: BritishHobo on April 08, 2019, 07:36:02 PM
The alien comic man is now cancelled! He's tweeted in favour of a pro-life march. Done. Cancelled. I hope you're all happy.
Haha stupid bad at comics atrocity prick
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on April 08, 2019, 07:46:54 PM
Sorry it's just up a few posts isn't it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on April 08, 2019, 07:48:20 PM
https://twitter.com/nathanwpyle/status/825066260153167873

So glad people are doing the obvious but good thing of editing his comics
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on April 08, 2019, 07:49:21 PM
Two years ago! What's taken his cancellation so long!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twed on April 08, 2019, 08:09:43 PM
TWO SOLAR ORBITS
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 08, 2019, 08:35:08 PM
What does shit alien comic man and Sarah Connor Chronicles have in common

Both cancelled lol




And also both probably get nosebleeds because who doesn't
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: marquis_de_sad on April 09, 2019, 12:45:48 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D3pAnhQXsAAm12u.jpg)

Is this fish-mouthed freakshow some sort of pro-Christian propaganda?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 09, 2019, 03:35:23 PM
Does she think real life is an iPad or something?  It's not explained why she is pinch-zooming on it.

And then the Breaking News For Ants panel is meant to be appearing on an iPad screen or whatever


It's just too shit to compute I'm afraid.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on April 10, 2019, 09:23:03 PM
Just discovered the delights of the gaming webcomic "Blow The Cartridge".

http://blowthecartridge.com/

Rib-ticklingly topical stuff with Jeff "Christ" Minter.

(https://i.imgur.com/51OqaPC.jpg?1)

Imagine if things in a videogame happened IN REAL LIFE, crazy right.

(https://i.imgur.com/llud9wm.jpg?1)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on April 10, 2019, 09:28:27 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on April 09, 2019, 03:35:23 PM
Does she think real life is an iPad or something?  It's not explained why she is pinch-zooming on it.

And then the Breaking News For Ants panel is meant to be appearing on an iPad screen or whatever


It's just too shit to compute I'm afraid.
what. character has lifted up a twig with ants on it and from the ants' perspective it's caused a road to be closed.

i mean its pretty shit, but it's coherent
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: famethrowa on April 11, 2019, 12:22:10 AM
Quote from: Phil_A on April 10, 2019, 09:23:03 PM


Imagine if things in a videogame happened IN REAL LIFE, crazy right.

(https://i.imgur.com/llud9wm.jpg?1)

That actually got a singular laugh out of me due to the unexpected nostalgia recognition. That's enough though
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Chriddof on April 11, 2019, 12:26:51 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on April 10, 2019, 09:28:27 PM
what. character has lifted up a twig with ants on it and from the ants' perspective it's caused a road to be closed.

i mean its pretty shit, but it's coherent

Yeah, it makes sense, it's just so badly drawn the joke doesn't land the way it should. It's not brilliant, but it would be acceptable (while still not hugely funny) if drawn by an artist who knew how to do mouths. I think the cartoonist is trying to imitate the Perry Bible Fellowship, but they don't have the same quality of imagination as the guy who did that.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 11, 2019, 02:35:06 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on April 10, 2019, 09:28:27 PM
what. character has lifted up a twig with ants on it and from the ants' perspective it's caused a road to be closed.

i mean its pretty shit, but it's coherent

No it was drawn too badly for this to be clear, sorry.

Don't worry - I agree that it is shit.  We are in agreement.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on April 11, 2019, 05:20:04 PM
The worst thing to me is that the third frame is utterly redundant. We know they've lifted up the twig
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jumblegraws on April 11, 2019, 05:50:26 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on April 11, 2019, 05:20:04 PM
The worst thing to me is that the third frame is utterly redundant. We know they've lifted up the twig
I think that's supposed to show her positioning it differently from how it was when she found it, thus breaking up the ants' road network. I think maybe this stuff is just over your head.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: QDRPHNC on April 11, 2019, 10:33:17 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on April 11, 2019, 02:35:06 PM
No it was drawn too badly for this to be clear, sorry.

Don't worry - I agree that it is shit.  We are in agreement.

It was definitely clear she's not pinch-zooming an ipad.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: magval on April 11, 2019, 11:56:43 PM
Aye I don't want to pile on but that was a mad way to read that cartoon altogether.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on April 12, 2019, 12:14:39 AM
Quote from: magval on April 11, 2019, 11:56:43 PM
Aye I don't want to pile on but that was a mad way to read that cartoon altogether.

Add me to the "RfV bang wrong on this one" gang.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 12, 2019, 08:49:31 AM
Quote from: Jumblegraws on April 11, 2019, 05:50:26 PM
I think that's supposed to show her positioning it differently from how it was when she found it, thus breaking up the ants' road network. I think maybe this stuff is just over your head.

You fancy Nathan W Pyle.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jumblegraws on April 12, 2019, 02:52:05 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on April 12, 2019, 08:49:31 AM
You fancy Nathan W Pyle.
Don't know the guy but if he's some sort of millennial Jack Chick then colour me interested.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: garnish on April 12, 2019, 03:08:23 PM
HS Art
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on April 12, 2019, 07:52:58 PM
Quote from: Jumblegraws on April 12, 2019, 02:52:05 PM
Don't know the guy but if he's some sort of millennial Jack Chick then colour me interested.

Their name is on the previously discussed ants touchscreen cartoon that I find too rubbish.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ornlu on April 12, 2019, 07:59:33 PM
Quote from: garnish on April 12, 2019, 03:08:23 PM
HS Art

Just had a look. Desolation.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ylem on April 13, 2019, 01:28:00 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/651czB9B/cute-coffee-christiann-macavley-stickycomics-com.jpg)

this comic joint photographic experts group file was published in cosmopolitan magazine (https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/news/a63851/lattes-better-than-espresso/), which has ~20,000,000 readers per week.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hey, Punk! on April 13, 2019, 10:35:42 PM
Quote from: ylem on April 13, 2019, 01:28:00 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/651czB9B/cute-coffee-christiann-macavley-stickycomics-com.jpg)

this comic joint photographic experts group file was published in cosmopolitan magazine (https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/news/a63851/lattes-better-than-espresso/), which has ~20,000,000 readers per week.

haha my caffeine dependence is slightly more than yours haha
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Avril Lavigne on April 13, 2019, 10:53:08 PM
Anything using that hacky basic far-apart-dot-eyes, tiny mouth, no nose and spherical head combination can fuck off before I've even read the gist of it. "I don't know how to draw actual human faces but I'll make up for it with the lovely twee charm of putting in zero effort and calling it my style."
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bennett Brauer on April 13, 2019, 11:12:36 PM
Quote from: Avril Lavigne on April 13, 2019, 10:53:08 PM
Anything using that hacky basic far-apart-dot-eyes, tiny mouth, no nose and spherical head combination can fuck off before I've even read the gist of it. "I don't know how to draw actual human faces but I'll make up for it with the lovely twee charm of putting in zero effort and calling it my style."

I'd like to see you draw a thousand mosquitoes and make me think at the same time.

(https://i.imgur.com/cU4utep.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ylem on April 14, 2019, 04:33:56 AM
Quote from: Bennett Brauer on April 13, 2019, 11:12:36 PM
I'd like to see you draw a thousand mosquitoes and make me think at the same time.
(https://i.postimg.cc/sxrdRr9f/thinkpls.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: alan nagsworth on April 14, 2019, 04:03:16 PM
^ love it
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bennett Brauer on April 16, 2019, 12:55:02 AM
Quote from: ylem on April 14, 2019, 04:33:56 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/sxrdRr9f/thinkpls.jpg)

Thanks. And here's how to be funny without swearing.

(https://i.imgur.com/727zanc.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: willpurry on April 16, 2019, 01:00:30 AM
https://www.kipperwilliams.com/
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: mippy on May 10, 2019, 06:19:28 PM
This is cringe comedy, but not in the way he thinks it is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQ9RPIsF0iR4u2pFT1ATOBw/about
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on March 24, 2020, 11:05:00 PM
I'm really sorry to be so negative but this kind of stuff drives me crazy:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ET0vdpXWsAEwUJE?format=jpg&name=large)

I mean yeah it's cute, but when something is this insipid I can't help but read it as being authored by somebody with a ridiculously inflated sense of self worth. Just to imagine thinking such a dull thought is worth publishing is beyond me.

Drank some coffee to keep me awake. Later: I am jittery now! The joke is that I experienced a common side effect of caffeine.

I know I should by loving thy neighbour but DO BETTER THAN THIS. Do not be carried by your fan base. Also I think it would be best if you started wearing a sack from now on.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on March 25, 2020, 12:53:41 AM
Why would a doe be on a conference call? I'd have serious questions about the firm that had hired them.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Twonty Gostelow on March 25, 2020, 11:28:13 AM
Quote from: Dewt on March 24, 2020, 11:05:00 PM
I'm really sorry to be so negative but this kind of stuff drives me crazy:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ET0vdpXWsAEwUJE?format=jpg&name=large)

I mean yeah it's cute, but when something is this insipid I can't help but read it as being authored by somebody with a ridiculously inflated sense of self worth. Just to imagine thinking such a dull thought is worth publishing is beyond me.

Drank some coffee to keep me awake. Later: I am jittery now! The joke is that I experienced a common side effect of caffeine.

This recent one in Private Eye falls into the same "Is that it?" category.

(https://i.imgur.com/Ad51UXw.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hand Solo on March 25, 2020, 11:36:13 AM
WTF is that? Thorough? Hours? And can the cunt even draw? Shambles.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: the on March 25, 2020, 11:48:48 AM
Quote from: Dewt on March 24, 2020, 11:05:00 PM(https://i.imgur.com/TakgWLI.jpg)

Suggested improvement:

Panel 3: Doe has Xs for eyes indicating death
Panel 4: Close-up of empty pill bottle, label reads 'WARNING: NOT TO BE TAKEN RECTALLY'
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dissolute ocelot on March 25, 2020, 05:35:47 PM
what is going on with the deer's eyes? why do its antenna say "FF"? do its other facial features have an alphanumeric function?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Bazooka on March 25, 2020, 06:19:27 PM
Quote from: Twonty Gostelow on March 25, 2020, 11:28:13 AM
This recent one in Private Eye falls into the same "Is that it?" category.

(https://i.imgur.com/Ad51UXw.png)

Why stop at 2.5 hours?  I'm already rofl on the floor laughing, increase the time further to make it even funnier lmao.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on March 25, 2020, 07:01:20 PM
Quote from: the on March 25, 2020, 11:48:48 AM
Suggested improvement:

Panel 3: Doe has Xs for eyes indicating death
Panel 4: Close-up of empty pill bottle, label reads 'WARNING: NOT TO BE TAKEN RECTALLY'
The really galling thing is that any throwaway piece of dialogue in Animal Crossing would make for a better comic.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hand Solo on March 25, 2020, 07:20:34 PM
Quote from: Bazooka on March 25, 2020, 06:19:27 PM
Why stop at 2.5 hours?  I'm already rofl on the floor laughing, increase the time further to make it even funnier lmao.

Why stop at decimals and hours, what about fractions and yottaseconds? "I know you like to be thorough with your hand washing but your last bathroom break lasted 5/2 yottaseconds!"

A yottasecond is 32 quadrillion years, so that would equal approx 6.944×10^20 hours, which I'm sure we could all agree is a much more rib-tickling arbitrary timeframe. Imagine washing your hands for that length of time? On a break of all things? I'm smirking just thinking about.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on March 25, 2020, 08:00:32 PM
2.5 parsecs would have made it funny.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Len Pounds on March 25, 2020, 08:20:42 PM
I think the joke works whichever way you put it, but then again any joke about somebody taking excessively long breaks will have me in stitches, it's a comedy gold mine as far as I'm concerned. Mind you, that might be because there's somebody at my work who's known for taking excessively long breaks, so I find it relatable.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on March 25, 2020, 09:29:32 PM
can i get a patreon if i post pictures of my turds every morning
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: beanheadmcginty on March 25, 2020, 10:03:49 PM
Unlikely, but you might have some luck on Cackstarter.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on March 25, 2020, 10:40:13 PM
Pootreon.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on March 25, 2020, 11:08:39 PM
goBUMme
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Mantis Toboggan on March 26, 2020, 07:29:23 AM
Quote from: Len Pounds on March 25, 2020, 08:20:42 PM
I think the joke works whichever way you put it, but then again any joke about somebody taking excessively long breaks will have me in stitches, it's a comedy gold mine as far as I'm concerned. Mind you, that might be because there's somebody at my work who's known for taking excessively long breaks, so I find it relatable.

This made me laugh a lot.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Virgo76 on March 26, 2020, 01:26:36 PM
Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on March 25, 2020, 12:53:41 AM
Why would a doe be on a conference call? I'd have serious questions about the firm that had hired them.

Cheaper than hiring a male deer though.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on March 26, 2020, 02:16:44 PM
i accidently saw these and now you need to as well

(http://files.explosm.net/comics/Dave/squirtyboyo.gif?t=E31C9D)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Len Pounds on March 26, 2020, 03:02:17 PM
Fuck sake. That comic strip might actually be the single worst thing to have come from Coronavirus.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on March 26, 2020, 03:10:54 PM
If she is doing it through his clothes, is hand gel needed? Or is it in case his clothes have Coronavirus germs on them?

He'll need to put that top (?) in the washing machine once he gets home.

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on March 26, 2020, 03:27:51 PM
At least there's joke construction, even if you have to suffer through some nerd's idea of what it is to be a human
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on March 26, 2020, 11:01:48 PM
If humanity is lucky, the 'vid will have a 100% mortality rate and no one will survive to remember that comic.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: PeterCornelius on March 27, 2020, 03:33:57 PM
I always found Mel Smith and Griff Rhy Jones about as funny as haemorrhoids. Here's why:

https://youtu.be/g1rGsNzAgWg

and

https://youtu.be/K5J5FiwmJdM

And no, it wasn't even funny at the time.



Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Voltan (Man of Steel) on March 27, 2020, 04:40:23 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 26, 2020, 03:10:54 PMHe'll need to put that top (?) in the washing machine once he gets home.

I remember the advice on stain removal in Sir Leslie Colin Patterson's autobiography. Sir Les recommends the use of cold soapy water to remove semen from clothing as hot water sets the albumen.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: the on March 27, 2020, 05:02:55 PM
Quote from: PeterCornelius on March 27, 2020, 03:33:57 PMI always found Mel Smith and Griff Rhy Jones about as funny as haemorrhoids. Here's why:

https://youtu.be/g1rGsNzAgWg

and

https://youtu.be/K5J5FiwmJdM

And no, it wasn't even funny at the time.

Have you been crouched down for 30 years, alert and ready for the chance to really stick it to them in a thread about crap webcomics
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Mantis Toboggan on March 27, 2020, 11:06:25 PM
Quote from: the on March 27, 2020, 05:02:55 PM
Have you been crouched down for 30 years, alert and ready for the chance to really stick it to them in a thread about crap webcomics

Hmm. The thread is specifically about pathetic attempts at humour. There seems to be a general theme whereby you take umbrage with anyone making any criticism of anything. Maybe this thread isn't for you.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on March 27, 2020, 11:11:22 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on March 26, 2020, 03:10:54 PM
If she is doing it through his clothes, is hand gel needed? Or is it in case his clothes have Coronavirus germs on them?

He'll need to put that top (?) in the washing machine once he gets home.

Also, why does his belly button even protrude to that extent?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phoenix Lazarus on March 27, 2020, 11:12:29 PM
Quote from: PeterCornelius on March 27, 2020, 03:33:57 PM
I always found Mel Smith and Griff Rhy Jones about as funny as haemorrhoids. Here's why:

https://youtu.be/g1rGsNzAgWg

and

https://youtu.be/K5J5FiwmJdM

And no, it wasn't even funny at the time.

For the case for the defence, let me cite the following.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nort5Ez3iME
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nort5Ez3iME)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: non capisco on March 27, 2020, 11:41:54 PM
Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on March 27, 2020, 11:12:29 PM
For the case for the defence, let me cite the following.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nort5Ez3iME
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nort5Ez3iME)

And also Stanley Roberts, film composer. Come on, now. Ace sketch. One of the greats.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl_QWkvtCXI

I'm also fond of their very temporally specific piss take of the mid-80s adverts for WHSmith's DIY warehouse chain Do-It-All. "And half way through the advert we 'old up one of these!" Daniel Peacock biting the hand that fed him, here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTEEKyTESiU
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on March 28, 2020, 12:21:35 AM
somehow i find bringing up criticism of smith and jones, even if it was warranted, after that cyanide and happiness strip, to be tantamount to a war crime
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: the on March 28, 2020, 04:19:58 AM
Quote from: Mantis Toboggan on March 27, 2020, 11:06:25 PMHmm. The thread is specifically about pathetic attempts at humour. There seems to be a general theme whereby you take umbrage with anyone making any criticism of anything. Maybe this thread isn't for you.

I was merely amused by the weird context of this delayed bit of iconoclasm. Windest thou neck in
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on March 28, 2020, 08:29:25 AM
Quote from: the on March 28, 2020, 04:19:58 AM
I was merely amused by the weird context of this delayed bit of iconoclasm. Windest thou neck in

thy
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: phantom_power on March 28, 2020, 08:34:41 AM
David Baddiel on Twitter
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: PeterCornelius on March 30, 2020, 03:12:31 PM
Well, thanks to those who jogged my (clearly selective) memory of S&J's better moments. I had genuinely forgotten about the excellent ad parodies, which I did enjoy at the time.

Even better, I was crouched down in a weird context for 30 years, planning a war crime whilst delaying my iconoclasm.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: notjosh on March 30, 2020, 03:49:18 PM
This has to be Smith & Jones' finest moment for me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbC3Fdv5wKU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbC3Fdv5wKU)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: samadriel on March 30, 2020, 04:13:10 PM
Quote from: PeterCornelius on March 30, 2020, 03:12:31 PM
Even better, I was ... delaying my iconoclasm.
I bet you did you dirty old bollocks
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: kalowski on March 30, 2020, 05:14:43 PM
Quote from: notjosh on March 30, 2020, 03:49:18 PM
This has to be Smith & Jones' finest moment for me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbC3Fdv5wKU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbC3Fdv5wKU)
Or..  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0oRGHGyzuM

And it may have been written by Linehan, but still brilliant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUU8vjSTpP8&t=6s
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on April 08, 2020, 11:57:05 PM
Stumbled across this on Twitter and it served as a pleasing reminder that it's not just us bald old cunts who get frustrated about this shit:

(https://i.imgur.com/ef5fdMH.png)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on April 09, 2020, 12:05:09 AM
Quote from: non capisco on March 27, 2020, 11:41:54 PM
And also Stanley Roberts, film composer. Come on, now. Ace sketch. One of the greats.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl_QWkvtCXI

I'm also fond of their very temporally specific piss take of the mid-80s adverts for WHSmith's DIY warehouse chain Do-It-All. "And half way through the advert we 'old up one of these!" Daniel Peacock biting the hand that fed him, here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTEEKyTESiU

I only have to read your post to hear "Gandhi, Gandhi, if wasn't me old mate Gandhi". Haven't seen it for years and years.

I also love them for the line "where did you read that, the Rochester, Chatham and Gillingham News?" in their talking heads bit.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: sutin on April 09, 2020, 12:10:07 AM
Quote from: jobotic on April 09, 2020, 12:05:09 AM
I only have to read your post to hear "Gandhi, Gandhi, if wasn't me old mate Gandhi". Haven't seen it for years and years.

Ohhh man! In the mid-90s I sat beside a guy in chemistry class who always sang the ghandi song from Smith & Jones. I had it stuck in my head for OVER 15 YEARS until I finally saw it for the first time thanks to YouTube.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Phil_A on April 09, 2020, 07:34:36 AM
Still a bit baffled that that couple of minutes of S&J doing an unscripted bit of nonsense on stage at Live Aid is somehow supposed to be the thing that causes the scales to fall from all our eyes so we finally all have say, HANG ON THEY WERE ALWAYS CRAP!

On the scale of comedians at charity concerts, it hasn't a fraction of the embarrassment of, say, Gervais at the Diana thing

There's more than enough evidence to the contrary across their career as a duo, even if they were definitely coasting a bit in the last couple of years of their sketch show.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Beep Cleep Chimney on May 18, 2020, 05:53:25 PM
Wasn't really sure what other thread to post this in, and it really isn't worth starting a fresh thread just for this video, but this got brought to my attention earlier.

Apparently, in December 1994, someone thought it would be a good idea to release a danced-up version of the theme from 'One Foot In The Grave'.  (The CD single contains no less than 5 additional dance remixes).

(https://img.discogs.com/QictyTRHswErrl4R8d0F2SL97Sw=/fit-in/600x535/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2891377-1343820813-3344.jpeg.jpg)

Anyway, a music video was made, featuring Eric Idle and Richard Wilson (true to form, Idle is filmed sitting by a swimming pool in Los Angeles). 
Idle mimes along and does some appalling half-arsed physical comedy, and it's the most pathetic, unfunny, tossed-off-in-about-an-hour thing I've seen in some time.

BEHOLD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on May 18, 2020, 06:05:46 PM
Quote from: Dewt on April 08, 2020, 11:57:05 PM
Stumbled across this on Twitter and it served as a pleasing reminder that it's not just us bald old cunts who get frustrated about this shit:

(https://i.imgur.com/ef5fdMH.png)

What is the joke and what is actually happening here?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jim Bob on May 18, 2020, 06:47:39 PM
Quote from: bgmnts on May 18, 2020, 06:05:46 PM
What is the joke and what is actually happening here?

The shitty punchline has been cropped off in that image.  She used her purchase of an eraser as a ruse to cover the small mountain of batteries that she'd nicked in the process.  Do ya see?  'Cause she does her art on a tablet, so batteries were her "art supplies".  Arf arf!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Clownbaby on May 18, 2020, 10:42:28 PM
One thing I really fucking hated when I was doing Illustration at uni was how many graphic designers and lecturers thought smug little in-jokes about fonts and Photoshop and Letraset and rulers I dunno, were so hilarious. Fucking bright yellow poster with just ''Helvetica'' in the middle but in Comic Sans, piss off

Absolutely no better than the dad-joke Asda t-shirts they'd probably rip the shit out of
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ProvanFan on May 19, 2020, 10:50:38 PM
Quote from: Beep Cleep Chimney on May 18, 2020, 05:53:25 PM
Wasn't really sure what other thread to post this in, and it really isn't worth starting a fresh thread just for this video, but this got brought to my attention earlier.

Apparently, in December 1994, someone thought it would be a good idea to release a danced-up version of the theme from 'One Foot In The Grave'.  (The CD single contains no less than 5 additional dance remixes).

(https://img.discogs.com/QictyTRHswErrl4R8d0F2SL97Sw=/fit-in/600x535/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2891377-1343820813-3344.jpeg.jpg)

Anyway, a music video was made, featuring Eric Idle and Richard Wilson (true to form, Idle is filmed sitting by a swimming pool in Los Angeles). 
Idle mimes along and does some appalling half-arsed physical comedy, and it's the most pathetic, unfunny, tossed-off-in-about-an-hour thing I've seen in some time.

BEHOLD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w)

Really feeling that beat.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: keir on May 20, 2020, 01:02:55 AM
Quote from: Beep Cleep Chimney on May 18, 2020, 05:53:25 PM
Wasn't really sure what other thread to post this in, and it really isn't worth starting a fresh thread just for this video, but this got brought to my attention earlier.

Apparently, in December 1994, someone thought it would be a good idea to release a danced-up version of the theme from 'One Foot In The Grave'.  (The CD single contains no less than 5 additional dance remixes).

(https://img.discogs.com/QictyTRHswErrl4R8d0F2SL97Sw=/fit-in/600x535/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2891377-1343820813-3344.jpeg.jpg)

Anyway, a music video was made, featuring Eric Idle and Richard Wilson (true to form, Idle is filmed sitting by a swimming pool in Los Angeles). 
Idle mimes along and does some appalling half-arsed physical comedy, and it's the most pathetic, unfunny, tossed-off-in-about-an-hour thing I've seen in some time.

BEHOLD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w)

That's incredible. I've never heard such a half-arsed dance version. If, say, Little & Large had done of dance version of something, not for a single, just for a sketch, I don't think it would have been as tepid as that.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:15:07 AM
Quote from: Jim Bob on May 18, 2020, 06:47:39 PM
The shitty punchline has been cropped off in that image.  She used her purchase of an eraser as a ruse to cover the small mountain of batteries that she'd nicked in the process.  Do ya see?  'Cause she does her art on a tablet, so batteries were her "art supplies".  Arf arf!

she stole a bunch of pencils too? oh look, nice comeback strip in its replies though

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVH-4ISXsAM8edg?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

how the fuck does this person have a patreon. is this a joke??!!

https://twitter.com/SweetBeans99/status/1256622080994373633/photo/1

THAT'S NOT A JOKE
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: chveik on May 20, 2020, 01:25:14 AM
everyone has a fucking patreon these days grandad
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jim Bob on May 20, 2020, 01:30:13 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:15:07 AM
https://twitter.com/SweetBeans99/status/1256622080994373633/photo/1

THAT'S NOT A JOKE

Awful.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:31:30 AM
Quote from: chveik on May 20, 2020, 01:25:14 AM
everyone has a fucking patreon these days grandad
and here i am shoving jam jars up my ass for free!??!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hand Solo on May 20, 2020, 01:35:02 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:31:30 AM
and here i am shoving jam jars up my ass for free!??!

Oh, that's you? I'm a big fan, that video had me in stitches.

Had you in stitches too from the looks of it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:38:12 AM
donate to my ko-fi to help with the surgery
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Hand Solo on May 20, 2020, 01:40:04 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:38:12 AM
donate to my ko-fi to help with the surgery

You should branch out a bit for more donations. It was a vintage Robertson's jar, wasn't it? So it was only listed in the BBC section.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 20, 2020, 01:42:24 AM
Ko-Fi iis exactly what ricard littlejohn would invent if his idea of the internet wasn't about 15 years out of date.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: momatt on May 20, 2020, 07:43:15 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:15:07 AM
she stole a bunch of pencils too? oh look, nice comeback strip in its replies though

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVH-4ISXsAM8edg?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

how the fuck does this person have a patreon. is this a joke??!!

https://twitter.com/SweetBeans99/status/1256622080994373633/photo/1

THAT'S NOT A JOKE

Comics don't have to be funny.
But that's not very good either.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Mantis Toboggan on May 20, 2020, 08:19:17 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:15:07 AM
she stole a bunch of pencils too? oh look, nice comeback strip in its replies though

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVH-4ISXsAM8edg?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)

how the fuck does this person have a patreon. is this a joke??!!

https://twitter.com/SweetBeans99/status/1256622080994373633/photo/1

THAT'S NOT A JOKE

Anyone ever notice how when you're a hedgehog and you stuff up at work the company always gets the cat to sack you? Certainly no laughing matter, but to me this scenario rings true.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on May 20, 2020, 10:06:45 AM
Quote from: Beep Cleep Chimney on May 18, 2020, 05:53:25 PM
Wasn't really sure what other thread to post this in, and it really isn't worth starting a fresh thread just for this video, but this got brought to my attention earlier.

Apparently, in December 1994, someone thought it would be a good idea to release a danced-up version of the theme from 'One Foot In The Grave'.  (The CD single contains no less than 5 additional dance remixes).

(https://img.discogs.com/QictyTRHswErrl4R8d0F2SL97Sw=/fit-in/600x535/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2891377-1343820813-3344.jpeg.jpg)

Anyway, a music video was made, featuring Eric Idle and Richard Wilson (true to form, Idle is filmed sitting by a swimming pool in Los Angeles). 
Idle mimes along and does some appalling half-arsed physical comedy, and it's the most pathetic, unfunny, tossed-off-in-about-an-hour thing I've seen in some time.

BEHOLD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w)

This is excellent. Like one of Limmy's techno covers.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: the on May 20, 2020, 11:03:47 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:15:07 AMoh look, nice comeback strip in its replies though

      (https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVH-4ISXsAM8edg?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)
(...)
THAT'S NOT A JOKE

I'm certain that this comic is 'not for me' to put it mildly, but at the same time it seems clear that that strip is part of a longer story and is not necessarily a joke in itself.


      (https://i.imgur.com/FLcyB9s.jpg)

'"The look on her face was one of disappointment." ... And that's good is it?'
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on May 20, 2020, 11:39:13 AM
The comic with the hedgehog getting sacked posted on this page is a (relatively, anyway) good reply strip to the original comic (posted in part on the  previous page) about someone making a cutsey joke about nicking batteries: IE the joke in the reply strip (drawn by someone else) being it isn't so wonderfully adorkable that you're stealing batteries when you see the consequences for the poor minimum wage staff that occurs in the wake of your selfishness. Several of the replies on this page seem to have mistaken the comeback 'hedgehog sacked' strip as being held up as a bad attempt at humour when it's a critique of one. Think we need to full original strip that it was responding to to be posted to give the full context:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVGR-CUUcAEHV_5?format=jpg&name=small)
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVGR_r1UUAAiiWj?format=jpg&name=small)
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVGSBpiU4AAfu8r?format=jpg&name=small)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on May 20, 2020, 11:50:47 AM
...to which the reply strip (drawn by as different artist who was not a fan of the original comic) goes chronologically here:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVH-4ISXsAM8edg?format=jpg&name=small)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: the on May 20, 2020, 11:53:27 AM
Quote from: ajsmith2 on May 20, 2020, 11:39:13 AMThe comic with the hedgehog getting sacked posted on this page is a (relatively, anyway) good reply strip to the original comic (posted in part on the  previous page) about someone making a cutsey joke about nicking batteries: IE the joke in the reply strip (drawn by someone else) being it isn't so wonderfully adorkable that you're stealing batteries when you see the consequences for the poor minimum wage staff that occurs in the wake of your selfishness. Several of the replies on this page seem to have mistaken the comeback 'hedgehog sacked' strip as being held up as a bad attempt at humour when it's a critique of one. Think we need to full original strip that it was responding to to be posted to give the full context:

Thanks for clarifying. That'll teach me for letting my guard down to reposted Twittershit

One thing: Aren't they more likely to be pens than batteries? A) They don't look like batteries, and B) batteries aren't art supplies.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 12:00:16 PM
Part of the failing of the comic is you're so confused by the identity of what she is stealing that youre distracted from the entire selfish narcissism of the whole pointless endeavour
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on May 20, 2020, 12:00:39 PM
Quote from: the on May 20, 2020, 11:53:27 AM
Thanks for clarifying. That'll teach me for letting my guard down to reposted Twittershit

One thing: Aren't they more likely to be pens than batteries? A) They don't look like batteries, and B) batteries aren't art supplies.

I was going as per Jim Bob's post at the top of this page about the original comic which interpreted them as batteries (the 'joke' being that they are her actual art supplles lol) . But looking at the strip again, they do indeed look more like pens and indeed in this day and age people tend not to use batteries much in digital art, what with tablets and other modern art tools all being powered by being plugged in or pre charged, so I think you're right. Sorry if my clarification itself contained a degree of obfustication!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on May 20, 2020, 12:18:32 PM
They look like ink cartridges to me
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 20, 2020, 12:25:16 PM
Quote from: ajsmith2 on May 20, 2020, 11:50:47 AM
...to which the reply strip (drawn by as different artist who was not a fan of the original comic) goes chronologically here:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVH-4ISXsAM8edg?format=jpg&name=small)

Yes, the cartoonist has attempted an Austin Powers- esque " what about the families of those unfortunate evil genius world domination- plotting  bad guy's henchmen who get offed  by the suave spylike  good guy?" type rebuttal to the original artist's unfunny cartoon.A noble effort, 6/10.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: the on May 20, 2020, 12:36:17 PM
All that comic really wants to say is:

- Cuh, art block! Eh, other artists?
- Eurgh corporate America!
- Artists are rebels or think they are
- Acquisition of stuff doesn't give you ideas

In a hamfisted weak piddle way. (But then webcomics are low hanging fruit, as regular visitors to the thread will be aware.)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on May 20, 2020, 12:40:01 PM
I don't need to tell you all that Chubby Brown is bad, but I'm particularly irked by his popular joke about how reincarnation can't be real because if it was, he'd have come back as Catherine Zeta-Jones's tampon, which got uproarious laughter. This doesn't work for many reasons:

He's not dead yet, and was born long before CZJ, so right off the bat it makes no sense
Reincarnation (supposedly) brings you back as a living thing, not an inanimate object
Saying something isn't real just because you don't get what you want from it. "I've never won the lottery so therefore the lottery can't be real"
You don't get to choose what you come back as, and you wouldn't be granted something based on your sexual fantasies
Why would you want to come back as something that is plugged entirely into a hole and used to absorb menstrual blood, and then thrown away, even if you did really fancy the person?

And it's just not funny.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 20, 2020, 12:47:34 PM
Wouldn't he be better off coming back as Ms. Zeta- Jones's boyfriend/ hubby/ fuckbuddy?

Unless he's indicating that he'd get a grandstand view of inside the Welsh actress' chuff, and he'd really like that, possibly also appreciating getting liberally doused in her menstrual seepage, and that would all be worth getting thrown away for at the end of the process. It takes all sorts.

It really is a crap joke for many reasons, not least his erroneous use of " I'd have come back", which seems to indicate that he's dead, and his appreciative audience are being entertained by a ghost, and should all be saying " Yikes!" , then running off like Shaggy and Scooby, instead of sitting there laughing.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on May 20, 2020, 12:52:16 PM
Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 20, 2020, 12:47:34 PM
Wouldn't he be better off coming back as Ms. Zeta- Jones's boyfriend/ hubby/ fuckbuddy?



Or her toilet seat, if he really must go down the whimsical/abstract comedic mental image route. Then he gets to have her sit on him several times a day.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on May 20, 2020, 12:55:18 PM
Yeah, that'd work better.

Hey, you're a better comedian than Roy " Chubby" Brown!  I expect that's made your day.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: the on May 20, 2020, 01:01:01 PM
Quote from: El Unicornio, mang on May 20, 2020, 12:40:01 PMI don't need to tell you all that Chubby Brown is bad, but I'm particularly irked by his popular joke about how reincarnation can't be real because if it was, he'd have come back as Catherine Zeta-Jones's tampon, which got uproarious laughter. This doesn't work for many reasons:

He's not dead yet, and was born long before CZJ, so right off the bat it makes no sense
Reincarnation (supposedly) brings you back as a living thing, not an inanimate object
Saying something isn't real just because you don't get what you want from it. "I've never won the lottery so therefore the lottery can't be real"
You don't get to choose what you come back as, and you wouldn't be granted something based on your sexual fantasies
Why would you want to come back as something that is plugged entirely into a hole and used to absorb menstrual blood, and then thrown away, even if you did really fancy the person?

And it's just not funny.

Roy Chubby Brown gigs aren't really comedy gigs, they're a contract between his audience and him. He makes a lot of nasty noise that doesn't bear scrutiny and they make a load of cathartic noise in return, that at last they can be in presence of a load of nasty noise of an evening. With a funny hat!

The contractual nature of it makes it a lazy and complacent relationship, so he often only needs to make the noise of joke to get a laugh.

Quote from: El Unicornio, mang on May 20, 2020, 12:52:16 PMOr her toilet seat, if he really must go down the whimsical/abstract comedic mental image route. Then he gets to have her sit on him several times a day.

Too abstract, the audience are laughing at the mental image of him being in her fanny. To the exclusion of tripping over the non-logic of the joke.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: rue the polywhirl on May 20, 2020, 01:17:59 PM
Quote from: El Unicornio, mang on May 20, 2020, 12:40:01 PM
I don't need to tell you all that Chubby Brown is bad, but I'm particularly irked by his popular joke about how reincarnation can't be real because if it was, he'd have come back as Catherine Zeta-Jones's tampon, which got uproarious laughter. This doesn't work for many reasons:

He's not dead yet, and was born long before CZJ, so right off the bat it makes no sense
Reincarnation (supposedly) brings you back as a living thing, not an inanimate object
Saying something isn't real just because you don't get what you want from it. "I've never won the lottery so therefore the lottery can't be real"
You don't get to choose what you come back as, and you wouldn't be granted something based on your sexual fantasies
Why would you want to come back as something that is plugged entirely into a hole and used to absorb menstrual blood, and then thrown away, even if you did really fancy the person?

And it's just not funny.

I've been trying to look up the joke again online and he's saying that's what Iraqis believe in, which basically completes a bingo list of ignorance, but yeh it is the directness of the image and the bluster by which it is told that makes it a good joke in the context of chubby.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Captain Z on May 20, 2020, 01:57:54 PM
Quote from: Beep Cleep Chimney on May 18, 2020, 05:53:25 PM
Wasn't really sure what other thread to post this in, and it really isn't worth starting a fresh thread just for this video, but this got brought to my attention earlier.

Apparently, in December 1994, someone thought it would be a good idea to release a danced-up version of the theme from 'One Foot In The Grave'.  (The CD single contains no less than 5 additional dance remixes).

(https://img.discogs.com/QictyTRHswErrl4R8d0F2SL97Sw=/fit-in/600x535/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2891377-1343820813-3344.jpeg.jpg)

Anyway, a music video was made, featuring Eric Idle and Richard Wilson (true to form, Idle is filmed sitting by a swimming pool in Los Angeles). 
Idle mimes along and does some appalling half-arsed physical comedy, and it's the most pathetic, unfunny, tossed-off-in-about-an-hour thing I've seen in some time.

BEHOLD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w)

Incredible. Got to #50 in the charts. Reminds me of the preset dance beat on the keyboards in our school music classroom. Although that would have been in 1999, as we would often spend the time trying to create ATB's 9pm with the pitch mod wheel.

Speaking of naff novelty dance records, does anyone remember one that sampled the Nokia ringtone around 2000? It was definitely riding off the success of Trigger Happy TV and there was a big mobile phone on the cover of the CD single. I'm not thinking of Mario Piu - Communication, this one definitely sampled the ringtone rather than the interference noise.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dissolute ocelot on May 20, 2020, 02:28:39 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on May 20, 2020, 01:57:54 PM
Speaking of naff novelty dance records, does anyone remember one that sampled the Nokia ringtone around 2000? It was definitely riding off the success of Trigger Happy TV and there was a big mobile phone on the cover of the CD single. I'm not thinking of Mario Piu - Communication, this one definitely sampled the ringtone rather than the interference noise.

No idea about that track, but there's about a million videos of people dancing to Nokia ringtones. I guess like Tik Tok (with which it may do a Venn diagram) it's something I'll never understand.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: buzby on May 20, 2020, 02:45:57 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on May 20, 2020, 01:57:54 PM
Speaking of naff novelty dance records, does anyone remember one that sampled the Nokia ringtone around 2000? It was definitely riding off the success of Trigger Happy TV and there was a big mobile phone on the cover of the CD single. I'm not thinking of Mario Piu - Communication, this one definitely sampled the ringtone rather than the interference noise.
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/84/I_Wanna_1-2-1_with_you.jpg)
Solid Gold Chartbusters - I Wanna 1-2-1 With You (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTHjtd06V-s)
It written by none other than Guy Pratt and a post-KLF Jimmy Cauty, with lyrics & vocals from comedy writer & director Lloyd Stanton and was produced by Cauty's old KLF collborator Mark 'Spike' Stent. The female vocals were by an unknown singer called Denise Palmer, with Tessa Niles on backing vocals and actress Debbie Chazen as the voice of the operator. It was releeased in December 1999 in an effort to get the Christmas/Millenium #1 but peaked at #62. As well as using the Nokia ringtone, it also lifts the 4-note keyboard riff from ATB's 9pm (Til I Come) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke8jkogx63M), which had got to #1 in Septermber that year.

The video features Cauty and Pratt in the giant cellphone costumes alongside Stanton as te prick with the phone, with Chazen as the operator.  There are also cameos from Roland Rivron, John Thompson and Stephen Marcus. Like Vindaloo (which Pratt also co-wrote), it has the stench of the Groucho Club all over it. In the media blurb for it's release, they were billed as 'The world's first Novelty Supergroup', and Cauty was quoted as saying "It's awful. Hear it once and that's it, it's all over. There is nothing vaguely hip, it's just pure now, throwaway novelty pop.".
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jim Bob on May 20, 2020, 02:56:56 PM
Quote from: the on May 20, 2020, 11:53:27 AM
One thing: Aren't they more likely to be pens than batteries? A) They don't look like batteries, and B) batteries aren't art supplies.

Quote from: ajsmith2 on May 20, 2020, 12:00:39 PM
I was going as per Jim Bob's post at the top of this page about the original comic which interpreted them as batteries (the 'joke' being that they are her actual art supplles lol) . But looking at the strip again, they do indeed look more like pens and indeed in this day and age people tend not to use batteries much in digital art, what with tablets and other modern art tools all being powered by being plugged in or pre charged, so I think you're right.

Quote from: Jerzy Bondov on May 20, 2020, 12:18:32 PM
They look like ink cartridges to me

I've figured it out; they're styluses.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: darth andy on May 20, 2020, 02:59:27 PM
My nephew is really into David Walliams books, every now and then I read a chapter or two out loud to him and they are quite funny, I can see why he likes them. Now he's reading a book by David Baddiel, about a lad in a wheelchair with a special car and it is shockingly bad. My nephew cracks up at the Walliams books but just seems confused by this one, it's really difficult to read out loud as the dialogue is just relentless back and forth one or two word answers and occasional farting. it's got so many references to what I imagine Baddiel thinks is youth culture shoehorned in, memes and phones and internet lingo that reads like he wrote it in a sort of deliberately out of touch way to give a little nod to parents reading it to their kids at how absurd the interests of kids are nowadays. Absolute drivel
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Captain Z on May 20, 2020, 03:10:09 PM
Quote from: buzby on May 20, 2020, 02:45:57 PM
Solid Gold Chartbusters - I Wanna 1-2-1 With You (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTHjtd06V-s)
It written by none other than Guy Pratt and a post-KLF Jimmy Cauty, with lyrics & vocals from comedy writer & director Lloyd Stanton and was produced by Cauty's old KLF collborator Mark 'Spike' Stent. The female vocals were by an unknown singer called Denise Palmer, with Tessa Niles on backing vocals and actress Debbie Chazen as the voice of the operator. It was releeased in December 1999 in an effort to get the Christmas/Millenium #1 but peaked at #62. As well as using the Nokia ringtone, it also lifts the 4-note keyboard riff from ATB's 9pm (Til I Come) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ke8jkogx63M), which had got to #1 in Septermber that year.

The video features Cauty and Pratt in the giant cellphone costumes alongside Stanton as te prick with the phone, with Chazen as the operator.  There are also cameos from Roland Rivron, John Thompson and Stephen Marcus. Like Vindaloo (which Pratt also co-wrote), it has the stench of the Groucho Club all over it. In the media blurb for it's release, Cauty was quoted as saying "It's awful. Hear it once and that's it, it's all over. There is nothing vaguely hip, it's just pure now, throwaway novelty pop.".

Ha, that's amazing. As soon as I read the title I could hear the lyrics in my head. Bugged me for years, searched 'Nokia' on Discogs a few times but never came across it. They must have taken some inspiration from 'Cuban Boys - C vs I' too.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: buzby on May 20, 2020, 03:22:48 PM
Quote from: Captain Z on May 20, 2020, 03:10:09 PM
Ha, that's amazing. As soon as I read the title I could hear the lyrics in my head. Bugged me for years, searched 'Nokia' on Discogs a few times but never came across it. They must have taken some inspiration from 'Cuban Boys - C vs I' too.
I imagine so. C vs I had been doing the rounds since April that year when Peel had first played it, and then it got included on a sampler CD that went round the labels. It got picked up by EMI and was going to be released in January the follwing year until Jo Wiley started playing it too, so it was brought forward and was released on the same day (13/12/99) as the SGC single. They both peaked in the same week (25/12/99), though C Vs I got to the much more respectable #4.

NotBBC's Flamingkitties was part of one of Ricardo Autobahn's other projects, The Attery Squash.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: jobotic on May 20, 2020, 03:29:34 PM
Bought the Cuban Boys album Eastwood. Never play it apart from this one, which I think is brilliant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWmI-JUhRYs

Their remix of Does Your Heart Go Boom? by Helen Love was nice too.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on May 20, 2020, 03:57:57 PM
Quote from: the on May 20, 2020, 12:36:17 PM
All that comic really wants to say is:

- Cuh, art block! Eh, other artists?
- Eurgh corporate America!
- Artists are rebels or think they are
- Acquisition of stuff doesn't give you ideas

In a hamfisted weak piddle way. (But then webcomics are low hanging fruit, as regular visitors to the thread will be aware.)

I think beginning/ending it with 'I don't know what to draw' is supposed to elicit sympathy with her audience.  She may not have known what to draw, but at least she managed to draw something.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 04:00:05 PM
Quote from: darth andy on May 20, 2020, 02:59:27 PM
My nephew is really into David Walliams books, every now and then I read a chapter or two out loud to him and they are quite funny, I can see why he likes them. Now he's reading a book by David Baddiel, about a lad in a wheelchair with a special car and it is shockingly bad. My nephew cracks up at the Walliams books but just seems confused by this one, it's really difficult to read out loud as the dialogue is just relentless back and forth one or two word answers and occasional farting. it's got so many references to what I imagine Baddiel thinks is youth culture shoehorned in, memes and phones and internet lingo that reads like he wrote it in a sort of deliberately out of touch way to give a little nod to parents reading it to their kids at how absurd the interests of kids are nowadays. Absolute drivel
i mean i was pretty sure this was the case but I am delighted to know for sure that Baddiel's kids books are bandwagon-jumping self-satisfied horseshit
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on May 20, 2020, 04:00:37 PM
That Chubby 'tampon' gag is absolute cracker isn't it?  I guess the audience are just laughing at the word tampon.  Fuck knows though.  It's almost like a parody of that sort of thing.  His audience is far worse than Chubby and that's saying something.  Just sit there waiting for the next racist/sexist bit to roar in approval at.  Do you really think they want to hear another one of your shitty songs, Chubby?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on May 20, 2020, 04:49:12 PM
Quote from: thenoise on May 20, 2020, 04:00:37 PM
That Chubby 'tampon' gag is absolute cracker isn't it?  I guess the audience are just laughing at the word tampon.  Fuck knows though.  It's almost like a parody of that sort of thing.  His audience is far worse than Chubby and that's saying something.  Just sit there waiting for the next racist/sexist bit to roar in approval at.  Do you really think they want to hear another one of your shitty songs, Chubby?
Bottom did it way better because you're laughing at Eddie "tak[ing] the ancient wisdom of Buddhism and pervert[ing] it into a dastardly scheme whereby you take over the brain of a supermodel so you can have a quick ogle of her norks". And also because they're both facing certain death hanging from a broken car on an illegal death-trap ferris wheel wired up with explosives.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: notjosh on May 20, 2020, 05:14:17 PM
The fact that this tweet, which could easily have been four words + picture, is still written with the same structure as every BBC satire joke of the past 40 years says a lot about the inability of this show to do anything remotely surprising or subversive.

(https://i.imgur.com/hWP8RXx.png)

"Up at the beginning of the sentence... and down at the end of the sentence."
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: notjosh on May 20, 2020, 05:15:46 PM
Quote from: Jim Bob on May 20, 2020, 02:56:56 PM
I've figured it out; they're styluses.

Looks more like she's stealing several copies of Pete Best's The Best of the Beatles.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: petril on May 20, 2020, 07:28:19 PM
Quote from: buzby on May 20, 2020, 02:45:57 PM
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/84/I_Wanna_1-2-1_with_you.jpg)
Solid Gold Chartbusters - I Wanna 1-2-1 With You (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTHjtd06V-s)

1-2-1 eh? who would you most like to have a one 2 one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWZ4pve5Mkc) with?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jumblegraws on May 20, 2020, 08:37:27 PM
Quote from: El Unicornio, mang on May 20, 2020, 12:40:01 PM
I don't need to tell you all that Chubby Brown is bad, but I'm particularly irked by his popular joke about how reincarnation can't be real because if it was, he'd have come back as Catherine Zeta-Jones's tampon, which got uproarious laughter. This doesn't work for many reasons:

He's not dead yet, and was born long before CZJ, so right off the bat it makes no sense
Reincarnation (supposedly) brings you back as a living thing, not an inanimate object
Saying something isn't real just because you don't get what you want from it. "I've never won the lottery so therefore the lottery can't be real"
You don't get to choose what you come back as, and you wouldn't be granted something based on your sexual fantasies
Why would you want to come back as something that is plugged entirely into a hole and used to absorb menstrual blood, and then thrown away, even if you did really fancy the person?

And it's just not funny.
Quote from: rue the polywhirl on May 20, 2020, 01:17:59 PM
I've been trying to look up the joke again online and he's saying that's what Iraqis believe in, which basically completes a bingo list of ignorance, but yeh it is the directness of the image and the bluster by which it is told that makes it a good joke in the context of chubby.
Just to add to the dissection, it's part of a routine about why the Iraq War was so futile, but it's not really clear why the (inaccurate) description of the forrin belief system supports this motion. So the joke's a bundle of non sequiturs wrapped inside a bigger non sequitur.

Also in that routine is a joke about how lots of Iraqis are called 'Ahmed', which will cause lots of squaddies to be accidentally killed by their comrades when they signal their position by shouting "I'm 'id 'ere!"
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on May 21, 2020, 07:29:10 AM
Quote from: notjosh on May 20, 2020, 05:14:17 PM
"Up at the beginning of the sentence... and down at the end of the sentence."

Something out of yesterday's headlines involving two things.  A few descriptive words about the first thing ... but I'm actually referring to the second thing!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on May 21, 2020, 07:29:39 AM
And that's just the women!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: thenoise on May 21, 2020, 07:43:39 AM
Have I Got News For You returns for it's 4548397539th series, laments CookdandBombd's TheNoise.  Safe, outdated, cliched, derivative, centrist, predictable, smug, increasingly unpopular and boring - but that doesn't stop him posting 10 times a day!!!
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Icehaven on May 21, 2020, 12:01:20 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 20, 2020, 01:15:07 AM

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVH-4ISXsAM8edg?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)


The fuck is on that cat's head? Is it supposed to be hair? A jaunty beret? A cowpat? Sonic should be glad he doesn't have to look at that all day anymore.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: ajsmith2 on May 21, 2020, 12:31:27 PM
Quote from: icehaven on May 21, 2020, 12:01:20 PM
The fuck is on that cat's head? Is it supposed to be hair? A jaunty beret? A cowpat? Sonic should be glad he doesn't have to look at that all day anymore.

It's supposed to be purple hair I think, but again, I don't think it's fair to criticise the character designs in this comic when it was only created to critique another comic. (as seen in part below and in full on the preceding page).


(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVGR_r1UUAAiiWj?format=jpg&name=small)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: M-CORP on May 21, 2020, 01:02:19 PM
Quote from: thenoise on May 21, 2020, 07:43:39 AM
Have I Got News For You returns for it's 4548397539th series, laments CookdandBombd's TheNoise.  Safe, outdated, cliched, derivative, centrist, predictable, smug, increasingly unpopular and boring - but that doesn't stop him posting 10 times a day!!!

It's alright, I was about to say the same thing. When you first watch it in the spring of 2015, when you're only 13 and therefore unfamiliar with satire, it is the funniest and most innovative programme on television. Three years later, when that kind of satire is everywhere and every week is the same formula and the same jokes and digs (oh look, Ian Hislop knows nothing about SnapChat or the Kardashians, the poor sod, hahahahaha- oh look, Merton's feigning a heart attack!), you just can't be arsed with it. Especially when there's stuff on YouTube that's funnier but less safe and centrist than this show.

Not that I am speaking from personal experience of course.

In 2017 a Labour politician (Alan Johnson I think) went on the show and made a joke about Amber Rudd and traffic lights. (You can probably guess.) Paul Merton stared open-mouthed, saying he'd said that on the program eight months prior. And that became the new running gag, with the show going back in time to see who'd ripped off who. Maybe it was a ripoff. Or maybe it was just a really obvious joke.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: M-CORP on May 21, 2020, 10:11:13 PM
Hate to be a double poster but have just thought: the last two series of Spitting Image, while not without their moments (most of the stuff with the Tony Blair puppet), probably fit the bill of this thread. Most likely the new series that's coming will too.

Seriously, the first episode of series 18 (the last series) features a live-action parody of Power Rangers focusing on energy suppliers. A show known for featuring puppets doing a sketch with NO PUPPETS. That's when you know a show has lost its way. But more importantly, it isn't funny (save the 'power struggle' bit perhaps).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PU3c23Rqls (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PU3c23Rqls)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: keir on May 21, 2020, 10:27:58 PM
Quote from: notjosh on May 20, 2020, 05:14:17 PM
The fact that this tweet, which could easily have been four words + picture, is still written with the same structure as every BBC satire joke of the past 40 years says a lot about the inability of this show to do anything remotely surprising or subversive.

(https://i.imgur.com/hWP8RXx.png)

"Up at the beginning of the sentence... and down at the end of the sentence."

40 years is about right - I always hated that shit on HIGNFY - "On holiday in the alps, Luciani Pavarotti got out of bed on the wrong side again" [stock footage of an avalanche] - partly because I already thought it was shit when it was on NTNOCN.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 21, 2020, 10:32:17 PM
As shit as Roy Chubby Brown is, I have to concede his tampon joke is better than the comics in this thread. Not only is it funnier at a miniscule level, it's less effort to process and is over quicker.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 22, 2020, 05:30:07 PM
I don't think this is as bad as a lot of stuff in this thread, but has anyone noticed the trend of people, miming and over-acting to idiot men like trump or musk using tiktok?

I mean, it was funny the first time, but now it's becoming a thing and there's not really much mileage at it.

Here's an example that is done quite well, it's taking off and there are copycats:
https://mobile.twitter.com/sarahcpr/status/1263515132698734597
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: C_Larence on May 22, 2020, 06:17:05 PM
Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on May 22, 2020, 05:30:07 PM
I don't think this is as bad as a lot of stuff in this thread, but has anyone noticed the trend of people, miming and over-acting to idiot men like trump or musk using tiktok?

I mean, it was funny the first time, but now it's becoming a thing and there's not really much mileage at it.

Here's an example that is done quite well, it's taking off and there are copycats:
https://mobile.twitter.com/sarahcpr/status/1263515132698734597

I prefer this one, which I believe was posted on the forum before. At least this one has more of a joke to it than just straight lip syncing.
https://vm.tiktok.com/wAcefs/


Here's Seinfeld, arbiter of what's funny and why, dissecting the frog in the NYT and I think thoroughly missing the point.
(https://i.imgur.com/GlStJo0.jpg)

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: machotrouts on May 22, 2020, 07:28:22 PM
Quote from: notjosh on May 20, 2020, 05:14:17 PM
The fact that this tweet, which could easily have been four words + picture, is still written with the same structure as every BBC satire joke of the past 40 years says a lot about the inability of this show to do anything remotely surprising or subversive.

(https://i.imgur.com/hWP8RXx.png)

"Up at the beginning of the sentence... and down at the end of the sentence."

The insanely rigid cadence of @haveigotnews tweets is infuriating. "Don't spend two thirds of your tweet infodumping context for your drearily obvious punchline" is Twitter Satire 101.

My least favourite aspect of HIGNFY Voice is how half of their tweets take the form "As [Thing X], [Thing Y]", which clearly implies Thing X and Thing Y happen concurrently, and yet Thing Y usually only makes sense as a reaction to Thing X.

(https://i.ibb.co/WP7vCHF/have-i-got-shut-the-fuck-up-for-you.png)

WHY are they so doggedly committed to this illiterate house style? I mean besides "there's no incentive to change because people fucking follow and like this worthless shit anyway".
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Famous Mortimer on May 22, 2020, 07:41:04 PM
Does anyone actually like it, though? Or is it just force of habit?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: chveik on May 22, 2020, 07:42:06 PM
Seinfeld is so fucking dumb
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on May 22, 2020, 07:47:11 PM
I really like Seinfeld.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bgmnts on May 22, 2020, 07:48:27 PM
What's the deal with airplane peanuts?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 23, 2020, 06:35:20 PM
Quote from: C_Larence on May 22, 2020, 06:17:05 PM
I prefer this one, which I believe was posted on the forum before. At least this one has more of a joke to it than just straight lip syncing.
https://vm.tiktok.com/wAcefs/


Here's Seinfeld, arbiter of what's funny and why, dissecting the frog in the NYT and I think thoroughly missing the point.
(https://i.imgur.com/GlStJo0.jpg)

I mean yeah the one you posted is great as a singular joke, but as a genre, I don't think it has much life in it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on May 24, 2020, 06:04:44 AM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EYuMmWjWAAIf1cR?format=jpg&name=medium)

Animal + addressing mental health

is very much a formula and some people make a living off of it
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Abnormal Palm on May 24, 2020, 06:23:45 AM
Makin croissants like a lil cunt wolf
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: samadriel on May 24, 2020, 07:04:52 AM
Damn, I was expecting that to go somewhere.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: neveragain on May 24, 2020, 01:24:25 PM
Y'know, I don't think these comic strips are meant to be funny. They're just meant to remind people going through mental difficulties that they're not alone.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 24, 2020, 01:43:48 PM
you never see them doing pathology other than depression do you though. like OHHH IM A GIRAFFE with CROHNS DISEASE

makes u think
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: QDRPHNC on May 25, 2020, 03:50:18 PM
Quote from: samadriel on May 24, 2020, 07:04:52 AM
Damn, I was expecting that to go somewhere.

ok boomer
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 25, 2020, 06:53:19 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 24, 2020, 01:43:48 PM
you never see them doing pathology other than depression do you though. like OHHH IM A GIRAFFE with CROHNS DISEASE

makes u think

I suspect there's probably hentai that covers that but I'm sure as fuck not going to attempt to confirm it.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on May 25, 2020, 10:46:18 PM
Quote from: neveragain on May 24, 2020, 01:24:25 PM
Y'know, I don't think these comic strips are meant to be funny. They're just meant to remind people going through mental difficulties that they're not alone.
Well they're all the same thing, for money, anyway
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on May 26, 2020, 12:51:31 AM
kind of like everything is for money
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dewt on May 26, 2020, 01:05:01 AM
Well I wish I could draw a sad otter, then.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on May 26, 2020, 01:12:11 AM
(https://collections.museumvictoria.com.au/content/media/15/135965-large.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Jim Bob on May 26, 2020, 03:44:40 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 26, 2020, 01:12:11 AM
(https://collections.museumvictoria.com.au/content/media/15/135965-large.jpg)

ET has seen better days.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Dusty Substance on May 28, 2020, 02:43:09 PM

A good 99% of social media's attempts at satirising the whole Dominic Cummings thing has been beyond feeble. Smug, ill thought out and wholly unoriginal content. The last five days has been utterly unbearable.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: AsparagusTrevor on May 28, 2020, 03:02:09 PM
Quote from: Dusty Substance on May 28, 2020, 02:43:09 PMA good 99% of social media's attempts at satirising the whole Dominic Cummings thing has been beyond feeble. Smug, ill thought out and wholly unoriginal content. The last five days has been utterly unbearable.
To be fair, it's difficult to make the situation more absurd than it actually is.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dissolute ocelot on May 28, 2020, 03:54:26 PM
Quote from: machotrouts on May 22, 2020, 07:28:22 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/WP7vCHF/have-i-got-shut-the-fuck-up-for-you.png)

WHY are they so doggedly committed to this illiterate house style? I mean besides "there's no incentive to change because people fucking follow and like this worthless shit anyway".

It's not funny because you have no emotional involvement in something you've literally only found out about 10 seconds before, and while briefer, the conjunction "as" doesn't provide any more of a connection than "whence" or "notwithstanding" would. It's very similar to the other lowest form of humour i.e. describing a newspaper cartoon and reading out the punchline. But at least nobody has to look at Giles.

EDIT: Is the show's logo meant to be a t-shirt?
EDIT2: Or a mushroom?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on May 28, 2020, 04:09:02 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 26, 2020, 01:12:11 AM
(https://collections.museumvictoria.com.au/content/media/15/135965-large.jpg)

John Snow is looking his age
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Retinend on September 25, 2020, 07:27:16 AM
She's young, but I think she's fair game: teen vblogger attempting to do comedy about how "quirky girls" are annoying (ok) and that you "shouldn't try to be different" (ok?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fKzeLsAisw
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: paruses on September 25, 2020, 08:23:55 AM
Quote from: Retinend on September 25, 2020, 07:27:16 AM
She's young, but I think she's fair game: teen vblogger attempting to do comedy about how "quirky girls" are annoying (ok) and that you "shouldn't try to be different" (ok?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fKzeLsAisw

I did laugh at the appraisal bit "if you don't document it how are people supposed to gauge how quirky you are?!"

To be fair I am not the demographic this is aimed at (although it's quite weak).
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Retinend on September 25, 2020, 08:36:48 AM
I identify as a teenaged quirky girl, so it's personal, I admit.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on September 25, 2020, 03:00:08 PM
Quote from: Retinend on September 25, 2020, 07:27:16 AM
She's young, but I think she's fair game: teen vblogger attempting to do comedy about how "quirky girls" are annoying (ok) and that you "shouldn't try to be different" (ok?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fKzeLsAisw

I like her channel, I think she's got a good sense of humour and picks interesting topics. Been following her on Youtube for a year or so now and find her videos some of the funniest on Youtube. Her skits are quite impressive when you consider it is just her filming herself.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Retinend on September 25, 2020, 06:36:38 PM
Good! Then she's definitely fair game, and I'm not punching down if I get on my soap box about it. So:...

...In my opinion she overdoes the scorn and the ditziness of the two characters, respectively. Obviously the premise of the joke is that we have a patient, mature person on one side, struggling to tolerate someone who has illusions of grandeur on the other.  Yet I find, in the performance, she is so ditsy with the "knows nothing" character that it comes across as a stock "Valley girl" type. Effectively, a harmless idiot who hasn't yet even grasped what the word "quirky" even means. On the other hand, she is so contemptuous with the "knows better" character that it comes across as unreasonably irritable. So in the end I ended up siding with her strawman character, who is merely a harmless idiot, over her steelman character, who is passive aggressive and, without putting too fine a point on it, perversely conformist in her sentiments.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Retinend on November 30, 2020, 09:11:54 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKBquI9vKEc

Just leaving this here

edit- actually I will not be so lazy: this is the popular YouTuber Ben Levin who is a technically talented progressive rock musician who also fancies himself a comedian since appearing on the Tim Heidecker Office Hours podcast - now closely imitating that well-worn Tim&Eric style.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 30, 2020, 12:26:37 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms7capx4Cb8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms7capx4Cb8)

17 million morons can't be wrong.


Also, this mouth breather.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X981Soxoxbg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X981Soxoxbg)

Youtubers in general
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: JaDanketies on November 30, 2020, 12:38:34 PM
I like this woman Help Helen Smash / Laura Clery (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kt06_cXPvY) who is often cited as terrible humour for unfunny people. I think her detractors just don't get it
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Retinend on November 30, 2020, 01:47:27 PM
Quote from: Fr.Bigley on November 30, 2020, 12:26:37 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms7capx4Cb8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms7capx4Cb8)

File under "Jenna Marbles".

QuoteAlso, this mouth breather.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X981Soxoxbg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X981Soxoxbg)

Wow the characters are bored of the premise before I even recognized what it was.


QuoteYoutubers in general

There's good comedy on YouTube but no funny YouTubers. What's up with that? Oh, there are a few examples (Gus Johnson and Jreg), but few people who are actually funny going down the YouTube path to fame. I think funny people are too often introverts and wouldn't want to document their lives so closely.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 30, 2020, 02:02:38 PM
Think you're right about the introverts thing not wanting to put it out there for fear of comment reprisal. It's also a case of integrity I think, The same way you'd have outstanding artists who could conceivably go on the X-factor or whatever and easily win it but those serious about their art wouldn't sell out that easily for 5 mins of fame.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Retinend on November 30, 2020, 02:16:52 PM
Quote from: JaDanketies on November 30, 2020, 12:38:34 PM
I like this woman Help Helen Smash / Laura Clery (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kt06_cXPvY) who is often cited as terrible humour for unfunny people. I think her detractors just don't get it

I'm with you.... insofar as it's definitely not terrible. It's just a little bit light.

...With all this Tik-Tok/Insta type media, it's "looking good" that is always the primary motivation: here, the comedy is only bare bones (just like her).

The majority of the runtime is mostly just girating hips and cleavage
...which reminds me of this truly pathetic attempt at humour by Kathrine Ryan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGvmQYMlOvI [Dad goes a bit quiet]

Quote from: Fr.Bigley on November 30, 2020, 02:02:38 PM
Think you're right about the introverts thing not wanting to put it out there for fear of comment reprisal. It's also a case of integrity I think, The same way you'd have outstanding artists who could conceivably go on the X-factor or whatever and easily win it but those serious about their art wouldn't sell out that easily for 5 mins of fame.

Yeah that's what I was thinking exactly. The "upload schedule" would totally kill my creativity if I even ever had that opportunity (unless it was "a few times per year" or something). Patreon, which funds most of these YouTubers, presumes that some content will be uploaded every month, since people are debited every month. To me that's just a bad incentive. It should be that you get access to a person's work in progress and have a chance to give insight and help that person out. That's what a "patron" was supposed to be, historically. But I digress.

It reminds me of this hard-working, funny guy called "mrgirl" on YouTube who is trying to play the YouTube game but for making a joke a bunch of losers are on his case subjecting him to a campaign of abuse, baselessly slandering him as a pedophile. He is very brave for soldiering on.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fr.Bigley on November 30, 2020, 02:41:32 PM
Just doesn't seem like its worth it at all if you're a true creative, and with the delph of content and competition I would hazard a bet it's probably easier to get work on some side project of a major network than Youtube..Though I have seen examples of this where people are contacted by said networks BECAUSE of their tube presence.

Gone are the days where just being prolific online gets you anywhere (Limmy, for example)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Retinend on November 30, 2020, 03:08:44 PM
Yeah you're right. A YouTube presence of some sort is merely "expected", but it probably works against your mainstream credentials if you are a working YouTuber serving your niche audience exactly what it wants to hear, week on week. And if you're at that point you've probably lost any sense of mainstream appeal. You see some of the people popular on YouTube and you just ask "why?"
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on January 12, 2021, 02:44:32 PM
After any news event involving a website cock up or zany internet mistake, hundreds of wanks on twitter rush to tweet

"Really excited for my first day as webmaster for [company, government department, celebrity]. Now to take a big sip of coffee and see what everybody is talking about"

Right, enough now, I should think.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 19, 2021, 12:52:55 PM
I think I get it, but can I have another another clue?

(https://i.imgur.com/r84aTze.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: phantom_power on July 19, 2021, 01:24:44 PM
It is missing him getting a D in maths for knowing 1+1=2
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: AsparagusTrevor on July 19, 2021, 01:30:46 PM
Quote from: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 19, 2021, 12:52:55 PM
I think I get it, but can I have another another clue?

(https://i.imgur.com/r84aTze.jpg)

See, without the speech bubble, hammering home the fuck out of the punchline, that would've been pretty good.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on July 19, 2021, 02:24:14 PM
Quote from: Beep Cleep Chimney on May 18, 2020, 05:53:25 PM
Wasn't really sure what other thread to post this in, and it really isn't worth starting a fresh thread just for this video, but this got brought to my attention earlier.

Apparently, in December 1994, someone thought it would be a good idea to release a danced-up version of the theme from 'One Foot In The Grave'.  (The CD single contains no less than 5 additional dance remixes).

(https://img.discogs.com/QictyTRHswErrl4R8d0F2SL97Sw=/fit-in/600x535/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2891377-1343820813-3344.jpeg.jpg)

Anyway, a music video was made, featuring Eric Idle and Richard Wilson (true to form, Idle is filmed sitting by a swimming pool in Los Angeles). 
Idle mimes along and does some appalling half-arsed physical comedy, and it's the most pathetic, unfunny, tossed-off-in-about-an-hour thing I've seen in some time.

BEHOLD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdtAXqec9-w)

Probably just because it was posted here, this made me laugh out loud
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 19, 2021, 04:59:29 PM
Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on July 19, 2021, 01:30:46 PM
See, without the speech bubble, hammering home the fuck out of the punchline, that would've been pretty good.

That's exactly what I said when someone sent it to me! I wondered if it didn't have the speech bubble originally but no one he showed it to got the joke.

He wasn't giving anything away with this one:

(https://i.imgur.com/Q5HAULM.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gurke and Hare on July 19, 2021, 10:32:12 PM
One for the US punchlines thread I think.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on July 20, 2021, 12:05:29 AM
POPCORN POPCORN POPCORN!!! HE INVENTED THE POPCORN
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 20, 2021, 12:22:47 AM
Quote from: idunnosomename on July 20, 2021, 12:05:29 AM
POPCORN POPCORN POPCORN!!! HE INVENTED THE POPCORN

Quote from: WikipediaOn September 19, 1995, Redenbacher died in the Jacuzzi of his condominium in Coronado, California. He had suffered a heart attack and drowned. He was cremated and his ashes scattered at sea
There will be a cartoon about your cremation one day. RIP big man.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 12:42:38 PM
Quote from: machotrouts on May 22, 2020, 07:28:22 PM
The insanely rigid cadence of @haveigotnews tweets is infuriating. "Don't spend two thirds of your tweet infodumping context for your drearily obvious punchline" is Twitter Satire 101.

My least favourite aspect of HIGNFY Voice is how half of their tweets take the form "As [Thing X], [Thing Y]", which clearly implies Thing X and Thing Y happen concurrently, and yet Thing Y usually only makes sense as a reaction to Thing X.

(https://i.ibb.co/WP7vCHF/have-i-got-shut-the-fuck-up-for-you.png)

WHY are they so doggedly committed to this illiterate house style? I mean besides "there's no incentive to change because people fucking follow and like this worthless shit anyway".

Horrible.  It reads like the first effort of a school child to write using a fronted adverbial.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 12:47:15 PM
Quote from: Abnormal Palm on May 24, 2020, 06:23:45 AM
Makin croissants like a lil cunt wolf

Oh I thought they were meant to be prawns.


That's a quality that so many of these cartoons have in common:  half-arsed drawings that don't even attempt to communicate what is going on, or make you feel that you are missing the crucial "funny" detail and the only way to grasp it is to figure out what the cunt wolf is cooking or the cat is stealing from the art shop.

It's Cow Tools except by someone without the self-awareness to know it's a mistake.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Kankurette on July 20, 2021, 12:48:32 PM
The Far Side was actually funny. This is just a crap rip-off.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 12:50:35 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on May 24, 2020, 01:43:48 PM
you never see them doing pathology other than depression do you though. like OHHH IM A GIRAFFE with CROHNS DISEASE

makes u think

And they always seem to be mocking it as well.  Presenting depression as an excuse for laziness, in a manner that seems to say "we all openly accept this to be the case but we turn a blind eye because we all play for sympathy in this way".

And for that reason amongst many others, it can fuck off.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 12:56:48 PM
Quote from: Kankurette on July 20, 2021, 12:48:32 PM
The Far Side was actually funny. This is just a crap rip-off.

Very true, but Gary Larson was always himself disappointed with Cow Tools, which is the only reason I mentioned it.

His argument was that he made a mistake shaping one of the tools as a recognisable saw, because it made readers assume that the other tools were also meant to represent or be based upon specific tools, and that they were missing the joke by not grasping what they were.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 20, 2021, 01:39:58 PM
Scott Hilburn (see above) admits he's mostly influenced by Gary Larson, but there's too much exposition and weak puns in his work:

(https://i.imgur.com/gG9YSRR.png)

This is good though, and could pass for one of Larson's:

(https://i.imgur.com/rtTMsR7.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: mippy on July 20, 2021, 02:24:37 PM
Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on July 19, 2021, 01:30:46 PM
See, without the speech bubble, hammering home the fuck out of the punchline, that would've been pretty good.

B3TA did this better, with just Cooke holding his report card.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 02:42:46 PM
Quote from: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 20, 2021, 01:39:58 PM
Scott Hilburn (see above) admits he's mostly influenced by Gary Larson, but there's too much exposition and weak puns in his work:

(https://i.imgur.com/gG9YSRR.png)

This is good though, and could pass for one of Larson's:

(https://i.imgur.com/rtTMsR7.jpg)

These anger me, as at first glance you just assume Gary Larson's later work is complete shite.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on July 20, 2021, 02:44:16 PM
speaking of depression comics, i hate those cute picture book dinosaurs that go "I am depressed."

they're the current fucking aliens who do human stuff but explain it like HMM I HAVE CONCLUDED PERIOD OF REST. NOW TIME TO DRINK BROWN STIMULATING LIQUID. hopefully the creator gets cancelled for being a fundie.

edit this one

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E5Z9qY9WQAI5gKH?format=jpg&name=large)

it's also directly ripping off Webcomic Name there, but it's always basically ripping off its cutesy laziness, but without the genuine meta-of the identical punchline that still manages to be funny everytime
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 04:15:48 PM
Is the yellow one meant to represent a species that has gone extinct from the blue one's point of view?  Genuinely can't wrap my head around the content.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Famous Mortimer on July 20, 2021, 05:14:46 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 04:15:48 PM
Is the yellow one meant to represent a species that has gone extinct from the blue one's point of view?  Genuinely can't wrap my head around the content.
Looks like a therapy session, and Blue is the therapist.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 20, 2021, 05:29:03 PM
Quote from: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 02:42:46 PM
These anger me, as at first glance you just assume Gary Larson's later work is complete shite.

These are just crap puns, and I'm not sure how the logic works in the second.

(https://i.imgur.com/Ll4zt9l.png)

(https://i.imgur.com/sW89L02.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 06:01:20 PM
Luckily there's no mistaking those for Gary Larson.

Reading these you would assume that all funny things have now already been done.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: JesusAndYourBush on July 20, 2021, 07:23:13 PM
One comic strip I always hated was one called Garth that appeared in the Daily Mirror for years (they dropped it last year), and while all the other comic strips were self-contained, this one was a tiny tiny part of a longer story so if you hadn't seen all the previous ones, it made no sense whatsoever.  No fault with the art itself, but a crap idea to present it in the way they did.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on July 21, 2021, 02:32:36 AM
Love how without that information its just a David Firth animation in comic form
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Kankurette on July 21, 2021, 08:34:05 AM
Quote from: Replies From View on July 20, 2021, 12:56:48 PM
Very true, but Gary Larson was always himself disappointed with Cow Tools, which is the only reason I mentioned it.

His argument was that he made a mistake shaping one of the tools as a recognisable saw, because it made readers assume that the other tools were also meant to represent or be based upon specific tools, and that they were missing the joke by not grasping what they were.
I remember that. I've got one of his books where he talks about cartoons that got complaints and that was one of them.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Replies From View on July 21, 2021, 05:04:17 PM
Quote from: Kankurette on July 21, 2021, 08:34:05 AM
I remember that. I've got one of his books where he talks about cartoons that got complaints and that was one of them.

The Prehistory of the Far Side.  It's crucial reading.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: bakabaka on July 21, 2021, 05:19:01 PM
Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on July 20, 2021, 07:23:13 PM
One comic strip I always hated was one called Garth that appeared in the Daily Mirror for years (they dropped it last year), and while all the other comic strips were self-contained, this one was a tiny tiny part of a longer story so if you hadn't seen all the previous ones, it made no sense whatsoever.  No fault with the art itself, but a crap idea to present it in the way they did.

Asterix was published like that (at least in the early days). When reading the books, imagine getting to read half a page a week. It was only after a year or so that they would make sense.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dissolute ocelot on July 21, 2021, 11:10:39 PM
Quote from: Echo Valley 2-6809 on July 20, 2021, 01:39:58 PM
Scott Hilburn (see above) admits he's mostly influenced by Gary Larson, but there's too much exposition and weak puns in his work:

(https://i.imgur.com/gG9YSRR.png)
"I'm afraid you've caught a rare disease as a result of eating inhabitants of the forest planet Kashyyyk."
"Gee, guess I better change my name from the Wookiee monster."
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Kankurette on July 22, 2021, 12:30:07 AM
I'm catching up with this thread and I saw Max West early on. I just wanted to add that he's a racist Republican who thinks the joke about Obama painting the White House black is oh so funny, and he's started writing books for kids that cater to a certain kink he has. I can't remember how I found him but I recognised that art style.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: JaDanketies on July 22, 2021, 09:20:06 AM
I'm reminded of the Cookie Monster Limp Bizkit parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B69ciKJOcOo)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on July 22, 2021, 10:56:42 PM
Andrew Lawrence. Although that isn't so much humour as a resentful has-been bitching about people more successful than him.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ron Maels Moustache on December 29, 2021, 09:59:38 PM
This just came up on facebook, fuck me.

(https://i.imgur.com/Ksa8aLj.jpg)

He's wearing a dressing gown as he's been WORKING FROM HOME, aHaaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaohgod
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 30, 2021, 01:34:49 PM
I always find anti working from home cartoons ironic given that cartoonists usually work from home. Do newspaper cartoonists go to the newspaper in person with their cartoons or do they just email them in.

It's not as bad as the hateful shite in papers like the Telegraph but it does imply people who work from home need to have their teddies with them when they are at work and are unable to adjust to being back in the office.

Would more people enjoy their jobs if they were encouraged to bring their teddy to work each day?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on December 30, 2021, 01:45:52 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 30, 2021, 01:34:49 PMI always find anti working from home cartoons ironic given that cartoonists usually work from home. Do newspaper cartoonists go to the newspaper in person with their cartoons or do they just email them in.

It's not as bad as the hateful shite in papers like the Telegraph but it does imply people who work from home need to have their teddies with them when they are at work and are unable to adjust to being back in the office.

Would more people enjoy their jobs if they were encouraged to bring their teddy to work each day?
to be fair I have, over the course of the past... 21 months (fucking hell), occasionally worked from home while still in my pyjamas. Or a tracksuit, which are basically pyjamas you can wear outside. But you know what? That's no-one's business but mine, it isn't every day and if it was, WHO CARES, THERE IS A GLOBAL PANDEMIC AND WE DO WHAT MAKES US HAPPY fuck you.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Thosworth on December 31, 2021, 11:14:03 AM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 30, 2021, 01:34:49 PMDo newspaper cartoonists go to the newspaper in person with their cartoons or do they just email them in.

Here's cartoonist Matt at work, proffering his knee-slappers to the Telegraph staff, to hilarity all round. Can't remember if he's made an appearance in this thread, but he probably should, if only because his bland, trite excretions famously earn him £650,000 p/a

Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on December 31, 2021, 12:04:29 PM
God hes a creepy cunt isnt he. Exactly as I imagined.

Imagine laughing at a Matt cartoon
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: frajer on December 31, 2021, 12:10:46 PM
An Aardman Animation skeleton muses how many times he's had to find a fresh way to joke about austerity. Desolation.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 01:17:42 PM
Quote from: Ferris on July 16, 2017, 02:41:41 PMThe calendar makes me legitimately angry. Thinking about it now has already irreparably ruined my Sunday.

https://www.google.ca/search?q=aunty+acid+calendar&safe=off&client=safari&hl=en-ca&prmd=isnv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj3qJnu9o3VAhXIVT4KHUuPAyoQ_AUICSgB&biw=1024&bih=672

4 and a half years later, and the existence of this character and branded calendar still breaks my brain. It's just so bad.

(https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/a7e6520b-eaf2-436c-a6dc-1b97252780a8.f5895a71e5d6d16ca7479932d44f1fd9.jpeg?odnHeight=450&odnWidth=450&odnBg=ffffff)

That's the gag considered so strong it's on the cover, to sell the contents within. "Acid" suggests the humour will be biting, close to the knuckle, fuckin' raw, man. But it's not. It's pablum. In fact, it aspires to one day be pablum.

And there's so much of it, page after page, day after day. Seriously, click the google link in my quoted post, as true today as it was then. Humour for people who don't know how humour works.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Porky on December 31, 2021, 01:29:19 PM
The YOBS cartoons in Private Eye are usually good.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Kankurette on December 31, 2021, 07:07:36 PM
If I didn't work from home I wouldn't be able to do my job. Fuck sake.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on December 31, 2021, 08:15:47 PM
Quote from: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 01:17:42 PM(https://i5.walmartimages.com/asr/a7e6520b-eaf2-436c-a6dc-1b97252780a8.f5895a71e5d6d16ca7479932d44f1fd9.jpeg?odnHeight=450&odnWidth=450&odnBg=ffffff)

(https://i.imgur.com/nboiJ4E.jpg)
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 09:49:23 PM
Can't tell if that's an original or not. Literally no idea.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on December 31, 2021, 10:17:59 PM
Quote from: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 09:49:23 PMCan't tell if that's an original or not. Literally no idea.
damn, I knew I should've put quote marks around "cool".
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 10:22:37 PM
Picked one at random to post, let's review it's quality after the image link is posted

(https://cdn-tp4.mozu.com/27977-44902/cms/44902/files/0dfed978-2823-4c44-8927-4a809c551d64)

Edit: fuckin hell
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on December 31, 2021, 11:04:29 PM
I don't get these 16 month calendars. Don't people just buy a new calendar every 12 months?

Genuine question, not a pathetic attempt at humour.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Gurke and Hare on December 31, 2021, 11:37:08 PM
Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 31, 2021, 11:04:29 PMI don't get these 16 month calendars. Don't people just buy a new calendar every 12 months?

Genuine question, not a pathetic attempt at humour.

I can imagine if someone was stopping being a teacher or a student they might have an academic year calendar going up to August, then a 16-month calendar from September to December the next year might be useful to get onto normal calendars. Doesn't sound like a very big market though.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 11:39:21 PM
Thanks to covid and lockdown and just being busy, we don't have a new calendar (which expires today; what are the chances?!) so maybe the extra few months act as a buffer? I mean, I'd be happy if the thing on the kitchen wall had an extra few months but until when?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2022, 12:19:45 PM
I think that Aunty Acid is more truly cynical and exploitative than pathetic

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/real-lives/liverpool-team-behind-worlds-best-9942468

Suppose you could say the same about Matt though
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Avril Lavigne on January 01, 2022, 01:11:28 PM
Quote from: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 10:22:37 PMPicked one at random to post, let's review it's quality after the image link is posted

(https://cdn-tp4.mozu.com/27977-44902/cms/44902/files/0dfed978-2823-4c44-8927-4a809c551d64)

Edit: fuckin hell

How many purple-rinsed old women call anything 'awesome'? They can't even write appropriate dialogue for their own character.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Catalogue Trousers on January 01, 2022, 04:19:07 PM
JK Rowling.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Kankurette on January 01, 2022, 05:56:28 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on January 01, 2022, 12:19:45 PMI think that Aunty Acid is more truly cynical and exploitative than pathetic

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/real-lives/liverpool-team-behind-worlds-best-9942468

Suppose you could say the same about Matt though
That whole article made me cringe. I did have to laugh that they made her an Everton fan though.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: BritishHobo on January 01, 2022, 06:02:38 PM
Quote"We stay away from politics and we avoid religion, of course," he smiles. "I think we said 'oh my God' once and had about 20,000 people telling us off. But we're not trying to preach to anyone, we're just trying to spread a smile."

Cursed to sanitise for an audience who want acidity, but tame acidity, please.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on January 01, 2022, 06:21:22 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on January 01, 2022, 12:19:45 PMI think that Aunty Acid is more truly cynical and exploitative than pathetic

https://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/real-lives/liverpool-team-behind-worlds-best-9942468

Suppose you could say the same about Matt though

I want psychological profiles of people who cynically identify a lowest common denominator niche in the media and create a product to fill it.

There's no way to do this without pathology being involved.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Goldentony on January 01, 2022, 06:31:32 PM
Quote"When I worked at Radio City I'd go in at 5am every morning, get a copy of the national papers and write two A45 sheets with 20 jokes about the day's news," he remembers. "Two years of that was really good training."

if you've ever heard a Liverpool radio station you'll know this explains basically everything
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on January 01, 2022, 06:43:15 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on January 01, 2022, 12:19:45 PMhttps://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/real-lives/liverpool-team-behind-worlds-best-9942468

Quotemade head of humour for Carlton Cards

deso
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Kankurette on January 01, 2022, 06:44:26 PM
Quote from: Goldentony on January 01, 2022, 06:31:32 PMif you've ever heard a Liverpool radio station you'll know this explains basically everything
I used to listen to Radio City, and yes, the fact he worked for them says it all.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Thosworth on January 01, 2022, 08:30:13 PM
It's actually genuinely impressive that they can produce 30 posts a day of consistently, identically bland t-shirt/cafe chalkboard almost-humour, without producing a single joke that is actually funny.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: JaDanketies on January 01, 2022, 09:03:35 PM
Quote from: Thosworth on January 01, 2022, 08:30:13 PMIt's actually genuinely impressive that they can produce 30 posts a day of consistently, identically bland t-shirt/cafe chalkboard almost-humour, without producing a single joke that is actually funny.

I wonder if the company has daily interminable meetings where they come up with the day's japes
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: idunnosomename on January 01, 2022, 09:09:48 PM
I did have a scroll through Aunty Acid image results to find if I could find one where they were accidentally funny like Garfield was sometimes, but no
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on January 01, 2022, 09:40:27 PM
Really? I'd have thought drinking dog cum would've been one of the first things they'd have Auntie Acid do
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Goldentony on January 01, 2022, 09:47:58 PM
the fucking office theyve got is right on the one posh street in town too with all the worst people on earth where I use to TAKE LETTERS for WORK
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Ferris on January 01, 2022, 09:49:57 PM
Quote from: idunnosomename on January 01, 2022, 09:09:48 PMI did have a scroll through Aunty Acid image results to find if I could find one where they were accidentally funny like Garfield was sometimes, but no

I've seen 365 of them in a calendar at work and not a single one went beyond bafflingly poor.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Avril Lavigne on January 01, 2022, 10:24:47 PM
Is the name supposed to be a pun on 'antacid'?
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: imitationleather on January 07, 2022, 01:13:06 PM
Quote from: Ferris on December 31, 2021, 11:39:21 PMThanks to covid and lockdown and just being busy, we don't have a new calendar (which expires today; what are the chances?!) so maybe the extra few months act as a buffer? I mean, I'd be happy if the thing on the kitchen wall had an extra few months but until when?

The only solution is for every baby at birth to be issued with a lifetime-length Aunty Acid calendar.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Cuellar on January 07, 2022, 08:44:09 PM
Quote from: BritishHobo on January 01, 2022, 06:02:38 PM20,000 people

Bullshit
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on January 07, 2022, 08:55:10 PM
fucking CAD B^U face on her
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: Kankurette on January 08, 2022, 12:37:27 PM
Quote from: Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse on January 07, 2022, 08:55:10 PMfucking CAD B^U face on her
Oh Jesus, she DOES.
Title: Re: Truly pathetic attempts at humour
Post by: dissolute ocelot on January 12, 2022, 08:25:44 AM
I'm currently obsessed with the New Yorker Cartoons instagram (https://www.instagram.com/newyorkercartoons/). Every now and then there's a genuinely funny one but 95% just don't work:

(https://i.imgur.com/J8lLH3D.png)

And who is called "e. flake"?