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Channel 4 Bake-Off

Started by Blue Jam, August 28, 2017, 10:22:41 PM

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buzby

Quote from: AsparagusTrevor on September 14, 2017, 09:36:08 AM
Nope, a teacake is what they made on Bake-Off. A chocolate teacake is a Danish marshmallow biscuit thing that Scotland adopted, which for some weird reason was given the same name as a completely different dough-based snack.

It's like making a steak and ale pie and calling it Prawn Cocktail Skips.
I suspect the Teacake name was adopted by Tunnock's as a way of avoiding VAT on confectionery (the foil wrapper actually has 'Tunnock's Chocolate Mallow' printed on it). The company won a tax appeal in 2014 to have it's coconut-covered variant the Snowball also classífied as a cake.

Boyd Tunnock, the octogenarian owner of the company (and staunch Tory party supporter and donor) claims to have invented them in 1956 when he returned from National Service in the Army Catering Corps, but they are a copy of the 'moor's head' or negroes' kiss' (later renamed 'chocolate kiss' for obvious reasons) chocolate-covered marshmallow confectionery that had been popular around northern Europe since the early 1800s. The German equivalent is Stork's Dickmann's, which have been in production since 1950 (and possibly where Tunnock got the idea from, if he served over there) :

touchingcloth

Quote from: buzby on September 14, 2017, 12:48:28 PM
...they are a copy of the 'moor's head' or negroes' kiss' (later renamed 'chocolate kiss' for obvious reasons) chocolate-covered marshmallow confectionery that had been popular around northern Europe since the early 1800s.

My Finnish housemate in university used to get a parcel of stuff sent from his folks each year at Christmas which included lots of Finnish confections, one of which was what we would call Tunnock's Teacakes, but which on the parcel was just called "Neekeri". I was reliably informed that this was the equivalent of our own version just being called "N-words".

AsparagusTrevor

Quote from: buzby on September 14, 2017, 12:48:28 PM
I suspect the Teacake name was adopted by Tunnock's as a way of avoiding VAT on confectionery (the foil wrapper actually has 'Tunnock's Chocolate Mallow' printed on it). The company won a tax appeal in 2014 to have it's coconut-covered variant the Snowball also classífied as a cake.

Boyd Tunnock, the octogenarian owner of the company (and staunch Tory party supporter and donor) claims to have invented them in 1956 when he returned from National Service in the Army Catering Corps, but they are a copy of the 'moor's head' or negroes' kiss' (later renamed 'chocolate kiss' for obvious reasons) chocolate-covered marshmallow confectionery that had been popular around northern Europe since the early 1800s. The German equivalent is Stork's Dickmann's, which have been in production since 1950 (and possibly where Tunnock got the idea from, if he served over there)

Dickmanns would've been a perfectly good name for them and avoided all the confusion. Plus their slogan could've been, "Suck the foam from a Dickmann"

billyandthecloneasaurus

Expected to hate Fielding on this, but actually I haven't minded him.  I think I dislike Toksvig more.  She's just so bland and nothingy.  She's a "safe pair of hands", and has plenty of experience and I suppose she's a proficient broadcaster (whatever that actually means), but I don't really give a shit.  I feel like she should be a news presenter or something.  She's crap on 15 to 1 as well.

Just me?

touchingcloth

Quote from: billyandthecloneasaurus on September 14, 2017, 01:45:42 PM
Expected to hate Fielding on this, but actually I haven't minded him.  I think I dislike Toksvig more.  She's just so bland and nothingy.  She's a "safe pair of hands", and has plenty of experience and I suppose she's a proficient broadcaster (whatever that actually means), but I don't really give a shit.  I feel like she should be a news presenter or something.  She's crap on 15 to 1 as well.

Just me?

I love Toksvig, but I agree that she's a bit lost on this. Her personality doesn't work in the way that Mel's and Sue's did where they were able to portray a sense of it being the hosts and contestants allied against the judges, as she's got a bit too much of a closed personality whereas Mel, Sue and Noel are all on the extroverted side. Sandi's best when she's able to talk at length and give anecdotes, and the Bake Off isn't a particularly good vehicle for that.

Blue Jam

Quote from: newbridge on September 13, 2017, 02:56:10 AM
Here's to another however many weeks of Stephen losing to Russian dick-snails.

"She gave herself a big job, and she pulled it off"

Steven did a bread handbag with manchego and chorizo... and mint and chocolate? With his flat teacakes he was was lucky he'd won Star Baker twice before otherwise he'd have been going home. Time to get the spraygun out again...

Flo sent home? Oh FUCK OFF you fucking bastards.

As the remaining Scouser I've got to root for Kate, but I also like Yan,  and Julia and her phallic bakes- honestly, with the penis-snail I didn't even miss Mel and Sue.

Blue Jam

After two weeks of technical challenges I couldn't be arsed to make comes a nice loaf... with lard in it? Sorry Paul but I'm not having that, you dirty fecker.

Dex Sawash

Never seen Noel or Sandy on anything before. Sandy is borung. Noel is too odd to look at but he'll do.

Pijlstaart

Manky-looking stroops, all the same. All did the same thing, taught wrong, Prue a sneak. Waffle-makers indeed, just get them rolling chicken nuggets, think of the ad money.

Tom dun gone. Never really crystalised as a bad guy, a character that was never written, doomed to obscurity. Thteven gets to be the bad guy. Thteven likes the royal family, but they'd see him burn, wretched man, wretched dirty peasant. Can't wait for the queen to go bats and commission herself a special gameshow to torment her subjects, riding around on their backs, making fun of their lithps. Thteven gussies up stodge cakes, a trickster and knave, seller of lies, the villain of the piece. Coming unstuck.

touchingcloth

The fuck is going on with Paul's tan at the moment? He looked like leather or liked teak this episode, and seemed to be getting darker with each ad break. Caramel seeping through his very pores?

Gurke and Hare

Why were none of them aware of Stroopwaffels? They're not that obscure these days are they? Did find myself thinking "Go on then, Leith, you make the caramel without it being grainy if it's so fucking easy. I wonder if they'll have a bakeoff masterclass at the end of the series with the judges making some of the technicals, like they did when it was on the BBC? If they do, and she doesn't make these, she's a fraud.

I missed last week, so I'm late catching up with the teacake chat. Wasn't one of the technical challenges a few series ago teacakes of the chocoalte marshmallow biscuit type? I was never a fan of Tunnocks, but I did like the ones made by another biscuit company (possibly Burtons?) called Munchmallows.

Blue Jam

HAHA FUCK OFF TOM... and good to see Scouse Kate getting Star Baker, especially now Scouse Flo has gone. Once again the Technical Challenge was too advanced, but yes, stroopwafels aren't that hard to find, are they? Probably much harder to make, mind.

Shame to see The History Bit back, now with Noel fucking Fielding. Come on, Channel 4- you're not the BBC, you're not obliged to educate, entertain and inform, you can get away with loads of gratuitous cock shots. With 17 minutes of adverts we don't need a piss break, thanks.

newbridge

-The technical seemed very hard, but why were none of them able to manage a non-gritty caramel? Maybe they were all, understandably, preoccupied with slicing 200 wafer-thing waffles in half.

-I only just noticed that Paul Hollywood gives the male contestants a goodbye hug. I loathe hugging but can appreciate that nonetheless.

-Kate has a lovely laugh.

-Meant to write down the double entendre from the blonde woman, but I forgot. I believe it was something alone the lines of "I wanted my cake to be more of a big fat throbbing erect cock".


Cuellar

STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE STROPE

Dex Sawash

My wife cried when Liam got his handshake. When Tom's cake was shit "how will he and Steven ever get married now"

Blue Jam

I didn't like the suggestion that Tealeaf's choice of peanut butter was "childish". Peanuts + salt + chocolate + caramel = yer classic comfort food. Some good commodities there. Hollywood Handshake well-deserved.

Also, Caramel Week made me really fucking hungry.

Blue Jam

I have a major sweet tooth but Pudding Week can fuck the fuck off. Urrrggh. Sandi and Noel keep making jokes about school dinners for a reason.

Blue Jam

Fuckin' 'ell. Paul has gone beyond orange and now looks like he spent the whole of last week lying under the grill.

Blue Jam

"This is a masterclass in gelatin." *boke*. All terrines are inherently disgusting. There is no need for terrine in the 21st century.

Blue Jam

Bye-bye then, the bowling alley manager from Peep Show. Although you are a banker so I can't say I'm sad.

Pijlstaart

School pudding. Never did school puddings, had school dinners for one year, mother's lazy year, but never pudding. Sponges, roly poly, never a pudding. Massively biased dinner ladies, they were rough old birds, as is their way, so they were friends with all the rough violent children and they'd give them bigger portions, which made the violent children bigger and consequently better at violence. Hateful people, dinner ladies, god forbid you wanted ketchup, the looks they'd give you, only a teaspoon, and they wouldn't even fill it. All really short too, though I couldn't tell in primary school, only the shortest women, and it is women, become dinner ladies.

3 handshakes. Devalued handshakes, on nothing. Crap-looking boiled nothing, go over to harare, they're trundling round wheelbarrows full of hollywood handshakes, use 'em for cat litter, use 'em for caulking up rogue bums. He's hyperinflating that shit, out from under the watchful eye of aunty beeb and it's gone tits up.

Don't think peanut butter is right in chocolate anything, silliness, but what a mess that kate is. A mess. Wearing a bracelet round her upper arm, wearing it wrong. A mess. Can't do custard, even teletubbies can do custard, out trolling for suitors on national TV, well I wouldn't touch her with an icicle of my own piss, not after that debacle. You want to win that technical challenge, you get that peanut butter and do a sandwich, it's a sandwich filling, you'll win it. 

Showstopper, cake with jelly sticking out, nasty, ruins the cake. Liam did a cry, great fun, but we know he's not an innocent youth, we know he drinks chai lattes. Julia had a cry too, even worse, very silly. Kinda want her to go now, see how much she cries. Very expressive face, great crying, and it's old fat james who went. Funny eric pickles james, getting the chicken pox and eating whole trifles on his own. You think he drinks chai lattes, you think he gets to cry? No, unloveable, big eric pickles james with his hedgehog face, no-one came when he cried, so he stopped. Should've hung about, at least he can set a jelly. 

Custard

I never would've guessed that they'd have binned off the old fat bloke out of those three. A show that constantly surprises

Julia is gorgeous, though. I'd have pretended to like her weird jelly cake mess, just to stand near her. I bet her hair smells of meadows, cheap hairspray, and anxiety

daf

#112
Quote from: Pijlstaart on September 26, 2017, 11:27:51 PM
caulking up rogue bums
icicle of my own piss

+2 daf handshakes


phes

#113
Quote from: Shameless Custard on September 27, 2017, 12:36:11 PM
I never would've guessed that they'd have binned off the old fat bloke out of those three. A show that constantly surprises

Julia is gorgeous, though. I'd have pretended to like her weird jelly cake mess, just to stand near her. I bet her hair smells of meadows, cheap hairspray, and anxiety

He seemed the obvious pick to us: Two bad rounds (including the show-stopper) and an average round, and he's been consistently not up to scratch since about episode 2 or 3. Bit sad that he compounded his measles misery with a bake-off fuckup but he had Frank Grimes/Unlucky Alf running through him like the stick of rock that no doubt that bullied gay lad will make by the end of the season

Astonishingly ill-judged show-stopper from Julia, a scene of drowned ninja turtles in a blocked sewer. Hideous.

What happened to the technical? Ten minutes, ten minutes said hollywood as they snorted about how overdone the puddings would be.

results:

8 minutes = utter watery diarrhea
12 minutes = runny shit
25 minutes = just overdone

making themselves look like monkeys this season

newbridge

Yan always convinces me that she knows exactly what she's doing and is going to dominate the challenge, but she never pulls it off. Had to resort to the old GBBO standby of making something phallic shaped. Which is wise, fair play, but it doesn't make me want to eat her baked goods necessarily.

That technical challenge was wonky. For one, it was unfair to the bakers who had to go first and thus weren't able to copy off their neighbors.

Ignatius_S

Well, I nearly bailed on the series as there are three big problems for me:

Sick of the sight of the contestants – so much so that I can't even be bothered to shout abuse at the TV and can barely be bothered to roll my eyes.

History bit coming back – although I actually enjoy the segments in themselves, it cuts into the show too much now, I think.

Prue – really don't think she's bringing much to the table.

*However* I saw in Google News that Jan Moir has penned a thought-provoking article about why she doesn't like the Bake-off anymore. Therefore, I'm duty-bound to support the show any way I can.

Quote from: Blue Jam on September 06, 2017, 07:24:33 PM
The Skills Challenge round on Masterchef is a test of more basic skills that works really well. It's a meaningful (and entertaining) test of skill because the contestants' efforts vary so wildly- it lets you see who's good, who's hopeless and who's just mediocre. Just as Gordon Ramsay likes to test chefs by asking them to make some scrambled eggs- that simple test is all he needs.

The technical challenges on Bake Off now are so difficult that pretty much everyone fucks them up, and anyone who does well may just be lucky that they've made them before- they tell us fuck-all about the bakers' skill levels.

Great post – and that's a fabulous comparison. I think I posted earlier, there runs a risk of the technical challenge being sidelined because so many people do badly. Personally, I thought the cottage loaf one was good – e.g. someone (Kate?) not knowing to press down in the middle highlighted something pretty basic that they should have known.

Quote from: billyandthecloneasaurus on September 14, 2017, 01:45:42 PM
Expected to hate Fielding on this, but actually I haven't minded him.  I think I dislike Toksvig more.  She's just so bland and nothingy.  She's a "safe pair of hands", and has plenty of experience and I suppose she's a proficient broadcaster (whatever that actually means), but I don't really give a shit.  I feel like she should be a news presenter or something.  She's crap on 15 to 1 as well.

Just me?

In answer to your question – no. When the new hosts were announced a while back, pretty sure that I posted that Toksvig was uncomfortable when having to chat to the contestants on Fifteen-to-One, which I also mentioned earlier on the thread. It's still early days, so hopefully she'll grow into the role.

Fielding, on the other hand, I think has been a real asset.

Quote from: Blue Jam on September 20, 2017, 08:15:36 PM...Shame to see The History Bit back, now with Noel fucking Fielding. Come on, Channel 4- you're not the BBC, you're not obliged to educate, entertain and inform, you can get away with loads of gratuitous cock shots. With 17 minutes of adverts we don't need a piss break, thanks.

A bit harsh – this week anyway, I think we all relished the opportunity for Toksvig to mention her old university and look rather pleased with herself at the same time.

Quote from: Shameless Custard on September 27, 2017, 12:36:11 PM
I never would've guessed that they'd have binned off the old fat bloke out of those three. A show that constantly surprises...

I thought it was especially telling that before the showstopper, when the judges were asked who was in trouble, Prue didn't skip a beat when she said James.

Although he was certainly a contender, he did fine in the first round and Prue had said he did a "very good pudding." Whereas, Kate had made a complete pig's ear of both the round and was the one most obviously at risk.

Quote from: phes on September 27, 2017, 06:16:52 PM
He seemed the obvious pick to us: Two bad rounds (including the show-stopper) and an average round, and he's been consistently not up to scratch since about episode 2 or 3...

Oh, I think he was the obvious pick as the judges, particularly Prue, didn't care for him.

Prior to the showstopper, I wouldn't say that was he the most obvious candidate then – but as per above, even though someone had completely mucked up the earlier two rounds, he was the first name being mentioned.

Previous episodes aren't supposed to be influence the judges about who goes as the show is keen to stress.

Quote from: phes on September 27, 2017, 06:16:52 PM
...What happened to the technical? Ten minutes, ten minutes said hollywood as they snorted about how overdone the puddings would be...

Quite.

Quote from: newbridge on September 28, 2017, 02:45:14 AM
Yan always convinces me that she knows exactly what she's doing and is going to dominate the challenge, but she never pulls it off. Had to resort to the old GBBO standby of making something phallic shaped. Which is wise, fair play, but it doesn't make me want to eat her baked goods necessarily...

Was it last week when she was being unusually unscientific? Anyway, she exuded confidence but thought 'this is going to go badly.'

Quote from: newbridge on September 28, 2017, 02:45:14 AM...That technical challenge was wonky. For one, it was unfair to the bakers who had to go first and thus weren't able to copy off their neighbors.

Pretty sure they've done this before, though.

newbridge

Yan sould have won star baker.

Chairman Yang

This year's contestants really are a load of gobshites. How does anyone who fancies themselves one of 'Britain's most talented bakers' not even accidentally make a Portuguese custard tart at some point?

I find Yan to be a very poorly written character. "Oim going to make a choux bun orrery cause I'm a fahking scientist ain't I?'. You work for the NHS, step off. Sort of woman who watched The Martian twice.

Twed

Yeah, she is "I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE" and xkcd personified, and firm confirmation that I don't like any variety of nerd and will die surrounded by people I can barely tolerate.

Twed

^ An extremely normal and measured reaction to Yan, I'm sure you'll agree.

I miss Julia. I am convinced she is the love of my life.